Mark pushed open the sliding closet door. Her clothes were gone, too. He checked the drawer she’d used. Empty. He ran to the bathroom, even though he knew it would be no different there. Her toiletries were all gone. Her hairdryer packed away.
She’d left him.
He spun around the room, feeling blindsided. She’d left him? They’d had one fight. One, and she’d packed up? Cut and run? She cared about him so little that she hadn’t bothered to stick around and hash it out with him. He thought he knew her, but clearly he didn’t if this sent her packing.
Then again, you were a jerk, he thought. More than that. An asshole. Maybe he would’ve run, too. Maybe what he’d done was unforgiveable.
He realized he had no idea where she might have gone. To a hotel? To Edward’s house? He cringed at the thought.
Mark’s mind spun. He plugged in his phone and sat anxiously while it rebooted.
Maybe she’d left some clue about where she’d gone. He swallowed anxiously, waiting for his phone to come back to life. Hell, she might even be off the island by now. Would she go so far as to get on a plane? Maybe.
Finally, he saw several missed messages and calls. He saw Laura’s last text. Going back to San Francisco. It’s for the best.
Mark read and reread the text a million times. That was it, then. She was done with him. Could he blame her? He was a wreck. Grieving over his lost son and then triggered by his wife’s past infidelity, he probably didn’t come off as the most mentally sound guy.
Then again, maybe Laura had never really loved him. She could’ve just been using me, he thought bitterly. Maybe she did sleep with Edward. She’d needed a fling, a rebound, and he—or Edward—had fit the bill. The thought made his stomach turn. He thought they’d been so much more.
Mark called her, but her phone went straight to voice mail. Now she was avoiding his calls. Maybe she’d even blocked him. It’s for the best, she’d said.
Well, he thought, she’d made her feelings known. He should fight for her, but wasn’t she a grown-up? She’d expressed her wishes, and now it was his job to respect them. Isn’t that what a gentleman did?
Mark ran his hands through his hair, his brain still feeling foggy from lack of sleep and from the emotional trauma of the last couple of days. He didn’t want to believe Laura would give up on them so easily, but the proof was right here on his phone.
He suddenly couldn’t get enough air into his lungs. The condo felt tight, oppressive. He walked out on his patio and studied the waves rolling in on the beach, the steady flow of water up on the sand.
Mark didn’t know what to do, but all he knew was he needed to get away. Clear his head. Maybe if he gave her some time to calm down, she’d be willing to talk to him once more. Maybe if he got out to sea, where he could think clearly, where he could breathe, then he could figure this all out.
Or maybe, a small voice in his head said, maybe the ocean would decide this all for you. The dark thought, the one he’d thought of less and less since before Laura came into his life and turned it upside down, resurfaced. One thing he knew for sure. He couldn’t stay in his condo. Not now, maybe not ever.
Every single square inch of the place reminded him of her, of the amazing sex they’d had, of the laughs they’d shared, even the meals they’d eaten together. Her ghost walked through the condo and there was only one way to get away from her—the sea.
He went to his closet and pulled out an empty duffel bag and began stuffing it with clothes he’d need for at least a week. He didn’t know how long he’d be on that boat, but he figured at least that long. Maybe longer. Hell, maybe all the way around the world. All he knew was that he needed to get away, needed to clear his head, needed to figure out what he was going to do next.
He grabbed his phone and charger off the kitchen counter and tucked it in his bag. He couldn’t stay here a minute longer.
He knew he probably couldn’t outrun the heartbreak, but he was going to try.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Five months later
“STOP FUSSING OVER ME,” Laura declared as she lay in Maddie’s queen-size bed in her home in the suburbs of San Francisco. Maddie carried a tray featuring lunch—a grilled cheese sandwich, fresh fruit, a yogurt smoothie and a glass of water. Laura pushed herself upright, moving a pillow behind her head so she’d be propped up.
“This is what bed rest means, Laura,” Maddie declared as she set the tray on the table she’d put near the bed. “Doctor’s orders, remember? You’re to stay in bed if you want to take care of that baby inside you.”
The baby gave Laura a big kick then as if agreeing with her aunt.
Laura had decided to find out the baby’s gender. She thought it might help her focus on keeping her baby inside her. “No peeking early,” she’d said on more than one occasion to her belly.
Maddie had met her at the airport when she’d flown home and then taken her to the specialists. When it was clear that bed rest would be the only hope to carry the pregnancy to term, Maddie had offered her spare bedroom. Laura had never been more grateful. And Maddie had kept the running editorial largely silent. Laura didn’t feel judged.
For the first time with her sister, she felt supported, nurtured. She didn’t have a doubt that they both wanted the same thing: the birth of a healthy baby.
The doctors were hopeful that she might be able to carry to term, but that meant complete bed rest and no stress. The no-stress part was the hardest. She’d not heard from Mark except for a couple of calls where he’d hung up and had not left a message. She’d heard from Edward that he’d sailed off to another race, and that cell reception was nonexistent on the boat, but still...his radio silence irked.
She forced herself not to think about it, and yet, every time something happened with the baby—her first kick, her first sonogram picture—she wanted to share it with Mark, but then realized she couldn’t.
Laura glanced at the small black-and-white ultrasound photo taped to the bedpost and wondered what Mark would’ve thought of all this. Wondered if he’d be excited or angry, picking out baby names or running for the hills. Her money was on running, since that’s what he’d ultimately decided to do.
“Did you hear me?” Maddie asked, quietly.
“Sorry...what? I zoned out.” Her mind just ran in circles these days like a frozen computer.
Maddie just shook her head knowingly. “I asked if you wanted some extra napkins, but I see you’re a million miles away. Everything okay?”
No, everything wasn’t okay. She was trapped in bed, desperately holding on to a fragile baby in her belly, and had no idea what she’d do after the baby was born.
“I don’t know. I guess.”
“You could still tell him,” Maddie suggested. “Mark doesn’t even know he’s going to be a father. He might be here.”
“He made his choice,” Laura snapped, feeling that old sense of betrayal. “I don’t want the baby to change that. He should be here for me. I should be enough.” Laura sighed. “But nobody thinks I’m enough.”
Maddie sat on the side of the bed, near Laura’s knees. “You know that’s not true. I think you’re more than enough sister. I don’t think I could handle more sister.”
Laura laughed ruefully. “You don’t count.”
“I don’t?” Maddie feigned outrage. “I’m taking back this grilled cheese then.”
“No!” Laura grabbed a sandwich half and took a big bite. “I’m starving,” she mumbled, mouth full.
“I thought so.” Maddie chuckled. Then she studied her sister. “You know, you keep talking about how you think you’re not good enough for Mark. That that’s why you’re afraid to tell him. But deep down, I don’t think that’s why you’re so determined to keep this pregnancy a secret.”
“I’m determined because what if I lose the baby? Maddie, what’s the point of telling hi
m if there’s no baby? The doctors said I’m not out of the woods yet.” She ate two more bites of sandwich.
“Nope. I don’t think it’s that, either. I think you’re not sure he’s going to be a good father.” Maddie stared at Laura. “I think this is about you being worried that maybe he’s not ready, maybe he’s not fit to be a dad or maybe he’s just so wrapped up in his son’s death that he can’t focus on what it means to be a father now.”
Laura stopped chewing. Was her sister right? Maybe. She was worried about Mark’s commitment—to her and to a baby. She realized her decision not to tell Mark went deeper than she realized. But the bigger the baby grew inside her, the more she began to doubt her original decision.
“Mark has only called a handful of times,” Laura pointed out. “And he hasn’t even left a message.”
“He’s at sea, like you said, with no cell phone reception.”
“Yes, but why did he leave so quickly? He was sure quick to head out without me. This is what he wanted—living his dream, sailing around the world. It turns out that I wasn’t really a part of his future.” The sadness of this fact weighed heavily on Laura’s shoulders. That was the true heartbreak of it all. Mark had rebounded so easily, and she hadn’t.
“You’re the one who told him breaking up was for the best.”
“He was supposed to fight for me, fight for us,” Laura pointed out.
“How’s he supposed to know that?” Maddie asked.
“He just is.” Laura sighed. He’d just let her go so easily. It was hard to get over, no matter how she tried.
“Maybe you need to ask yourself if you’re keeping this from him because you don’t think he loves you or because he hasn’t proven himself worthy of being the father to your baby.”
“He’s worthy,” Laura said, feeling sure he’d make a wonderful dad. He was patient, loyal and loving. But what about his depression? The fact that he was unnaturally obsessed with death, with meeting Timothy somewhere? A man who was ready to try to drown himself wasn’t father material. Those thoughts plagued her.
And as she thought about him being out to sea, she worried that he might not come back.
“You need your rest, and no stress remember? Let’s try not to think about him,” Maddie said. “What will be will be. How about a brownie? Fresh from the oven.” Maddie bustled out of the room and returned with a plateful of moist, chocolaty goodness.
“But the caffeine,” Laura worried.
“Is barely anything,” Maddie said. “Come on, you need this.”
Laura did. She was so grateful for her sister in that moment. “You know, I hope I’m half the mom you are. Mom would be so proud of you, Maddie.”
Maddie surprised her by getting choked up, her eyes moist with tears. “Thanks, sis.” She leaned over and gave Laura a hug. “Now eat that brownie. My orders. It’ll make you feel better.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
* * *
MARK STEADIED THE jib on the Timothy as he circled into port at Bora Bora. The sail had been long from Hawaii, and a small storm had blown him a little off course, but he’d arrived just a little worse for wear. He’d come for the annual big sailboat race. His boat wouldn’t be sailing, but it was one of the biggest sailing events in the Pacific, and anybody who was anybody would be there.
As he docked at a small port, he glanced at the beautiful bay view, and wished that Laura was here with him to see this. It was ironic. The farther he sailed away from her, the more he thought about her. He couldn’t shake her, no matter how hard he tried. He’d called, yes, but found he didn’t know what to say. Couldn’t leave a message and sometimes just called to hear her voice on the recorded message.
He was a mess. He’d thought getting away from everyone and being alone on the sea would help him clear his mind, but instead, all he did was think about Laura—about her bright green eyes, her deep laugh, the way she wrinkled her nose when she concentrated. He missed her gentle touch; he missed the way she rocked her head back and closed her eyes when she came. He missed...everything about her.
He should’ve thought about her less, but each day, he thought about her more. It had become almost more than he could bear, and yet he was thousands of miles away from San Francisco, moving farther away every day. So much for out of sight, out of mind, he thought.
The more he thought about it, the more he couldn’t figure out why she’d left so abruptly, why she’d given up. The only answer he could think of was that she’d never loved him in the same way he’d loved her. That was the only explanation.
Mark pulled into a visitor’s slot so he could go seek arrangements for renting a slip to keep his boat harbored here.
He grabbed his boat’s paperwork and headed to the marina office, where he ran smack-dab into Edward, talking to the clerk.
“What are you doing here?” Mark asked, surprised.
“Looking for you,” Edward said. “I took the red-eye flight out, counting on you being here for the race.”
“But what about Elle? The baby?”
Edward shook his head. “If you turned on your phone once in a while or answered your radio, I wouldn’t have had to leave them.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You will. Let’s get a drink. What I need to tell you needs to be told over tequila or, at minimum, beer.”
Mark sat across from his brother in the small sailor’s bar, waiting expectantly for the big news. Would his brother be telling him that he was leaving Elle for Laura? He surely didn’t need to sail halfway around the world to deliver that horrible news. Mark was just fine never knowing that.
“Okay, Laura swore me to secrecy, and I let her have that secrecy for a while, because...well, it’s her news to tell.”
Mark felt a prickling in his stomach. Nerves? What was he going to say? Please don’t say Laura has cancer.
“Is Laura okay?”
“She’s fine. She’s healthy. Laura’s pregnant. With your baby.”
Suddenly, the rest of the bar and the entire world disappeared. The edges of his vision grew fuzzy. Laura was pregnant? “That can’t be.”
“It can be, and it is.” Edward took a swig of beer.
“But she left me...she said...” Mark’s brain felt like mush. It just wasn’t working.
“She left you because you were being a tool and told her that there’s no way you ever wanted to be a father because it would trash your memories of Timothy,” Edward said. “That day at the hospital when you got all bent out of shape, we were talking about her pregnancy. I guessed she was pregnant. She showed all the signs.”
Mark felt a punch to the gut. It was true. The nausea. Fainting. Why hadn’t he seen it before?
He was going to be a father? The thought wasn’t as scary as he’d assumed. He’d always thought he only had room in his heart for Timothy, but maybe he was wrong about that.
Edward was still talking. “And then when you ran off on your boat, she thought you weren’t in this thing and that you didn’t love her.”
“She told me she was done with me.”
“And you didn’t bother to fight that? Tell her she was wrong? You know women test you. They do it all the time.”
Mark never did understand women. Then he remembered the first time Laura was pregnant, the pregnancy had nearly killed her.
“But how is she? Her health—”
“She’s on bed rest. It’s not going to be an easy pregnancy, and it will definitely not be an easy delivery.”
Mark did some quick math. “She’s going to be due soon.”
“Which is why I had to fly all the way out here after your ungrateful ass,” he said, shaking his head and taking a swig. “And believe me, Elle is not happy about me leaving her with that baby all alone. But I couldn’t very well let you go on thinking what you were thinking about Laura. Besides, given what sh
e’s told me about the pregnancy, she’s going to need you there for the delivery.”
Mark would leave that very day. He’d have to find someone to take care of the Timothy, so he could catch a flight back to the States. He’d retrieve the boat later. He only hoped he wasn’t too late.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
LAURA WAS LYING in her sister’s guest bed, flipping through job listings on her laptop and wondering who on earth would hire a new mother when she heard a gentle knock on the door.
Maddie poked her head in.
“Someone’s here to see you,” she said, looking almost excited.
“Who?” Laura asked, confused. None of her friends knew she was back in San Francisco. As far as they all knew, she was still hiding out in the Caribbean. “I’m not dressed.” She pulled up her blankets over the pajamas she wore, her normal daily uniform since she’d been on bed rest. Besides, none of her clothes fit her anymore. Her belly was huge.
“I don’t think he’ll care.”
“Laura?” Mark’s voice came from over Maddie’s shoulder. Her sister swung the door wide, and there stood Mark, baseball cap in his hands and a newly grown beard on his face. “Can I come in?”
Laura felt a rush of emotions—shock, joy, suspicion. And, of course, panic. There was no keeping the truth from him now. Her stomach was enormous.
“Mark! What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to see you.”
He stood uncertainly at the door as Maddie waited, clearly trying to decide whether it was okay if she left the two alone. Laura felt a sharp pang. Mark looked so good. Tanned and wind beaten, but good. All she wanted to do was feel his strong arms around her once more.
“Laura.” Mark’s eyes filled with tears, and in that second, she was completely undone. She held out her arms to him and he went to them, hugging her tightly.
“I missed you,” he murmured into her hair.
“I missed you, too,” she admitted, the tears stinging her eyes. He pulled away, sniffling. “How did you know?” she asked him, already suspecting how.
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