“What are you talking about?” Bruno said. “This is the best racetrack. Look how fast the cars go around.”
“It makes me carsick,” Ravi said. “You’ve got a real wizard den.”
“It’s not really a wizard den,” Bruno said. “It’s the box the fridge came in. You’ve got a remote-controlled robot-dog.”
Ravi said, “Its batteries are always dead. You’ve got a real dog.”
“I do not!” Bruno said. “But you’ve really got a real piano!”
“Take it,” Ravi said. “Then I won’t have to practise.”
Ravi’s mother came in the room. “Are you boys getting along?” she said.
Ravi and Bruno said, “Yes!”
“Did you show Bruno your new model?” Ravi’s mother asked.
Ravi jumped up. “Come on, Bruno!”
They ran to the dining room. The model was on the table. It was an army airplane. “It has three hundred and sixty-one pieces,” Ravi told Bruno.
“I made it with my mom.”
“This is the best model airplane,” Bruno said.
Ravi said, “You’re right about that.”
The doorbell rang. It was Bruno’s mom. Bruno showed her the model airplane. “How long till my birthday?” he asked.
“A long time,” Mom said.
“How long till Christmas?”
“Longer,” Mom said.
At dinner that night, Bruno asked his parents, “Do you think if all my teeth fall out at once, the Tooth Fairy will put a model airplane under my pillow?”
“No,” Dad said, “she’ll put a set of false teeth. What’s going on?”
Bruno told him about the model. Dad said, “There must be an easier way to earn some money.”
“Why don’t you sell the toys you don’t play with anymore?” Mom said.
Bruno thought this was a good idea. After dinner he went to his room and looked at his toys. He decided to make two piles. One pile would be for the toys he would sell. The other pile would be for the toys he would keep. He picked up a car. One of its wheels was missing because Bruno had played with it so much. He played with it so much because he loved it. He put it in the Keep Pile.
Next he picked up a stuffed pig from his bed. He looked at its sad pink face. Bruno put the pig in the Keep Pile too.
An hour later, he came out of his room and said, “There must be an easier way to earn some money.”
Mom said, “How about a lemonade stand?”
“Will I have to make the lemonade?” Bruno asked.
“Of course,” Mom said.
“That’s too much work.”
“Working is a lot of work,” Dad said.
Bruno looked out the window. Across the street at the fire hall, the firefighters were standing around chatting. Bruno got an idea. “I’m going to have a stand. But I’m going to sell something else.”
After school the next day, Bruno set up a table in the front yard. He put a jar on the table and waited for somebody to come by. For a long time, nobody did. Then a firefighter came over.
“What are you doing, Bruno?” she asked.
“I’m selling chats,” he said.
“How much?” asked the firefighter.
Bruno said, “Pay what you can.”
“Are you saving up to buy something?”
Bruno told her all about the model. When he was finished, she put a dollar in the jar.
Soon another firefighter came over. He told Bruno how much he loved making models when he was a boy. After they finished talking, he put two dollars in the jar. Bruno gave him a dollar in change.
“No, that was a two-dollar chat for sure.”
“But you did most of the talking,” Bruno told him.
The firefighter said, “Sometimes listening is a lot of work.”
By the time Bruno’s mom called Bruno in for dinner, he had five dollars. The next day he earned six dollars having chats with the firefighters. He had a chat about baseball. He had a chat about why pajamas don’t have pockets. And he had a chat about the best way to drink hot chocolate.
“Marshmallows?” the firefighter asked Bruno.
“Three!” Bruno said.
In just three days he had earned enough to buy the model.
But that day the firefighters put a sign up at the fire hall: Food Drive Today.
“Why are they driving food around?” Bruno asked his mom.
“They’re not. They’re collecting food and money for people who don’t have enough to eat.”
“Do we have any marshmallows?” Bruno asked.
Mom got two cans of soup out of the cupboard. “We’ll drop this off on the way to school.”
They walked across the street to the fire hall. Mom put the cans in the collection box. Bruno put the money from his chats in the box. “Why did you do that?” Mom asked.
“It would be worse not to have marshmallows for your hot chocolate than not to have a model,” Bruno told her.
When Bruno got home from school that day, the model airplane was waiting for him on the table.
“Did you buy it for me?” Bruno asked.
“Yes,” Mom said.
“Thank you!” cried Bruno. He opened the box: 361 pieces! “Uh-oh,” he said. “This looks like a lot of work.”
Bruno Speaks Car
Bruno was working on his pencil-shavings collection. He sharpened all his pencil crayons into a box. Then he drew a lot of pictures, so he could make more shavings.
Dad came in the bedroom. “Don’t you understand English?” he asked.
This was what he always said when Bruno didn’t do what he was told.
“I understand it,” Bruno answered. “But sometimes I don’t hear it.”
“Put on your pajamas! Brush your teeth! Go to the bathroom! Get to bed!”
Bruno said, “I hear you now.”
He did all the things Dad asked. Mom and Dad kissed him good night. Dad turned out the light. Bruno lay in the dark, listening. He could hear Mom and Dad talking in the other room, but he couldn’t understand what they were saying. Their voices were too quiet. He remembered the man who lived in his Nana’s apartment building. He didn’t speak English. He only spoke Chinese. When Nana met him in the hall, she always yelled, “Hello, Mr. Chin!” Mr. Chin could hear Nana, but he couldn’t understand her. So Nana yelled even louder, “How are you today?” Mr. Chin couldn’t even understand her when she yelled.
Bruno was just about asleep. Across the street, a fire truck left the fire hall. “Weeeeeee!!!” the siren screamed. Bruno’s bed shook as the truck went by. Even after it had passed, things didn’t quiet down.
He heard, “Nee na! Nee na! Nee na!”
He heard, “OoooOOO! OoooOOO! OoooOOO!”
Bruno sat up. “What’s all that racket?”
Dad came in to find out what he was shouting about. “I can’t sleep,” Bruno told him. “It’s too noisy.”
Dad closed the window. “Those are car alarms,” he said. “The fire truck set them off.”
“Nee na! Nee na! Nee na!” one car said.
“OoooOOO! OoooOOO! OoooOOO!” the other said.
“What are they talking about?” Bruno asked.
“I don’t know,” Dad said. “I don’t speak Car.” He kissed Bruno good night again.
Bruno could still hear the cars through the closed window. He tried to figure out what they were saying. The cars were probably talking about the fire truck. They were mad about being woken up. Who did that fire truck think he was? Those cars had a lot of driving to do the next day! Finally, one of the cars stopped talking, but the other went on and on. It was probably thirsty for a drink of gas.
The next day was Saturday. Bruno and Mom got in the car to go to swimming lessons. Bruno asked Mom to make the car talk. She honked the horn. “No,” Bruno said, “not like that. Like this: Nee na! Nee na! OoooOOO!”
Mom pressed a button on the key. The car said, “Wa wa wa wa!”
Bruno was very surprised. “
Our car speaks a different language from the other cars on our street.”
“Our car is from Sweden,” Mom said.
“Where are the other cars from?”
“Some are made in Canada. Some are made in Japan. Some are made in the USA.”
They drove to the pool. When Bruno got out of the car, he hugged the door and said, “Wa wa wa!” He was trying to say, “Thanks for the ride, Car!”
Mom pressed the button on the key. The car answered, “Wa wa wa wa!” Bruno thought it was saying, “See you later, Bruno. Have a terrific swim.”
Bruno’s friend Ravi took swimming lessons too. When Ravi drove up, Bruno ran to Ravi’s car. “Wa wa wa,” he said. The car didn’t answer. It couldn’t understand Bruno.
“I was speaking Swedish Car,” Bruno told Ravi.
After swimming, the parking lot was full. None of the cars was talking. The drive to the pool had made them tired. They were napping.
Mom told Bruno to watch out for cars backing out. He walked past a silver car. Its lights began to flash. It said, “You are too close! Stand back! You are too close! Stand back!”
Bruno could understand what it was saying! It spoke English! Mom laughed and laughed.
Bruno practised speaking Car all weekend. He spoke so much Car he started to forget how to speak English.
When Dad asked, “What do you want for lunch, Bruno?”, Bruno answered, “Weeeeee!”
When Mom asked, “Has anyone seen my glasses?”, Bruno answered, “Nee na! Nee na! Nee na!”
On Sunday, he went to visit Nana with his parents. Nana gave Bruno a big hug. “How’s my best boy?” she asked.
“OoooOOO!” Bruno said.
Nana looked surprised.
“Bruno speaks Car now,” Mom and Dad explained.
For dinner, Nana made bangers and mash. Mom and Dad put out a salad. Bruno saw it. “You are too close! Stand back! Stand back!” he said.
Later Nana came down in the elevator with them to say good-bye. Halfway down, the elevator stopped. The door opened. Mr. Chin stepped inside.
“Hello, Mr. Chin!!!!” Nana yelled. “How are you, Mr. Chin?!!!”
Mr. Chin pointed at Bruno. He smiled and said, “Ni how.”
Bruno said, “Weeeeee!”
Mr. Chin laughed and said, “Hern how!”
“Wa wa wa wa!” Bruno told him.
Mr. Chin nodded. He pretended to be driving. Nana asked, “What’s he saying, Bruno?”
“He says you’re a nice lady, but you yell a lot.”
Everybody laughed. Then the elevator opened and they all got out.
“Nee na! Nee na!” Bruno said.
“Bye-bye,” Mr. Chin said, waving. “Honk! Honk!”
I, Bruno
Bruno folded his report card into a paper airplane. He flew it home from school.
“That’s a great plane,” Mom told him.
“Yes,” Bruno said. “Report cards fly very well.”
“What?” Mom picked the report card off the sidewalk where it had crashed. She unfolded it and read it. “Well,” she said, “there’s good news and there’s bad news.”
“What’s the good news?” Bruno asked.
“You’re doing well in school.”
“What’s the bad news?”
“Your airplane is grounded.”
When they got home, Mom ironed the report card.
The next week, Mom did more ironing. This was very strange. She hated ironing. Dad hated ironing. Bruno wasn’t allowed to iron. They were a very wrinkly family.
“What’s going on?” Bruno asked her. “What’s all this ironing about?”
“It’s about the parent-teacher meeting we have tonight with Ms. Allen,” Mom said.
“Why do you need to have a meeting with Ms. Allen?” Bruno asked.
“To talk about your report card.”
“But you already ironed it!” Bruno said.
“And now I’m ironing us,” she said. “I don’t want Ms. Allen to know how wrinkly we are.”
After supper, Mom and Dad and Bruno put on their ironed shirts. They walked to the school. Ms. Allen welcomed them. She asked Bruno to show his parents his desk. She asked him to show his artwork. Then they all sat down and talked about Bruno.
“Bruno is a wonderful child,” Ms. Allen said. “He is smart. He is funny. He sings very loudly.”
Bruno yawned.
“I have only one problem with Bruno,” Ms. Allen said.
Bruno perked up. A boy wants to be a problem sometimes.
“Bruno always forgets to write his name on his work,” Ms. Allen said.
“Don’t worry, Ms. Allen,” Mom and Dad told her. “We’ll work on that.”
The next day after school they started to work on Bruno’s problem. Mom put a paper and pencil on the table in front of Bruno. She said he had to write his name.
“Why?” Bruno asked.
“Because Ms. Allen says you always forget to write your name on your work.”
“I don’t forget,” Bruno said. “By the time I’ve finished writing all the answers, I’m too tired.”
“That’s no excuse,” Mom said.
“Why can’t she write it?” Bruno asked.
“There are too many kids for her to write everybody’s name.” She gave him the pencil. “What’s the first letter?”
“X,” Bruno said. “Z. W.”
“Write B,” Mom said. “Show me.”
Bruno wrote a B. “There,” Bruno said. “Now let’s go to the park.”
“We’re not finished,” Mom said.
“B is enough,” Bruno said. “Ms. Allen will know B is for Bruno.”
“Aren’t there any other kids in the class whose names begin with B?”
“No,” Bruno said.
“What if a girl named Belinda joined the class? Or what if a boy named Bartholomew did?”
“Will they be nice?” Bruno asked.
“Who?”
“Belinda and Bartholomew.”
“They are two of the nicest kids ever,” Mom said. “Now let’s write R.”
Bruno wrote R. He wrote U. He wrote N. Then he said his hand was tired. “I can’t write any more.”
“There’s only one more letter,” Mom said.
“I’ll write it tomorrow.”
“One more letter.”
“My name is too long,” Bruno complained. “Why did you give me such a long name?”
“Think of poor Bartholomew,” Mom said. “You only have five letters in your name. Bartholomew has eleven.”
“Bartholomew has to go straight to bed after he writes his name,” Bruno said.
Bruno wrote O like Mom wanted. His BRUNO looked good, but he wasn’t happy. “I want a different name,” he said.
“What name?” Mom asked.
“A short name. A name without so many letters. A name that won’t make me so tired.”
The next day after school, Mom tried to get Bruno to practise writing his name again. “I’ll write it by myself,” Bruno said. “Go away. I’ll call you when I’m done.”
Mom went away. Bruno got a drink of milk from the fridge. Then he called Mom back.
“There’s nothing written here,” Mom said.
“There is,” Bruno said. He pretended to read BRUNO on the page. “It’s invisible.”
“I should have called you Sam,” Mom said. “I wanted to, but Dad liked Bruno better.”
“S-A-M,” Bruno said. “Three letters. Too many.”
“How about Ed?” Mom said.
“E-D. Two letters. That’s better,” Ed said.
Ed and Mom practised writing ED. It didn’t take very long. Ed was happy. They went to the park.
Ed had a lot of fun that day. But the other knights kept calling Sir Ed, Sir Bruno, by mistake. Mom kept calling Ed, Bruno, too. She called, “Bruno! Time to go!”
“Who’s Bruno?” Ed called back.
When Mom remembered to call Ed, Ed, Ed sometimes didn’t answer. When Dad got hom
e, he called Ed, Bruno, again. It was very confusing.
At bedtime Bruno said he didn’t like being Ed anymore. “Isn’t there another short name for me?”
“There’s Al,” Dad said. “No, here’s a better one. Me.”
Bruno was excited. “I can be Me and Bruno!” Then Bruno remembered a shorter name, the shortest name of all.
A few minutes later Mom came in to say good night too. “Good night, Bruno.”
“I’m not Bruno.”
“Right. Good night, Ed.”
“Wrong again!”
“Oh, right. You’re Me now.”
“You’re Me,” Bruno said.
“Then who are you?”
Bruno said, “I am I.”
He wrote it at school the next day for Ms. Allen. It was so easy he filled the whole top of the page with himself. And he wasn’t even tired.
In I, Bruno, her first book for children, Caroline Adderson shares some of her own son’s adventures. She lives with her family in Vancouver, British Columbia.
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