I remembered that time all too well. He missed school for a full week, depressed and furious. I made sure to visit him every single day after school, trying to cheer him up. I’m not sure if anything I did worked, but he eventually returned to class. Not long after, his childish antics turned into flat out self-destructive behavior; a little alcohol here, some weed there, and countless tardies and absences. Though I didn’t agree with the things he did I always tagged along, trying to keep things light. I probably should have tried harder to stop him because by senior year his alcohol abuse had gotten so bad that it resulted in him getting kicked out of school. Before either of us could blink, he was immediately shipped off to live with his dad.
I watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallowed. “I was mad at my father for making me go with him. I wanted nothing more than to move back here and hate him—hate everything! Then I realized something.”
“What?” I just about whispered.
He turned to me and gazed into my eyes. I stared back and noticed an intensity in them that was foreign to me. “I finally saw something that I couldn’t—didn’t want to see before. My dad left us for a reason. He didn’t abandon us just for the hell of it.”
“So why did he leave you without so much as a goodbye?” I blurted out. My eyes widened and I covered my mouth sheepishly.
Jesse rubbed his hands down his face and leaned his head back against the headrest. He reached out and gripped the steering wheel so tightly the whites of his knuckles were showing. “Dad left because Mom was bringing him down. She did nothing but smoke and drink all day, leaving my dad to do all the work to take care of us.”
My eyebrows furrowed. His mom, bless her heart, was not the best by any means. Still known around town as a freeloader, she often did as little as she could get away with to get as much as she could. It was one of the reasons why my dad never hired her even when she begged for a job. It was also a reason why I was surprised Dad hired Jesse.
“If your dad felt that way, why did he leave you with her? Surely, he wouldn’t want his son to grow up in such an environment.”
“I guess he thought leaving me would sort of give my mom the kick she needed to get her life together. I honestly think my dad always planned on coming back.”
“What changed?”
He shrugged. “Life. When he moved to Charleston everything just fell into place for him. New job, new home, new wife.”
“New wife?” I gasped.
“Like I said, life happens.”
“Wow,” I breathed. I twiddled my thumbs together and scrunched up my lips. “Is that why you never came back? Because you liked your dad’s new life better?”
“To a degree,” he admitted. “I didn’t come back because I realized how much this place dragged me down. How much my mom dragged me down. There wasn’t anything in this town left for me and moving in with my dad showed me that. He also showed me what a lack of opportunity this place had and how moving away can help you reinvent yourself for the better. Sometimes old habits die hard and it was up to me to change that.”
There was nothing left for him. Including me.
I bit my lip in an attempt to fight off the tears that threatened to fall at any second. “Is that why you stopped talking to me? Because you wanted to forget everything about a town that had nothing for you?”
He curled his lips inward and shot me a look. “Like I said, I’ll only tell you everything I’m comfortable with. That’s about as comfortable as I can get right now.”
“Fine.” I was no longer hurt, I was angry. “So why come back? You obviously didn’t care enough about your mom to visit her before. Why come back now when she’s sick?”
Low blow, Raquel. Low blow.
“She’s my mom, Rocky. Regardless of everything she did. Regardless of what a shithole this place is—”
“Hey!” I protested. “I still live here, dipshit. My family and I grew a very successful business here—one you work in, might I add. Careful what you say!”
He bowed his head apologetically. “Fine, let me rephrase that. This town only provides opportunity for certain people.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You, Stephanie, that Ethan guy.” The way he said Ethan’s name made me uncomfortable, but I chose not to dwell on it. “You all obviously had the potential and backing to make something of yourselves here. Not me. Not the kid who was struggling to find money to buy something to eat only to find out his mom blew it all on cigarettes.”
“If you needed help why didn’t you just ask? You know my family and I would have helped you.”
“I know and that’s precisely why I didn’t want to ask you.”
“I don’t understand?”
“Can you imagine what my mom would have done if she found out? She would have found a way to move into your house and drain you for every penny you had!” He shook his head in disgust. “My leaving was necessary for me and my mom. Did you know she finally held a job for longer than three months after I left?”
“Three years,” I replied, nodding. “I used to go to Gold Diner whenever I visited my family on the weekends during college. I’d see her in the back cooking.”
“Yeah, guess it runs in the family.”
“What does?”
“Never mind.” He reached out and touched my arm. Even with all the layers I was wearing his touch warmed my skin and caused a bolt of electricity to run up and down my arm. “I don’t expect you to understand my choices, Rocky. I really don’t. But I am here now to take care of my sick mother because she has no one left to do so. If you knew anything about me, you’d know that underneath that dumb teenage facade I used to hold I was always a good guy. I’m even better now.”
“I know.”
He nodded his head. “Good.”
The car had warmed up considerably and I felt myself begin to sweat. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if it was because of the heater or from the weight of everything he just shared with me. I unraveled my scarf and attempted to lighten the mood. “Well, now that we got that out of the way, are we still eating?”
Jesse blinked in surprise. His cold expression broke into a wide smile. “Ah, you do know me well. Yeah, I’m actually starving. What’s good to eat around here? Pizza Palace still open?”
“Pizza Palace?” I squeaked. “That place closed ages ago.”
“What?” Jesse’s face fell. “I loved that place.”
I refrained from reminding him that if he had visited even once he would have already known. Instead, I patted his arm and smiled. “There’s a burger joint there now. We can do that instead.”
“Damn, I wanted a pizza,” he replied with a wink.
Though I laughed and tried to maintain a superficial jubilee, deep inside I still felt crushed. I snuck a peek at Jesse, taking in this man—this stranger sitting beside me. He really wasn’t the Jesse I knew anymore. He had a new life, which I knew absolutely nothing about.
At that moment I made myself a promise. My old best friend might have been gone, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t make a new best friend. The first step was trying to get to know him again.
Coyly, I asked, “How did you move back here so easily? Sounds like you had a great life in Charleston. Did you have to break up with any girlfriends?”
Coy? Try embarrassingly obvious.
Jesse shook his head. “When was I ever the type to have a girlfriend, Rocky?”
“Ah, that’s right. You were always the one-night stand sorta guy.” I felt myself being shoved and hit my head against the car window. “Hey! Watch it.”
Jesse broke out into a laugh. “Sorry, I forgot what a lightweight you are.” Losing his smile, his voice suddenly deepened. “I’ve changed, Rocky. No more boyish games.”
“No more boyish games,” I whispered.
Chapter 7
Jesse and I settled into the vinyl booths at Raring to Go Burgers. The drive only took about ten minutes, but during those ten minutes we had
relaxed considerably around each other. I could only guess that he was about as apprehensive around me as I was with him, but after our mini heart-to-heart, all apprehension flew out the window.
“Can get you anything to drink?” our waitress asked without so much as looking in our direction. I just about grimaced when I noticed her throw a wink at the table next to us where a bunch of guys I recognized from our store were sitting.
“If you’re so interested in them, why don’t you send us another server?” I muttered, causing Jesse’s eyes to widen in surprise. I guess I never was one to stick up for myself back in high school.
“I’ll just have a water,” Jesse answered, clearing his throat. “What about you, Rocky?”
“A Coke.” Tearing my gaze away from the menu, I spotted Jesse throwing me a weird look. I immediately dropped my eyes, feeling suddenly self-conscious. In an attempt to shift the attention back on him, I asked, “You only want water? You can drink if you want to. I can drive back.”
He shook his head. “I don’t drink. Not since I moved away.”
“Oh.” I shifted uncomfortably and looked away, catching the eye of one of the guys at the neighboring table.
“Hey, Rocks.” The man nodded his head in greeting.
“Hi!” I smiled warmly, waving back.
“Wow, don’t you have a fan club,” Jesse snorted, turning the page to his menu.
“What are you talking about?”
Without looking up, he pointed his thumb towards the table. “Him, Ethan. Wow, the Rocky I used to know had trouble saying hi to anyone with a penis. Ow!”
I kicked him under the table. Hard. “I’ve grown up a lot since then and besides, I do not have a fan club. He’s one of our regulars.” Jesse opened his mouth to reply, but I quickly shut him up. “Think about what you’re about to say before you open your mouth. I will kick you in the balls if I have to.”
He began to laugh and shut his menu. Clasping his hands together, he peered at me.
“What?” I asked, a bit taken aback.
“We talked about me so let’s talk about you. If we’re using this time to catch up, then let’s catch up.”
“Fine. What do you want to know?”
Before he could answer, the waitress returned with our drinks and took our orders. After some unnecessary questioning on Jesse’s part—really, how many questions can you have about a burger—the server finally left. I looked at Jesse expectantly.
“What?” he asked, taking a slow sip of his drink. It was obvious he was stalling on purpose.
Feeling impatient, I repeated, “What do you want to know?”
Though it looked as if he were itching to ask me something, he merely shrugged. “Whatcha got?”
I looked up towards the ceiling and thought hard. What was there about me that was even worth talking about?
“Um, I graduated from State with a degree in Fine Arts.”
“So you did go for it.” He nodded his head in approval.
“Huh? What do you mean?”
He took another sip and licked his lips. “The last time we spoke you were second guessing it. You said there was no hope out there for an art student and you even mentioned switching to business or something.”
“I did?” I grimaced. “Yuck! Me? Business? I must have been on some drugs back then.”
Jesse’s shifted uncomfortably. I quickly changed the subject.
“Well, I continued with art. Figured if I was going to be stuck at Rossi’s for the rest of my life, I might as well do something fun while I had the chance.”
“You don’t have to be.” He leaned forward, creating a steeple with his fingers, propping his chin right in the middle of the cradle. “Stuck, I mean.”
“But I do.” I shook my head and sighed. “I mean, Emily bounced as soon as she popped my nephew out of her vag.”
“Lovely visual.”
I snickered. “Besides, it’s not all that bad. I love my parents and I’m basically the boss. Why go anywhere else?”
“True.” He drummed his fingers against the table top, looking as though he was about to explode. Despite our years apart, I knew that look.
“If you want to ask me something, just ask,” I said tiredly.
“Tell me about Ethan,” he said after a moment of silence.
“Why do you care so much?” Wishful thinking at its finest.
“He just seems like a chum. Didn’t think you’d end up with a guy like that.”
“It’s not like I’m marrying him,” I argued. “We went out on a few dates. I’m too young to think about settling down.”
“Obviously. I mean, if you’re going to stand a guy up for your fourth date at Carbanaro’s, you really weren’t thinking of settling down.”
“How did you know about that?” I asked in surprise.
“I…uh…Oh! Look food!”
Our waitress returned with our burgers and Jesse wasted no time diving in. I took my monstrosity in my hands and narrowed my eyes at him. One thing hadn’t changed. He still was one strange fellow.
Chapter 8
“You sure you don’t want to go back to the dance?” Jesse took another sip of whiskey and stared up into the starry night.
“Nah. I can hear them playing that stupid Tap Tap Tap song.”
As if on cue, we both started singing, “Tap, tap, tap my way to your heart. Kiss, kiss, kiss so we’ll never be apart.”
We burst into laughter before quieting down and leaning our shoulders against one another. Whether it was for warmth, comfort, or because of something else, I didn’t know. But I certainly wasn’t complaining.
“I wonder if the teachers know that song is about sex,” I wondered, tracing the path of Orion’s Belt with my finger. I cocked my head to the side and grinned. “Actually, I’m surprised you even know it yourself.”
Jesse shrugged. “You’re right, not my usual cup of tea, but the song is catchy as hell.”
“If you like the sort of song that’s sung by a bunch of whining boys that probably don’t know they’re singing about sex either.”
“What would you know about sex?” he snorted.
Though it was ridiculous for me to feel offended, as I was a virgin, I still couldn’t help but be a bit irritated. “A lot less than you, that’s for sure.”
“Are you implying I’m a male slut?” His breath smelled of alcohol and caused my stomach to lurch slightly.
I reached over and plucked his flask from his hand. “Okay, that’s enough of that.”
“Hey!”
Ignoring him, I teased, “And you are a male slut. I’ve seen your shenanigans.”
“Shenanigans,” he repeated. “What are you, my grandpa?”
I bit my lip and looked down at my hands, tossing his flask from palm to palm. The metal was warm from Jesse’s grip and I couldn’t help but wonder what it would feel like if I was holding his hands instead. All those ‘shenanigans’ I saw him lead on and break up with did nothing but cause an insurmountable amount of jealousy and hurt for me. I couldn’t complain. At least Jesse saw me as a friend. A friend was better than nothing and for now it was also better than being a shenanigan.
“Are you mad?” he asked suddenly.
“Mad about what?”
“That I couldn’t go to homecoming with you?”
I don’t think he knew the magnitude behind the question. I shook my head and lied. “No, though I am disappointed not being able to see you in a monkey suit.”
“Monkey suit? I would have rolled up wearing a leather jacket and some sneakers!”
“And you would have looked good doing it too.” I laughed.
Jesse turned towards the gymnasium with a thoughtful look on his face. “I’ll make it up to you.”
“Huh?”
He turned back towards me and smiled. “Someday. I’ll take you dancing. I’ll dress up too.”
***
“And he just drove you back to your car and that’s it?” Stephanie hissed, glancing b
ehind her to make sure nobody was listening in on our conversation.
I tightened my apron, trying to appear as nonchalant as I could. “We were just catching up.”
My friend’s face fell in disappointment. “Rats. I could have sworn…”
“Could have sworn what?” I demanded.
“Never mind,” Stephanie said quickly, catching a glimpse of Jesse as he walked up to clock in. She pasted a grin on her face. “Morning, Sunshine. Don’t you look swell?”
Jesse rolled his eyes. “What do you want, Brainiac? Shouldn’t you be at work?”
“I work three twelve-hour shifts a week. It’s my day off.”
“Must be nice to have a day off some time,” Jesse replied. I didn’t know whether to feel offended or not, but that decision was made for me when I caught him throwing me a wink.
I couldn’t help but smile. I was really happy Jesse and I had spent some time together outside of work. Things seemed to be getting back to normal. For the most part, at least.
Jesse’s head bounced between the two of us. “So, what are you two ladies talking about?”
“Um…” My eyes shot over to Stephanie, widening then narrowing a bit, silently begging for her to help me out.
“We were talking about New Year’s Eve,” Stephanie cut in, throwing me a knowing look.
“Thank you,” I mouthed when I was sure Jesse was looking away.
Stephanie tipped her head forward in silent camaraderie.
Jesse snorted. “What about it? Bethel Falls never held anything remotely worth attending.”
“That was when we were seventeen, genius.” Stephanie huffed in annoyance. “Now that we don’t have to use our poor excuses for fake IDs, we can actually get into some kick ass clubs.”
“I don’t really want to go out,” I interjected. Picturing me in a crowded room filled with drunk, horny people didn’t seem appealing in the least.
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