“Know. You didn’t know. It’s okay. I mean, it’s not okay, but she was very unhappy for a very long time. One night, she took a bottle of sleeping pills...and she just never woke up.” Laura hugged herself, feeling suddenly chilled in the island night air.
“I get it. Some days, death seems like a blessing.” His tone was morose and she snapped to attention.
“What do you mean?” Laura asked, voice sharper than she intended.
“Not waking up.” Mark sighed.
“Don’t say that.” Laura felt her temper rise.
“Why not?” Mark looked at her from across the hood of his pickup.
“Because killing yourself is a very selfish thing to do.”
“Who would miss me?”
I would, Laura almost said but stopped herself just in time. Why was she so determined to fall for men who didn’t truly love her back?
“Just don’t do it,” Laura said, and then she tucked her purse under her arm and stalked off to the stairs, heading to her own condo and not looking back. Still, she could feel Mark’s gaze on her the entire way.
* * *
MARK WOKE TO the sound of a hard knock on his condo door. He’d decided not to bother with the alarm that morning. What was the point? Laura probably was done helping him after last night, and what hope did he have of finding someone to sail anyway?
The boat only needed a good coat of waterproof resin and then it should be seaworthy, but why even bother when Dave and Garrett would make sure he’d lose, even if he got his boat in the water?
The hard knock came again.
He dragged himself from bed and yawned, scraping over to the front door. He opened it and saw Laura there, dressed for work, hair tied back with a red bandanna.
“It’s already daylight out,” she said, almost with an accusing tone. “Why aren’t you ready to work?”
“Why aren’t...” he began, dumbfounded. What was she doing here? They hadn’t made plans for her to come this morning, and yet, here she was.
“Come on, sleepyhead. Let’s get to work. The sooner I finish your boat, the sooner I can get back to my vacation.” She seemed chipper, even happy.
“I didn’t expect you to come this morning,” he said, rubbing his head.
“And give you a chance to give up?” She cracked her own knuckles. “No way.”
“I thought you were—”
“Hung up on you? Hardly. I’m a big girl.” Laura lifted her chin. “Besides, I’m turning over a new leaf. No more falling for unavailable men.”
“Oh.” He was so confused. When had she decided all this? And what was she even talking about?
“Come on. Let’s get this rust bucket done so you can give your brother a run for his money.”
“Well.” Mark still wasn’t sure what was happening. “Even if we do fix the boat, there’s still the crew and—”
She ignored him entirely. “Do you have anything better to do today?” she asked.
He had to admit he didn’t.
“Then put me to work.”
* * *
WITH THE WOOD stain dry, all they needed to do was apply a coat of waterproof resin to the bottom of the boat with a thick-bristled brush. Laura spent the day working nearly shoulder to shoulder with Mark and prided herself that she only let a romantic thought or two into her head once or twice. I’m being so grown-up. Finally. Maddie would be proud.
So what if things weren’t going to work out with Mark? He was still in trouble, and she’d see her promise through to help him. Then she’d get on with finding whatever it was she was looking for so she could figure out what the hell she was going to do with the rest of her life.
And she could do that without being a walking emotional wound. Yes, she was grieving, and she realized she’d been looking to Mark to save her. Well, he couldn’t. Only she could do that. Laura knew that the only way to really make a change in her life was to decide to do it, just like she’d decided to leave San Francisco.
She wasn’t about to let Mark wallow in failure. After his throwaway line last night about knowing what it felt like to not want to wake up, she knew she had to see this project through. Even if Mark was...well, Mark.
He did go and get them sandwiches for lunch, but he hardly said a word as Laura continued to work.
Finally, after a long day of applying resin, Laura leaned back and paused to admire her handiwork, even as the sun began to sink behind the horizon. The sky blazed a fiery red, but she barely noticed as she once again threw herself into her work. She needed to finish this coat before the sun went down.
“You’ve got a natural talent with that,” Mark told her as he studied her handiwork, voice full of pride.
She swiped the last of the resin on the side of the hull and let out a bitter laugh. “I can’t believe I have a natural talent with any of this. I work on software. I’m basically a computer geek.”
“You don’t look so geeky to me.” Mark flashed his white, even smile, his eyes crinkling up around the edges in a way that made Laura’s stomach tighten. Why did he have to be so gorgeous? She wasn’t supposed to be attracted to him. He was a mess, and he ran hot and cold.
Still, she hadn’t failed to notice he was a good-looking man. Rugged, outdoorsy, tan. Kept in shape and looked downright handsome when he smiled, which wasn’t too often. She couldn’t help but remember the feel of his lips against hers. He’d been so passionate, so raw. It was hard to believe that it had all been a show for Edward. But how else to explain why he never made a move on her in private?
Mark stood unusually close to her, and she felt his presence, his broad shoulders and the muscled, tanned arms that hung at his sides.
“What next?”
“We’re done,” he announced, much to Laura’s surprise.
“Done? Really?” She couldn’t quite keep the disbelief out of her voice.
“Yep. She looks great, doesn’t she?” Mark glanced at the boat with a new coat of waterproof resin, the air still thick with the chemical smell, and put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her to his side. Laura liked the feel of his strong arm around her. She didn’t wiggle away.
“I couldn’t have done this without you, Laura.”
“I know. You only wanted to quit about a bazillion times.” She laughed a little, and he did, too. It was true. She felt the sudden urge to lean into his touch and then shook herself. No. She wasn’t going to do that. She wasn’t going there. “So we’re really done? With the boat, I mean?” she asked, pulling herself away from his touch and rubbing her own arms.
Mark sighed. “I think so,” he said. “Now all I have to do is get her in the water. Want to join me? Tomorrow?”
“Me?” On a boat with you alone on the water?
“Yes! Why not? You helped restore her. Why not take her out for a spin?”
“Sure,” Laura said before she could even think about what all that time with him on the water might mean. Still, she decided, she could keep her resolve. No more unavailable men. It was a promise she’d made to herself—a promise she planned to keep.
Chapter Twelve
WITH THE CRYSTAL blue sky overhead and the hull of their sailboat slicing through the blue-green water, Laura felt the exhilarating rush of being on the boat, driven by wind and what seemed like magic.
“Here, hold this,” he told her, and she grabbed the wheel as he rushed forward to make adjustments to the sail. He wore no shirt and no shoes, and she couldn’t help but watch his muscles working as he adjusted the rope. God, the man was gorgeous. Even more gorgeous than this beautiful weather and the sea.
Suddenly, the wind caught the rigging and they were headed swiftly in a new direction.
“Amazing,” she breathed, taking in a huge gulp of sea air as the boat cut through the relatively calm waves. He was by her side again, though his eyes were
covered by mirrored glasses. She could only see a tiny reflection of herself—oversize shirt, bikini bottom and dark bob tucked into a baseball cap. She, too, had abandoned her flip-flops. It was easier to grip the deck and its endless rocking with bare feet. Now she knew why ancient sailors never wore shoes.
“You like it?” he asked her, and she grabbed the wheel tighter.
“Like it? I love it!” she shouted into the wind. Mark laughed at her enthusiasm, but she couldn’t help it. She felt like she was flying, except on water. There was no other way to explain it.
“It’s not so fun on stormy days,” he cautioned her. “The waves aren’t even three feet high today.”
“Then I’m going to enjoy them,” Laura declared and grinned. Her heart lifted with each rise and dip of the boat’s stern. She felt amazed that something as simple as sailing could make her feel so alive, so whole. It was as if sad thoughts weren’t allowed here out at sea. Even Mark couldn’t help smiling, she noticed.
“You’re taking to this like a fish,” he remarked as he squeezed in next to her.
“I could do this forever,” she said, lifting her face up to the sun and closing her eyes. The warmth against her skin felt right, even as she felt the cool spray of seawater on her face. Nothing could be more perfect than this.
“I should teach you,” he said. “How to sail.”
“Could you?” she asked, nearly tripping over herself in excitement.
“If you want.” He grinned and she smiled back, feeling as if the goofy smile might just bubble over into laughter. She couldn’t remember feeling this happy.
Mark went through a quick rundown of the lines and worked on teaching her a few basic skills. She took everything in, studying every detail. She wanted to know this more than anything.
“Just remember,” he warned. “Conditions can change like that.” He snapped his fingers. “We have calm winds right now, but when they pick up, they take us with them.” Mark nodded up at the huge mast towering above them, and the bright white triangle of a sail.
As he taught her how to lower and then raise the mast, he held her hands tightly, and she felt the heat of contact. The sudden tingling in her belly had nothing to do with the dip of the bow beneath a wave, either.
Being so close to Mark, feeling his touch, she couldn’t deny that she did have feelings for him. She was already attached, whether she liked it or not. She had to work harder at pulling back. He might be single, but he’s not available, she told herself. And no more unavailable men. She didn’t want someone who ran hot and cold like Dean. She wanted a man who wanted her as much as she wanted him. Period. She was done being an afterthought.
Besides, did she really want a man who put his wife in jail? She was still not sure about that. Part of her wanted to ask him about it and then part of her didn’t.
During a lull in the lesson, she grabbed her cell phone from her pocket and took a few quick shots.
“Let me take your picture,” Mark offered as he secured the rigging. She handed him her phone. She posed at the ship’s wheel and he snapped a few.
“Why don’t we take one together?” Laura asked. As soon as the question popped out of her mouth, she regretted asking. What was she doing? She expected him to turn her down flat, but Mark, seemingly lightened by the wind and sea, just shrugged and loped over. He put his arm around her and clicked a shot.
“Here you go,” he said, handing her the phone. They were nearly nose to nose.
“Uh...thanks,” she said, feeling a bit awkward suddenly. His dark eyes were so very close to hers. All she had to do was lean a bit forward and she’d be kissing him. She expected him to scurry away, but he didn’t. He lingered, his dark eyes meeting hers in a way that told her maybe he wasn’t running very cold today.
Hot. Cold. Hot. Cold. He needs to make up his mind.
“I didn’t kiss you because my brother was watching,” Mark declared out of the blue.
“W-what?”
“It’s what you were thinking. It’s what you said that night. It’s not true.”
Laura swallowed. “It’s not?”
“No. You’re gorgeous. I...I wanted to kiss you because I wanted to.”
Did he just call her gorgeous? Laura felt her heart skip a beat.
The wind whipped up and teased his dark hair. She wanted to run her hands through it. She wanted to touch him. No. He’s not who you need. Not right now.
“But you—”
“Look, Laura. I don’t get women.” Mark shrugged. The sun hit his bare chest and the bits of sweat on it glistened. “I’m always doing the wrong thing. I’m always pissing them off. Ask my ex-wife.” He rubbed his tanned neck sheepishly. “I just... I don’t have anything to offer you right now. I’m only here until the race and then—”
“I’m only here for three more weeks,” she pointed out, wondering why he was jumping so far ahead. She didn’t know what she wanted to be doing next week, much less next year. “What did you think I wanted? An engagement?”
“Well.” Now Mark looked a little embarrassed as his cheeks turned pink. “No, but. I mean women fall in love—”
“Slower than men, actually.” Laura crossed her arms. “It’s science. Look it up. Men fall in love faster than women. Fall out of love faster, too.” She couldn’t quite help but sound bitter at the last part, remembering how quickly Dean had lost affection for her. She knew all about how quickly men could change their minds.
Mark laughed. Even with his sunglasses on, Laura could tell he was doubtful about the claim. “That’s not true. Is it?”
“There’s been loads of psychological studies. Men say ‘I love you’ first and faster than women. It all has to do with biology. Women have to protect their resources. We have one egg a month, and when we’re pregnant, that’s it for nine months. That’s why they can fall in love faster. It’s less of a commitment for them, physically at least. Men can afford to...well...” The heat rose in her face as she thought of how Mark’s body had felt pressed against hers. “Well, spread their love around.”
Mark threw his head back and let out a loud cackle. “No way. Seriously?”
“It’s actual science.” Laura had spent many hours trolling psychology websites trying to figure out if Dean really loved her. Or if he ever had. Turns out, she didn’t need Google for the answer to that question at all.
“Well, then, I’m sorry for assuming you wanted to fall in love with me.”
Now, it was Laura’s turn to laugh. She punched him in the shoulder. “You’re so vain.”
“I guess I am.” He grinned. “Watch your head.” She ducked out of the way as the sail swung past and caught the wind, carrying the boat back toward the shore.
“Besides, you should be apologizing to me. Because you’re the one who’s going to get all emotional on me. Men are so clingy.”
They shared a giggle, and suddenly everything seemed fine. Laura felt relaxed for the first time in a long time. She was glad he’d brought up that night—the kiss. Now there’d be no need to pretend it didn’t happen. They’d talked about it like adults and survived. Now it could even be a joke.
The wind shifted, and suddenly the sail started to luff.
“Okay, now it’s your turn to adjust our course and get the wind back in our sails,” Mark said as he showed her how to move the boat through a smooth tack. “Don’t go too quickly,” he admonished, placing his hand beside hers on the wheel.
The day just felt perfect. The sun, the ocean, the wind. This is exactly what she needed, Laura thought. She basked in the sunlight and the amazing beauty around her. She put her hands on top of the hat on her head and looked up, closing her eyes as the sun beat down on her face.
“Laura. Pay attention—” Before Mark could finish his sentence, finish directing her to some line on the boat, the wind kicked up without warning. It was so strong it blew her
hat straight off her head.
She flailed for it too late, and it shot up into the air and off the back of the boat. Instinctively, she let go of the line, a rookie mistake. The sail flew out and suddenly, caught by the wind, the boat shot to the right, knocking Mark back on his butt.
In a panic, Laura grabbed for the line that was already pulling away from her at high speed and yanked on it but then yelped in pain as it burned her palm.
“Laura!” Mark cried, trying to get to his feet. Laura glanced at the red slash across her palm. She’d be fine, but she’d lost control of the line, and now she didn’t know how to get it back. The white sail above them snapped taut as it caught the sudden burst of energy.
Then, tending to her burned hand, she realized she was losing her footing against the lurch of the boat’s deck beneath her feet. She reached out for a line to steady herself but missed. A gasp escaped Laura’s lips as she struggled to find a handhold but clutched air. There was no doubt about it. She was going overboard.
Chapter Thirteen
JUST WHEN LAURA was sure she’d be tossed overboard, Mark’s arm snaked out and snatched her around the waist. He’d managed to scramble to his feet and catch her at the same time. He held her tight, her back against his chest, as he used his free hand to clutch the wheel.
“Hang on,” he commanded, his voice a rough growl in her ear as he squeezed her close, carefully riding out the wind. She didn’t know how long she stayed pressed against Mark. A minute? Five?
The strong wind kept the boat nearly perpendicular to the water. Would the boat capsize? It seemed to be defying gravity as they cut through the waves. She clung to Mark’s arm desperately, sending up a little prayer that the wind would die down soon. Then suddenly, the boated righted itself a bit, just enough that Laura felt like she wouldn’t be flung into the ocean.
“That was close,” she breathed, even as she felt Mark’s arm stay snug around her waist.
“It happens,” he said. “You’ve got to keep on your toes.” Mark released her, and reluctantly, she stepped from his secure and warm embrace.
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