He showed up right on time with a handful of DVDs and a white plastic bag full of Chinese food cartons. “They were out of sweet-and-sour pork, so I got extra lemon chicken. I hope that’s okay?”
She raised an eyebrow. “You’re going to deny a hormonal woman her sweet-and-sour pork?”
“It wasn’t my fault, I swear!” He reached into the bag. “But I brought these to soften the blow.” He held up a couple of dark chocolate candy bars.
Alyssa snorted. “You’re really good at this, you know that?”
Shane flashed a toothy grin. “Well, let’s see if I can bat a thousand.” He held up the DVD of one of those sappy romantic comedies that doubled as a tearjerker. “Is it safe to watch this when your hormones are going crazy? Because crying scares me.”
She snorted. “A big strong guy like you is afraid of crying?”
“When there’s hormones involved? Uh, yeah, you better believe it scares me.”
They locked eyes, and both burst out laughing.
Which she immediately regretted. She put a hand just below her stomach and grimaced at the obnoxious dull ache. “Fuck…”
“You okay?”
She nodded. “Between the drugs, heating pad and chocolate, I’ll be fine.”
“See? I knew the chocolate would help.”
She laughed gingerly and patted his arm. “Smart man. And yes, by the way, that movie is safe.”
“Damn, I’m good.”
She smothered another laugh, swatting him playfully. “Stop it, asshole. It hurts when I laugh.”
“Sorry.” He put an arm around her shoulders and kissed her temple. “But you have to admit, I am good.”
“Yes, you are.” She picked up her heating pad off the counter. “Sorry to have to subject you to, um…”
“Alyssa.” He cupped her face in both hands and planted a tender kiss on her forehead. “I’m not a fifteen-year-old boy. And I did grow up with two sisters. It’s okay, I promise.”
But should it be, when things are supposed to be casual between us?
They were, apparently, because the next thing she knew, they were sitting on the couch, chopsticks in hand as they nibbled from the half a dozen cartons of Chinese food spread across the coffee table. This felt way too much like that point in a normal relationship where they’d settled in with each other, where they didn’t have to be jumping each other’s bones at every opportunity and were content to enjoy a quiet evening. She loved that part of a relationship, but it didn’t belong in this one. Not in a casual, sex-only arrangement.
But…she liked it. And it was easy. Comfortable. And hell, she felt like shit tonight, so she wasn’t going to protest something that wasn’t miserable.
After they’d finished eating, they sat back on the couch. Shane wrapped his arm around her. Alyssa kept one arm across her stomach, holding the heating pad in place, and rested the other hand on his leg. There was only so much she could do to feel less miserable, but she had to admit, huddling up with a heating pad on the couch next to him was a lot more pleasant than doing the same thing alone.
One DVD turned into two. Two turned into binge-watching a few episodes of a sitcom they both enjoyed and hadn’t watched lately. In between episodes, when the DVR screen came up, the clock caught her eye.
“Oh man.” She blinked, but no, her first glance had been right—it was a quarter past midnight. “I didn’t realize it was so late.”
“Damn. I didn’t either.” He yawned and stretched. “I should probably call it a night.”
“You’re welcome to stay if you want to. If you’re okay with a rain check for the usual bedroom activities.”
His eyebrows rose. “You sure? I mean, I’m fine sleeping here without fooling around, but is that going to be comfortable for you?”
She waved a hand. “Comfortable isn’t going to be an option for a day or two.”
He grimaced sympathetically. “Wish there was something I can do.”
“Actually, some low-key company is nice.” She smiled. “And the chocolate was a nice touch.”
Shane laughed. “Glad to help, even a little bit.”
They got rid of the Chinese food containers and went into the bedroom. After Alyssa had taken a couple of pain relievers, they climbed into bed together, her in a T-shirt and panties, him in boxers. She was more comfortable on her side, curled around the heating pad, and Shane molded himself to her, resting his hand on her arm instead of draping it over her, as if he intuitively knew that would be painful for her.
“This okay?” he asked.
“Mmhmm.”
He kissed the side of her neck. “Good night.”
“Good night.”
Though she was exhausted, Alyssa struggled to fall asleep.
This was…weird. Maybe even a bit risky. It was strange to think of something so benign—sleeping beside Shane without anything sexual happening—as dangerous or risky, but they’d sworn from the beginning this would be just sex.
Not…this. Not bringing her Chinese food and spending a quiet evening together when cramps got the best of her. Not accepting that sex was off the table and lying together like this anyway.
When she’d texted him this afternoon to let him know plans had changed, Shane should’ve said, Sorry to hear it—see you in a week!
Alyssa should’ve said, I’ll be fine—see you in a week!
But he hadn’t. She hadn’t.
And here they were.
“So are you still seeing that guy you met at the wedding?” Tina’s eyes sparkled as she held Alyssa’s gaze across the table. “You are, aren’t you?”
Alyssa didn’t even try not to grin. “Yeah, I’m still seeing him.”
“I’m surprised you can still walk.”
“Tina!” Heat rushed into Alyssa’s cheeks. “Must you?”
“Oh please.” Her friend rolled her eyes. “I know you, baby doll, and if this guy’s kept your interest this long…” She arched an eyebrow.
“Okay, okay, you got me.”
“Mmhmm. As if those dark circles under your eyes aren’t incriminating enough.”
Alyssa laughed. “Yeah, I didn’t get much sleep over the weekend.” The memory gave her goose bumps—they’d spent every evening together last week, unable to do more than kiss and cuddle, and when the weekend came? They had more than made up for lost time.
Tina pushed her empty plate aside and rested her forearms on the table. “How is it going with him?”
“It’s going good.” Alyssa paused and added a quiet, “Really good.”
Tina tilted her head. “But…?”
Alyssa chewed her lip, struggling to find the words to explain it. “The thing is, we’re perfectly in sync in every way. In the bedroom, there aren’t any barriers at all. His sense of humor, it’s…” She blew out a breath. “He’s just amazing. And get this—last week, I texted him to bail out because I had cramps from hell. I figured I’d see him in a few days, but the first thing he did was suggest having Chinese food and watching a movie.”
Tina’s eyes widened. “Wow.”
“He even brought chocolate.”
“Ooh, good one!”
“But, I mean, he didn’t even miss a beat about any of it. He didn’t bat an eye over the fact that we wouldn’t be sleeping together, and he didn’t mind just sitting on the couch and sharing me with a heating pad.” Alyssa groaned. “So I’m frustrated because that’s not what this relationship is supposed to be. And I love it. And I really like him. And I’m scare to death it’s all going to blow up in my face.”
Tina reached across the table and took Alyssa’s hands in hers. “Maybe it’s time to talk to him, then. Tell him the truth.”
Alyssa winced.
“Honey, if he’s this good to you, he deserves some honesty.” Tina squeezed her hand. “And if he judg
es you for your past, then he’s not good enough for you anyway.”
Alyssa sighed. “That’s easy to say the first couple of times. When every guy has decided he can’t handle it, you start seeing a pattern, you know?”
“There is that. But if that pattern is going to continue…” Tina paused. “The thing is, the longer you and Shane keep this up, the closer you’re going to get. And if he really is going to turn tail and run when he hears the truth, then it’s just going to hurt more when it happens.”
“I know.” Alyssa sighed, running her fingers through her hair. “And I know I should tell him. I just…I clam up. I can tell myself all day long that it’s time for us to sit down and have a talk, but then I see him, and…” She smiled sadly and met Tina’s gaze. “It’s just so good, I don’t want to ruin it.”
“I get that. But…just talk to him.”
“I will.”
“When?”
“I…soon?” Alyssa shook her head. “I don’t know. But I’ll try to bring it up to him when I see him again. I know I should, I’m just…”
“Worried.” Tina patted her hand. “I understand, sweetie. Believe me. I know it’s easier said than done, but if he’s going to have a problem with it, it’s only going to hurt worse the longer you drag it out.
Alyssa nodded. “Thanks for the pep talk. I’ll figure it out and…” She took a deep breath. “I’ll talk to him.”
“Good luck.” Tina squeezed her hand once more, then released it. “Now where’s our waiter?” She looked around. “I have the worst hankering for their tiramisu.”
Alyssa loved this restaurant’s tiramisu, but not tonight.
Strangely, her appetite was suddenly MIA.
Chapter Sixteen
The next night, Shane arrived at her house to go out to dinner. She stood aside to let him in but made only the most fleeting eye contact.
“I’ll be ready in a minute.” She shut the door behind them. “Just…still getting myself put together.”
“Sure, no problem. This place almost never has a wait for tables.”
“Good.” She glanced at him and plastered on a smile, but then quickly looked away. “Listen, um, do you mind if we stay here for a bit? Before we go?”
He cocked his head. “Not at all. What’s up?”
“I…”
He put his hands on her waist and kissed beneath her ear. “You seem nervous tonight. What’s wrong?”
“Nervous?” Alyssa turned around in his arms and gave a small, quiet laugh. “What makes you say that?”
Besides that little laugh you only do when you’re nervous?
“Call it a hunch.” He stroked her hair. “Is anything—”
“Everything’s fine.”
“Alyssa. I know you.”
She sighed and looked up at him. “No, you don’t.” She broke eye contact, staring at the floor between them. “And I think that’s the problem.”
Shane’s throat tightened around his breath. “What do you mean?”
“I mean…” She exhaled hard, her shoulders sagging as if a huge weight were pressing down on them. “That’s why I don’t want to leave just yet. I think… I think we need to talk.”
Shane gulped. “About?”
“Well, we started out planning to just keep things on the surface, but…”
Oh fuck. We’re going to go there, aren’t we?
“Maybe we’re past that point?”
Alyssa nodded.
Shit. Here we go.
She looked him in the eye again. “Since it can be kind of difficult to talk about some things, and open up about…uncomfortable things, I thought maybe we could play a little game.” In spite of her nerves, a grin worked its way onto her lips. “To, you know, relieve some tension while we’re at it.”
“A game?” He tilted his head. “Do tell.”
Alyssa took a breath. “Well, it would be kind of like Truth or Dare, except all truth.” She flashed a grin. “And telling the truth means clothes come off.”
“Oh, really? I’m definitely intrigued.”
She laughed nervously. “Somehow I thought you would be.”
“Am I that predictable?”
“Predictable isn’t the word I’d use.” She curved a hand around his neck. “But we do seem to spend a lot of time on the same wavelength.”
“Hmm, yes. We do.” He held her waist and drew her into a kiss. “All right. Let’s do this.” And please, let it stay this easy when the big truths start coming out…
She led him into the living room, and they sat on her couch. Facing him now, she was still tense but a bit more relaxed, as if she’d just needed to work up the nerve to start this conversation. Or game, as it were.
“The rules are simple,” she said. “Every time you confess something, you get to take a piece of clothing off me.”
“And every time you confess something…” He slid his hand up her leg. “You take something off me?”
“Exactly.”
“So you know we’re not going to go out any time soon, right?”
Alyssa winked, sending a shiver through him. “I’m counting on it.”
He laughed, though he too was nervous. Initiating the conversation may have been the most nerve-racking part for her, but for him? Not so much. He couldn’t think of any other way to get this ball rolling, though, and if a playful game got them talking and they finally said what needed to be said, then maybe it wouldn’t be so tense. And maybe, just maybe, the outcome wouldn’t be so bad.
It was certainly worth a shot.
“All right.” He faced her. “This was your idea, so you go first.”
There was that nervous laugh again. “Okay.” She gestured at him. “Shirt off.”
“Confession first.”
“Fine.” She pouted playfully. “I confess that I am a terrible housekeeper.”
“What?” Shane looked around. “Your house looks great. Especially since you’ve got a kid living here.”
Her cheeks colored. “Yeah, but that’s because I pay someone to come in and make it look that good.”
He laughed. “Smart.”
“Mmhmm. Shirt off.”
Shane quickly unbuttoned his shirt and shrugged it off. As he set it aside, he said, “In exchange for your shirt, I confess…that I’m a terrible cook.” Of course these “confessions” were just silly and mundane, but if it helped them work up the nerve to address the important things…fine.
Alyssa shimmied out of her blouse. “Well, that explains why you know so many good restaurants in this town.”
“Exactly.” He chuckled, but that faded as he looked her up and down. Christ, how was he supposed to think and banter—never mind talk about difficult subjects—when she was sitting beside him in only jeans and a bra. He inched closer to her and slid a hand over her thigh. “Your turn.”
She thought for a moment. “Okay.” She reached for him and tugged his undershirt free from his belt. “In exchange for this, I confess…” She slid her hands under his T-shirt, and as she lifted it, she dragged her nails along his rib cage. “That I was arrested once.”
His heart stopped. “You…really?”
“Yeah.” She pushed his shirt up and off, and when their eyes met, her cheeks had turned pink. “A boyfriend and I got caught trespassing in a parking lot.” She smirked. “Just happened to get caught by an officer with zero sense of humor.”
“Funny how that happens,” Shane said with a dry laugh.
“Yeah, well. Ended up with the mug shot and everything. And one hell of an awkward conversation with my parents.”
“I can imagine.” A little too well.
“Well.” He cleared his throat. “If it’ll get you out of those jeans, I confess that…” He paused, and whatever courage he might’ve had evaporated. “When I was fifteen
, I stole a car.” Chickenshit.
Alyssa smirked as she stood to slip off her jeans. “You naughty, naughty boy.”
He laughed, both from nerves and from being mesmerized by Alyssa, now reduced to bra and panties. “I was a wild child, what can I say?”
“Apparently you were.” She sat beside him again and tossed her jeans onto the coffee table.
Their eyes met. His heart was pounding, both from arousal—holy shit, his own jeans were getting snug—and nerves because there was only so much clothing left, and only so many playful confessions he could make before she wanted him to get serious.
He swallowed. “Your turn.”
“Okay.” She took a deep breath and folded her hands in her lap, but they didn’t stay still. Not quite wringing, not quite resting. “For your jeans, I confess…” Her hands stopped. Her eyes lost focus.
Heart thumping, Shane tilted his head. “Alyssa?”
She swept her tongue across her lips, then met his gaze. “I confess…that I haven’t been getting a hell of a lot of anything done these days.”
“And why is that?”
She broke eye contact for a second. “Because of you.”
Oh. That’s… Funny you should mention that…
Wordlessly, he slipped out of his jeans and set them aside.
She took a breath. “Your turn.”
“Right.” He swallowed. “I confess…” The truth lingered at the tip of his tongue, but as his fingertips drifted up her arm, he couldn’t bring himself to say it. Not here. Not now.
He traced the edge of her bra strap as he met her eyes. “I confess,” he whispered, sliding the strap down her shoulder, “that I think about you much more often than I should.”
“Is that right?” She held his gaze, her eyes gleaming. “And what do you think about me when you do?”
You. Just you. Everything about you.
“One thing at a time.” He found the bra clasp and unhooked it. “I still haven’t taken off your bra.” It came off, and he tossed it aside, on top of the rest of their clothes.
“So…” She raised her eyebrows. “What do you think about me? Specifically?”
Shane grinned. “I think that answer should get you out of your panties.”
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