The Bull Rider Meets His Match

by Jeannie Watt

  She didn’t have any more room on the farm, and to be honest, she didn’t know if she had any more room in her heart. Not for someone who would leave another gaping chasm behind.

  * * *

  GRADY DIDN’T MAKE the mistake of trying to make small talk on the drive home. Lex was silently working through matters in her head, and if the frown knitting her brow was any indication, they were serious matters. Him-and-her matters.

  By the time they dropped the twins off, his stomach was so tight it felt like a walnut.

  “How was it?” Annie asked as she met the truck to help the twins out before Grady took Lex home.

  “We didn’t get to see the bulls,” Katie said. “But Lex ’splained about that on the way home, so it’s okay.” Lex had told the girls that her dad used to be a bullfighter and now that he was gone, it was hard for her to see bullfighters. The girls had been both impressed and empathetic, and Lex’s simple explanation had eased the tension on the drive home. The tension with the girls, anyway. There was still a lot unsaid between the two of them, and he had a feeling whatever was coming down the pike wasn’t good.

  “And I lost a tooth!” Kristen announced. Grady opened his pocket and passed the tissue-wrapped treasure to his sister through the window. Annie gave him a questioning look, and he responded with an imperceptible shake of his head.

  “Okay, ladies. Into the house.” The girls headed up the walk, Annie behind them. She turned and waved as Grady put the truck in gear. The drive to Lex’s house was silent. Fine, they’d talk when they got there...only they didn’t. Lex was in serious self-defense mode.

  “Maybe going to the rodeo wasn’t such a great idea,” he said, breaking the brittle silence after pulling the truck to a stop in front of her house.

  “I have to face it sometime.” She half turned toward him in the seat. “I know we have issues to discuss, but not now. Not tonight.”

  He didn’t know if she wanted time to calm down or time to build up her defenses. Either way, there wasn’t much he could do except to nod in agreement.

  “We will talk,” she promised as she reached for the door handle, as if she assumed he thought she might try to dodge the matter. He didn’t.

  “I know,” he said in a stony voice. Lex got out of the truck and walked around the front. He waited until she unlocked her door and went inside, surrounded by bouncing, happy dogs; then once the lights came on he put his truck in gear.

  Was this shades of the Danielle situation all over again? Would he have to choose between the woman he loved and bull riding?

  If so, he knew in his gut that, difficult as it might be, he would choose differently than the way he did the last time.

  * * *

  LEX WAS GETTING tired of living in a state of anxiety, and now she knew why it was happening. She’d promised herself while grieving for her father that she would never, ever hurt like that again. And caring for Grady clearly opened up that possibility—it didn’t matter where he spent his winters.

  She couldn’t do it. Wouldn’t put herself through it.

  She’d rather die than hurt like that again.

  Lex flopped over in her bed, nearly knocking Felicity off the end. The cat turned in a circle and settled again, farther away from Lex’s feet. She wasn’t purring like usual, but instead seemed to be staying close in order to give some feline moral support. Lex could use it.

  No, what she could use was a good smack in the face for letting things get so out of hand with Grady. Within a matter of two months he’d gone from being an adversary to being a frenemy, from frenemy to friend and finally he’d become her lover.

  But she hadn’t expected the “love” part in “lover” to start taking hold.

  It was, and she was in trouble if she didn’t stop matters immediately. Before Grady started thinking he might be in love with her...if it wasn’t already too late.

  He was something of a romantic.

  Well, she wasn’t. She was realistic and practical. She knew what had to be done, and it was better done now than later. She assumed he was coming to talk tomorrow. He was as impatient by nature as she was.

  The business would be finished, and she would go on with her life. It wouldn’t take Grady long to bounce back. Unlike her, he made friends easily.

  And she could hate that thought all she wanted, the fact remained that she couldn’t allow herself to travel too far down the wrong road...the road that led to mind-numbing pain.

  * * *

  GRADY STOPPED BY Annie Get Your Gun the next morning after driving to Lex’s place and finding her gone. She was indeed at the store, getting ready to leave after dropping off some stuff she’d made.

  “You want to talk,” she said as he came into the store.

  “You said we would.” Danielle and Annie were in the back. He could hear their voices. One of them laughed lowly. What he wouldn’t give to feel like laughing right now.

  “The park?” It was on the other side of the back parking lot and seemed like an okay place, as long as it was relatively empty.

  “That would do.”

  Lex led the way out the front door after calling out to Danielle that she was checking out for the day. It would have been shorter to go out the back, but apparently she wasn’t up for being open about going somewhere with him—maybe to avoid questions later.

  They walked along the alley next to the parking lot and crossed the street, then took seats side by side on the first park bench they came to. And there they sat in silence, a good foot of dark green metal between them, Grady with his forearms resting on his thighs, looking out across the park, Lex sitting stiffly beside him—each waiting for the other to start.

  “So...” he finally said “...how are you?”

  He turned in time to see her mouth quirk into a humorless smile. “I’ve been better.”

  “I’m sorry about the rodeo.”

  “It’s more than that,” she said, focusing on her hands, loosely clasped in her lap.

  He had an idea of what it was after thinking over the events of the evening, remembering Lex’s response to the announcer when he had helpfully mentioned to the crowd that Grady would be riding bulls soon. Not practice bulls, but the nasty kind. The best the stock contractors had to offer. “Are you worried? About me?”

  She slowly turned her head toward him. “Of course I’m worried about you. I know you’re good, but yeah, I’m worried.”

  “Do you want me to give up bull riding?” He’d lain awake for a long time wondering how he would feel about her answer to that question, but it was something he needed to know.

  Her eyebrows drew together. “I wouldn’t ask that of you.”

  Not the answer he’d expected. “Yet you’re worried about me.”

  She nodded. Lex was not being Lex. She wasn’t looking at him, wasn’t challenging him. She was withdrawn in a way he’d never seen before. He reached out to touch her, and she looked at him, her expression troubled.

  “What is it, Lex? What’s the deal?”

  Her frown deepened, and he had the feeling she wanted to say, “I don’t know,” even though she did know. Or at least had an inkling. He wanted in on the secret, but she didn’t say anything.

  “I’ll be back, you know. I’m going to winter here from now on. I may not get in the practice time, but...”

  “It’s not that, either,” she said quickly.

  “Then...?”

  She raised her eyes to his, her expression deadly serious. “I don’t need people the way other people need people.” The words came blurting out.

  “What?” Grady felt his stomach start to tighten. This wasn’t a good development.

  “Maybe I should have been clearer on this at the beginning.” She looked away as she spoke, focusing on the back door of her store a hundred yards aw
ay.

  “Maybe you should be clearer on it right now.”

  She drew in a breath and flexed her fingers as they lay on her thighs. “I don’t do commitment, and because of that, I don’t usually let things get too tight.”

  “Why not?”

  The simple question seemed to throw her. “Because it’s not the way I am. I told you. I don’t need people the way other people need them.”

  “Bull.” Her mouth tightened, and he watched as a stubborn expression formed. For better or for worse, the Lex he knew was coming back. “The only reason not to need people is that you’re afraid of something.” All he needed was to push her a little, and then they could deal with this matter in the usual way—by arguing.

  “So?” She blinked at him as if he’d just made a pointless argument.

  Now he was thrown, because he’d fully expected her to deny it and then he would explain to her why she was wrong. But no. She admitted it. Freely. “Well, maybe you need to deal with whatever it is you’re afraid of.”

  “I am. I’ve found a way that works well for me and I’m sticking with it.”

  “And that way is?’

  “Not getting involved in committed relationships. It’s not fair to the other person...who in this case would be you.”

  “That’s crazy.”

  “That’s logical. I don’t want to get hurt, so I don’t get too involved.”

  “What if you do get...involved?”

  “I do what I’m doing right now.”

  “Just turn off your feelings?”

  “Before they get to the point that I can’t. Yes.”

  He blinked at her, not certain if he was sad or frustrated. He definitely felt a degree of both. How did a guy fight this? “Turning off feelings won’t work in the long run.”

  “It’s working just fine now, and that’s all I care about.”

  “Lex—”

  “I made no promises,” she said fiercely. “I loved our time together, but I know what I have to do to survive.” She got to her feet.

  “Walk away? Shut down?”

  “It works.”

  “This is it?” he asked incredulously.

  “I can’t see what else it can be.”

  “But...”

  “I’m sorry, Grady. I shouldn’t have let things go this far.” She ducked her chin briefly, then raised it again. “I need to go.” She marched out of the park toward her truck parked on the street behind Annie Get Your Gun without so much as a backward glance.

  Grady leaned back against the bench, letting his hands drop loosely on either side of him.

  * * *

  LEX WAS GLAD she made it to her truck without throwing up or something. She was that stressed, which only went to prove that, no, she should not be in a relationship. She didn’t do well starting them or ending them.

  The middle part wasn’t bad.

  Middles didn’t last forever. Lex jammed the truck into gear. She told herself she wasn’t going to look, but she did. Grady was still sitting on the bench. She’d hated hurting him, but this was only a small hurt. Not a hole-in-your-heart hurt. Not a hope-you-said-a-proper-goodbye-because-you’ll-never-see-him-again hurt.

  Even if Grady quit bull riding, the possibility was there of reopening that agonizing chasm. Things happened and, when dealing with a risk taker like Grady...yes. Things happened.

  And this time maybe she wouldn’t heal so well. How many times could a person bounce back from a broken heart?

  Lex didn’t intend to be a guinea pig for that study.

  When she got home, she walked into the house, with the dogs and Felicity swirling around her feet. They were careful not to trip her but got as close as possible. Perfect analogy for her and Grady. She’d tried to get as close as possible without tripping up. She’d tripped anyhow, and now they both had to deal with it.

  Did he love her?

  He might think he did. But by the time she was done establishing distance between them, he probably wouldn’t think so any longer. He’d gotten over Danielle. He’d get over her, too.

  If he thought he loved her. She didn’t even know if he did.

  All she knew was that it was very possible she was in love with him, and she needed to get over that.

  Step one had been taken.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Grady figured if he gave Lex some time, she’d realize that she was reacting to stress, but after not hearing from her for two days, he took a chance and called her. Bad move.

  She was distantly polite and the conversation ended after a few stiff exchanges, which frustrated the heck out of him. How was he supposed to deal with polite Lex? He’d never before encountered polite Lex. If she’d treated him that way from day one, they probably never would have hooked up and that would have saved him some heartache.

  Annie obviously knew something was up, possibly from the way Grady was now attacking his daily workouts, doubling his reps, his running time, and also coming home at a decent hour, never spending the night anywhere except her guest room. She kept giving him the look—the sister look—which he in turn pretended not to notice. The one thing he didn’t want to do was to discuss the situation with Lex.

  “Are you still coming back?” Annie asked after he’d helped her load the dishwasher.

  “Of course. I’ve been pricing trailers. Why?”

  Annie pulled a pan out of the drain rack and dried it. “I just wondered, now that you and Lex aren’t...seeing so much of each other, if you might not find Oklahoma more to your liking.”

  She kept wiping the pan until Grady took it out of her hands and set it on the counter. “Being here is to my liking. I want to settle here. Watch the girls grow up. Whether I stay or go has nothing to do with Lex.”

  “She’s back to the way she was when I found her scary,” Annie commented as she once again picked up the pan and this time stowed it in a cupboard near the stove.

  “Sorry about that. I did my best to keep that from happening.”

  “It was bad?” Annie asked, still holding the dish towel as she dropped her hands to her sides.

  “Yeah. Bad.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  He tilted up one corner of his mouth in an attempt at a smile, but it drifted back down again. “And I’m sorry I keep screwing up things with the women you work with.”

  Annie gave a small shrug. “They don’t seem to hold it against me.”

  “Small mercies, eh?”

  * * *

  HENNESSEY’S BECAME GRADY’S SANCTUARY. He showed up early, stayed late, practicing and helping the young riders. Not one person said a word about Lex. Unless he initiated the conversation, not that many people engaged him period. Catching an unexpected glimpse of himself in a truck mirror, he understood why. He looked as if he was about to do someone bodily harm. His riding, however, seemed to benefit from the frustration he carried with him every waking moment of the day. He approached each ride with an aggression he hadn’t felt prior to Lex giving him his walking orders.

  Then came the day she showed up at Hennessey’s just as he was leaving one late afternoon. His heart thumped hard at the sight of her standing near his truck, but when he got close enough to see her closed-off expression, he knew this wasn’t going to be a joyful I’ve-rethought-things reunion. She held out a bag.

  “Some stuff you left at my place.”

  The symbolic returning of all things left behind.

  Grady took the bag, somehow keeping himself from snatching it out of her hands. It was now or never. Lex was not going to soften toward him over time. If anything, she was going to convince herself that she’d done the only thing possible—because she was afraid of doing anything else.

  “We can work this out.”

  “I’m
good with the way things are,” she replied, adjusting her sunglasses.

  “You’re good not needing people? Or not needing me?”

  She let out a soft sigh that smacked of frustration and then sidestepped his question. “I can’t change who I am.”

  He smirked at her; he couldn’t help himself. This was the Lex who had threatened to take him down if he hurt Danielle. The Lex that hid behind a cool facade and couldn’t be reasoned with. He had to try. “Why are you so certain that I’ll hurt you?”

  Her cool slipped a little then. “Circumstances will hurt me, Grady. Things we can’t control.”

  “Like me getting taken out by a bull?”

  “Yes, that. But there’s more behind my decision.”

  “Fill me in,” he muttered from between his teeth as a couple of young riders walked by.

  “I’m happy with my life the way it is. I’m sorry you can’t accept that I don’t want to hook up with anyone for any length of time, but that’s the way it is. I know you think that if you chip away you can make me realize that you’re worth the risk, but...” She shook her head slowly.

  “You’re a coward, Lex.”

  “I’m honest to myself, Grady.”

  “Dream on.” He brushed past her to get into his truck, and she turned at the same time to march to her rig.

  And so it ends.

  He jammed the key into the ignition, and his truck roared to life. And then he dropped his chin and forced himself to take a breath. Focus on what he was doing, not on what he was losing.

  * * *

  THE NEXT DAY when Annie got home from work, he presented her with the rototiller he’d bought her, which was sitting in the middle of the twenty-foot-square area he’d turned over next to her much smaller garden. He’d thought about putting a ribbon on top, but instead he found several of the silk flowers he’d used on Katie’s pink hair, wrapped the stems in duct tape and taped them to the handle. Annie burst out laughing when she saw the bouquet.

  “You do have a way with flowers.”

  “I hope you don’t mind that I broke the thing in for you,” he said.

  She gave him a big hug. “Not. One. Bit.” Then she toed up to the edge of the freshly tilled earth and put her hands to her cheeks. “I’m going to have such a garden next year.”