She glanced at his forehead and nodded.
“I wasn’t lying when I said it was from a fight.” He let go of his hair and folded his hands loosely between his knees. “And it was from my younger, wilder days. And I did hold my own in the fight.” He swallowed. “What I didn’t tell you was that it was a fight with an inmate.”
“What happened?” she asked softly. “When you…when you went to jail?”
Shane lowered his gaze. “I’d started getting into trouble when I was a teenager, and just kept going after bigger and bigger stuff. Stealing a bike or a wallet wasn’t nearly as fun as knocking over a 7-Eleven.” He winced—the guilt would eat him alive one day, and sometimes he wondered how he’d ever gotten a thrill out of being such a fucked-up person. “When I finally got caught, well, to be honest, I’m lucky I didn’t get killed. To this day, I’m surprised I didn’t.” He couldn’t help shuddering at the memory.
Even quieter than before, she asked, “What happened?”
Shane took a breath. “I went in to hit this convenience store. Thought I was all badass, was way too cocky after pulling it off a few times before. Everything happened so damned fast. One second, I’m waving a pistol at a cashier and telling him to empty the register. The next, I’m on my knees with my hands behind my head and a shotgun in my face.” He shuddered again. A day didn’t go by that he didn’t remember what it was like staring up the barrel of that twelve gauge. That was the day he’d learned what people meant when they talked about life flashing before their eyes. Right up until that moment, he’d been fearless and immortal, ten feet tall and bulletproof, and suddenly it was about to end, and for the first time in a long time, he’d been scared. Really, truly scared.
“Shane?”
“Sorry.” He shook himself. “Anyway, while we were waiting for the cops to show, the guy asked me where I thought I was going after this. Being a scared kid, I said I was probably going to jail. But then he said, ‘No, I mean, if I let you go, what will you do with yourself? What were you planning on doing after tonight?’ And I…” He paused, exhaling. “I didn’t have an answer for him. I guess I was just going to keep knocking over more places until someone finally shot me. I mean, this guy was standing there with a gun to my head, demanding to know what I was going to do with my life, and I…didn’t know. I’d never thought further ahead than the next hit.”
“Wow,” she whispered.
Shane wrung his hands like she had a moment ago, and watched them instead of her. “Anyway, I guess he realized I was scared out of my mind and saw a chance to get through to me. He asked the judge to go easy on me. Said a long sentence would just turn me into another career criminal.” Shane rubbed his forehead and released a breath. “Turned out he was an ex-con himself. Did a decade and a half upstate. He said they pretty much just put a revolving door on his cell, and he didn’t want me to end up like that. So he came and visited me in prison, kept after me to actually do something with my life. And after this…” He gestured at the scar under his hair. “I decided I’d be stupid not to take him up on it.”
“How long were you in?”
He held up two fingers. “Two years is pretty light for a felony, so I got lucky. I don’t know, another year or two in that place probably would’ve broken me.” He raked his hand through his hair. “It was a medium-security prison too, so it could’ve been a hell of a lot worse.”
“I can imagine.” Alyssa swallowed. “Did you ever…”
“Did I ever, what?”
“Did you ever kill anyone?”
He shook his head. “I scared a lot of people. I’m sure I made a few of them think I was going to. But I never did.” Reaching up to knead out the tension forming in his neck, he added, “And I couldn’t tell you why. I knew why at the time, but it doesn’t make any sense now. I was just… I was a fucking idiot. And it’s going to follow me around for the rest of my life. No matter what I do or how much I change…”
“I know the feeling.” Alyssa slipped her hand into his.
For a moment, they stared at their hands, both watching her thumb trace unsteady arcs along the back of his.
Slowly, they lifted their gazes, and when their eyes met, Shane’s heart was in his throat and his stomach was tied up in knots.
He took a deep breath and gently squeezed her hand. “I know I’ve done some fucked-up shit in the past,” he whispered, fighting the urge to reach for her face. “And I’ll understand if you don’t believe me, but I swear to God, Alyssa, I would never hurt you.”
“I know.” She let go of his hand and wrapped her arms around him, and Shane held her tight. He buried his face in her hair, struggling to keep his composure. Closing his eyes, he breathed her in, barely believing she was really here, that there was no longer any space between them.
“I am so sorry,” he said. “I should’ve told you about all this before we—”
“No.” She let him go and pulled back enough to meet his gaze. “It’s better that it happened this way. For both of us.” She caressed his face, running her thumb along his cheekbone. “I couldn’t tell you mine any more than you could tell me yours. We both would’ve run like hell if we’d heard all this in the beginning.”
“Good point. But I still feel like I hid something that—”
She silenced him with a kiss. “Don’t, Shane,” she whispered. “You know as well as I do how pointless it is to beat ourselves up over things we can’t change.”
Stroking her hair, he nodded. “You’re right.”
“Of course I am.” She kissed him again, and he cradled the back of her head as they explored each other’s mouth like it was the very first time they’d touched. As much as he wanted to lay her down and fuck her—it was impossible not to want her like that—he was perfectly content to just hold her and kiss her.
He had no idea how much time passed. How long they sat there, wrapped up in each other and making out on his couch.
Eventually, though, they separated, drawing apart to look at each other again.
“So what do we do?” His voice was barely above a whisper.
“I don’t know. But I…” She took a deep breath. “But I want to start over. Now that we know the truth about each other, I want to go back to square one.”
Shane studied her for a moment, heart pounding. “You…you want to do this? Be with me?”
Alyssa met his eyes. “Yes.”
“Really?”
She nodded. “I just feel like, if given the chance, I could fall for you.”
He swallowed hard. I’ve already fallen for you. And that hasn’t changed. “I’ll give you a chance if you’ll give me one.”
A smile spread across her lips, and his heart beat even faster, especially as she leaned in closer and whispered, “Deal.”
Never in his life had he been so relieved to kiss someone. Her kiss had never driven him as crazy as it did just then. He’d been certain they would never touch again, never mind hold each other close like this and let a soft kiss deepen to a breathless one.
She broke away first, and they were both not only out of breath but trembling.
Shane touched her face. “We’ve both screwed up in ways some people can’t look past. You know people are going to talk.”
Alyssa smiled. “Let them talk. This is between us.” She combed her fingers through his short hair. “So, where do we start?”
“I think this is a pretty good start, don’t you?”
She laughed, sliding her hand around the back of his neck. “True. I guess I mean, where do we go from here?”
“Hmm. Well, what do you say we adjourn to the bedroom?” He grinned slyly down at her. “Where we can get a little more…comfortable?”
She returned the grin. “I love the way you think.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Sinking down to the bed with him on top of her was like com
ing home. His hand beneath her back, her shoulders landing softly on the mattress—Alyssa’s world was finally back on its axis. And now that they’d cleared the air, she didn’t hold back. She felt safe with him again.
She wasn’t in any hurry, either, and Shane seemed content to take his time as well. Slowly, they shed their clothes, stripping away the layers between them. They were usually hurried, frantic, perfectly satisfied to remove just enough so he could fuck her, but tonight, they were in no rush.
When the last stitch of clothing had finally fallen away, Shane rolled onto his back, and she straddled him.
“You’re fucking beautiful,” he whispered, cupping her breasts and gazing up at her face.
She ran her hands up his chest. “You’re not so bad yourself, you know.”
He chuckled, then drew her down and kissed her again, and holy fuck, that hunger was back full force. Things may have cooled between them the night the truth came out, but that was a distant memory now as they kissed and held each other.
Shane’s fingers twitched against the back of her head, and when she rubbed against his hard cock, he groaned and gripped her hair. He broke the kiss with a gasp. “Fuck, baby, I want you so bad.”
“Are you saying I should get a condom?”
“Please.”
She lunged for the nightstand, and tore the wrapper with her teeth before she was even on top of him again. He took it from her and quickly rolled it on, and as soon as it was in place, she straddled him again.
“Oh God, yeah,” he murmured as she positioned herself over him. They both swore as she lowered herself onto him. Shane closed his eyes, running his hands up and down her thighs as she found a slow, steady rhythm. “I fucking love the way your pussy feels.”
Alyssa just whimpered—she knew better than to attempt banter when they were like this. She was too overwhelmed by his touch, his body, the fact that they were here at all and moving together like they’d never been apart, and speech was pointless.
She looked down at him, and when their eyes met, her pulse sped up. He’d been sexy from day one, and the sex they’d had from the beginning had been amazing, but now? He was stunning. He knew who she was now, and he still looked up at her, eyes wide and pupils blown, and he was still breathing hard and touching her all over as she rode his cock. He knew. He still wanted her. And he had her.
Gazing down at him now, feeling him move inside her, she couldn’t comprehend that she’d ever been afraid of him. That she’d ever felt even a moment of distrust. His past was his past, but the man beneath her now was kind and caring. He was gentle when she wanted him to be, and he could be so deliciously rough too, without taking things too far. Without truly hurting her.
As she rode him, he slid his hands up her sides, his palms warm and his fingers trembling. “God, I can’t even…” He met her eyes. “I can’t even tell you how much I missed you. And this.”
“Me too.” She rolled her hips forward so her clit rubbed on him every time she moved. “Oh God…” Biting her lip, she sped up and completely lost herself in the dual sensation of her clit rubbing against his body and his cock moving inside her pussy.
“Ooh, baby, you’re getting close,” he said, almost groaning. “I can feel it. You’re…” This time, he did groan, and then he grabbed her hips and thrust up.
Her eyes rolled back. He was in control now, even though she was on top, and she surrendered, both to him and to the orgasm that was building, building, almost there, building.
“My God, you’re gorgeous,” he murmured, and he thrust a little harder, and Alyssa heard herself cry out a second before the intense release took over, shaking her from head to toe with the most delicious electric sensation. She couldn’t move, but he kept fucking her from beneath, every stroke drawing out her climax until her whole body seemed to liquefy.
He slowed down, then stopped, and drew her down into a soft kiss while she caught her breath.
“Still need…” She licked her lips, grazing his in the process. “Still need to make you come.”
He pushed up with his hips. “Oh, that won’t be a problem.”
“Won’t it?”
“Not at—oh Jesus…” He exhaled as she started riding him again, and cursed when she started rocking her hips. She picked up speed, but her muscles were exhausted, and she couldn’t help but slow down again.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yeah,” she panted, and laughed softly. “My hips are getting tired.”
Shane grinned. “Mine aren’t.” He wrapped his arms around her, and in a smooth, fluid motion that looked much too easy, he rolled her onto her back, and picked up where they’d left off.
“You feel so fucking good,” he whispered breathlessly. “You always do. Always. But I just…” He kissed her, moving inside her with no rhythm whatsoever and feeling just perfect. “I can’t get over how good you feel now.”
Alyssa couldn’t even respond. She couldn’t speak. All she could do was hold on to him, close her eyes, and lose herself in everything he did. Just the way she’d done from the beginning, and had ached to do again, and finally could. God, she felt incredible, wrapped up in his arms as he fucked her and held on to her and whispered profanities in between kisses.
“Oh God, Alyssa,” he moaned. “You feel…you feel…”
She rolled her hips just the way she knew he loved it, and that was all he needed—he groaned and forced his cock as deep as he could, and shuddered as he came inside her.
“Holy fuck,” he breathed, and shivered one last time. His arms collapsed out from under him, and hers pulled him the rest of the way down on top of her. “You’re fucking amazing,” he murmured, and pressed his lips to hers.
She held him close and returned his kiss, not caring at all that she still needed to catch her breath, because she had Shane, and breathing could wait.
Eventually, he broke the kiss and touched his forehead to hers. “Stay right here.”
“Not going anywhere.”
“Good.” He kissed her again, then pulled out and got up—if a bit unsteadily—to get rid of the condom. When he came back, she cuddled up beside him and rested her head on his shoulder.
“I missed this,” she said.
“Me too.” He stroked her hair, the steady, slow motions of his hand nearly lulling her to sleep. “I missed all of it.”
“Same.” She looked up at him. “Just being with you.”
“Being without you has been killing me.” He tipped her chin up a little, and kissed her softly. “I’m really, really glad you came back.”
“So am I.” She put her head on his shoulder again. “Really glad.”
He was silent for a moment. Then, “Do you think we can make this work?”
“We’ve made it farther than I have with anyone else.”
“Me too.” He kissed the top of her head. “I know I’m asking a lot. Taking a chance on someone who’s done the shit I have.”
“Well, like you said.” She pushed herself up onto her elbow and looked in his eyes. “I’m no saint either. We’ve both made mistakes.” She rested her hand in the middle of his chest. “Maybe this is something we’ll get right.”
“Maybe it is.” He touched her face, his fingers featherlight on her cheek. “I think we’re off to a good start now that we’re past this bump.”
“Me too. And I…I don’t want to rush things.” She traced his collarbone with her fingertips. “I do want you to meet my son, but…not yet.” She met his eyes. “Not because… I mean, I don’t introduce anyone to him right away.”
“I understand.” He covered her hand with his own and gently wrapped his long fingers around it. “I wouldn’t expect you to rush things with him.” He brought her hand up to his lips. “My parents were divorced. I get it.”
“We’ll get there, though.”
“I know. And m
aybe this will work, maybe it won’t.” He brought their joined hands down. “But I like where it is right now.”
She smiled, watching their fingers lacing and unlacing on his chest. “Me too. Feels like it’s right where it needs to be.”
“It does.” Shane squeezed her hand gently. “Do you want to stay here tonight?”
“Don’t mind if I do.”
He grinned, but then nodded toward the door. “Before we get too comfortable, though, I’m going to go lock up.” He kissed her forehead, and then slipped out of bed and put on his robe. “Don’t move.”
She grinned. “And what if I do?”
He shot her a playfully menacing look. “Then I’ll have to put you over my knee.”
“Well, in that case…”
They locked eyes and burst out laughing.
“God, I missed you,” he whispered, leaning down to kiss her again.
“I missed you too.”
One more kiss, and he left the room to lock the house.
While he was gone, she found her cell phone in the pocket of her jeans and quickly texted Grant: You were right. We talked. Everything is okay.
Then she set the phone on the nightstand and waited for Shane to come back. When he did, she cuddled up beside him. As they were getting comfortable, though, her phone buzzed.
“Is that you or me?” he asked.
“Probably me.” She reached across him and picked up the phone.
Grant had written, Glad to hear it.
She’d reply later, and set the phone aside again.
“Anything you need to deal with?” Shane asked.
“No, it’s my son’s dad.”
He tensed. “Oh. And you’re…sure you don’t need to address it now?”
“No, no. We, um, talked. About you and me. He’s the one who encouraged me to come see you and sort this out.” She snuggled closer, draping her arm over him. “I was just letting him know everything was all right.”
Shane kissed the top of her head. “This is the first time in a long time I’ve felt like everything was all right with someone.”
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