by Sarah Price
“I said that we would talk about it later.” While she tried to sound stern, inside she felt a whirlwind of emotions. Now she would have to talk to her parents before Caleb returned. Eight-year-old Elsie could not be trusted to keep a secret. Besides, it just wasn’t proper for other people to know before her mother and father. But with so much going on and especially since she hadn’t heard from Caleb, she just didn’t feel it was appropriate to tell them. Of course, now that Elsie knew, she had no choice.
“But hearing you talk about Caleb,” Elsie continued, “it reminded me of something that I plain ole forgot.”
“What’s that, Elsie?”
She lifted her eyes and met Drusilla’s. Slowly, she put her hand into the pocket of her dress and withdrew a white piece of paper. Only it wasn’t a piece of paper; it was an envelope. Her hand shook as she handed it to Drusilla, tears welling up in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Drusilla,” she whispered. “I tried to give it to you, but Hannah pulled me away. And when we came back, you were gone with Mammi Ana.”
Puzzled, Drusilla took the white envelope and looked down at it. When she recognized the handwriting as being Caleb’s, she caught her breath and quickly stood up. He had written to her!
Only Elsie had retrieved the letter and hadn’t sent it to the hospital when the others visiting. If she felt a moment’s annoyance at Elsie for not having told her earlier, Drusilla quickly forgave her as she hurried back to the rocking chair and sat down, eager to read what he had written.
Dear Drusilla,
I trust that this letter finds you and your family in the best of health and faith.
It has been a busy few weeks and I have traveled throughout many communities in Holmes County. There is one community that I have found to be very familiar to me for I know the bishop from when I went to school. He’s only six years older than me, but already leading a church district. God’s lot fell to him and he has accepted it with humility and grace.
It’s a small community near Blanchard, Ohio. One of the families is moving out to Colorado and have offer to rent their 80-acre farm until they decide whether or not to sell it. It’s a pleasant old farmhouse with an old dairy barn. They both need some work, but there is plenty of pasture space for grazing dairy cows. The current farmer raises cows. Other farmers seem to grow mostly growing soybeans and hay, but the soil is rich enough for grain corn or even wheat.
It’s ours to rent and, should they decide to stay in Colorado, he’s willing to do a rent-to-buy agreement. Better to keep it within the Amish community than to sell to outsiders, he says.
I will be returning by the weekend next and look forward to sharing more detail about this farm. God may have provided us with a right gut opportunity.
Until I see you again, I will continue praying for you.
With blessings,
Caleb
She looked up at her cousins who watched her, waiting for her reaction. For a moment, Drusilla did not know whether to be elated or apprehensive. How am I supposed to feel? she wondered.
“Good news,” she said at last. “Caleb will be home this weekend.”
Naomi and Miriam smiled at her, most likely because they understood how pleased Drusilla was with that information.
“But there is bad news, too,” she added in a softer voice.
“Bad news?” Miriam asked.
Drusilla took a deep breath and looked directly at Naomi. “He found us a farm in Ohio.” Folding the letter, she tucked it into her apron pocket and tried to smile. She couldn’t. It was just like Naomi had said: everything was changing, like the leaves on the trees and grass in the pasture. Change. It couldn’t be avoided, but it sure left her with a heavy heart.
Chapter Four
Drusilla wanted to tell her parents as soon as they returned from the hospital. But the opportunity did not present itself. They arrived home just as Drusilla had started to prepare supper, her cousins having only just left. When they entered the kitchen, Esther looked distracted and Amos appeared tired. It had been a long week for the family and she knew that the timing was not quite right to spring the news on them.
“Sit down,” she said to her parents. “I made some fresh meadow tea with the last of the garden’s leaves.”
Amos didn’t need a second invitation to sit. He removed his straw hat and balanced it upon his knee. “Vell, Dawdi is staying with Ana tonight,”
“You don’t say!” That surprised Drusilla. From what she witnessed since Ana’s stroke, her grandfather was still having a hard time accepting that his wife remained uncommunicative and most likely would not regain any method of communicating with them.
“And Mammi Ana is to come home in two days time. That will give us time to prepare for her.”
As she poured the tea into two glasses, Drusilla glanced over at her mother who had yet to sit down. Instead, she stood in the center of the kitchen, staring at the empty sitting area.
“Maem, you should sit. You look near ready to collapse.”
“I feel near ready to collapse,” she said in a soft voice. “Where’s Anna?”
The way she asked the question, just two simple words, startled Drusilla. Her mother had not asked the question with love or concern in her voice. Instead, she spoke as if she inquired about an object, a thing of disdain, not a child that she loved. And it wasn’t the first time Drusilla had noticed that. More often than not, her mother would delegate Anna’s care to someone else… anyone else…rather than tend to the baby’s needs herself. When she did have to care for Anna,
Esther often appeared downtrodden and tired, the sparkle of happiness vanished from her eyes.
Drusilla had noticed the change in her mother over time, but it was especially apparent to her when she had returned from sitting with Ana at the hospital. Days left alone with the children and chores seemed to have broken what little spirit she had left.
“Anna’s taking a nap, Maem,” Drusilla replied. “She was a right gut boppli today.”
Her mother made a noise that indicated she didn’t believe Drusilla as she shook her head. “Saw Hannah outside. She said otherwise.”
“Oh that Hannah!” Drusilla didn’t know whether to be irritated or humored by her sister’s perception of the day. “Anna spit up one time. I hardly consider that unusual at all!”
Another noise.
“But something unusual did happen today,” Drusilla said, returning her attention to her father as she carried them over to the table where her parents sat and carefully set the glasses before both of them. “Naomi and Miriam came around to visit a spell.”
Amos laughed. “Nothing unusual there!”
“Ja, but seems Jake intends to cut hay in the next few days. You know about that?”
He pressed his lips together and his eyes narrowed. “Hasn’t been to the hospital but once, that bruder of mine. When I should have been cutting hay, I tended to my maem. Now he thinks to use my equipment?”
“Daed!”
Amos smacked his hand down on the edge of the table. “I’ve just about had my share of unfairness, I tell you. When a man is always helping others, there comes a time for resentment to build. Even Scripture says that a man must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need. Mayhaps it’s time for Jake to re-read Ephesians!”
Drusilla waited for her mother to say something to calm down Amos. Normally, her mother would have reminded him that anger was not the way to obtain the righteous life that God desired for his people. When her mother remained silent, Drusilla looked at her. Her hands rotated the glass of tea, slowly spinning it in a counter clockwise direction. Her eyes stared at it, but Drusilla doubted that she actually saw anything. Her mind was traveling somewhere else, that was for sure and certain.
“I didn’t mean to upset you, Daed,” Drusilla said at last. It wasn’t her place to reprimand her father for having such an outburst. Instead, she apologized and hoped that would help soothe his temper. “Hannah and
I will help with the hay cutting so it will be even faster this year anyway.”
He raised his hand to his forehead and rubbed it. “I shouldn’t have spoken so harshly, Drusilla. It’s been a long few days. Not an excuse, just an explanation.” He looked up and tried to smile at her. “And God is good, indeed. He provides for us. One of the nurses at the hospital made a phone call to her Mennonite neighbor. Guess what they’ll be bringing over tomorrow?”
“I can hardly imagine!”
“A hospital bed.” This time, he did smile, even if it was a weary one.
“That’s wunderbarr!”
“They offered it to us and will drop it here in the afternoon. That’s one less thing we must worry about anyway.”
“Where shall we put it, Daed?” Drusilla asked.
Amos picked up the glass, but, rather than drink it, he hesitated, holding it near his chin as if thinking. “Reckon it’s best to have her stay over here. Dawdi can’t watch her, especially at night. His hearing isn’t what it was.” He shifted his gaze over to the far side of the kitchen, the area where the small sofa and reclining chair were located. “We can move the sitting area furniture so that a hospital bed can be placed toward the back. Give her some privacy, but we can all keep an eye on her.”
At night, when the chores were finished and just before retiring, the family often sat there, Amos reading his newspaper and Esther working on knitting or sewing some clothes that needed mending. The children played on the floor or listened to Amos read an article out loud while Daniel, Hannah, and Drusilla would play board games at the kitchen table. The heart of every Amish home was the kitchen and, for that reason, most homes included one large space for everyone to congregate in the evenings.
Drusilla understood her father’s reluctance. After all, giving up the sitting area would mean that there would be less space for the family spend together in the evenings. And with winter just around the corner, less space might translate into less time together. Expecting some instruction from her mother, Drusilla remained quiet. Normally her mother would start delegating the chores: who should move the furniture, who should clean, where to put the hospital bed. But her mother did not speak. Drusilla glanced at her father and saw that he, too, was watching Esther.
“Maem?” Drusilla said at last. “Are you feeling poorly again?”
Her mother looked up, her eyes glassy and vacant. “I am just so exhausted, Drusilla. I think I best lay down for a spell.”
As she stood up, Amos shook his head. The expression on his face made it clear to Drusilla that he was not happy with the changes in his wife. While Drusilla couldn’t blame him, she did feel compassion for her mother.
“Nee, Esther,” Amos said firmly. “We’ve too much to do. Frankly, we’re all exhausted. Your help is needed. Rearranging the furniture, cleaning the floor and walls, and also making supper.”
The look on her mother’s face indicated that Amos’s words were the last thing she wanted to hear. Her shoulders drooped and her face remained devoid of any emotion. But she didn’t speak back to her husband, Instead, reluctantly, she turned and started to walk toward the side room, her feet shuffling across the floor.
“Oh Maem,” Drusilla said without thinking. She simply could not bear the sight of her mother in such a horrible state of mind. “Go on and rest. I can take care of preparing the room. And you leave supper to me. I was preparing it when you came home anyway.”
Relieved, her mother gave a small smile and, avoiding Amos’s concerned expression, nodded her head as if to thank Drusilla. Without another word, Esther disappeared through the open doorway of the first floor master bedroom, taking with her the opportunity Drusilla sought to talk to her and her father about Caleb.
“Drusilla,” Amos began, “I’d ask you not to contradict me again.”
She should have expected as much from her father. As soon as the words had popped out of her mouth, she had known that she was in error. “I’m sorry, Daed. I meant no disrespect. I just felt so awful seeing her like that.”
He began to tug at his beard and stared at the now-shut door to the bedroom. “Your maem is not in a good place, Drusilla. She needs to snap out of this and return to her responsibilities.”
“Mayhaps she can’t, Daed.”
Amos frowned. “Of course she can. She has two arms and two legs! No reason to not do her chores and manage this house.”
Drusilla hadn’t meant physically. Of course her mother could move about and do chores in a physical sense. But the sparkle in her eyes was missing and that was the key clue that something was amiss. “I…I meant psychologically.”
He raised an eyebrow.
“Daed, I think Maem’s depressed. Mayhaps she needs to see a doctor,” Drusilla explained with as much compassion as she could. She knew her father had a lot on his mind. With the burdens that laid so heavy on his shoulders, he probably hadn’t even noticed the change in his wife. The last thing he needed was more bad news, something else to worry about. But Drusilla’s feared more for her mother: if she didn’t get help, what would happen when Drusilla got married to Caleb? While Drusilla didn’t know much about depression, she did know that her mother could not continue in her current state of mind.
“Depressed?” The surprised expression on his face indicated what Drusilla had suspected: he hadn’t noticed. What’s to be depressed about?”
“Oh Daed, you know that Anna hasn’t been the easiest boppli. That was an awful few months for all of us, especially Maem with the kinner being home all summer…”
“They’re back at school now!” he interjected.
“Ja, they are,” Drusilla admitted. “But remember that Hannah’s home now. She’s done with her schooling. At least outside of the haus, anyway. You know that Maem and Hannah mix as well as oil and water, that’s for sure and certain!”
Amos took a few minutes, seemingly to think about what Drusilla had just suggested. She watched as the expression on his face changed from surprise to concern. “Ach, Drusilla,” he sighed. “I don’t question God’s plan, but I sure do pray sometimes that I might understand it better.”
She wished she could console her father. So much had happened in the past few weeks. The upcoming weeks didn’t appear to be any less stressful. With the return of a bedridden Ana and the upcoming announcement of her wedding, the family would have even more to worry about.
But for now, Drusilla knew what needed to be done: take one day at a time. As for the rest of the evening, she had her chores cut out for her. She’d worry about the rest tomorrow.
Chapter Five
“Caleb!”
He stood at the door, the smile on his lips and glow in his eyes telling her that he was just as happy to see her as she was to see him. She wished she could hug him, just jump into his arms, but she knew that her mother and sister were in the kitchen. Besides she didn’t want him to think that she was too forward. Hugging him was not something she had done before. Still, seeing him stand before her sent a thrill throughout her entire body. At last, her Caleb was home!
“Mayhaps I might come in for a spell?” he asked in a teasing tone.
“Oh! Of course, ja! Come in,” she said, suddenly feeling shy. She had never invited a young man into her parents’ home and now she was inviting not just any young man but her future husband.
Elsie looked up when she heard someone enter the kitchen. When she saw Caleb, she gasped and her eyes grew wide. “Have you come to take away our Drusilla already?”
Immediately, Esther shushed her, her tone irritated as it usually was these days. “Quiet now, Elsie! Don’t be such a busybody!”
But Elsie stood her ground. “It’s true! They’re getting married, Maem. And moving to Ohio!”
Simultaneously, Drusilla and Esther shouted, “Elsie!”
Caleb removed his straw hat and held it in one hand. With the other, he ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath. “Vell, this is not ideal,” he said, glancing at Drusilla.
&
nbsp; For a long moment, Esther stared at the two of them standing just inside the doorway.
Drusilla looked at the ground, not wanting to meet her mother’s concerned gaze. From her silence, Drusilla knew that her mother realized Elsie spoke the truth.
“Go on outside now, Elsie, and tell your daed to come in straight away!”
“Aw…”
One stern look from Esther and Elsie gave her no further argument before she scurried across the kitchen floor and ran out the door.
Alone, with the exception of Mammi Ana and baby Anna, Esther turned toward Drusilla. The way her mother stared at her, as if she had done something wrong made Drusilla feel guilty.
“Is this true, Drusilla?” Esther asked, the color draining from her cheeks.
Caleb spoke for her. “Ja, Esther. I’ve asked Drusilla to marry me. Now that I’m back from my trip, I intend to inform the bishop so that it can be announced at the next service.”
Esther did not look at him. Instead, she kept a level gaze at her daughter. “And to move away? Is that true, too”
“The farms are too expensive here, Maem,” Drusilla said softly. She hated the panicked expression on her mother’s face. Oh, if only Elsie hadn’t blurted out the news. Drusilla had role played in her head a dozen different ways to share her news. That hadn’t been one of them.
With Ana’s return from the hospital, her mother’s state of mind did not change, even after Amos sat down and talked with her. Drusilla hadn’t meant to overhear their conversation, but she suspected that her father purposefully chose to speak to Esther with Drusilla nearby. His words had been gentle but his message firm: it was time for Esther to snap out of her depression and get back to tending the house and her responsibilities in a proper fashion.
Rather than respond positively, Esther seemed more irritable than ever. The news that Drusilla was marrying Caleb clearly added to the many layers of stress that her mother felt. And for that, Drusilla felt guilt-ridden.