“What does he say to you? Is he like, the good side of you or the bad side?” I can’t look at her when I answer. My words come out through gritted teeth, and I feel my jaw clenching with each one. They’re like physical blows.
“The bad side.” Anastasia makes an ‘o’ face and puts down her empty glass. I see May come around the corner with a few small balls of deer shit hanging off her fur, and I can’t help it. I smile. Some things never change.
“Does he have a name?” It’s barely audible, the whispered question. Yet I hear it as loud as day. No one ever asks me if he has a name as if he’s a person. My throat goes dry as I try to formulate an answer. Should I tell her that he actually does have a name, or should I just tell her that my hallucinations aren’t that bad? Although if she wanted to, she could probably ask people in town just how bad they can get.
“Tom,” I finally tell her as I finish off the tea. Apparently I did need something with a lot of caffeine and sugar in it.
Chapter Three
Anastasia
It’s not surpassing my attention that Jonah is uncomfortable answering my questions, but how else am I supposed to get to know a man who lived on my father’s farm for only God knows how long? I have to admit, I’m a little jealous that this man probably knew my father better than I did. I mean, who wouldn’t tell their only daughter that they were harboring a psych ward patient? I stuff the irritation at my father down, and remind myself that the man is dead. There is no point in being upset with him.
“What’s he like?” I mostly want to know about this other person that only Jonah can see simply because I did a lot of reading while he was unconscious in his cabin. People with his disorder usually don’t see their hallucinations. They hear them. The fact that he can converse with and see his hallucination like it’s an actual person, makes me think that this is a part of him. And I want to know exactly which part is whispering in his ear all the time.
My question has rattled Jonah. I hope he knows that I can see the way his knuckles are turning white as he squeezes the thick glass. I’m about to tell him that he might want to stop if he doesn’t want any more stitches, but he seems to understand the direness of the situation himself and puts the glass down again.
“Tom is one of the darkest people I’ve ever met.” Even though it’s a warm summer evening, goose bumps rise on my arms as the hair stands on end. What is that supposed to mean? Suddenly I’m starting to feel like Jonah might actually be more dangerous than I thought before. Or perhaps it’s finally sinking in that I’m sitting next to a human being that might snap at any instant.
“And he shows up when you’re stressed out. So Tom is like a fallback guy when you can’t handle a situation.” I want to continue, but the look that Jonah gives me slices me to the core. I’ve more than upset him. I’ve stepped over an invisible line.
“Don’t try to play shrink with me, Anastasia.” I see a muscle twitching in his jaw and look at his cold, gray eyes staring back at me. When did I ever think there was a hint of blue in there? Then I see it, when he blinks a change comes over him and his body relaxes. Imagining it and seeing it are two very different things, because I’m pretty sure that I just heard Tom.
“So you were going to tell me about the events that you remember up to my father’s death.” I try to ignore the fact that his alter ego or whatever it is just spoke to me. Does Jonah himself know or when this happens does he just go blank for a moment?
“I don’t remember much, so don’t expect much.” He gives me a serious look, and I nod eagerly. Really, anything he has to tell me about my father would be acceptable. Any little clue might lead me to my father’s killer. I came here under the impression that I would be getting his estate together and eventually selling the place, but now that I’m here I want to know who did this to him. He was never a disagreeable man, and he definitely didn’t deserve to go out as he did.
“I remember the morning before your father was murdered. He knew I was off my medication, and he was trying to ask me how it was going. I was having a hard time concentrating, and I burnt my hand while I was making the eggs. Overall, it was a lot better than the previous morning. Then Tom started in, and it starts to get fuzzy from there.” I feel as though he’s leaving something out, but I’m out of tea and so is he. It’s well past nine in the evening, and the sun has set long ago. I take his empty glass from him and put them both down on the porch beside me. He’s making me nervous with the repetitive squeezing of the glass.
“Were you arguing?” It’s an outright, blatant question. I see the change of Jonah immediately and realize that I’m not speaking with the man I pulled into my home this morning.
“No.” It’s a lie. I can see his struggle for control and wonder if I should do something about it. But what can I do? These are his demons to deal with and not mine. I have plenty of my own to squash down when they try to rear their ugly heads.
“It’s getting late. Do you want to stay here or are you going to stay in the cabin?” He looks discomforted by the idea of staying in the house, and immediately responds with a clipped tone.
“The cabin, do you have a flashlight?” I glance down at his feet and purse my lips. He might be able to fit into my father’s boots, so without a response I take both glasses into the house and let May in. I wrinkle my nose at the smell and vow that she will not be sleeping in my room tonight.
After rummaging around a few of the cabinets in the kitchen, I finally find a flashlight under the sink. I bar May from going upstairs with a baby gate as I go to grab Jonah a pair of socks and some boots. None of my father’s shirts is going to fit him. I can tell from his broad chest that he has to be a large. About four or five minutes later I return with my spoils and Jonah’s shoulders are relaxed again. It looks as if he’s wrestled his demons under control for the time being.
“Here, do you have a phone up there? I didn’t see one.” As soon as the thought crossed my mind it’s out my mouth, and I wonder why I even care. This man could be my father’s killer, but something tells me he’s probably not. If he were going to snap and kill my father, wouldn’t he have done it a lot sooner? Still, he might get the wrong idea.
“There’s a landline up there. I have the number for the house.” My tightened chest muscles relax, and I nod. He doesn’t waste any time getting away from me, and I watch him retreat into the darkness up the slope and into the woods.
“I’m in deep shit.” I mumble to myself as I watch him go. Then I make my way into the house, check each window twice to make sure it’s locked, and then I lock the front door. I pull the curtains closed in the kitchen and load the dishwasher with the few dishes in the sink and start it.
May is waiting patiently by the baby gate for me with a forlorn look on her face. I put my hands on my hips and stare at her for a few seconds until she hangs her head and her tail thumps twice. I take that as an apology. “Fine, but if you don’t stop this I’m going to have to put you on a leash. And I promise you, I will get the smelliest dog spray around and spray you with it every day!”
Two more tail thumps later, I’m sitting with May in the tub on the first floor humming a song to myself and her as I wash her off. She smells like wet dog now, but I can handle that a lot better than I can handle the smell of feces in her fur. I’m dead on my feet and decide that I don’t even want to go upstairs tonight. There was a reason I didn’t choose that room in the first place.
Tomorrow I have an appointment to meet with an attorney that will read me my father’s Will. As far as I know, he didn’t have anyone else to leave his belongings to, but part of me wonders if he’s left anything to Jonah. I stuff down the pang of jealousy and focus my attention on May as I brush her. When she’s finally acceptable, I make her lie down on a blanket on the floor and curl up in the bed that Jonah was recently in. It smells like him, and I try to ignore that.
The next thing I know, I’m waking up to the smell of smoke and May is whining at the bedroom door. I squint and cough at the
smell as my brain tries to register what is happening. Fire, my house is on fire! I panic and attempt to open up the bedroom window. It slides open easily, but getting May to go out the window is like trying to get her into the bath.
“Do you really want to die in here?” I screech at her, and that seems to pull her back to reality. The wuss of a dog finally jumps through the window and takes off into the night. As soon as I’m out the window, I realize that I forgot my cellphone.
But when I turn around I realize that my cellphone will be fine. At least, it will be fine if the flames that are licking up at the sky from the barn do not reach the house. I try to stifle my coughing as I stumble away from the smoke and into cleaner air. Someone’s strong arms are wrapping around me and keeping me on my feet.
“I called the fire department. They’ll be here any minute.” Jonah, I tell myself and look up at his eyes. No, it’s not Jonah looking back at me. His eyes are no longer warm and caring. They’re icy cold. Before I can get away from him, he grips my shoulders roughly and shoves me towards the driveway. “Get walking! If you die, he’s going to be pissed off at me. There could be something flammable in that barn.” I don’t budge from my spot in the grass. Did he do this?
Before I can scream and get away from him, the darker side of Jonah grabs me by the upper arm and start marching me down the driveway. My eyes are stinging from the smoke, and my heart is pounding in my chest. I think I’m starting to hyper ventilate, and all I really want right now is a good, strong drink. And my car, but it’s currently parked in front of the house and I’m not going back there.
I can’t go any further because my breaths are coming in short and quick. My lips are starting to feel as if they’re coated in ice, and my entire face starts to slowly go numb. I look down at my hands and see that they’re shaking uncontrollably in front of me. I can’t form any words as I try to convey to Jonah, Tom, whoever he is that I’m going to pass out. And then he finally looks down at me and I see the same blue eyes looking at me. Jonah’s not here right now.
“F-faint,” I try to tell him. Then there are sirens in the distance, and I can see lights between the trees. They’re here!
The man beside me pulls me off the dirt driveway so that I’m not run over, and pulls me close to his chest. His heart is jackhammering like mine, but the sound of it in my ear soothes me. Then I hear the different sirens and glance up to see a police car stopping in the grass beside us. A man gets out of his vehicle, and like a southern gentleman, he tips his hat at me.
“Are you Ana D’Salvatore?” I nod once and feel tears starting to sting my eyes. This was not a freak accident. Someone lit my father’s old barn on fire for a reason. I know for a fact there was nothing flammable in there. For one insane second, I hope that poor possum didn’t sleep in that stall this evening.
“She needs an ambulance.” I’m still not dealing with Jonah, but with Tom. I wonder if Jonah will be showing himself tonight at all. The officer nods and gets on his radio, and I don’t stop him. My breaths are deeper and controlled, but I feel pretty sick to my stomach still. The sound of the hoses blasting at the flames sends chills up my spine. What if they had lit my house on fire?
“You’re Jonah Quinton.” The officer sounds leery of the man in front of him, and I see his hand start to go towards his gun. Apparently Jonah has quite the reputation in town. I wish someone would have told me about him before I found him in my front yard naked.
“I am.”
“Did you do this?” Shockingly it’s not me who asks the question. It’s the police officer. I want to remind him that he has to tell Jonah he has the right to remain silent, and all that other crap. But instead, I take a step back from Jonah and he lets me go. I keep trying to remind myself that it’s not him, but Tom that I’m dealing with now.
“I didn’t.” In a flash, I grab his chin hard with my fingers and turn his face to me. I can feel the five o’clock shadow on his face and try to ignore it. My nails dig into his skin and his jaw locks hard as we lock gazes.
“He’s telling the truth.” I finally determine, letting his face go. Even though it’s a warm evening and there’s a building on fire not that far from where we’re standing, I shiver. The ambulance finally pulls up, and I sit down on the tailgate as one of the EMT’s looks me over for any damage.
The rest of the evening is a blur, and by the time I’m standing alone at the bottom of the steps of my father’s old home, I can barely keep my eyes open. May is still nowhere to be found, and Jonah or Tom is currently trying to find the keys for my car. The problem is, I don’t want to go into town right now. I want to go home. There’s another problem with that. My home consisted of a tiny apartment in downtown Los Angeles, and I’m very far from it.
Plus, I’ve been doing better here this last week that I have my entire life. The sound of the nightlife is a lot different here, and the way that people care too much has wiggled its way into my heart. I was hoping that I could stay here, even though I tried to shut that part of me up several times it still hoped. Now what am I going to do? Apparently whoever wanted my father dead is now going to attempt to run me out of town, and they may even resort to killing me too if I refuse to leave.
“I thought for sure you’d let them take me away.” His voice is different. It’s not as deep, and I can hear the sanity in it. I’m speaking with Jonah now, and not the part of him that’s bitter and angry. And dangerous, I can never forget that.
“You didn’t do it. As much as I would have liked the fact that it would be a clean answer, it’s not the correct one.” I hear him swallow audibly and glance at him. Then I look ahead of me and up at the night sky. The smoke has long cleared, so I can finally breathe again.
“I’m sorry about the barn.” He sounds sincere. I glance over at the charred remains of my father’s old barn. The thought pops into my mind again. I hope there were no animals inside at the time of the fire. I think of what might have happened to that poor possum if it had been in there, and my eyes start to fill. Jonah puts an arm around me and pulls me in close.
I can feel his arm trembling and pull away from him. Is it hard for him to maintain control right now? What if Tom slips through while there are no signs of authorities? I’m starting to second guess my decision that Jonah Quinton is not dangerous. But then again, who isn’t?
“Are you hurt? The EMT never checked you out.” I pull him down onto the step and try to figure out what I should be doing right now. I never realized he might have hurt himself coming down the slope or suffered smoke inhalation.
“I’m not hurt. I’m pissed!” I take a step back from him, and he looks at me apologetically. His fingernails are digging into the fabric of his jeans on his thighs. Then he seems to notice, and it looks as if it takes every ounce of effort in his body to get his fingers to release. What if that were my neck he was grabbing?
“I-I’m sorry.” I tell him as I take another step back, and watch in the darkness of early morning as his eyes flicker from slightly darker to lighter. This time the lighter wins, but what if it hadn’t? I remind myself that the darker side was the one that helped me down the driveway, even if it wasn’t in a very gentle manner.
“I’m not pissed at you! Anastasia, someone could have killed you tonight! I don’t know what they’re after, but they obviously don’t want you here as much as they didn’t want your father here. So what is it about this place that is worth killing for?” I’m staring at him with an open mouth. He may have psychotic issues, but he’s not all that slow in the head. I haven’t entirely ruled out the fact that he may have killed my father, but it’s starting to look as though I might be wrong about that. I sincerely hope I’m wrong about it.
“I don’t know.” I tell him honestly, trying to wrack my brain for something that might be worth all this trouble on this property. My father never told me whether or not there were any oil deposits or if the mineral rights were worth anything. As far as I know, he’s never even looked for anything like that on this p
roperty.
“We’re going to have to figure it out.” Jonah looks as though he’s determined to go tromping around the woods right now, but I put a hand on his shoulder before he can get off the steps.
“Right now, you have to take your medication, and I have to go hear my father’s Will and Testament.” It takes him a few seconds, but the calmer, rational side of Jonah wins and he nods. “I have another six hours or so before I need to be at the attorney’s office, will you help me look for May?” My worst nightmare is that the dog doubled back and ran into the barn, but I highly doubt that. She was getting out of there whether or not I was. So much for being loyal, but I guess if I was her with that thick fur I may have run too.
“Yeah, she’s probably at the cabin. It’s where she always showed up if she ran off, even before I lived there.” Another pang of jealousy and regret hits me when I realize that I am the one who should be telling him where to look. But the past is the past, and I have to move on.
As soon as I find my father’s killer and watch him die.
“Then let’s get to the cabin before she tries to roll in any more deer shit tonight. I’m sure she found a few fresh piles along the way.” Jonah snorts at my sour tone, and I give him a narrow eyed glare. I’m past being afraid of the man in front of me for the time being. This one I can trust.
I stomp through the house and find another flashlight under the kitchen sink, and then I head right back out to the front porch. He’s pulled off his shirt in the suppressing night air, and I see the muscles ripple under his flesh. My mouth goes dry, and for a second I don’t realize what is happening to me. When it finally clicks that I’m having an ‘I’m attracted to this guy’ moment, my brain immediately wipes away that thought, and I try to behave normally. There is no way someone could date Jonah Quinton because she’d never know if she were in bed with Jonah or the other guy.
My Kind Of Crazy Page 4