Confessions

by Sasha Campbell

  “Are you there yet?” she asked.

  I tried to keep the fear from my voice. “I just pulled up in front of his building.”

  “Did you call him?”

  “Yes, but as soon as I heard his voice, I hung up.” What if he rejected me before I even got there? “If it’s over, I want him to tell me to my face.”

  Nikki took a deep breath. “Good luck, Netta.”

  “Thanks, I truly need it.”

  “You’ll be fine. Just open up your heart and let him know how you truly feel. It’s too late to be proud.”

  I gave a rude snort. “My pride went out the door weeks ago.” I knew I had one shot and if I fucked this up I’d lose my husband forever.

  I climbed out the car, then I moved up the walkway to the townhouse with 2511 over the door and rang the doorbell. My heart was beating so hard, I don’t think I’d ever been that scared in my life.

  After a few seconds, I rang the bell again. I knew he was there. Just before pulling into the subdivision, I had stopped at a gas station and called the house. As soon as I heard him say hello, I hung up.

  I decided to knock on the door, then suddenly heard movement. I held my breath and almost fainted when a female answered the door.

  “Hello?” she said.

  She was beautiful with a caramel complexion like mine, and hair so fine and straight I wouldn’t have been able to find a brand of weave that looked as good.

  “Can I help you?” she asked with growing curiosity.

  I shook my head and slowly backed away from the door. What a fool I had been to think we possibly still had a chance.

  Before I could make it back to my car, she called after me. “Excuse me? Are you looking for Leon?”

  Damn! Why didn’t she just leave me the fuck alone? I was already humiliated enough as it was.

  “No!” I called over my shoulder.

  “Oh…well…then it’s my mistake, because I swear you look just like the woman whose pictures he has all over his house.”

  I turned around and gave her a hard look. “Then who the hell are you?”

  She dropped a hand to her hip. “I’m his partner Aaron Smart’s wife.”

  “Ohhhkay…and what are you doing answering my husband’s door?”

  “My husband and I were on our way to dinner when Leon called and said he needed to see him immediately. Your husband and mine are in his office on an overseas conference call. Leon asked me to get the door.” She had attitude in her voice and had every right to.

  I dropped my shoulders. “I’m sorry. I just assumed…”

  She held up a hand. “No need to explain. I would have done the same thing if some woman had answered my door.” She smiled. “Come on in. There’s no telling how long they are going to be on the phone. At least I’ll have someone to keep me company. By the way, I’m Deja.”

  Almost an hour passed before the door to Leon’s office opened and a tall, dark man came out followed by Leon. As soon as Leon saw me he frowned. I didn’t care how angry he was. I was so happy to see him, I felt like crying. It had been two months since I’d last seen him, and if I had my way I would never go another day without seeing him again.

  Leon took a step forward and forced a smile to his lips. “Aaron, this is my wife, Trinette.”

  He held out his hand. “I’ve heard so much about you. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

  “The same here.” I shook his hand, then looked to my husband, who was avoiding eye contact.

  Deja rose and moved beside her husband. “Sweetie, I hope everything went okay?”

  He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Everything went great. Leon, man, we’re going to get out of here.” He took his wife’s hand and waved over to me. “Nice meeting you again. Maybe one evening the four of us can get together for dinner.”

  “I would like that.” More than you’d ever know. I waved goodbye to both of them. While Leon walked his guests to the door, I stood there shaking in my shoes, trying to find my courage. The door finally closed and Leon strolled back into the room.

  “Hey,” I said, trying to break the ice.

  “Hello, Trinette. What are you doing here?” Leon only called me Trinette when he was pissed with me.

  “I…I needed to talk to you.”

  Leon shook his head. “I don’t think there is anything left for us to talk about.” He started to turn away, but I grabbed his hand, halting him from leaving.

  “Please, just hear me out,” I pleaded.

  He looked down at me, his face expressionless. “All right…talk.” Leon moved over to a leather couch and took a seat.

  “Okay…” I nodded, then started wringing my hands nervously in front of me. I was so scared. I felt as if I were on the witness stand. Whatever happened in the next few minutes would dictate my future.

  “I want…” I stopped and cleared my throat. It was so dry I thought I was going to choke. “I want my marriage…I…want you.”

  “You should have thought about that before you fucked those other dudes,” he countered coldly. The look in his eyes said he was still hurting.

  Shaking my head, I began to plead my case. “I didn’t sleep with all those men. I’m not gonna stand here and lie and tell you I’ve never messed around on you, because I would be lying.”

  “Finally! We’re getting to the truth,” he replied sarcastically.

  If I wanted to save my marriage, for once I had to be honest. “But I’m not lying when I tell you after our Valentine’s breakup, I changed. I swear to you, Leon, I don’t want nobody but you.”

  He laughed. “Now, how do I know you won’t mess around on me again?”

  “’Cause, I’ve learned my lesson.”

  Leon didn’t look convinced. “I’m sorry…. I don’t know if I am willing to take that risk.”

  My chances were looking slim to none, and it was time for me to put aside what little pride I had left and throw myself at the mercy of the court. “Leon, please…please give me another chance and I swear I’ll be the best wife ever.” My eyes were misty, but I stood there waiting for him to say something, and for a second I saw his expression soften and I thought I had his attention.

  “I don’t think so.” He rose, and I started crying hard. My entire world had just walked out the room. Leon groaned and turned around and placed a comforting hand to my shoulder. “Netta, quit crying.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…and scared.” I pushed away from his grasp, needing space to think.

  “Netta—”

  I held up a hand. “Please…I’m not finished.”

  Nodding, Leon crossed his arms and waited.

  “I’m having surgery on Monday.”

  “Surgery?” I could tell he wanted to say something, but he simply nodded and waited for me to continue.

  “I’m giving Mama one of my kidneys, but I had to come and see you first.” My voice cracked and I took a moment to clear my throat, then took a deep breath. “Leon, I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, but you were never one of them. You have always been my rock. I love being with you. I miss your laugh. I miss your smell. I miss the way you complain about me spending way too much money.” I was crying and wiping my nose, but nothing was going to stop me from what I had to say. “I’ve always imagined us growing old together, two wrinkled old folks, holding hands and sitting out on our front porch in rocking chairs. I don’t want those things with anyone else, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to have those things with you.” I took a deep breath, trying to slow down the tears, and pushed on. “All the material things in the world mean nothing without you. The condo is still on the market. I sold most of our furniture and some of my clothes. Everything I have left is in my car. I’ve come to you with nothing but my heart.” My voice cracked and my head was pounding. But I couldn’t stop just yet. “Baby, I know I’ve fucked up. I know I’ve taken your love for granted, but if you give me another chance I’ll be a wonderful wife and mother to your children.” I was eating
snot but I didn’t care.

  For the longest time Leon said nothing. My pulse raced, and any second now, I was sure I was going to pass out. I put my heart on the line. There was nothing more I could do or say. The phone rang, and when Leon rose and went to answer it, I knew I had lost him.

  Picking up what was left of my pride, I moved into the bathroom and blew my nose and started bawling. There was nothing I could do. I had nothing left. Trying to pull myself together, I splashed cold water on my face and patted my face dry. I looked a complete mess, but that was nothing compared to the way I felt.

  Swinging my purse strap onto my shoulder, I headed to the door and had just turned the knob when Leon spoke.

  “Where you going?” he asked.

  I glanced over my shoulder. “Back home,” I replied between sniffles.

  “This is your home.”

  I whipped around, too scared to speak.

  Leon moved toward me. “Did you mean what you said about having a baby?”

  While I nodded my head, fresh tears streamed down my face. “One, two, five like mama. Whatever you want and long as I’m with you.” My purse fell to the floor.

  “Come’re.”

  I started walking toward him, not wanting to get ahead of myself, but when he pulled me into his arms and kissed my lips, for the first time in months I relaxed. “I love you so much,” I said, and started bawling again.

  “I love you too…crybaby,” he teased, and then I was laughing and crying at the same time because everything was going to be all right. The truth hurt, but that was one time the truth had set me free.

  A READING GROUP GUIDE

  CONFESSIONS

  SASHA CAMPBELL

  ABOUT THIS GUIDE

  The following questions are intended

  to enhance your group’s

  reading of this book.

  DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

  Was Donovan wrong for sending a letter to the bookstore and ending their marriage? How should he have handled the problems with their marriage?

  Do you believe Nikki should have waited until she had spoken to Donovan before getting involved with Kenyon? Should she have told Donovan about the affair?

  Do you feel that Trinette was selfish? What about Nikki?

  When did you figure out Kenyon was crazy? Do you feel Nikki enjoyed having him lurking around and could have gotten rid of him at any time if she really wanted him gone? How would you have handled the stalking situation differently, and how would you have gotten rid of him once and for all?

  Would you consider Trinette a friend?

  Did you know the identity of Trinette’s mystery stalker? Did you think it was Maureen?

  Should Leon have given their marriage a second chance? What about after he received the letter?

  Did you feel Trinette was justified in hating her mother? Should Trinette forgive her and finally let go of the past?

  Do you believe Trinette has learned from her mistakes?

  Do you believe both couples could benefit from counseling? Do Trinette and Leon finally have a chance to make their marriage work?

  DAFINA BOOKS are published by

  Kensington Publishing Corp.

  119 West 40th Street

  New York, NY 10018

  Copyright © 2010 by Sasha Campbell

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without the prior written consent of the Publisher, excepting brief quotes used in reviews.

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  ISBN: 978-0-7582-6126-7