“There is no question that in physical appearance, you do closely resemble your mother, Sophie. But I do not believe that resemblance goes as deep as you think it does.”
“I’ve been stiff and uncomfortable around people all my life. How else do you think I earned that nickname, ‘the ice princess’?”
“From some imbecile who didn’t know you at all, and it was perpetuated by others who find it easier to repeat garbage than to think.”
“Stephan—”
“Are you uncomfortable at home with your family?”
“No, of course not.”
“What about at work? There are all sorts of people with whom you interact every day at the Children’s Home. Do you insist they go about their business and leave you alone? I’ve seen you spend time with the children and the other teachers. You did not appear stiff and uncomfortable there at all.”
“I’m not. You’ve just cited the only two places I ever feel at ease. Whenever there is an official event and I am required to attend, to mingle, I freeze up. I not only hold myself back—I can’t help it—I wish I was somewhere, anywhere else.”
“That just means you’re shy with strangers and don’t like to be in crowds of them. There’s nothing wrong with that, Sophie. And if you wanted to, in time, you could overcome it. Sophie, I’ve watched you with your family and with the children who are in your care. You’re a warm and caring woman. I’ve held you in my arms and watched you come apart with just my touch. There is nothing cold about you at all, sweetheart. ”
“That’s just sex.”
Stephan wasn’t surprised that Sophie had latched on to the last part of his observation. The belief that she would become like her mother had been with her since childhood. His chest tightened as he realized he might not have the words needed to show Sophie that she could be all she longed to be. He believed that deep down she longed to have a baby of her own. His baby. Stroking a hand down her arm, he cupped her face and tilted it so he could place a chaste kiss on her lips.
“No, sweetheart. That wasn’t just sex. That was love. In case you didn’t hear me earlier, I love you. And Sophie, I think you love me, too.”
“Stephan…”
“Can you deny it?”
“I don’t know! I am not trying to hurt you. I would give anything not to hurt you. I do care for you, Stephan. No one has ever made me feel the way you do. Not just the sex. I mean…when you hold me, I feel as if nothing can harm me. I feel safe. But is that love? And even if it is, how do I know that I won’t become like my mother? I have heard it said that a leopard does not change its spots. And I do not think that a person can change their basic nature, either. So you tell me. How can I avoid becoming like her?”
It was a question that Stephan couldn’t answer, not really. Even though he doubted very much that Sophie’s deepest fear would ever come to fruition, even though he knew that people rarely changed their natures, he wasn’t, he realized, the man who could answer her question, the one who could convince her.
Only one man could.
“Sweetheart, have you ever spoken about your feelings with your papa?”
Her eyes widened, and though she did not blush, he could tell that the thought of discussing her fears with Alex made her very uncomfortable.
“Oh no, I couldn’t! I’d be…I’d be embarrassed. Ashamed. He always speaks so highly of Maman. I have never, ever heard him say a word against her. Even though in the last few years before she died, he was unhappy, I think he must have loved her very much.”
She was literally shaking in his arms.
“He loves you too, Sophie. You should think about talking to him.”
* * * *
Stephan didn’t understand her fears. How could he?
The sound of his breathing, deep and even, told her he slept. They had made love again despite the fact that nothing had been resolved between them. It was irritating to realize that she had no will when it came to resisting the man, physically. He touched her, she melted. If she wasn’t careful, he’d have her standing at the altar before she knew what had happened. Hadn’t he already proved agile at getting her to do whatever he wanted her to do?
Everything he’d wanted, so far, had been what she wanted too. But she couldn’t let him maneuver her into marriage.
She loved him too much to saddle him with such a bleak future.
Sophie closed her eyes as the truth washed through her. She did love him. And because she did, she really had no choice in what she had to do next.
Moving carefully, she slid out from under the blankets. She gathered up his shirt and the jeans he’d given her to wear. The pants belonged to his younger brother and were only a little too big. It took her only moments to dress. She didn’t bother to turn on any lights as she made her way downstairs, then outside. The predawn air was cold, and Sophie wished she’d taken the time to grab a sweater. Rubbing her arms, she walked over to the jeep Stephan had driven from the small airfield. The keys were still in the vehicle, but she wasn’t certain she could find her way in the dark. A sound alerted her, and she turned. Two men had left the cover of the woods and were making their way across the meadow toward her. The moon peeked out from behind the clouds providing enough light for her to see that they wore military uniforms.
Sophie relaxed. She wouldn’t need to find her own way. Stephan’s security team would help her.
She wasn’t running away, she told the tiny voice whispering in her head. She was simply doing what had to be done. It was kinder to end this affair now than to let it drag on any longer.
And if I really am pregnant? Sophie pushed the possibility away. There had only been that one time. Michael and Helene had been trying for months to get pregnant, and it hadn’t happened for them yet. Likely, it wouldn’t have happened for her either.
It was time for Sophie to do what she should have done right from the beginning. It was time for her to put Stephan Benet out of her thoughts. It was time for her to go back to where she belonged.
Chapter 18
Did she think she could run and he wouldn’t follow? Did she think anything could keep him from her?
Stephan eyed the men who stood, arms folded across their chests, barring his way. They weren’t in uniform, but he knew soldiers when he saw them. They’d taken up their positions not five feet from the stairs of his plane, forming a solid semi-circular wall.
The screech of tires made him look up. A Mercedes had sped onto the airfield and jerked to a stop not twenty feet from his plane. Almost before the car stopped moving, the driver’s door sprang open and a tall, lean man got out.
Stephan whipped off his sunglasses.
“Call off your dogs, Peter.”
“Careful, Your Highness.” Peter Jones looked as formidable as his men. “These fine gentlemen were assigned as security at the Princess Royal’s tournament a couple of days ago and are already unhappy with you.”
“Not nearly as unhappy as I am right now, I can assure you. I intend to go and see the Princess Royal. Neither these men, nor you, are going to stop me.”
Unhappy wasn’t the word to describe how he’d felt yesterday morning when he awoke to an empty house. To fall asleep with the woman he loved tucked snugly in his arms only to wake up alone had hurt. How could she have just left him like that, without a word? He’d been so certain as he’d made slow and gentle love to her in the hot tub, then later in his bed, that everything was going to be fine. It would only take time, he thought, and they had plenty of time. Even if it turned out she was carrying his child.
God, he hoped it was so. Not only because then he was reasonably certain she would have no choice but to marry him. But because the idea of having a child with Sophie was the most thrilling thing he could imagine. With no trouble at all he could envision the future. There’d be a little girl with her elfin smile, and a little boy with her eyes and maybe his spirit. What could be more wondrous, more joyful than that?
It never occurred to him that she would f
lee. He’d nearly torn a strip off his security detail for seeing her safely home. Fortunately he remembered in time that this was the twenty-first century and he couldn’t really kidnap the Princess Royal of another nation. Still, he’d been well and truly pissed, and found that emotion had an energy all its own.
“What the hell did you do to her, Stephan?” Peter demanded. “She’s practically been a zombie since she came home yesterday morning. She won’t tell anyone what’s wrong. Everyone is worried and walking on egg shells around her.”
Stephan felt his heart lurch. He hated the thought that Sophie was so miserable. At the same time he wanted to shake her. Why was she putting herself through this? How could she not see the truth? “What is between us is private.”
“Fuck that. There is no privacy in families, Your Highness.”
“If that were true, Sophie and I would not be in this position now.” He waited, but Peter showed no sign of relenting.
He sighed, and the anger that had been carrying him since he’d awoken alone the day before deflated.
“I didn’t do anything but tell her that I love her and ask her to marry me.”
Something softened in Peter’s expression. “And her response was to run away? Man, that’s got to hurt.”
“You could say that it wasn’t pleasant to wake up and find her gone.” It didn’t appear to him as if the honor guard that had met him was about to give way any time soon. At least, not until their boss told them to.
“I’m not moving from here, Peter, unless it is to go to her. So if she sent you to send me away, forget about it.”
“She didn’t send me, Stephan. Rachel sent me, which is what I meant about there being no privacy in families. Sophie is unhappy, which means Rachel is unhappy. And if Rachel’s unhappy, you can bet your ass that my life is not a picnic at the moment.”
Stephan gave Peter a level look. “So, are we going to continue to stand here at an impasse, or are we going to do something about all this unhappiness?”
Peter seemed to think about it for a moment. Then he sighed heavily. “You better be successful, pal, because if you’re not, I might just have to throw you in the dungeon.”
“That would be fine. If I can’t convince her that we were meant to be together, I’ll let you.”
“Oh man, you are more stupid in love than I am. Come on. If she won’t listen, maybe I’ll handcuff the two of you together until she does.”
Stephan smiled as the guard detail stood down. “I’ll keep that offer in reserve, thanks.”
* * * *
“Oh dear.” Eugenia sighed and looked over at her sister. “I have to admit it, sister. You were absolutely right. None of the candidates I came up with can compare at all to the crown prince of Montgermane.”
“And he is so very unhappy right now.”
“So, too, is our Sophie. I had no idea that she had such sadness within her.”
“Well, sister, we should have known. After all, her parents weren’t brought together by our magic,” Gwendolyn said quietly.
“No, there was no magic at all in this kingdom, in those days. Greed and selfishness eat magic until there isn’t even an echo of it left.”
“Indeed. I do hope Stephan will be able to make Sophie listen.”
“So do I.” Eugenia nodded her head once. She’d made a terrible mistake in allowing her own feelings and limited understanding of modern times to interfere with the magic. Then she smiled. She’d make up for that, and she knew the perfect way to do so.
* * * *
How could doing what had seemed so right at the time feel so wrong now? Sophie pushed away from her window. She couldn’t go on like this, feeling sorry for herself. Feeling miserable. She had never been a weepy woman, but since coming home and closing herself off from everyone, she’d done nothing but brood and cry.
Is that any way for a princess to behave? I think not. You will learn, Sophie Liana Maria, that emotions aren’t real and certainly are not to be trusted. The sooner you rid yourself of them, the better. No one cares about you, no one loves you. Love is a fallacy, a concept invented to placate the masses. You will learn to behave like a proper princess at all times, day and night, waking and sleeping, putting duty first, and taking your comfort in knowing you’re above others.
Sophie stopped in her tracks. The words from the past, forgotten until now, echoed through her mind, and she had to sit down as they slammed into her. Hearing them as a child they had cut deep, brutally slicing her emotions to ribbons and stripping her bare. Her mother’s cold disapproval, with the acid reinforcement of her nanny, had debilitated her. Maman and Nanny Celeste had controlled her young world completely. Aside from Monsieur Dion, her tutor, they were practically the only adults in her life. They had even limited her access to her father and her siblings. They’d been intent, she saw now, on making her—Sophie inhaled deeply as she realized they’d wanted to make her something other than what she was. So she had adapted, taken on the patina chosen for her, and had learned that closing off her emotions where her mother had been concerned was the only way to survive.
Learned behavior, not her nature.
Sophie felt close, so close to understanding her past and herself. There was only one piece of the puzzle left. Whether or not the experience humiliated her, she had to know the truth. She had to be certain of it.
She’d never run in the corridors until now. Oh, how freeing it felt to run! Nor had she ever burst in on her father without knocking, until now.
“Sophie! What is wrong, sweetheart?”
The alarm in her father’s voice as he surged to his feet was the first clue she had that she was crying. You were wrong, Nanny Celeste. My father loves me.
“You have to tell me what happened, Papa. What made her change? Was it...was it childbirth? I have read that sometimes pregnancy and childbirth can cause a woman to change.” Post-partum depression it was called. Only recently recognized as a real disorder, those women unfortunate enough to suffer from it sometimes suffered even more at the hands of unsympathetic doctors and family. She thought, too, the disorder could be hereditary. Instinctively Sophie placed her hands on her abdomen. Lord, she hoped that hadn’t been it. “I need to know, Papa. I don’t want to be like her!”
“Like who, Sophie?”
“Maman. I don’t want to turn into her!”
She nearly fled at the look of pain that crossed her father’s face. She’d never wanted to hurt him. She was the most ungrateful child to hurt him.
“Oh, Sophie, no. You could never be like her. Never.”
“But everyone says I am exactly like her. I have always thought so all my life. That is why I was never going to marry or have children. I thought I would never fall in love. Always, I believed I couldn’t fall in love, and that love was something I was unable to feel. But I have, and I do, and I need to know—”
Her father sighed, weariness and regret chasing each other across a face that suddenly looked older than she had ever seen it. “Your mother never changed. That was the problem.”
* * * *
Alex walked around his desk. Gently wiping the tears from his daughter’s face, he said, “I thought I had done the right, the honorable thing. I can see now that I was wrong. Come, sweetheart. Come sit with me.” He guided her to the small couch and sat beside her, taking both of her hands into his.
He wasn’t certain where to begin, how much of his own personal disappointment he should share with his daughter. Hannah had been right, though, when she’d told him of Sophie’s fears and their cause. And because he’d had a hand in it, too, he set aside his own discomfort. Right now, only his daughter mattered.
“I met your mother for the first time about a week before we married. She was, at that point, the most beautiful woman I’d ever laid eyes on. I thought, when we were first introduced, that my parents had finally done something right in choosing her for me. Liana was reserved during that first encounter, saying little. Shyness, I believed.
“But I was wrong. The day before the wedding, she informed me—via her attendant who later became your nanny—that she had no intention of sharing a bedroom with me. She would, of course, submit to me and ‘do her duty’ to produce children. But once the requisite number of children had been born she would consider her duty complete.”
“That’s...awful, Papa. And very sad. Not just for you, but for her.”
“Indeed. I tried very hard, those first few years, to reach her. I thought that perhaps she had been raised to be that way, and that with enough time and patience and caring, she would change.
“But the truth is, Sophie, she never did. And though I never gave up trying, the truth is your mother simply didn’t have any interest in developing a relationship of any kind with me. There was nothing maternal in her either. As each of you was born, I discovered that, and it broke my heart. I guess that some women simply aren’t...wired that way. Then, when you were about four, your resemblance to her became obvious. I thought, when she began to show real interest in you, that it was a sign things were getting better. At this point, I knew in my heart there was no hope for the two of us. But if she could at least begin to become a real mother...” He sighed again, briefly bowing his head, for a moment unable to meet her gaze. Rubbing his thumbs gently over the backs of her hands, he resumed his explanation. “Anyway, when she moved you into her wing, when she seemed to devote herself almost completely to you, I did have hope. Though a part of me was concerned when I only got to see you once a week, you seemed content. I’m afraid I convinced myself at the time that everything was fine.
“Until she died, I had no idea the sort of agenda she and Celeste had planned out for you. To this day I cannot imagine what they did to you, psychologically. I am very sorry to say that at the time, I didn’t think their influence would be long lasting. That viper Celeste came to me a week after we lost your mother, to inform me of their plans, fully expecting that being a man I would have no concern and would allow her to continue to have free reign over you in your mother’s place. My God, you weren’t yet twelve and they’d been about to arrange a marriage for you.”
A Prince For Sophie Page 14