“Benign versus malignant.”
“Absolutely.” Ava’s dipped her head. The world contracted with her squinty-eyed stare. “It’s more about setting and intent.”
“Almost there…okay. I’ve got it.” Sevastian rubbed her scalp. “I’m sorry for being the instrument to almost snatch this spot bald.” He scooted back until he was resting against the headboard with Ava still settled comfortably in his lap. “Let’s continue the benign versus malignant correlations.”
“Sure.”
“So do you want me to beat you nightly with this,” Sevastian waved the heavy brush in front of Ava’s delighted face, “before I use you like you’re only three holes designed for my pleasure?”
“Two holes and only if you cuddle with me afterwards.” She peppered his jaw with tiny kisses, hoping to keep him distracted from the numbered distinction. “I want the benign and malignant together. Kindness and cruelty. I need both. I need to feel your love even when you hurt me. I like being off-balance, unable to predict what’s going to happen next. I feel so alive…so…” Ava struggled to express herself. “My emotions don’t get clogged up and the noise in my head stops when you do these things to me. Does that make sense?”
“I think so. Have I been doing enough or do I need to add something to the mix?”
“No. You’ve been perfect.” She kissed the corner of his mouth. “I couldn’t ask for anything more.”
“Really?”
“Definitely.”
Sevastian surrendered to her beautifully. Fingers entangled, lips fused in passion, they tried to make up for wasted time.
On their third attempt to come up for air, Sevastian panted, “Did you know this is the first time we’ve ever really talked to this degree since that morning?”
“It is, isn’t it?” Ava ruffled his hair. “And both times were about sex. I’m detecting a pattern here. Care to make me forget?”
“Very, very tempting…” Sevastian swooped down for another deep kiss. “But tradition must be upheld.”
“Tradition? What tradition?”
“The tradition which says we go over this in minute detail. While you may need to mitigate risk, I do not. I need to know my parameters. Let’s go over them first, okay?”
And so they did.
* * *
An hour later two individually drafted copies lay amidst the remnants of empty takeout containers. Sevastian had brought his laptop and spare down to the kitchen so they could work comfortably. Many things may have changed between them, but Rome wasn’t built in a day. Certain behaviors were part and parcel of who he and Ava were and signed agreements reflected their inner workings.
While negotiations had been rather easy-going there were a few points of contention. Some much bigger than others.
“Ava, check my Item 8 versus your Item 3. I still want to role-play at least once a week but no more than three.”
“No more than two and only every other week.”
“But that only gives me four opportunities a month. That’s unacceptable.”
“The point of doing this is to stop hiding behind fake personalities.”
“I happen to like some of those personalities. Can you deny the Private School scenario? You seemed to like age play very much…”
Ava’s eyes brightened. She nodded sagely. “Okay, we’ll change it to reflect role-play twice a week every week. Is that satisfactory?”
“Yes.”
“Sevastian, check your Item 2 versus my Item 5. Anal sex is not up for this.”
“Ava, I’ve wanted to fuck your ass for two years now. I’m not taking it off the table. And don’t think you distracted me from three holes to two earlier.”
Her mouth dropped open before crafting a hard line. Ava’s fingers tapped on the counter, signifying her agitation. “I’m not saying you have to take it off but can’t it still be my choice?”
“It’s been your choice all this time and you’re still cherry.”
“Oh, that’s so crude!”
“Yes, it is and yes, I am.” Sevastian leveled her with an uncompromising stare. “I’m also going to have your ass.”
“Why do you need that in writing?”
“Why don’t you want it in writing?” He knew he had her. She was wavering. All she needed was a little push.
Ava slammed the contract down. “Because! And don’t give me that cold-blooded Russian stare! You’re playing dirty.”
Sevastian continued until she squirmed. “Your ass, yes?” He made sure to liberally sprinkle his tone with intonations from the old country.
“Oh, all right! You know I can’t resist that accent.”
“Good.” He scribbled the changes on both their contracts. “You’ll like it. I promise.” When she continued to glare Sevastian pointed out, “If I’m going to give you what you need, Ava, you have to let me do it my way. Otherwise, what’s the point if you control all the decisions?”
“The point is I get to be in charge of this part of my body.”
Ava’s grouchiness soured his glee. Sevastian set down his pen and crossed his arms. “Are you backing out? Tell me now because if you are then—”
“No, no, no.” She waved a hand in apology. “You’re right. I’m being difficult. This is what I want but realizing that I won’t get my way completely—which I recognize is how it should be—is making this a bit scary.”
“Do you trust me?”
“Of course.”
“No, do you really trust me? You didn’t when you made me leave that night. You didn’t trust that I would accept or even listen to what you wanted. You just assumed I would look down on you, which is ridiculous considering everything we had been doing by that point.”
Ava, shamefaced, sniffled once but didn’t cry. “I know it was stupid. I don’t know why I freaked out. I wasted so much time and put us through so much unnecessary grief.”
“I’m not trying to rehash it.” Sevastian uncrossed his arms. Her hand melted into his for a brief moment. “I know it’s a sore spot for you but what I need to know is this—am I at risk of having you do it again?”
“No. God, no!”
A tender smile accompanied his next words. “I don’t believe that, Ava.”
“Sevastian!”
“Hear me out. As long as you have complete control, you’re going to fall back on what you know how to do. Retreat.”
“That’s not fair.” She found the kitchen cabinets far more appealing than him and avoided eye contact completely. “I made a mistake, Sevastian. Don’t you think I regret it? I do. More than you know.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t make mistakes!”
Silence charged the space between them. “You really believe that, don’t you? It’s not that you think you’re above us all. It’s that you think you’re not allowed to make mistakes.”
“They’re intolerable.” The defiant tilt of her chin dared him to argue with her.
“Ava, you’re human. We all make mistakes. It’s a given. Even you. Don’t punish yourself for something you can’t fully control.” He wanted to touch her, comfort her, but he couldn’t. Not yet. “Is this what your masochistic side is about? Punishing you and keeping the balance just so you won’t forget to be perfect?”
Her troubled gaze found his before flicking away. “If that’s what it was then it wouldn’t feel so good to me, would it? I don’t look at what we do as a punishment, Sevastian. Not in the way you’re thinking.”
“I’m not judging you even if you did.”
Ava got up and stalked to the refrigerator. Her body hummed with obvious tension as she opened the door. She snatched a water bottle and opened it with angry motions. “Would you like one?” Although polite, Ava’s voice vibrated with the effort of being cordial.
“No, thank you.”
She shrugged in response.
“Are you mad at me?”
Ava cut him a dark look before taking a long swallow.
“Are you
?” Sevastian repeated.
He watched her wipe her mouth with the front of his sleeve. An imperfect oval darkened the navy cotton. It made him think of what she must have been like as a prodigious young girl. Impatient with niceties and analytical to a fault? Surely awkward but edged with the promise of unique beauty? Unable to relax because there was always a textbook filled with problems to solve?
Sevastian desperately wanted to know.
“Yes and no. I’m pissed because I feel like you’re digging at me all because I had an issue with your Item 2. I’m pissed because you’re also right. I’m pissed because I don’t know how to accept making mistakes. I’m grateful for all the above but I wished I didn’t have to go through it.”
Sevastian rose and met her at the far end of the kitchen counter. “And I think you’re throwing a tantrum because you didn’t get your way. You’re very spoiled, Ava. I take full responsibility.”
“I’m not a child for you to take responsibility.” She scooted down but he simply followed her.
“No. You’re not a child.” Sevastian pushed his hand between her legs and cupped her. “But I did spoil you. All I’ve done was follow your instructions and let you lead. Any pleasure I received was by-proxy because it was all for you. This has to change.”
* * *
Ava dropped the half-empty bottle onto the counter. She closed her eyes and rubbed shamelessly against his smooth palm. Ava wasn’t sure if she enjoyed him alternately bullying and seducing her. When he slid two fingers inside her Ava decided she did.
“You will stop fighting me this way. Do you understand?”
Sevastian’s command, a strange mix between his normal personality and his manufactured one, broke her momentary fascination with obstinacy.
“Yes.”
“Yes what?”
“Yes, Sevastian, I will stop fighting you.” Her belly flip-flopped when he spread her open with his other hand.
“You will work on trusting me. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Sevastian, I will work on trusting you.” His warm smile promised a delicious reward.
“Good girl. Now this is important, Ava. Are you listening?”
She nodded, poised at the edge of bliss when his fingers hovered right over her clit.
“You will be punished every time you strive to be perfect at the cost of making honest mistakes. You will be rewarded every time you accept your humanity gracefully. Do you understand?”
His ability to reduce her entire life to an accurately simplistic study of possible perfection versus impossible imperfection rattled Ava.
“No, I don’t understand.”
Sevastian plucked her once while keeping his other hand’s liquid pace. “I’m giving you a chance to work through your issues. It can be as enlightening as you choose to make it but know the longer it takes—the more frustrated you’re going to be.”
“You didn’t answer me with clarity.”
“It would be clear if you’d just let go and stop trying to assess every word’s nuance. Look at the whole and see if you understand now.”
Ava’s breathing quickened. His clever hand pinched her lips shut before spreading her wide. Over and over again. Sevastian leaned closer and licked the corner of her mouth. Her tongue slid against his to return the favor. “You’re going to help me. I just have to let you.”
“Good girl. See how easy it can be when you don’t fight?”
“Please…”
His grin mated cruelty and kindness. Ava nearly dropped to her knees with lust.
“Not yet, my good girl. We still have a contract to finish. How quickly we go through that is entirely up to you.”
“The way you’re influencing my decision is supremely unethical.” Sevastian’s sudden thrust stood her on tip-toe.
“Mmm…the same could be said of you, Ava. Your pussy is squeezing me to distraction. I can’t wait to taste you.”
Submission rose, blanketing her mind with the sweet and aching sensations of losing control.
“Can I sit on your lap?”
Sevastian’s lips feathered up and down her arched neck. He bit down hard. “No. I don’t want you to accuse me of influencing your decisions later on.” He stifled her cry with his moist fingers. “Suck me clean and then we’re going back to work.”
Ava obeyed even as logic chose to reassert itself. Miscalculation loomed, threatening to take away the safety of their new roles. Her mouth faltered it its duty.
“There you go again, bad girl. Thinking bad thoughts because you fear you shouldn’t have said what you said. This is exactly the kind of behavior I’m going to break you out of. Bend over and wrap your hands around your ankles.”
Sevastian’s sing-song voice boded wonderfully bad things for Ava. She presented her naked backside with little hesitation. Blood rushed to fill her head. She wondered if her face looked as puffy as it felt.
His damp hand slipped the t-shirt higher up her back. “I’m going to give you ten and you will count them out for me. If you miss one, falter or break position, we start over again. Understand?”
“Yes, Sevastian. I understand.”
By the time Ava returned to her chair she was a sobbing, pitiful, repentant girl. He had started over eleven times, many of them right before the tenth smack. Ava blubbered and pleaded, but Sevastian hadn’t been swayed from his duty.
“I know you’re sorry, darling. It’s so very hard to take punishment, isn’t it? Now be very, very good and this will be over soon.”
Which eventually it was.
Ava keened when the hard wooden surface connected with her aching flesh. Sevastian gently patted her blotchy face with a damp washcloth.
“There, there. Oh, my girl’s crying so much! Does she feel sorry for being bad?”
Ava collapsed into his arms. Her tears soaked right through his shirt. Sevastian’s kindness inspired a seemingly never-ending cycle of appreciation and resentment.
“Does it hurt?”
She wailed an affirmative reply.
“Well, it seems as if my girl is going to get her way after all. Up, up!” He tugged Ava off the chair and took her place. “On my lap now. There you go. Lay your head back, little girl.”
“I’m not a little girl,” Ava whined while cuddling into his chest.
“Yes, you are.”
“No, I’m not!” Ava ruined it by hiccupping.
“Really? Then what’s this red bottom for? Hmm?” Sevastian tipped her forward. “I know I have a little girl right here who has a red bottom because she was bad. It also seems as if she hasn’t learned her lesson yet if she’s so quick to argue with me.”
Ava covered her naked backside with both hands and yelled, “No! I learned it! I did!” She let out a shaky sigh of relief when Sevastian set her back down and kissed her temple.
“Finish your cry and then we’ll finish our contracts. How does that sound?”
“Good, thank you.”
Sevastian beamed. He hugged her tightly. “Your manners are so polite. I’ll remember this for the future.”
She couldn’t resist whispering, “We haven’t even signed the agreements yet and you did this.”
“That’s why I only made you count up to ten.” Sevastian reached around to slide both contracts and a pen towards them. Heavy, thick ink slashes tattooed his wishes twice. “Why rely on memory? This way is much better, yes? Now how about we make that Item 3…”
Ava stood at the edge of the abyss again. Doubt howled, threatening to rip the flesh off her bones if she faltered even once. She knew if she failed she’d never be given another chance.
And so now everything was out of her control…
“What have I done?”
Sevastian smiled. Something dangerously foreign flashed behind the engaging movement of lips and teeth. “It’s going to be fine. I’m going to take good care of you, Ava. I promise.”
* * *
Sevastian used to have a rule to never fuck his love while she cried.
The complex answer as to why he enjoyed it still had yet to be fully solved.
Maybe it never would.
Sevastian studied each perfect tear as it rolled down Ava’s reddened face. Hypnotized, obsessed, and completely enamored, he crouched before her as she sobbed. He saw her clearly, wiped free of rigidity and restraint.
It was like seeing Ava for the first time. Her vivid colors blinded him to everything else.
“Why do I do this, Ava?” The question formed from nothing but lay there between, begging to be realized.
She startled. “Because you love me.”
He wiped away the liquid trail edging the corner of her pink mouth. The shiny, shapeless blob fascinated him. “Why do I love you?”
“Because I’m imperfect.”
Sevastian slipped his finger into her open mouth. She sucked him strongly, pausing only to take in an occasional deep, shuddering breath. He tugged the strip of azure cloth off her head.
“Why do you love me, Ava?”
Watery eyes managed to burn flame-blue. They incinerated him.
“Because you’re perfect.”
Sevastian nudged her thighs. They fell open on either side of him.
“When are you going to let me up?” she asked in a wet whine. “I’ve been down here every night all week.”
“Was it so bad? I made sure the knots weren’t so tight that your arms would go numb. I even blindfolded you so you wouldn’t be distracted by my coming and going late at night.”
“Yes and you wouldn’t talk to me or touch me! It was hell, Sevastian. I can’t take it anymore. Please, please untie me.”
“Is that why you’re crying now?” Ava had cried every night, quietly begging him not to tie her up or leave her alone. He had done it anyways.
“Yes!”
“I’m going to keep you tied up like this for a while.” He tapped her bound wrists once. “I like seeing you attached to my bedpost. Maybe I’ll buy you a pretty, little dog bed tonight and that’s where you’ll sleep from now on when you’re being bad. What do you think?”
“Please don’t make me sleep on the floor anymore, Sevastian.” Ava’s hair coiled like braided fire against the colorless rug as her head whipped back and forth. “I want to sleep with you. Please.”
Cry for Me (A Dark Erotica Novella) Page 4