by Laura Kenyon
“That’s not Gray’s car,” she said, her immediate instinct one of defense. It could have been Penny or the insurance agent or even Rapunzel back from her trip, but the negative possibilities were far more likely: Donner, Angus, a reporter, one of her siblings, a lunatic fan, or just a member of the public eager to help but destined to cause more harm than good.
“Elmina, you should go,” Belle blurted as the car rolled towards them. “And quick. With all these new laws about magical people, we can’t take any chanc—”
Her words stopped the second she swung around and found herself staring at blank air. Two beams of light fell across her chest.
“Hi Angus,” Belle proclaimed as the car stopped and the back window rolled down to reveal the prime minister’s sunken face. Her voice was ten times cheerier than warranted. “What are you doing here?”
The old man’s needle-thin lips grew at both ends, but his teeth remained hidden. His eyes panned both her and the space around her. “I actually came by to see how you’re doing. And to apologize for not paying you a visit at the hospital. As you can imagine, things have been pretty busy over at the castle, but I still should have found the time.”
Belle nodded but pumped her fist at his reference to Carpale Castle as if it was his, not Cinderella’s.
“It’s a dark time for Marestam,” he continued. “What with this new magical threat and the hesitance toward the monarchies. The people are frightened. But thank goodness you’re okay. And the baby…”
A few seconds passed before Belle realized these last three words weren’t meant to be a statement, but a question. Certainly he’d read the papers. He must have heard the news reports claiming that her unborn baby was safe. Perhaps he doubted their veracity?
“Yes, thank goodness,” she sang, pushing out a sigh of relief and bringing both hands up to her belly. “Thank goodness. We’re both fine.”
His lips grew again, almost cynically. “I’m very glad to hear it. If there’s one thing the people need right now, it’s hope. As a matter of fact, that’s part of the reason I came to see you. When you weren’t at Taaffeite Towers, I was a little worried—especially with that crazy husband of yours being out on—”
“You went to Rapunzel’s apartment?”
Angus cleared his throat. “Yes, I assumed that’s where you’d be staying, under the circumstances. I hope I didn’t overstep.”
Belle hesitated a moment, then brushed the air with her hand. She didn’t want him suspecting her relationship with Gray, and needed to make up a story fast. “No of course not. I’m lucky to have such powerful friends looking out for me. I’ve been going back and forth between here and Taaffeite Towers. There’s just so much to do and—” She forced a laugh. “Well, call me delusional, but I’d like to have the Phoenix rebuilt by the time this bump becomes an actual baby.”
Angus nodded in what seemed like approval. “I wouldn’t expect anything less.”
“Yeah,” Belle said, instantly clamming up.
“Well, I won’t keep you. It’s almost dark and I have the State of the Realm Address in an hour.” His eyes analyzed the trees behind her again. “Are you alone?”
“Yes.”
“Well, please do be careful. Like I said, the people need hope right now, and with all that’s been happening, I think you’re the monarch to look up to now.” He paused to let this sink in, then offered to provide her with a government security detail or an escort back to Carpale.
Belle gracefully declined and pointed out that she no longer considered herself a monarch—and no one else should either. Angus gave this comment a one-sided smile, tipped his head, and said that’s precisely why it’s so fitting. “Looking forward to seeing you at the coronation Friday,” he added before ordering his driver on, “assuming it actually happens.”
Belle waited a few minutes after the brake lights disappeared, then scanned the trees for Elmina and sauntered cautiously up to the front door. She was just about to knock—though the cabin technically belonged to her—when she heard a familiar bark in the distance.
“Nice catch!” Gray hollered from the field between the cabin and the inn. “And over the shoulder! Wow, we better get you into a contest, buddy. Future blue-ribbon Frisbee champ for sure. There’s biscuits in it for you and a boatload of tail—pun absolutely intended.”
Belle felt her lips stretch wide at both ends. This was the old Gray talking—the carefree drifter with a childlike love of life and no imperiled love interest to bog him down. As she slid around to the back of the cabin, the bounce in his voice brought a gush of memories to the surface. She thought about their very first meeting—how he’d destroyed his car to avoid hitting her renegade dog; how he fearlessly flicked a poisonous snake away from them as if it was a coiled stick; how she wanted to send him packing immediately but Rapunzel invited him to stay. She thought about how cruel she was to him that first day, especially when he ripped up her newly landscaped yard—though he did replace it with something a thousand times better.
Then she remembered waking up beside a warm fire after Ruby’s badgering had actually caused her to faint, like some frail starlet in a period melodrama. She recalled the tranquilizing feel of his arms—sturdy but lean as opposed to Donner’s overwhelming girth—as he carried her back into the cabin. She recalled the intoxicating smell of spiced turkey stew as she slowly regained her senses and began to open her eyes. It was this moment when Belle began to understand why she’d felt such fierce and immediate hostility towards the complete stranger. It wasn’t because she despised Gray. It was because she didn’t. It was because he threw a five-foot-eleven wrench into the last-resort plan she’d been clinging to—the plan that said she could keep her baby and her business so long as she renounced romantic love for the rest of her life.
Watching him now, flinging an orange disc for Beast, who snatched it from the air each time as if it was fastened to his jowls with some invisible boomerang rope, she felt all of those emotions come rushing back. Maybe this wasn’t where she belonged in the eyes of Ruby Welles or her ancestors or Hazel Wickenham or the universe in general … but it was where she wanted to be. And at some point, didn’t that have to count for something?
She remained in the shadows for several minutes, soaking up the happiness that came out when her troubles weren’t front and center. She wanted to see Gray without the terror that came from loving someone with so many problems. She wanted to see Beast bounding through grass with his tail hoisted towards the sky like a curved victory flag, without the despondent pout that came when she was too busy or too sad or too tired to play with him.
“You’ll always be my first baby,” she’d assured him months ago, after assembling the crib in the nursery nook of her bedroom. His head had been on her lap as she leaned against the butter yellow wall and stroked his silky silver ear. She remembered wondering whether he understood what was going to happen. Based on the way his eyes lifted up like triangles being pulled up at the tips, she doubted it. But she’d assured him that he wouldn’t be forgotten. Things would change, and there might be times when he was no longer the center of attention, but he’d always be an essential part of her family.
Over the last few days, she hadn’t made good on that promise. She’d fought to stay at Marestam General for as long as she could. She’d rushed out first thing this morning even though he hadn’t seen her for days and was probably still having nightmares about the fire. And now she was still contemplating patting him on the head, grabbing some clothes, and heading back to Tantalise for the foreseeable future. Something had to change.
“Hey,” she called as Beast did a sideways flip in the air.
Gray about-faced and beamed, but Belle couldn’t help but notice his posture become instantly more rigid—less like a kid on the playground and more like a soldier preparing for inspection. He took three steps toward her but jumped back as Beast zoomed in front of him, barreling towards Belle like a runaway roller coaster on freshly greased tracks.
“Beast wait!” he yelled, picking up his heels. “Gentle buddy. Remember? Gentle!”
But Belle was ready for him this time. Hinging at the waist, she unlocked her knees and held both hands out so she could catch his paws before they struck her stomach.
“Hey buddy!” she called as he gained speed. “I missed—”
Her hands and face both dropped as Beast raced right past her, scooped up a tennis ball that had been hiding behind a bush, and started racing back to Gray.
“Hey!” Her hands pressed into her hips. Was this payback for disappearing all day? Was he trying to teach her a lesson? “Please don’t tell me I’ve got a gargantuan newborn in one kingdom and a four-legged teenager sulking in another. Beast!” She was just beginning to feel the tears of injustice compressing behind her eyes when the dog came to a dead stop and craned his head around. With the ball stuck between his teeth and his tail high, he threw both front paws out in front of him and shook out a playful growl.
Belle laughed, sucking back the tears and dropping her purse. “Oh, you want to play, huh?”
Beast growled again, jumped his paws further out and raised his entire butt towards the sky. His head flailed side to side like a boxer egging on his opponent, each ear dangling like those twirly ribbons people pin to the ceiling for birthday parties. Then Belle broke into a sprint (or as much of a sprint as she could muster with her stitches) and Beast took off, galloping between her and Gray. After a few seconds, he was in full “crazy run,” as she liked to call it, when his hind legs hitched all the way up through his front legs and he essentially flew on solid ground. He wove between the humans, diving and teasing with the ball in his mouth until he’d finally carved enough figure eights to bring Belle and Gray side by side—at which point he struck a calendar cover pose and dropped the ball at their feet.
They continued like this until everything was pitch black save for the stars, a sliver of the moon, and the glow from the kitchen window.
“So I take it you got the ring to work?” Gray asked as the exhausted trio settled in by the fire—Gray on the sofa, Beast on his bed, and Belle cuddled on the floor beside him, stroking the folds of his neck.
“Not exactly. I had to take the ferry to Tantalise,” she replied, concealing her frown in Beast’s fur. He gave a long, contented sigh. “But when Dawn called to say she found her fairy, Elmina volunteered to come get me and zap me back here with her. Apparently because her magic is so old, she can actually take somebody with her. Must be nice.” Her eyebrows rose. “I’m hoping the rings will work in the morning, when I’m a little less…”
“Insane? Psychotic? Mentally off your rocker?”
She gave him a look. “I was going to say upset. But sure.”
Gray squinted and leaned forward. One elbow balanced on his thigh while his hand splayed out, as if grasping for answers. “So you were at the hospital this whole time?” The fear in his voice was undeniable. “Do they know what’s wrong? Is it serious? Are you going to be okay?”
“I’m going to be fine,” she said. “Dr. Frolick gave me some medication and it’ll clear up in a few days. It’s a very common thing for new moms. Don’t worry, I won’t go into detail.” She kissed Beast on the forehead, pushed off the floor, and slid onto the other side of the couch. The cushion between her and Gray seemed simultaneously minuscule and massive. He was both an arm’s length too far and three oceans too close.
She looked around the room. Gray had placed five pillar candles on the mantel over the wood stove, but everything else looked the same as it had before the fire.
“This is just weird,” she said. “I don’t know what’s more noteworthy: the crazy feeling of déjà vu I’m having right now, or the fact that my Class B cabin furniture suddenly feels so priceless.”
Gray let out a small chuckle. An uncertain chuckle. Then the timer for the ravioli went off and he disappeared into the kitchen. He returned a few minutes later with two clay bowls and some rice for Beast.
“Sorry,” he said, handing over the dinner. “It isn’t my usual masterpiece but I didn’t know whether you’d be coming back.”
Belle dipped her fork in and blew on the pocket of spinach-and-cheese stuffed pasta. A puff of steam billowed off. “It’s perfect,” she said, lowering the dish into her lap to let it cool. “But do you mean to tell me you don’t cook filet mignon and spaghetti squash pasta when it’s just you?”
Gray laughed again—this time more heartily, more real. He shook his head. The dark waves tumbled towards his eyes, then back again. “Want to know what I ate for dinner while you were in the hospital?” She gave a tiny nod. “Cereal, eggs, or water.”
“Or water?” she repeated, imagining him digging through the rubble in the moonlight searching for her rings, not stopping to eat, sleep, or even take a proper bathroom break. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think the rings would be so hard to find and—”
“Do you remember the last dinner we had together before the fire?”
“I do,” Belle said, grateful for the subject change. “Takeout. That was unusual for us.”
“It was an unusual day,” he said, not missing a beat.
An electric buzz shot up her spine. She picked up her fork just as he lowered his.
“It was,” she agreed. “It was the day I found out Donner emptied my bank account. Domineering jackass that he was—is.”
Gray nodded, leaned back, and threw his arm over the back of the couch. “Yup, and you went speeding over there like a lunatic with a death wish. Do you remember pulling away while I was still half outside the car? I thought for sure you were gonna kill at least one of us.”
Belle focused on the ruffled design lining each ravioli. As much as she enjoyed reminiscing, she didn’t want to go much further in fear that he might remember something about that night differently. She never wanted to forget how he challenged Donner and came to her rescue, or how he looked changing her tire in the rain. She wanted to always remember the fireplace back at the inn, and the tension so thick she could have sliced it with a fingernail. And then, of course, their kiss—at least the first perfect seconds of it, before the stabbing pain and the moment everything fell apart.
“Oh, come on. I couldn’t have been that crazy,” she teased, depositing the still-too-hot ravioli between her teeth. “Otherwise you’d have been crazier for getting in the car to begin with.”
“You know I didn’t have a choice,” he said in a tone that sent a chill down her back.
The ravioli felt like a rock in Belle’s throat as her mind flashed to Gray crouched by the side of the road, his olive green shirt clinging to his torso as the water poured over him. She did know why … now. But at the time, she wasn’t sure. She hadn’t yet realized that his anger towards Donner and his concern for her meant she’d flipped some sort of switch inside of him—just as she wasn’t sure what changed the following afternoon, after her first stint in the hospital. They still hadn’t discussed it.
But it was time. If there was any chance for them at all, she had to know why he came back the night Donner lost it.
“What changed?” she asked, staring into the red and white jumble in her bowl.
Seconds passed. Beast groaned and rolled over on his bed. She could feel Gray looking at her, questioning her question with his eyes.
He pulled his arm off the back of the couch but didn’t resume eating. “What do you mean?”
“The night you came back.” Belle could feel him tense up again. “You knew why I went back to Donner, even though it killed me to let you go. You knew we all believed it was the only way to save my son, but you came back anyway.”
Slowly, robotically, Gray lowered his head, placed his bowl on the coffee table, and turned to face her. It was only then that a new thought popped into Belle’s head. “You did know, didn’t you?” she asked, feeling her throat tighten. “I mean, that’s the reason you left to begin with. Right?”
“No,” he said, pushing himself off the couch.
Belle felt all of her organs deflate. So he hadn’t left to protect her? He’d just … just left?
Gray pinched the bridge of his nose. His sleeve fell just far enough to reveal the scars on his forearm—an intricate web of blood that had oozed out and dried up years ago. “I didn’t know the details about the curse,” he said, “but I knew you were better off without me. Ruby reminded me of that the first night you went to the hospital. The people around me always wind up getting hurt, and I would never forgive myself if that was you—or anyone you care about.”
Belle squinted, as if doing so would make what he’d just said any clearer. He’d never gone into detail about his past, but he’d told her, over and over again, that it was dark. She’d never pressed it because she knew he was a good man. The past was in the past. She didn’t want him to reveal all of his skeletons any more than she wanted to reveal hers, but she wasn’t an idiot. She saw how Donner’s eyes jumped when he got a glimpse of Gray’s arm, and how he immediately backed off. That scar wasn’t from his time working on the fishing boat, or in the iron mill. It was a sign of membership.
Rather than make her afraid, however, knowing this made her pity him even more. At least newspapers eventually found their way into the trash bin. His mistakes would be carved into his skin forever.
“I left because it was the right thing to do,” he said, staring at the pile of wood beside the stove. “But the further I drove away from you, the sadder and angrier I got. I felt myself becoming reckless again, so I … I came back. I thought what we had was strong enough to change things. But look at what happened. If I’d stayed away, you and Rye would be healthy and safe right now. And who knows, maybe Donner would have morphed into the perfect husband in a few years.” He gritted his teeth and tugged on his sleeve. “I came back because I didn’t want to picture myself without you, but with that selfish decision, I verified everything Ruby had said about me. Darkness can’t keep company with the light without polluting it. I don’t deserve someone like you. I should have just kept driving.”