I laid the pliers on the bed and stood up, crossing the creaking wooden floor to the full-length mirror in the corner of my new room. I wasn’t sure who had stayed in this room before me, but it was made up like an old-fashioned nursery. There was a rocking horse in the opposite corner and several china dolls with blank faces crowded each other on top of the bookcase.
Actually, it was kind of spooky.
Ignoring the blank stares of the dolls, I examined myself in the mirror. A girl with long, dark brown hair and green-gray eyes looked back. All the woman in my family had the same eyes. My mother had them too, but she’d been dead almost two years now.
I pushed the morbid thought away and looked at the necklace which felt heavy and cold around my throat. If I painted, I would have done a self-portrait and entitled it Girl with Key. Or maybe Girl with a Freaky Necklace that Won’t Come Off. Ha-ha, Megan, very funny.
Hesitantly, I reached up and brushed just the tips of my fingers against the jewel-studded black metal. The key throbbed at my touch like a live thing and I jerked my hand away with an indrawn hiss of breath.
I’d read the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy—not because of the movies or for AP English but because they were the kind of books my Dad used to recommend to me. Before Mom had died and he became an absentee parent, that was. Anyway, the key around my neck reminded me of Tolkien’s one ring. Especially the way he described it as Sam and Frodo got closer to Mordor. The way it got heavier and heavier—the way it seemed to have a mind of its own…
The comparison freaked me out. It was bizarre and more than a little scary.
I thought about trying to talk to Aunt Dellie again, but when I opened my bedroom door, I heard the faint sounds of Middle Eastern music drifting up the broad central staircase. Oh right, she had told me she was teaching a belly dancing class this evening—that was the whole reason she was in such a hurry to get home. Well, that and the fact that she wanted me to get plenty of sleep on the night before my first day of school.
Like that was ever going to happen.
I closed the door and decided to try and forget about the necklace and its weird key and concentrate on my clothing options for tomorrow instead. Not that I was some kind of a fashion maven, but school had already been in session here in Frostproof for a couple of weeks so I was walking into hostile territory.
It’s always best to be prepared.
Of course, I had always gotten along fine back home in Seattle. I more or less blended into the background—just another college fast-track academic nerd. But there was only one small high school in Frostproof and I was sure most of the kids there had been friends since kindergarten. Any hope I had of fitting in, or at least going unnoticed and being left alone, might depend on a good first impression—or maybe no impression at all.
What I needed is a nondescript outfit that didn’t draw attention to me, I decided. I began to unpack my one large suitcase, hanging clothes in the single dusty closet. I considered my options as I went along.
Unfortunately, everything I owned had long sleeves.
There was a good reason for this. I pushed up my Henley’s sleeves and looked at myself critically. The neat rows of tiny pinkish-white scars marching up and down my inner arms looked like a ladder. They were much too visible against my pale skin—much too noticeable.
I didn’t need to spend my first day at school being labeled and judged. So it looked like I’d be wearing a long sleeved shirt no matter how hot it was. I sighed as I look at the scars again. But I didn’t regret a single one of them.
Yes, I was a cutter—or I used to be, anyway. But not for the reasons you might think.
I had started back when Mom was dying. Dad and I both knew she was going and she knew it too. That was awful—too awful to think about and yet it was all I could think about. I literally couldn’t turn my mind off.
That was why I started cutting. The physical pain seemed to release the emotional hurt somehow. When the blade sliced my flesh, I had a brief moment of respite from the never-ending loop of Mom’s dying, she’s leaving me, I’ll never see her again, she’s dying that ran over and over inside my head constantly. It always came back, of course, but in that brief moment of bright, sharp pain, I was free of it.
I’ll take physical pain over emotional agony any day.
So yes, I did start cutting for the usual reasons. (Well, if you can call your mom dying of terminal lung cancer usual.) But that’s not why I kept it up.
Near the end, Mom was in so much pain that nothing they gave her helped. The cancer had metastasized which is a technical way to say it spread all over and it was eating her up from the inside out. She would lie there in bed, her face shiny with sweat, and try to talk to me like nothing was happening. But I could see the pain in her gray-green eyes. And I could hear her moaning when she thought I couldn’t hear.
It was awful.
One day it was too much. I was sitting with her when she woke up crying, the pain was so bad. I rang for the nurse and then ran to the bathroom. I knew I ought to wait until I got home but I couldn’t help it—I needed to cut.
I took out the tiny, thin razor blade I had wrapped in tissue and hidden in the folds of my battered Choco Cat wallet. Mom had given it to me for my twelfth birthday when I was still into all things Hello Kitty. Remembering that made me want to cry, made me need to cut even more.
With trembling fingers I drew the blade across my arm, making a shallow slice just below the crook of my elbow. And suddenly, I felt it—an agony so deep and throbbing it took my breath away. It filled me like water fills a cup, pouring into my body until I didn’t think I could stand any more.
But at the same time, my mother’s cries lessened and then ceased. Despite the weird pain, I had a moment of blind panic—was she dead? Feeling like I was one big ache, I opened the bathroom door a crack to reassure myself that she was still all right. To my surprise, she was breathing peacefully, a look of relief on her thin, wasted face.
“Mom?” I made her name a question and she turned her head to look at me and smiled.
“Megan,” she whispered, smiling. “It’s gone. I don’t know why but the pain is gone.”
I frowned. “Did the nurse come already to give you something?”
She shook her head. “No, no one came. They’re giving me everything they can but up until now it wasn’t helping. Maybe…maybe it just kicked in.”
I had my doubts about that. But it seemed too far fetched to believe anything else.
“Maybe so,” I told her. “I’ll be right out.”
I retreated back into the bathroom and washed the shallow cut in the sink. I still felt the dull, aching pain but it seemed to lessen as the water ran clear and the blood stopped flowing from my wound. By the time I put a tiny bandage on the cut, the weird pain was almost gone.
I went out of the room, hoping to have a real conversation with my Mom for once, instead of just asking her if she was all right when I could see clearly that she wasn’t. But she was already asleep.
I kissed her forehead and left but the incident had planted an idea in my mind. An idea which refused to be uprooted or pushed aside, no matter how crazy it seemed.
Could it be that I had somehow eased my mother’s pain? Had I transferred it to myself in some way and given her a moment’s release? If so, would it be possible to do it again?
It was and I did.
I cut more often after that, but not because I needed to relieve my own emotional pain. The horrible feeling of helplessness was gone. Yes, my mother was still dying, yes I was going to lose her, but until that happened, I had found a way to ease her anguish and that stopped the endless loop in my head. So the cutting was no longer for me—it was for her.
I came to see her every day after school, cut in the bathroom, and then sat with her until visiting hours were over. I usually cut once more before I left, to give her a few more hours of peace. The effects of my strange little ritual seemed to last anywhere from two to five hours,
depending on how bad the pain was and what state of mind she was in. Feeling her agony inside me every time wasn’t pleasant but I took it gladly. As I said before, I’ll take physical pain over the emotional variety any time.
Mom lasted another three months that way. I ran out of room on my forearms and started on my inner thighs instead. I knew I’d have the scars for life but I didn’t care. I didn’t care because it helped her. I didn’t know how—I didn’t believe in magic or witchcraft or things that go bump in the night—but somehow it helped.
I never regretted the scars—they were all I had left of my mom.
But that didn’t help me now. Now that I was staring at my limited, mostly winter weather wardrobe, and realizing that I had moved to a place where tank tops and short shorts were probably the local uniform of choice. And tomorrow I would be going to school in long sleeves and jeans.
God, the first day of school was going to suck. Hard.
The key at my throat throbbed as if in agreement or maybe just to remind me of its hateful presence. I brushed it with my fingertips again and I swore it jumped at my touch.
Right. I would be going to my new school in long sleeves, jeans, and a freaky magic necklace that wouldn’t come off.
I didn’t see how things could get any stranger.
Want more? Get the rest of Lock and Key, Book 1 of the Nocturne Academy series, in January 2020.
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Also by Evangeline Anderson
Below you'll find a list of available and upcoming titles. But depending on when you read this list, new books will have come out by then that are not listed here. Make sure to check my website for the latest releases and better yet, sign up for my newsletter to never miss a new book again.
Brides of the Kindred series
(Sci-Fi / Action-Adventure Romance)
CLAIMED (Also Available in Audio)
HUNTED (Also Available in Audio)
SOUGHT (Also Available in Audio)
FOUND(Also Available in Audio)
REVEALED (Also Available in Audio)
PURSUED (Also Available in Audio)
EXILED (Also Available in Audio)
SHADOWED(Also Available in Audio)
CHAINED (Also Available in Audio)
DIVIDED (Also Available in Audio)
DEVOURED (Also Available in Audio)
ENHANCED (Also Available in Audio)
CURSED (Also Available in Audio)
ENSLAVED (Also Available in Audio)
TARGETED (Also Available in Audio)
FORGOTTEN
SWITCHED
UNCHARTED
UNBOUND
SURRENDERED
VANISHED
IMPRISONED
TWISTED
DECEIVED
BRIDES OF THE KINDRED VOLUME ONE
Contains Claimed, Hunted, Sought and Found
BRIDES OF THE KINDRED VOLUME TWO
Contains Revealed, Pursued and Exiled
BRIDES OF THE KINDRED VOLUME THREE
Contains Shadowed, Chained and Divided
BRIDES OF THE KINDRED VOLUME FOUR
Contains Devoured, Enhanced and Cursed
BRIDES OF THE KINDRED VOLUME FIVE
Contains Enslaved, Targeted and Forgotten
BRIDES OF THE KINDRED VOLUME SIX
Contains Switched, Uncharted and Unbound
BRIDES OF THE KINDRED VOLUME SEVEN
Contains Surrendered, Vanished, and Imprisoned
All Kindred novels are now available in PRINT.
* * *
Also, all Kindred novels are on their way to Audio, join my Audiobook Newsletter to be notified when they come out.
Kindred Tales
The Kindred Tales are side stories in the Brides of the Kindred series which stand alone outside the main story arc.
These can be read as STAND ALONE novels.
MASTERING THE MISTRESS (Also Available in Audio)
BONDING WITH THE BEAST (Also Available in Audio)
SEEING WITH THE HEART (Also Available in Audio)
FREEING THE PRISONER (Also Available in Audio)
HEALING THE BROKEN (a Kindred Christmas novel) (Also Available in Audio)
TAMING THE GIANT (Also Available in Audio)
BRIDGING THE DISTANCE (Also Available in Audio)
LOVING A STRANGER (Also Available in Audio)
FINDING THE JEWEL (Also Available in Audio)
BONDED BY ACCIDENT (Also Available in Audio)
RELEASING THE DRAGON (Also Available in Audio)
SHARING A MATE (Also Available in Audio)
INSTRUCTING THE NOVICE (Also Available in Audio)
AWAKENED BY THE GIANT (Also Available in Audio)
HITTING THE TARGET (Also Available in Audio)
HANDLING THE HYBRID
TRAPPED IN TIME
TIME TO HEAL
PAIRING WITH THE PROTECTOR
FALLING FOR KINDRED CLAUS
GUARDING THE GODDESS
KINDRED TALES VOLUME 1
Contains Mastering the Mistress, Bonding with the Beast and Seeing with the Heart
KINDRED TALES VOLUME 2
Contains Freeing the Prisoner, Healing the Broken and Taming the Giant
KINDRED TALES VOLUME 3
Contains Bridging the Distance, Loving a Stranger and Finding the Jewel
KINDRED TALES VOLUME 4
Contains Bonded by Accident, Releasing the Dragon, and Sharing a Mate
KINDRED TALES VOLUME 5
Contains Instructing the Novice, Awakened by the Giant, and Hitting the Target
KINDRED TALES VOLUME 6 (Coming Soon)
Contains Handling the Hybrid, Trapped in Time, and Time to Heal
Born to Darkness series
(Paranormal / Action-Adventure Romance)
CRIMSON DEBT (Also Available in Audio)
SCARLET HEAT (Also Available in Audio)
RUBY SHADOWS (Also Available in Audio)
CARDINAL SINS (coming soon)
DESSERT (short novella following Scarlet Heat)
(Also Available in Audio)
BORN TO DARKNESS BOX SET
Contains Crimson Debt, Scarlet Heat, and Ruby Shadows all in one volume
Alien Mate Index series
(Sci-Fi / Action-Adventure Romance)
ABDUCTED (Also Available in Audio)
PROTECTED (Also Available in Audio)
DESCENDED (Also Available in Audio)
SEVERED (Also Available in Audio)
ALIEN MATE INDEX VOLUME ONE
Contains Abducted, Protected, Descended
and Severed all in one volume
* * *
All Alien Mate novels are now available in PRINT.
The Cougarville series
(Paranormal / Action-Adventure Romance)
(Older Woman / Younger Man
BUCK NAKED (Also Available in Audio)
COUGAR BAIT (Also Available in Audio)
STONE COLD FOX (Also Available in Audio)
BIG BAD WOLF (coming soon)
The CyBRG Files with Mina Carter
(Sci-Fi / Action-Adventure Romance)
UNIT 77: BROKEN (Also Available in Audio)
UNIT 78: RESCUED (Also Available in Audio)
The Institute series
(Daddy-Dom / Age Play Romance)
THE INSTITUTE: DADDY ISSUES
(Also Available in Audio)
THE INSTITUTE: MISHKA’S SPANKING
The Swann Sister Chronicles
(Contemporary Fairy / Funny / Fantasy Romance)
WISHFUL THINKING (Also Available in Audio)
BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR (Also available in Audio)
Nocturne Academy
(Young Adult Paranormal/Action-Adventure/Romance)
LOCK AND KEY
FANG AND CLAW
STONE AND SECRET
Detectives Valenti and O’Brian
(1980s M/M Romance)
THE ASSIGNMENT
I’LL BE HOT FOR CHRISTMAS
FIREWORKS
THE ASSIGNMENT: HEART AND SOUL
Compendiums and Box Sets
ALIEN MATE INDEX VOLUME ONE
Contains Abducted, Protected, Descended and Severed all in one volume
BORN TO DARKNESS BOX SET
Contains Crimson Debt, Scarlet Heat, and Ruby Shadows all in one volume
BRIDES OF THE KINDRED VOLUME ONE
Guarding the Goddess Page 28