by Nathan Adams
Krista was tired of spending her days sad and lonely and decided that she was going to make the best of her situation. It was made clear when they signed the very official-looking marriage license that he wasn’t there to make her happy. She’d hoped for a wedding, but all she got was a small meeting with a priest and a lawyer, who notarized the license. In less than half an hour, they were married. It was far from the fantasy she imagined in her head, but she didn’t have much of a say when it came to stuff like this. That was something she was going to have to get used to.
It was a little disappointing to have all of the restrictions of marriage and not the ceremony that went with it. She wasn’t so different that she hadn’t dreamt of a wedding. Of course she imagined having a wedding with a white dress and beautiful flowers. She dreamed of a handsome husband who would kiss her after they said, “I do.” She dreamed of a husband who she would swear to love and serve until the day she died. Krista dreamed of swearing herself to her husband in the eyes of God. She couldn’t help but be disappointed when she didn’t get what she’d dreamed of.
Instead of lingering on the sadness and regret, she decided she was going to brighten up the house she’d be stuck in while Bill was out in the field. The house was mostly empty except for the large fireplace and a few chairs. They shared a bed upstairs, but even the bedroom was empty. While exploring the house, she’d stumbled upon some furniture and decorations that were put in the basement haphazardly. She decided to drag what she could up to the house, hoping to surprise her husband and gain his approval.
When she heard the sound of his boots stomping up the porch that night, she felt hope flutter in her belly. He threw the screen door open, leaving his muddy boots on the porch as he walked inside the house. It was summer, so the fire wasn’t crackling. Krista was thankful for that. She hadn’t been able to be around fireplaces since her family died. She was dreading fall and winter. She was sure the fireplace would be the source of many sleepless nights.
She turned around and beamed brightly when Bill stepped in the house, waiting to see the shocked but impressed look on his face. Instead, he looked around the house calmly, and his eyes finally settled on hers, dark and full of emotion. Bill ran a hand through his thick black hair. His lips pressed into a thin line as he looked around the house, his hands on his hips.
“What is all this?”
She looked around, blinking a little. “I found some of this stuff in the basement. I thought it made the house seem a little more welcoming.”
“Get rid of it.”
The order stunned Krista. She frowned deeply, clearly shocked. “But it was so empty in here before. It needed a little character.”
“I said get rid of it!” he snapped, his eyes raging.
The sudden change in his demeanor frightened Krista. She took a step back, eyes wide. “I don’t understand.”
“Of course you don’t. You can’t just come into someone’s house and start changing things around,” he snapped.
Krista glared and stepped forward, putting her finger in his face. “Listen here: This is just as much my house as it is yours. I will not let you boss me around like this! I’m the one who sits in this house day in and day out while you get to go in the fields with the animals. If I’m going to be stuck in here, I’m going to enjoy myself!”
Bill glared down at her and stepped forward. “I don’t know what kind of place you think this is, but you will not talk to me like this. You will listen and obey. That is what you swore before God.”
“I swore to care for you, and that is what I’m trying to do,” she said desperately. “You can’t live like this, Bill. Your home is sad and depressing and so full of anger. I can’t understand why you would want to hold onto these feelings,” she pleaded.
He stepped forward again, and Krista gasped, falling back into the chair. He put his hands on the armrests and leaned close enough that she could feel his breath on her cheek. “I said get them out of here,” he hissed sharply, pushing away from his frightened wife.
Bill walked away, leaving Krista shaking and in tears. She couldn’t understand what went wrong. All she’d wanted to do was bring some warmth and hope into the house, and she’d been punished for it. All she could do was cry and wonder why God was testing her like this. She felt she’d paid her dues. She was quickly losing hope. Perhaps it was her plight in life to be sad and suffer. She hoped desperately that it wasn’t true, but it was certainly beginning to look that way.
Chapter Six
Bill showed his first shred of kindness a few days following the encounter involving the furniture. He’d completely avoided her for about three days but finally sat her down to talk about why he was opposed to the furniture. It was his deceased wife’s, and it hurt to look at it and have it around. She’d died giving birth to their first child. Neither the baby nor Rose survived. It was a hard thing to live with, and even though he spoke about the tragedy in a very matter-of-fact way, he seemed deeply hurt.
She listened closely, explaining that she also lost her family in a terrible accident. It was the reason she’d taken the offer to be a mail order bride. He nodded in understanding and even patted her on the shoulder, thanking her for lending an ear. It was the first time in nearly two months that he’d thanked her for anything. Most of the time he just insulted her cooking. (She could admit that her cooking was pretty awful, but it was also his job, as a husband, to pretend to like it.)
After their conversation, things started to get a little better. They weren’t perfect, but they were at least improving. She’d started moving the furniture back down to the basement, but he asked her to leave it, telling her that the house did seem much warmer. It was those little things that she was thankful for and that she thanked God for. She was certain that Bill’s heart was softening and that the ice around it was melting.
She was actually sad to see Bill go into town that day. He would be gone for the whole day, ordering feed for the cattle and other essential items. He’d even hinted that he might bring her home a little gift. Even if he didn’t, the fact that he would even think of it was enough to give her hope.
After Bill left for town, Krista went about the house, cleaning and preparing a stew for when he got home. It was the only thing she could cook that was edible, and she was sure he’d enjoy it after a long, hard day.
She became worried for him as a storm began to roll in and rain pounded the roof. Lightening streaked across the sky, and a violent wind howled outside, making her nervous. She wasn’t scared of storms, but she was scared of what it might do to their ranch.
It was nearly dark, and Bill was still in town, and the cattle were starting to get anxious because of the storm. She was watching the pen from the window as the cows started to move back and forth in the large pen, creating a sort of herd. As they moved toward the end of the pen with the gate, a loud clap of thunder shook the very foundation of the ranch. The cattle panicked and ran forward, managing to break the lock on the gate and run into the fields.
Krista gasped and jumped up, running out into the storm barefoot. After grabbing rope from the porch, she ran for the escaped cattle. She ran in front of the cattle, trying to scare them back into the pen. It seemed to work for the most part, and even as the rain soaked her to the bone, she started moving the cattle toward the pen. It took nearly an hour to rustle them all up, but as night began to fall, she managed to close the broken gate and lean against it, shivering violently as she wrapped the rope around the posts, hoping to hold the gate closed.
The rain was cold enough that it cut deep into her and chilled her to the bone. It was the kind of cold that hurt desperately and stung her right down to her core. Krista knew she needed to go inside, but she was afraid to leave the cattle with a busted fence. She leaned against the post, shivering and trying to keep herself warm.
Leaning against that post, she began to pray for the storm to stop. She prayed for warmth, and she prayed for Bill. This storm was bad. She was scared for the m
an who’d finally opened up to her. She didn’t want that to be their last conversation. Krista wanted the opportunity love Bill, though she feared that one of them might not make it through this storm.
Just as the world started to go black, she felt warmth surround her. Someone pulled her into their arms and cradled her tight. Her prayers were answered. She wasn’t sure if it was an angel or Bill who’d wrapped her in a blanket and held her close. She could hear soft whispered words, and even as her world started to go black. she heard someone praying.
“God, please let her be OK. Let her be safe. She can’t die like this.”
Chapter Seven
Krista wasn’t sure how long she was out. She floated in a dreamland for what seemed like an eternity, lost in dreams of herself as a child on the farm with her parents. They were lovely dreams full of good memories and a warm, loving affection that she hadn’t felt since she left Mt. Pleasant.
A warm washrag on her forehead was what finally woke her up. Her sky-blue eyes fluttered open and met Bill’s, a concerned look etched into his features. The lines carved into his face by years of worry were even deeper than usual. He was dabbing the washrag along her temple, trying to gently wake her and bring down her fever.
She blinked up at him, trying to focus on his face. “What happened?” she whispered, groaning softly and shifting under the blankets.
He put a firm hand on her shoulder and gently pushed her back into the bed. “Shh. You went into the storm like an idiot and got yourself sick,” he chastised.
When she didn’t receive the praise she’d been hoping for, Krista turned her head away and closed her eyes, whimpering softly and swallowing thickly. “I-I’m so … ”
“I suppose I should thank you for it,” he said, wiping her brow again and dipping the cloth into the water.
She turned to face him again, eyes wide and hopeful.
“If you hadn’t gone out there, I would have lost every single one of my cattle. I would have been ruined,” he murmured softly. “You saved our lives, Krista. Do you know that?”
“I was just, I was just trying to make you proud.”
“You did, darlin’. You’ve made me very proud. But you shouldn’t get stuck on seeking validation from a bitter man like me. You need to learn to be proud of yourself. That should be enough.”
Krista nodded slowly and relaxed back into the pillow, her heart swelling with happiness as he continued to brush hair out of her face.
“I’m still trying to figure it out,” he murmured.
“What are you trying to figure out?”
He paused, dropping the rag into the wash basin. “I’m trying to figure out how you could come in here and, in a matter of months, turn my world upside down.”
“Oh, is that a bad thing?” she asked softly.
“I thought it was for a long time,” he admitted. “I was so cold to you, so cruel, because you weren’t what I expected,” he said, watching her closely.
“That’s what you said. You were expecting someone more delicate.”
“I was. But I wasn’t upset because you weren’t delicate. I saw those big blue eyes. I knew your firecracker attitude was just as fiery as your hair. I think I fell in love,” he said softly. “I was scared to fall in love again. I lost Rose almost five years ago, and I’ve been hanging onto that anger and that guilt for so long. It was eating me up inside. Then you came along. When I laid eyes on you, the pain stopped—for at least a little while. When we’re together, I don’t think about her. I felt so guilty about it that I couldn’t bear to be around you. I wasn’t ready to fall in love again, but I couldn’t avoid it if you were around,” he said softly, cupping her cheeks gently.
Krista’s eyes were wide. She stared up at him, whimpering, trying to find her voice. It was lost in the emotion and revelation that he didn’t hate her. He never did. She wanted to say something to comfort him, to admit her own hopes of falling in love, but he spoke again.
“You have nothing to apologize for, Krista. It was all me. I was an idiot and I caused all of this.”
“Why are you telling me this now?” she asked softly, eyes wet with unshed tears.
“I thought I was going to lose you out there. You spiked a fever, and I have no idea how long you were in that rain,” de admitted. “The storms here can get cold enough to kill, even in the summer time.”
She looked up at him and smiled, reaching out and touching his cheek gently. “I heard you pray,” Krista whispered.
It was a hard thing for Krista to not go to church on Sundays, though she made her own little services and spent Sunday mornings praying and reading the Bible. Bill always seemed to turn his nose up at her little makeshift church but never said anything to discourage her. She wanted her husband to be close to God, but he seemed to want nothing to do with it. Krista was surprised to hear him pray.
“I lost my faith when Rose died. I didn’t understand how God could take everything that I loved away. I didn’t understand what I did to deserve that kind of suffering and that kind of pain, so I gave up on him like I thought he’d given up on me.”
“But he answered your prayers last night.”
“He did. And I couldn’t be more thankful.”
She nodded and scooted closer to the edge of the bed so that she could be closer to him. “I think that maybe we suffered so that we could be brought together,” she said, reaching out and taking his hand, running her thumb over his knuckles gently. “He always has a plan for us. Maybe we were meant to find each other. This is an end to our suffering. He knew that we were hurting and if we found each other we wouldn’t hurt anymore.”
Bill looked up, wide-eyed as he listened to what she said. The idea they neither of them would have to suffer anymore seemed almost too good to be true. They’d been wandering in the vast wasteland of pain and suffering for so long that it seemed too good to be true that they might be free from those shackles.
“I think we could be happy, Bill, but you have to let him answer your prayers. If you ask for help, you can’t turn your back on the gifts he gives you.”
Bill nodded slowly and moved to wrap his arms around Krista, holding her close and petting her still damp locks.
“I won’t. I won’t turn my back on him, and I won’t turn my back on you anymore. Things are going to be different, Krista.”
Chapter Eight
Krista was hopeful that the tender moment they shared together was more than just words. She wanted it to be true. More than anything she wanted their lives to change. Those hopes and dreams would come to fruition in the most beautiful ways. It truly felt like God was smiling down on them after that storm.
Bill was much easier to talk to in the days that followed, and when Krista explained that she much preferred working with the land, he was happy to have her by his side on the ranch. He taught her how to herd the cattle. She picked up on it quicker than he expected. She was an asset to the ranch, but she was also the best friend and wife he could have asked for. She didn’t hesitate to put him in his place when he needed it, but she was also the first person to pick him up when he fell.
The more time the spent together, the more Bill knew he needed Krista. She kept him sane and kept him level. When his temper got out of control, she would calm him down. When he was being too hard on himself, she’d kiss his cheek and hold his hand. It was all she needed to do to bring him back down to earth. She did so much for him that he thought he might return the favor.
Bill knew that their marriage was quick and unimpressive. There was no ceremony and no white dress. He knew she wanted something more, and he figured it was about time he gave it to her. Krista deserved the world, so he could at least give her a wedding.
He was returning from town with a large box sitting atop the feed bags. He hopped off his horse and tied it to post, turning just in time to see Krista running toward him from the fields. Her cheeks were red from the sun. Her hair flew behind her in a messy braid. It was in these moments that he thought sh
e looked the most beautiful.
She all but tackled him, throwing her arms around him and kissing his cheek excitedly. “Welcome home!”
Their dynamic over the past few months changed dramatically. They were much more comfortable with each other. The best thing, in Krista’s opinion, was that Bill actually started smiling more. He chuckled and hugged her close for a moment, motioning at the cart.
“Help me unload?”
“Sure!”
She ran to the side of the cart and jumped onto the wheel easily, glancing at the pristine white box on top. It was too small to have anything for the ranch in it. There was a big pink bow that was tied on top to make it look nice and elegant.
“What is this?”
“Open it.”
She hesitated but slowly pulled the bow off the top of the box and then the lid. Her eyes widened, and she gasped, hands flying to her mouth as she pulled out a pure white dress. The gown had hand beading and beautiful lace details. Her eyes widened, and she struggled to speak.
“This is, this is beautiful, Bill. What is it?”
“It’s your wedding dress.”
Her eyes shot open, and she jolted upright, gasping as she started to fall back off the wheel. Bill moved fast and managed to catch her before she—or the dress—hit the ground. He held the small woman, bridal style, and smiled at her as she clutched the dress to her chest, grinning.
“I know I didn’t give you much of a wedding. I wanted to make that up to you,” he said, setting her down on her feet with ease.
Krista opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She closed it and tried again, but there was nothing but silence. Finally, she gave up on words all together and threw her arms around Bill’s neck, holding him closer and kissing him eagerly. He was caught off guard but managed to wrap his arms around her anyway, lifting her off the ground and returning the kiss happily.