by Trina Solet
"You aren't so bad," Lilly told her just as Phillip saw an empty plastic chair and brought it over for her.
"Bernie is a good egg," Ant said.
"A little cracked but still good on the inside," Bernie said like it was something she often repeated. "You don't look so terrible," she said to Lilly as she looked her over.
"It was all a big scare more than anything," Lilly claimed while Bernie seemed skeptical.
Ant agreed. "It was scary. Gran-gran went boop! And she didn't get up."
"You know my motto, Lill – sit down before you fall down." Bernie patted the arm of her wheelchair with her good hand.
"That's why I'll be moving here," Lilly told her.
Ant made a sad face, and Phillip wasn't happy about it either. What he had seen of the place had not given him a good impression. "Would you recommend this place to Lilly?" Phillip asked Bernie.
Lilly sighed like she knew what kind of answer to expect.
Bernie made a pained face. "It's no palace, but where are folks like us supposed to go?"
"I told you I want to be here with Bernie," Lilly told Phillip.
Bernie beamed at her.
"Can we talk about this while Ant and Bernie spend some time together?" Phillip asked Lilly. He just couldn't let her move in here.
As they walked away, Phillip could hear Ant as he told Bernie about the fish and his room at Phillip's. Then he turned to Lilly.
"This place won't work. I'm sorry. I know I'm overstepping. But this place just isn't good enough for Ant's great-great aunt. How about if I pay for both you and Bernice to move somewhere nicer? You two can have a small house of your own. I would hire a health aid and a housekeeper."
Lilly frowned at him. "I couldn't let you spend that kind of money. Here is fine. I can still manage for myself and help out Bernie too."
"What if I pay for both you and Bernie to move to Ivy Gate Senior Residences. It has an excellent reputation," Phillip said.
Lilly tried to refuse this offer too. "That's for folks with money."
Not willing to risk another no, Phillip decided to pull out all the stops. "It's only a short drive from Easton. I can bring Ant to visit you a lot more often than if you moved here. Please, do this for him. I'm not some stranger. I'm Ant's uncle and that makes me family. There is no reason not to accept my help. And think of Bernie. She would be much better off too. At Ivy Gate, she could get therapy and regain at least some of her mobility. Wouldn't that be worth sacrificing a little bit of your pride?"
Phillip could see how conflicted she was. She obviously wasn't a woman who put herself first, and that gave Phillip an advantage. If it was for Ant and for Bernie, she just might do it.
She did have one final objection. "Bernie will never go for it."
Now it was Bernie's turn to have a little private chat with Phillip. To give them time to talk, Lilly took Ant to get some snacks from the vending machine.
"I was hoping someone from your side of the family would come to look in on little Ant. I was hoping it would be the child's daddy. Lilly told me about your loss. I'm real sorry about your brother," Bernie said to Phillip.
Phillip nodded. "Thank you."
"Him and that Joan, I guess they burned the candle at both ends," she said.
"They left us Ant," Phillip said.
"The finest thing Joan ever did. She gave Lilly so much worry and heartache, but at least when she passed, Lilly had that boy to console her. He is a curly headed little blessing."
"Yes, and for his sake and Lilly's, I hope you will accept my offer." Phillip told her what he had in mind.
"That just wouldn't be right," she said.
Phillip used the same gambit on her that he used on Lilly. "Does it seem right to stay here? Or to have Lilly move here? Lilly will only go to Ivy Gate if you will. If she's over there, I can bring Ant to visit all the time. She won't be able to see Ant nearly as often if she moves here. You know how much she is going to miss him."
"You trying to take an old lady on a guilt trip?" she asked.
Since she saw through him, Phillip admitted it right away, "Yes, ma'am, and I hope it's working."
Chapter 17
Phillip arrived at the office very late. Instead of a more formal greeting, Leon had a question.
"No Ant?" Leon asked and craned his neck as if he thought Ant might be hiding behind Phillip.
"He's with Lilly for a few days." Phillip told him as he lingered near Leon's desk. From there, he could see his frown up close. He also noticed the shades of gold and light brown in his hair and in his hazel eyes, as well as the stubble that accentuated his jaw line. But most of all, he saw the look of accusation that he aimed at Phillip for not bringing Ant along.
Looking around, he could see why Leon would feel so let down. Ant lit up the whole place with his presence. Without him, the office returned to its usual gloom. He remembered Ken seeing it for the first time and telling him, "It has a Phillip quality. My late grandfather would feel right at home here, but not anyone living."
Leon stared at Phillip and his expression changed to one of concern. "I can see I'm not the only one who misses Ant. You don't look chipper either. Is everything OK? Ant is still going to live with you, right?"
"Everything is fine," Phillip assured him. "Ant is coming to live with me. I just had to do some hard negotiating. I was hoping Lilly would move in with me along with Ant, or maybe let me move her into her own place, but at least I managed to persuade her and her friend, Bernie, to move to Ivy Gate."
"Her friend too?"
"Lilly wouldn't go without her. She was so determined to be with her friend. It was really touching," Phillip told him.
"I see. What's sweeter than two old ladies who love each other?"
Phillip smiled. Walking into his office, he wondered if Leon might have a romantic streak. He was probably reading too much into it. Whenever he was around him, Phillip certainly did.
Phillip got a different reaction when he told Ken his plans for Lilly. He had picked up Ant and gone over to Ken's apartment Saturday morning. It was past time that his best friend met his nephew.
Ken's apartment made a good first impression on Ant. There was a fun, 70s style vibe mixed with exotic fabrics and comic book art on the walls. Ant stared all around and up at the light fixtures that were more like pieces of modern art.
When Phillip presented Ant to him, Ken leaned down and peered at him closely. "I can definitely see it," Ken said. He was noticing the same resemblance Phillip had seen, though Ken only knew Tony from pictures.
Ant wasn't sure what to think about all this intense scrutiny.
"This is Ken," Phillip told him.
"Best friend Ken," Ant said and made Ken smile.
"Yes. And he's saying that you look like your dad," Phillip explained.
"Me?" Ant looked surprised and proud. As they went to sit down in Ken's eclectically decorated living room, he asked, "Do you have fishes?"
"Everyone doesn't have fishes," Ken told him peevishly.
Ant was very disappointed that he didn't, and Phillip felt like maybe his apartment won out after all. Still he wanted to give credit where it was due. "Ken is the one who named Bee and Ruby."
Now Ant looked at him with approval. "You're good at naming."
"I am. You want me to name you?" Ken offered.
"I have a name," Ant told him.
"And it's a very nice one," Phillip said.
"Look at you doting," Ken said with a shake of his head.
"What's doting?" Ant asked.
"It means that I'm very happy to be your uncle," Phillip told him.
"Me too," Ant told him then smiled shyly.
"Stop that," Ken told them. "You'll give me diabetes."
Phillip didn't bother explaining that to Ant. Explaining Ken even to an adult would take all day.
To give him a chance to talk to Phillip, Ken showed Ant a video game he could play on his old laptop. He and Phillip then went off to Ken's den. They
sat in uncomfortable, old leather office chairs. Ken leaned back and rested his elbow on his reclaimed wood desk with mismatched, antique hardware.
"I use that game to keep the nieces out of my hair so Nancy can grill me about my love life uninterrupted," Ken told him. "And speaking of kids ruining everything, that cherubic little child is going to ruin your already nonexistent love life. It was already endangered, now it stands no chance of survival. With a kid in the picture, I'm just going to declare it extinct."
"I'm fine with that," Phillip lied.
Ken didn't believe him, but he moved on anyway. "Other than rotting on the vine, what else have you been up to?" he asked.
Phillip filled him in about Lilly, Bernie and most importantly Ant coming to live with him.
"Ugh, you went to a nursing home." Ken didn't hide his disgust. "I feel nauseous just thinking about it. It's great you found your brother's kid, but I don't see why you have to involve yourself with his great-aunt or whoever."
Phillip leaned back and stared Ken down for a minute. "Why I have to involve myself with the woman who raised Ant for the last three years, is that what you're asking me?"
Ken shrugged. "Fine, but isn't her nursing home her choice?"
"Not when I can pay for a better one?"
"For her and her friend? I think you're nuts. Being an uncle all of a sudden has scrambled your brain."
"Scrambled eggs?" Ant said, poking his head into the den.
"Are you hungry?" Phillip asked him.
When Ant nodded, Ken asked, "Aren't you feeding this kid?"
"Sometimes," Phillip told him then he turned to Ant. "Ken will make us some scrambled eggs."
"Now I'm cooking?" Ken griped, but then he got up and trudged off to the kitchen. Ant followed him and Phillip went along too.
Seeing how eagerly Ant watched Ken while he worked in the kitchen, Phillip picked him up so he could get a better view of the action. Ant was so small and light in his arms. It made Phillip feel an overwhelming protectiveness toward him. He just wanted to shield him from the whole world. At the same time he wanted to show him everything, give him the whole world or at least all the good things in it. But all Ant wanted was to watch Ken making scrambled eggs and then to eat them.
"Is this a cooking show now?" Ken said when he saw he had an audience.
"He's grouchy, not like Leon," Ant said. Phillip was a little surprised that he was comparing them. He thought that was something only he did.
"And who is Leon?" Ken asked, not pleased that he didn't come off well in comparison.
"He goes to work with Uncle Phillip and he buys us ice cream," Ant told him.
Ken looked confused.
"My assistant," Phillip said.
Ken amended that to "Your pretty assistant."
"Yes, him," Phillip confirmed while trying not to give away how he felt about him. Ken still looked at him suspiciously. "Don't burn those eggs," Phillip warned him to get his mind off Leon. But as soon as Ant said Leon's name, he knew it was hopeless. Ken could smell blood in the water. Phillip was never going to survive the inevitable interrogation.
While Ant ate, Phillip came up with the idea to use Ant as a shield. As soon as the dishes went into the dishwasher, he made Ken teach Ant some real card games.
Ken complained about that chore as well. Digging up a deck of cards, Ken shuffled them as he took a seat at the kitchen table. Ant sat across from him, looking attentive while kicking his feet under the table. Talking fast, Ken gave him the rules of poker one after another, and Ant nodded after every rule. At the end Ken asked him, "Did you get all that?"
Ant said, "No" and gave an emphatic shake of his head.
"Did you get any of it?" Ken wanted to know.
Ant said no again.
Ken turned to Phillip. "He's going to be so easy to beat. He's as hopeless at cards as his uncle."
"Unlucky at cards..." Phillip mumbled to himself.
"What was that?" Ken asked and squinted at him. He dealt the cards without taking his eyes off Phillip.
"Did I win?" Ant asked showing them his cards.
"Yes," Phillip decided before Ken could speak.
Playing cards might have been his way of avoiding a questioning by Ken, but it only made him think about playing cards with Leon and Ant on that first day when he met him. It made him miss Leon's sure way with Ant, his confidence and the kindness and humor in his eyes. Hell, that was the last thing he needed to be thinking about with Ken giving him sideways glances while he smugly beat a three-year-old at poker.
After a few hands, Ken wanted to send Ant back to play that video game, but Phillip decided it was time to go. He didn't want Ant getting addicted to video games, and obviously Ken didn't have the same patience when it came to spending time with a kid that Leon did.
There he was comparing Ken to Leon again. Maybe it wasn't all that surprising that he compared them. Ken was the longest relationship of his life. Their romance was brief, but for all his faults and all of Phillip's, they stuck it out together after the attraction was gone. Phillip sometimes wondered how long Leon would stick around. Only as his assistant of course.
Chapter 18
The happy changes in Phillip's life took some getting used to. Having Ant living with him was a little disorienting. All the time he had to remind himself that it was real. After a mostly sleepless night, Phillip would catch a few hours of sleep at dawn. He woke up in the morning to the sound of Ant puttering around the apartment. No matter how early he set his alarm, it seemed impossible to wake up before a three-year-old.
Seeing his disheveled, curly-head and his big smile first thing made for cheerful mornings. But that didn't mean that getting Ant ready wasn't a struggle. That little boy was his father's son after all.
Lilly and Bernie were getting settled at Ivy Gate, and Phillip was able to bring Ant to visit them every day. Every time they went, Lilly and Bernie couldn't heap enough praise on the place, especially the staff and how kind and attentive they were. And they were overjoyed to see Ant of course.
At the same time Ant was settling in at Phillip's. Each night while he was working in his office, Phillip would hear the thumping of Ant's feet on the wood floors. Then the leather sofa in the office would creak as Ant curled up on it. The only difference now was that Ant dragged his pillow and his blanket along so Phillip didn't need to go and get them.
Phillip let him stay there a while, but once he saw that Ant was getting sleepy, he took him back to bed. He sat with him until he fell asleep. After that he continued to sit in that dark room with its colorful nightlight. He listened to Ant's soft breathing, amazed that he had that little guy in his life.
Now that Ant wasn't just visiting him but was living with him, Phillip was even more nervous about making everything right for him. At least his room was done, but there were all sorts of arrangements to make. Ant would be in preschool and also daycare. Phillip had already spoken to Lilly about that and offered to take her to visit the places that had openings and could accept Ant so late in the year. She declined and let Phillip make the decision.
Once he found the right place, Phillip told Ant about it. "You're going to go to preschool and after that you'll go to daycare."
Ant's eyes went wide. "Big kids go to school."
"Yes, you're going to be a big kid," Phillip told him.
His eyes went even wider.
"It's going to be fun. You'll get to meet lots of other kids and make friends," Phillip said.
"And draw pictures?" Ant asked. "Like T.J. He was a big kid and I played with him, but he moved. He made a drawing in school and his mom put it on the 'fridgerator."
"You'll be making drawings too, and we'll put them on the fridge and anywhere else you like," Phillip promised him.
Ant was still a little nervous about preschool but excited too. He wasn't the only one who was apprehensive about preschool. Phillip didn't really want to give up spending time with Ant. He would miss him at the office, but he was sure Ant wo
uld benefit from being with other kids his age more than from a day at the office with his boring uncle.
The next day, to get Ant ready for preschool, Phillip was taking him shopping right after work. As he sat at his desk, he could hear Ant in the outer office telling Leon that he was going to preschool.
"You are going to have a blast. But don't forget us little people over here," Leon told him.
"Little? Who?" Ant asked.
"OK, big people. Me and your uncle."
"I won't forget you Leon. I'm gonna make a drawing for Uncle Phillip, and I'm gonna make you a drawing too," Ant said to reassure him.
"You're the best!" Leon told him just as Phillip came out, ready to take Ant shopping for school supplies.
"Can Leon come too?" Ant asked looking from Phillip to Leon eagerly.
"Maybe he has other things to do," Phillip said. He didn't think Leon would want the two of them to monopolize his evenings as well as his whole working day.
Ant answered for him. "Leon has to go shopping too. He has to buy a lettuce head."
"I showed Ant my shopping list. I was just going to stop at the big Target after work. They have food and school supplies," Leon said with a shrug, leaving it up to Phillip.
"OK. Then you can help Ant pick out a really cool backpack," Phillip said and smiled at Leon.
As Ant celebrated the fact that Leon was joining them, Phillip pictured that duct-taped backpack Ant had with him when he first saw him. Though he planned to get him a new one, he couldn't imagine ever getting rid of that old one. It was part of the moment when Phillip's life changed forever and his heart both broke and mended.
The old backpack was in Ant's room now, sitting on the floor of his closet. On the night he moved in, right before bed, Ant had showed Phillip the treasures he kept inside. It held an action figure with only one leg, a stuffed Ninja Turtle that had been torn and mended, a golf ball and two promotional key chains, a baseball cap that was too big for Ant and the coloring book he had finished on the day he met him.