by A. M. Brooks
“I never fucking shared girls with him. Only one time did I hook up with a girl and then dropped her and two weeks later Roman hooked up with her. It wasn’t some game he was making it out to be. I would never have done that to any girl,” he tells me.
The room goes silent. I wasn’t sure if everyone knew what had happened but judging by the looks on their faces they did. Except for Trent, who is now looking at me under his eyelashes. Again I feel guilty for previously having kept him out of the loop.
“What about Cody?” Ethan interjects, breaking the silence.
“He’s still in. He won’t be out for a while. They need Roman. Cody is a liability right now. In their eyes, loyalty is more important than blood,” Darrian answers while he’s still watching me.
“Why mess with Nora then?” Trent’s voice is steely.
“The bust,” Ethan guesses.
“That’s part of it. This isn’t about Nora, it’s about me.” He looks at me, watching. I can’t look away and I feel the tension building in the room. “I showed Roman it was okay to treat Nora the way I did. I was cautious and my family came first. We were played and I took that all out on Nora. Prom night. Charles thinks Anders was connected to Pierce. And of course using didn’t help things. It just fucked it up more. Roman thought I was with him, falling into that life.”
The blood drains from my face. I scan Darrian from head to toe making sure I didn’t make a mistake and that he was high or drunk right now. His gaze collides with mine and all I see is pain, and his crystal clear silver with normal pupils. My heart squeezes and I bow my head. I can’t take everyone looking at me right now.
“But you didn’t,” I say so quietly, but I know they hear me.
Darrian shakes his head. “I’m the end game Camilla was talking about. I know this. I’ve seen too much, tried product with them, and I think in a sick way Roman really believes we’re best friends and I’ll be ZT. I haven’t given him what he wants. Roman’s not stupid. Nora is the most important person to me, which is why they’re going after her.”
My breathing stops when he says this last part. My cheeks start to tinge pink and I know I’m the center of attention again. I can’t speak. I don’t even know what I would say if I could form words right now. This is the most honest Darrian has ever been with me. Painfully honest. I hate that it makes me want to listen to him. I want to believe him and believe in him. We started fast and furious then crashed hard before we really even had the chance to move beyond everyone’s expectations, the future, and our own insecurities.
I keep my eyes on the ground and they keep talking around me. I vaguely hear Lily ask about what will happen going forward.
“We’ll keep doing what we’ve been doing,” I hear Ethan answer her.
“What?” I ask him. All the guys look at each other uncomfortably.
“I asked them to look out for you the best they could at the time since you didn’t want us to talk to you,” Darrian answers. “Ethan and Elijah split their schedules so they could each be in a class with you.” The words roll off his tongue as if it’s not a big deal and completely normal. My gaze slides between them. None of them bat an eye at the hostility written all over my face.
“That’s not okay. You guys can’t just hover around me all the time,” I tell them.
“You were almost attacked yesterday,” Elijah reminds me.
“Yeah,” I acknowledge. “But at my locker. It’s not like she called me out in the middle of class or started flipping desks at me.”
“The only reason I was able to step in was because I planned my locker nearby,” Ethan inserts quietly. He looks away when I swing my angry gaze toward him.
“No,” I say. “I’m not okay with this. What if you get hurt?”
“Trent and I have lunch covered,” Lily adds next to me. I turn to her, shocked. “Now that I know everything…I’m sorry, Nora. I agree with them on this. ZT is bad news. And Camilla gives me the creeps.”
I shake my head totally unbelieving this is happening right now. This is my life.
“I think we’re good then for now. I’ll keep everyone updated if I learn more. Let’s just keep this plan for now,” Darrian says. Everyone is quiet and just nods. Ethan and Elijah get up first, then Trent and Lily. She squeezes my hand again.
“Ready babe?” she asks quietly. She knows I’m upset and frustrated with this.
“Not yet,” I say, looking at Darrian. “We need to talk.” He freezes then nods in agreement. “Alone,” I add, avoiding Lily and Trent. A couple seconds pass before they leave the room. Trent mouths, you sure to me, and I angle my head, yes, I mouth back. He hesitates but eventually they leave and it’s just Darrian and me.
The room is suddenly warmer than before, and I feel the blush from my cheeks move down my neck and slip under the collar of my sweatshirt. Damn! Why did I think this was going to be a good idea?
“I’m not okay with all of this,” I tell him.
“It’s not up for discussion,” he says before leaning against the pool table. I stand and walk over so we’re almost toe-to-toe. My Vans whispering against his black Nikes.
“Says who?” I ask, throwing my hands wide. “I should get to decide if I’m okay with my friends possibly putting themselves in danger for me. I’m the one they’re supposedly after.”
“Because of me!” Darrian shouts. I shrink back. He pulls his hands down his face sighing. “This is all on me, Nora. You shouldn’t even be in this position to begin with.”
“How were you supposed to know I was going to go to DTF that day? That was my decision, Darrian,” I remind him.
“You went because of me.” His eyes find mine. Regret and anger flash in his steel greys.
“Darrian,” I breathe out. “I did it without thinking. I don’t think I made the wrong choice either. A girl died. I was worried about you and everyone else. You aren’t responsible for how Roman lives his life.”
He looks away from me, shaking his head. The muscle in his jaw jumps around. “He’s fucking crazy, Nora, and Pierce…Zero-Thirteen, they are in another category altogether. I’m sorry. I know you hate this, but I need you safe.”
“That’s just it, someone else might get hurt because of me,” I remind him.
“I think you aren’t giving Ethan and Elijah enough credit.” He laughs.
“What about Trent and Lily?” I pull my lip between my teeth and bite down anxiously.
He stares at me before answering. “Nichols can take care of himself. Ethan wouldn’t let anything happen to Lily.”
“They just broke up,” I point out.
He shrugs. “There’s more to the story, but Ethan needs to be the one to talk to Lily about it. He won’t let anything happen to her.”
I push off the back of the couch to walk around. The room feels too small and my brain hurts from all the horrible thoughts running around in my head. I set my arms on top of my head and focus on bringing air in and out of my lungs. I can feel Darrian watching me the entire time but thankfully he doesn’t say anything.
“For how long?” I question.
“I don’t know,” he replies. “Until we find out what’s happening with Roman. If they can’t find that informant, then they will look for other sources. They want to keep Roman in. Then get Pierce.”
“This is crazy,” I mutter to myself.
“I’m sorry,” he tells me.
I laugh even though nothing about this is funny. “I’m not used to hearing that.”
He grins. “I have a lot to be sorry for. I owe you the most apologies out of everyone.”
The smile slips from my lips. “I’m not ready,” I tell him again.
He nods. “It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere, Nora. I’m clean. I’ll never touch that stuff ever again. I’ll never hurt you like that again. You aren’t to blame for anything that is going on right now. You came back though, and I can’t let you go again. What I told you at the beach…I’m done giving you space. When you’re ready, we’l
l talk. It will happen. You’re my number one priority. So is your safety.”
“Oh my God, you can’t just say stuff like that.” I feel the tears sting my eyes. I let my head fall back so they don’t spill out.
“I won’t lie to you anymore. I’m not hiding how I feel about you anymore either,” he tells me. The words fall out of his mouth so easily. I search his face for any hint of deceit or maliciousness. I’m guarded when I hear nice things from him, and it shouldn’t be that way. Our history speaks otherwise.
“Are you in love with Nichols?” he asks suddenly, the change of topic gives me whiplash.
“It’s not any of your business,” I state.
We’ve been here before. I refuse to give him any run over the relationships I do have. Thinking about Trent, I start to feel guilty for still standing here. Nothing romantic started over the summer, but in my subconscious, I know that if I wanted something to start, Trent wouldn’t say no. I can’t hurt him.
“Bye Darrian,” I say, my voice hoarse from the overwhelming emotions clogging my throat. I turn to leave and freeze when I hear his voice.
“I’ll pick you up at seven tomorrow for school,” he calls after me. I don’t know how to respond to this. My life has become a chaotic cluster fuck in two hours. I don’t say anything and continue walking until I reach the safety of my vehicle.
She smells good. The same vanilla flavor only this time there is a hint of peach as well. She’s like a dessert that is right next to me and I can’t touch her, taste her, or devour her like I want to. Yes, this makes me sound pussy whipped and if Ethan could read my thoughts, he’d tell me to take my tampon out but fuck…she smells good. My hand twitches and grips the steering wheel tighter. Maybe this was a bad idea to take her to school. She barely will look at me since she sat down. Surprise was written all over her face when I actually pulled up at seven as promised. The bagel she was bringing to her glossy lips froze midair.
“Did you sleep okay?” I ask her. Small talk is the worst, but I am curious if she slept or if she tossed and turned all night thinking about our conversation.
“I slept fine,” she answers. Her voice is clipped and I visibly wince. Fine. Fine is never fine and if any guy actually believes his girl is just fine, be prepared, man. Shit will blow up later.
“Busy day today?” I keep talking even if it’s redundant questions because I like the sound of her voice. And if she’s talking to me then maybe she won’t think so much about how this is a bad idea.
“Um.” She shrugs. “I’m not really sure. The past few days have been mostly just covering what we’ll learn and finals. How about you?” she asks. I do a double-take, looking at her again before back at the road. She’s watching me, waiting for my answer and I get hopeful we’re making progress.
“It’s my slower day. I just have the two classes then meeting with Coach for PT,” I tell her. I realize how lame I sound. My life used to be entertaining. Now it’s a repeat cycle: school, PT, homework, check on Nora, follow up on Roman, go to bed, repeat.
“Your old coach is helping you with PT?” she asks. Her face is soft and serious, and I know that means she is genuinely curious.
“Yeah.” I nod. “After the accident, when I got my shit together enough to realize I lost my scholarship, he was there for me. He knew about the B+ but was being blackmailed not to say anything,” I explain to her. I’ve never been this honest with Nora before, especially not about the team. It’s weird but liberating at the same time.
“What?” she clips out. Her voice is louder, and it makes me want to smile. Nora is five-foot-six, but next to me, she might as well be pocket-size. She wants to be intimidating, but it’s just cute as shit.
“I told you this place was fucked up,” I remind her. “Coach quit after last season. I ran into him at an AA meeting over the summer. When that student died, he wanted out, but the school board made him stay.”
“I can’t believe it,” she starts. “I mean - I can. This town is shady, but seriously what the hell is wrong with people. A girl died. Someone’s child.”
“I know,” I tell her. My hand moves to grab hers, but I pull it back. “It’s a big deal to get recruited right out of high school, play college for a year or two and get drafted. That’s every parents’ dream. B+ started as a performance enhancement. You know that.” She knew that more than anyone. I had practically shoved that down her throat when we were together.
“Yeah,” she replies like she remembers too. I can sense the change in her mood, and she won’t look at me anymore. I hate that.
“I’m sorry,” I throw out there again. I have a feeling I’ll be apologizing to her for the rest of my life.
Her head snaps around to look at me. The words are becoming less foreign to me. If it’s what Nora needs to hear over and over again until she believes me, I’ll say them until my mouth dries out. “You’re getting good at that,” she acknowledges.
“Do you believe me?” I ask. I really want her answer to be yes. Things have been moving too slow since she’s been back.
Instead, she looks down at her hands clasped around her coffee cup and lifts her shoulders. I let the breath out I’d been holding in waiting for her answer. We don’t talk the rest of the way to the high school. There is so much I want to say, but I’m chickening out. I need her to believe I’m sorry before we move forward. The waiting is killing me though.
I pull into the lot and swing around to the curb for her to get out. I can feel the eyes of the robots watching. Some things never change. I know the next thing I’m going to do will probably deduct points from the progress we’re making, but it won’t stop me. They need to know. I can’t be here, so a reminder is needed. Nora clutches the door handle right as my hand snaps out and tangles with hers. Her body goes stiff from shock, I haven’t touched her in five months. The warm tingles spreading across my skin are welcome and wanted. I use my left index finger and lift under her chin so she’s forced to look at me. Fear flashes in her eyes then is replaced with an emotion I remember. She’s still affected by me and that’s all I need. I rub my thumb across the slick, smooth surface of her bottom lip. Her hazels widen and her cheeks turn pink. Before I push her too far, I slide my hand along her jaw and tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. That should be enough. The minute my hand drops from her skin, she’s out the door. She thinks she can run from me.
I pull out of the parking lot, knowing I did my job. Every last robot still stands there watching me leave. Message delivered…she’s with the Kings. She’s mine.
Freshman college classes are the worst. They’re entry-level courses of basic material learned in high school only more difficult. It’s not actually the classes required for a major or anything remotely interesting. Nora’s shocked expression plays over in my mind as I scrape by in my math class and English seminar. None of my notes from today are going to make sense. I get various texts from Ethan and Elijah all day about Nora. The Turner cousin has surprisingly been keeping a distance.
As soon as the last lecture is over, I’m in my Jeep and heading to the old gym crosstown. The extra tension I’m feeling is creating a hum of adrenaline in my body.
“Not starting easy today?” I ask Coach, nodding to the rows of orange cones he has set up.
“Not if you want to make progress,” he replies.
I smile in agreement. My knee has been healing nicely and there hasn’t been too much pain with Coach’s workouts. It’s the good pain, the burn that tells your body the muscle is working.
“Conditioning too?” I inquire, hoping he says yes. The need to have everything worn out in my system grows bigger every hour.
“Yup,” he says, looking toward the game clock. “I need three miles in before that clock runs out.” I see twenty minutes on the board and grin. Not a problem today. “Have you heard back from Villanova, Kansas, or Gonzaga yet?”
I nod. “Kansas and Villanova will give me a try-out as long as I get accepted. Gonzaga wants me to do a tour before they wil
l consider it. They just want to see my leg beforehand basically,” I tell him while stretching my arms across my chest.
“Yeah, Banner is a dick. Good coach but he’s probably holding a grudge that they weren’t your top school last year,” he says, scratching his chin. I don’t tell him I’ve already figured this out for myself. I know at least one person on every team who has vouched for me during the summer. I know I won’t get a full scholarship like before. I just need the opportunity to get on the court and play. No one gives a shit how my knee was injured, they just want the good press of offering me the position after I turned them down previously. Making me jump over all their red tape is supposed to be making me suffer.
“Whatever,” I respond as I start throwing free throws. “I’ll go there for the tour. It’s over my break anyway.”
“How are things going with Delgado’s case?” he asks. By now, I’ve told him just about everything as part of my recovery, so-to-say. I consider him my unofficial official sponsor. The sad part is I’m pretty sure I’m his sponsor too.
“Just waiting still,” I tell him. “His next court day is next month. Their only informant is either missing or skipped town.”
“Shit,” he mutters.
“Yup,” I sigh, almost missing my next shot but it hits the rim and tips in. “Charles said that if they can’t find him, they are planning to bring in some new hotshot from Nevada as a consultant.”
“It won’t look good for your dad or the town if Roman gets off free from this. I think Northland is leaning pretty heavily for something to be done,” he explains to me. Of course I know this already. My dad has been having some pretty heated conversations late at night.
“It’s bullshit. He’s such a hypocrite,” I growl, shaking my head. Many parents knew firsthand what their children were using to play better. I don’t know how they were surprised that it would become out of control and turn into a party drug.
“Hypocrite maybe, still a King though. He still has many people in his pocket to please and appease,” Coach reminds me. I can see the way he pales a little though while we talk about my father.