I cannot say that I am happy with him right now.
Why what did he do?
He annoyed me today.
Do you want to talk about it?
Yes, you are right he tries to control everything, I feel as if he maybe sees me as an object and not a person. I am still madly in love with him, but I would like to get back some of the control.
I got that vibe from him as soon as I saw him; I think it mainly has to do with the fact that he is a very successful businessperson, he is used to controlling people all the time, maybe you should talk to him about it?
I am not even talking to him right now.
Alanna is there more that you are not telling me.
I wish I could tell her yes, there is more but instead,
No, he is wonderful and I feel lucky to have him, I possibly feel this way because I am not used to people like him, I will figure it out.
Alanna, if there is ever anything you want to talk about then know that I am here.
Thanks.
Now go patch things up with Romeo.
I will try talk to you soon. I am so glad that I have made up with Sophie; at least that is one thing off my mind. I put my phone on the side table next to the bed. My mind is spinning right now and I cannot think. I start to feel a little dizzy again so I lay fully down on the bed. As I do, I start to remember his face and the way he looks at me. I would just love to know what his secret is. I will not stop until I know; he has to tell me I will not let it go.
I must a have fallen asleep because I wake up and I am fully clothed. I glance over to the clock beside the bed, and I see that its 4.30 in the afternoon, and I am starving. I get up, fix my hair a little, and walk over to the door. I open it trying not to make a sound. I look all around and Adrian is nowhere in sight. Therefore, I quietly walk into the lounge area and go over to the grand dining table. I see that there is still some food from this morning, lying still on the trays. I take a few berries and pop them in my mouth.
“You know, you can order room service,” I hear a sarcastic voice behind me. I turn around and Adrian is standing there gazing at me.
“Yes, I am aware,”
“Are you still mad at me?” I roll my eyes and turn away from him.
“The fact that you even have to ask that question is shocking to me.”
“Alanna, I am sorry okay, but I panicked and I just wanted to get you out of there.”
“You hurt me, my arm is throbbing.”
“I will never forgive myself for that, here I am trying to stop you from getting hurt but at the same time I hurt you.”
“I think it’s time you told me everything.”
“I can’t, I won’t Alanna,”
“I see in your face that you have changed your opinion of me, so I can’t bear how you will feel once you know the truth.”
“Adrian you run that risk either way.”
“Do you not love me anymore, after what I did to you?”
“Love doesn’t just go away Adrian, I do love you, but I need to know the truth.”
“And I wish I could tell you, but I can’t Alanna, please can you stop talking about this.”
“Adrian if you don’t give me something to go on, then I will have to walk out that door.”
“Sit down!”
I sit quickly, wondering if this was it, was this the moment Adrian was going to finally tell me?
“You know about Alice and the way she was, right?”
“Yes,”
“When I was nine Alice started to bring this bloke over to the house, his name was David and he was ten years older than her. David was the type of man that was not from the right side of things. His family had connections to gangsters and drug lords from all around London. He began to stay one or two nights a week, then he finally moved in for good. The time he spent with Alice was took up by drinking and taking drugs, he would get so high that he did not know what he was doing, he would start to beat Alice then eventually come find me and do the same. He would beat me so hard and Alice just let him. It was not just the beatings, he would light up a joint and hold me down and force it into my mouth. By the time, I was ten I was hooked on marijuana, and none of this ever seemed to bother Alice. She would lock me in the cupboards for hours on end, I would hear them scream and things would get broken. Alice would shout out that she hated him and she wanted him out, then usually there would be a slapping noise and everything would go quiet. The next morning or during the night, Alice would let me out and she would always beat up. Her face was never without some bruises or cuts. I was usually the same, if I were around when David was beating Alice, even though she did everything she did to me, I would always try to fight him off her, and I would always be in the middle of it. I have scars all over my body from David; he was an evil man that never showed any remorse for what he did. Even when he was sober he never showed anything but pure hatred of me and Alice.”
“Adrian I can’t begin to imagine all this, you were hooked on drugs at the age of ten? How did you get away from all that?”
“When I went into foster care, I had to do six weeks of rehab at the age of twelve; I don’t want you to think of me like this.”
“But Adrian it’s your story and I know that it’s not a good one, but it’s what makes you who you are.”
“I am not that person anymore Alanna.”
“All this still doesn’t explain why there are people after you.”
“I know it doesn’t, but if you think hard enough about it, then you will come to figure it out for yourself.”
“I can’t, I want you to tell me.”
“Look at me, I will tell you one day all about it, but for now I need you to please let it go.”
“It will take me sometime to process all this.”
“Take as much time as you need,” Adrian begins to get up and I pull him back.
“Wait I still have other things I need to say,”
“Yes Alanna,” he sits back down and I cannot help but notice his vulnerability.
“You are very controlling over me,”
“I know I am controlling, but it’s only because I love you, and I feel so guilty about everything.”
“But Adrian the way you grabbed me and threw me over your shoulder like that, it wasn’t normal.”
“I know it wasn’t, I have a temper that will shock you.”
“Adrian why are you like that?”
“I guess it’s because, I never had any control of anything in my childhood. I could not control Alice, I could control the beatings from David, and I could not control myself around drugs. Now I try to take control of everything when I can, I never want to end up like that again.”
“Adrian I will never do anything to hurt you, I am not Alice.”
“You are the very opposite of what she is, I know that you will make a wonderful mother, you will treat your kids like gold and never hurt them.”
“I would never hurt anyone, at least of all a child, but I did see Alice and she didn’t seem like she was on drugs or anything like that. I just thought she was a sad woman - sitting by the beach. Have you ever thought about maybe seeing her again? ”
“No, there is no way I will ever look her in the eye again, she has ruined my life. She rained blow after blow on me and never thought to say sorry. When she wasn’t abusing me she let David do it instead, she is an awful person and she will never been in my life.”
“What if I see her?”
“Alanna she will not be in your life either, you have to promise me that you will never see her again.”
“There you go with the control thing again,”
“You make me control you, with the silly ideas you get into your head.”
“Why are you getting so angry, it was only a suggestion?”
“Alanna have you been listening to anything that I have been saying, this woman battered me, she starved me, how could you want to see her?”
“I don’t, but you are obviously still carrying
this around with you, even though you are a self-made millionaire with your own company and tons of respect. If you could just see her again then perhaps you would get some closer, and you could finally move on.”
“Those memories are going to stay with me for life, I know you are only trying to help and I am grateful that you care, but I know how to handle this, I can be happy as long as I am with you.”
“I will make you happy.”
“Alanna, can you forgive me for today?”
“Yes,” he takes me in his arms and kisses me as if he never has before.
Twenty
For the last 48 hours, I have been alone in this hotel room with Adrian. We have talked so much that I really feel like now I know him. Along with the talking, there have been numerous kissing sessions and we have watched countless movies. I have eaten like never before and I sleep like never before. Dreaming constantly, about Adrian and wondering what our life could be like together. I have never thought about marriage and kids, but now that I am with Adrian, it is always in my mind somewhere. I have had dreams about our kids, a beautiful little boy with the same look as Adrian, a little girl with hair fairer than the sun. I know it is only a dream but sometimes I wish it were a reality. Sometimes I wake to tears, wanting it so bad. I never thought that I could feel like this in such a short space of time, but I am very infatuated with him. Today is the last day that Adrian is in New York, he has been here for four days now but it seems like a month. We have been through so much and I have learned new things about him. I now understand why he is the way he is. Every time I think of his mother Alice and that awful creature that is David, I feel sick to my stomach. Who could ever do all those things to an innocent child? What kind of sick, twisted brain must Alice have, to allow a strange man to abuse her only son like that? I will never understand her. I still find it hard that Adrian was hooked on drugs at the age of ten. The feeling he must have gone through when he was being brought off them, the pain and the need, does not even bare to think about. However, I cannot help but admire him for the way he has built up a life for himself. The business, the company and the millions, he has said to me that he would have given it all up, to have a happy loving childhood. He deserves the success, he deserves the power, and he deserves everything he has. There is one person that Adrian will always be grateful to and that is Mr Jenkins. He took him out of foster care and made him his son. He treated him too well and showed him life. Adrian insists that he would still be sleeping in a gutter without a penny, and hooked on drugs if it were not for him. His wife took a little while to warm up to Adrian; she was wary of him and did not trust him first. However, once she knew the real him, she grew to love him. Michael is and always will be Adrian’s brother. I cannot help but wonder about Chad the other brother. Who was he? What happened for him to fall out with family?
Adrian sits on the chesterfield sofa and has a bottle of water in his hand. His eyes are glowing green and his face is mesmerizing, I cannot take my eyes away from him.
“Alanna why are you staring at me,” I blush I did not realize that he noticed this. I look at him and cannot catch my breath, as I lock my eyes on his I finally manage to say.
“I can’t help it, does it bother you?” He smirks,
“No, it doesn’t bother me but I find it strange.”
“Adrian I think you are gorgeous.” I say and Adrian quickly raises his thick dark eyebrows and he has a wicked smirk on his face. He looks to me and says.
“Alanna, do you really think that?”
“Yes I do, I have never seen anyone look as good as you ever.” He smirks again, this time he cannot contain his laugh. I have never heard him laugh before and I like this side to him.
“Adrian, don’t laugh at me!”
“I am sorry, it’s just weird.”
“How is it weird? You know you are drop dead gorgeous,” He straightens his face.
“Alanna I don’t think of myself like that, in fact I don’t know what you see in me.” I look at him and cannot believe he thinks that.
“Adrian you are crazy! Every place you go, it does not matter if it is a woman or a man. Every one stares at you, doesn’t that tell you something?”
“I don’t know Alanna; can we change the subject please?” I smile at him knowing that what he says goes.
“Where in London do you stay?”
“I live in an area called Belgravia,”
“Is it a house or condo type?”
“No it’s a flat.”
“Flat? Is that like an apartment?” He laughs again and the sound is captivating.
“Yes Alanna, it’s a two bedroom apartment. I bought it last year but I have hardly ever lived in it.”
“Why?”
“As you know I spend a lot of time in the south of France. However, when I am in London I mostly stay in hotels.”
“You never really answered my question Adrian.”
“I did, you asked what area I live in and I told you, Belgravia.”
“Yes but you said that you don’t live there much, so which area do you live in the most?” He smirks again at me and takes my hand.
“Alanna you miss nothing do you?” I smile but do not say anything. “I mostly live at, The Dorchester.”
“I would love to stay there,”
“Then you will!”
He reaches over and kisses me, when he pulls back I smile at him and he begins to ask me something. “Alanna what kind of car do you drive?”
“I have a Mini Cooper.”
“How long have you had it?”
“About two years, why,”
“I just wonder about your safety, is it an older car?”
“It’s about five years old?”
“Does it drive okay?”
“Yes, its fine.”
“Do you want me to buy you a new one?”
“No Adrian, my car is fine I don’t need a new one.”
“Please Alanna, what kind of car, do you like?”
“None, my car is fine,”
“Would you like me to buy you a Rolls Royce?”
“No!”
“Which color, black or white?”
“None Adrian, you can’t buy me a car, okay?”
“Why can’t I?”
“You just can’t, promise me you won’t?”
“I can’t promise anything!” I slightly shake my head at him. “What kind of car do you drive?”
“I have many cars,”
“What kind are they?”
“Alanna ,do you really want to know?”
“Yes I do.”
“I have an Aston Martin and a Porsche, I have two BMW’s and a few others, but I mostly I drive a Range Rover.”
“You really like cars then?”
“It’s like an addiction; I can’t help but buy a new one every few months. Are you sure you don’t want me to buy you a new one?”
“No Adrian!”
“All right then Alanna,” I feel guilty for the harsh tone I used, I quickly and sweetly smile at him.
“Adrian which music genres do you like,”
“I enjoy different genres of music, but I do have a soft spot for the Rat Pack era.” “Really,”
“You seem surprised?” Adrian says with a look of confusion in his glowing green eyes.
“I am, I have only ever known older people to like the Rat Pack, and I didn’t expect you to like it.”
“I have a deep connection with that style of music.”
“What is it about that style, which you like?”
“I love the era, it’s from a time when men where men, not like nowadays when woman seem to rule the roost.”
“Don’t be sexist.”
“I am not, I just feel that today women have too many responsibilities, and I know of men that sit at home while their wives go out to work.”
“Some people prefer it that way.”
“Yes there are career driven women out there, but I don’t agree with that. I feel that the m
an should provide and I could never let you be like that.”
“Like what?”
“I would never expect you to provide anything financially. I would take care of you, and you would never have to work a day in your life.”
“I want to work, and I will Adrian.”
“I know you do and I wouldn’t stop you, but if you changed your mind then I would be elated.”
I look at him wondering if he means what he says. I could not bear to sit at home all day, and if I were to be with him long term, would he hate the fact that I want to work? I gaze again at his wonderful face; I change the subject back to music. “Who is your favorite from the rat pack?” He smiles,
“Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra, when I listen to them, it is like my problems disappear.”
“I never really listened to that style of music before.”
“You must it is like nothing you have heard before, Alanna can you sing?”
“I used to love singing when I was younger, I wouldn’t say I was the world’s best but I can hold a note.”
“Can you sing for me?” I laugh because I think that he is joking, and then I see that he is not.
“I can’t,”
“Why?”
“Because I can’t,”
“Go on Alanna, sing for me,” He leans over and gives me a kiss on the cheek and I feel that maybe, I would want to sing for him.
“But what could I sing? I don’t know any Rat Pack.”
“Sing what you like, please Alanna I am waiting.”
I try to rack my brain for what I might sing, but I cannot think of anything. Then it hits me, I know what I will sing, there could be no other song. I open my mouth and just before I begin, I gaze over at Adrian, he is looking at me, waiting, and I can see a look of hope on his face, I realize that this is important to him.
“Oh my love my darling, I’ve hungered for your touch, a long lonely time, and times goes by so slowly and time can do so much, are you still mine? I need your love, I need your love, god speed your love to me.”
I finish to a gaping of Adrian staring at me; it is almost as if he has tears in eyes, did I make him sad?
“Alanna, you have the most beautiful voice.”
Three Thousand Miles To You,(Three Thousand Miles, Series, Book #1) Page 14