Steph put her hand on Buster’s arm. “If the school had handled it differently. If Eve hadn’t taken her to start with. If I’d been able to get her out of the car. There are so many ifs, but unfortunately, none of us had the opportunity to create a different outcome.”
Buster gave her a sad smile. “No, we didn’t. Steph, I can’t control how you think or feel about what happened, but the one thing I can tell you is I don’t blame you. I never have. I’ve only ever been eternally grateful that you tried to help Holly. And I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?”
“I should have sought you out the moment Zane mentioned to me that you were struggling. I honestly thought he might have it wrong about you blaming yourself. I should have come and talked to you then and made sure you knew how grateful I am for what you tried to do.”
A weight lifted from Steph’s shoulders as Buster’s words sank in. She’d avoided him for over twelve months, absolutely crippled with guilt, unable to look him in the eye, yet in his own words, he was grateful to her. Tears rolled down her cheeks, and she was dismayed to see Buster’s eyes well up too.
She wiped her tears. “I’m sorry, I think they’re partially from relief, but now I’ve upset you.”
Buster pushed his sleeve roughly across his eyes. “I just didn’t expect someone else to care so much.”
Steph moved toward Buster and took him in her arms. She could feel him trying to calm his breathing and wondered how he’d coped since his daughter’s death. Did he have someone to hold him, to comfort him? She’d been so caught up in avoiding him, she hadn’t allowed herself to think beyond that. She stroked his back, feeling him relax against her. Eventually, he pulled back, his cheeks tear-stained, but his eyes reflected his smile.
“I thought I was getting away from everything Holly-related today,” he said. “I didn’t expect this. I’m glad we had a chance to talk, Steph.”
Steph smiled. “Me too. I promise I won’t run the other way when I see you next time.”
Buster laughed and stood. He held out a hand to Steph and helped her up. “How about we go back and join the others? I can be the anchor for your harness if you’re still in the mood to climb.”
Steph nodded. “I’d like that.”
❖
Buster watched as Steph found a handhold and pulled herself up the rock face. She was nearly at the top. They’d chosen one of the easier climbs. There were a few places at the Bluff that had pre-installed bolts and anchors, making it relatively easy to progress. It also meant that as soon as Steph reached the top, Buster could join her. He could have done this as a free solo climb, but today he would use the equipment instead. His discussion with Steph had him distracted, and knowing the focus required for free soloing, he decided it was best to play it safe. He watched as her lean body moved farther up the rock face. She was so athletic. He imagined it was the yoga that attributed to that, and her healthy glow. Her eyes were bright, and her skin flawless. Eve had caked-on makeup and still had the unhealthy look of someone who overindulged. He didn’t think Steph wore any makeup. He smiled to himself. She didn’t need to; she was gorgeous.
He froze. Where had that come from? Women were entirely out of bounds, no matter how gorgeous they might appear. After Eve he would never go there again.
“Great job,” he called as Steph pulled herself over the top ledge and stood up waving to him. He bet her muscles were screaming after that. She made it look easy, but it wasn’t. There had been no sign of the others when they’d returned to the parking area, but the climbing equipment had been carefully placed in the back of Ryan’s pickup, so they’d finished adjusting it and started the climb.
“Your turn,” Steph called down from above.
Buster grinned, adjusted his harness, and reached for the first handhold.
His muscles ached, and he was breathing hard by the time he traversed the final section of the climb and pulled himself onto the rock ledge where Steph was waiting. “How did you make that look so easy?” he panted, lying on the ground next to where she sat.
Steph laughed. “If it’s any consolation, I don’t think I can move. I definitely can’t do another climb. My arms are shot.”
“We can walk back down,” Buster said. “The walking track winds down behind us. It’s a pretty quick walk. Not that I think I could do it right away. I’m exhausted.”
“Just relax and enjoy the view,” Steph said, looking out across the valley. “It’s beautiful up here.”
Buster pulled himself up to sitting and drank in the view. He could see across the valley to the edge of Lake Hopeful. “You’re right; it’s an incredible view.” He scanned the scenery around them and nudged Steph. “And look over there.” He pointed to a rock face in the distance where Matt’s bright red shirt pinpointed where he was. He could just make out Ryan and Travis on a crevice above Matt.
Steph shuddered. “That scares me. What if they fall?”
“They’re in trouble if they fall,” Buster said. “But the adrenaline rush is half of what drives them to do it. They’re all pretty experienced and have good gear. I know Ryan said that today was going to be a gentle introduction back into it for all of them. I don’t think they’ll be doing anything too risky.”
“Good.” Steph moved her gaze back to the valley and lake. “I still don’t think I can watch them. Thanks, by the way. I know you’d planned to free solo today. I appreciate you doing this with me. Ryan was going to, but I guess the day turned out differently than planned.”
Buster laughed. “I thought today was going to be forgetting everything Holly-related. Not quite the case. It’s been one of those weeks, I guess. The universe is telling me I have things to deal with and should meet them head-on rather than avoiding issues as I did with you, and I guess like I was planning to do with Eve.”
“Eve?”
Buster nodded. He wasn’t sure why he was opening up to Steph, but there was something about her that made him feel safe, like he could tell her anything. Maybe it was just that they shared grief over Holly, he wasn’t sure. “Her mom got in touch with mine earlier this week. She wants to see me. She wants to talk to me.”
Steph didn’t say anything, just nodded gently.
“She’s been seeing a psychologist, and whatever stage they’re up to is the stage they need to see people from the outside. Apologize or explain, I’m not sure which.”
“Probably both,” Steph said.
Buster met her eyes. “Do you think that’s what she wants?”
Steph nodded. “I would imagine so. She’s probably been living a nightmare since the accident. I don’t imagine it’s been easy for her.”
Anger rose within Buster. “And it shouldn’t be. She deserves everything she gets.”
Steph placed a hand on his arm. “Part of me agrees with you, but another part of me has spent hours wondering about Eve. Putting myself in her shoes, trying to come to terms with what happened and how responsible she’d feel. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, Buster, not even Eve.”
Tears pricked the back of Buster’s eyes. He did his best to blink them away.
Steph squeezed his arm. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. You have every reason and every right to hate her. I’m more removed from the situation than you, so I can see it from different perspectives.”
Buster closed his eyes momentarily. The discussion he and Steph had had earlier seemed to have unlocked all of his emotions. He was usually good at keeping them squashed down. He opened his eyes and did his best to smile. “You didn’t upset me. If anything, you probably convinced me I should go and see Eve. I hate what happened, but as I said earlier, I contributed to this.”
He put his hand up when Steph went to object. “No, I did. Marriages rarely end because of the way one person acts. I’m not silly enough to think that. I had a lot of anger and resentment toward Eve stored up and let a lot of it loose in the way I went about fighting for custody and the way I treated her once I’d won. If I could turn back the clock
and change that I would.”
“Maybe you need to tell her that.”
Buster nodded. “Maybe. We both lost out in the cruelest way possible. The difference between us is I get to move on with my life whereas she has the added stress of living in prison.”
“I have a feeling with what happened, Eve will be in prison for a very long time,” Steph said.
“At least three years.”
“I didn’t mean the state prison. I meant her personal prison. The hell I imagine she lives in most days…” her eyes met his, “…is probably comparable to the prison you’ve been living in.”
Buster fell silent as Steph stood.
“Come on, let’s walk back down to the parking area. I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.”
Buster took the hand Steph held out to him and allowed her to help him up. He didn’t let go of her hand once he was standing. Instead, he squeezed it.
“Thank you. You’re making me look at the whole situation differently.”
Steph gave a small smile. “At the end of the day, anything we can do to help each other and others move forward is important. Life’s hard, Buster. You’ve been dealt a particularly horrible set of circumstances to deal with, but so have others. It’s all about kindness and compassion and trying to live our best lives.” She sighed. “Wise words I need to be listening to myself. I’m guilty of having retreated into a shell over the last year or so. I’m going to do more work on me to make sure that doesn’t happen again. Both you and I have the chance to live. For Holly’s sake, we should both embrace that and make the most of it. None of us knows how long we have to do that. As we’ve both seen, life can change in an instant.” She withdrew her hand from his and began walking along the narrow track that led down the scrubby hill to the parking area. The views of the valley and lake stretched out before them.
Buster watched as she walked away from him. It was hard to believe that the day, which he’d imagined would be an escape from all things Holly, had turned out the way it had. He fell into step behind Steph with mixed feelings as he looked out to Lake Hopeful. He’d renamed it Lake Devastation the previous weekend when he’d driven out and sat by it hoping to feel closer to Holly, but seeing how beautiful it looked today made him wonder if perhaps its name was correct. Maybe there was hope for him. Hope that he could live a happy life. Hope that he could forgive Eve. Hope that he could spend more time with Steph. He jolted to a stop. Nervous energy swirled in the pit of his stomach as he sought out Steph in the distance. Did he really just have that thought?
❖
Steph’s legs were shaky as she walked away from Buster and headed down the hill. Their discussion had been cathartic, and a sense of relief had settled over her, but something else had too. Taking Buster’s hand had been a completely natural thing to do until a jolt of electricity had shot up her arm. Her body had tingled all over, and her insides turned to mush. It had been an emotional situation, she knew that, and her body had reacted accordingly. She just hoped he hadn’t sensed her reaction or her sudden attraction to him. After everything that had happened, it seemed inappropriate.
She was glad when they reached the parking area to find Ryan, Travis, and Matt arriving at the same time. They were all talking excitedly, and Steph smiled, realizing they were adrenaline-fueled.
“How did it go?” Matt asked as he reached them. He looked from Steph to Buster, concern on his face. “Everything okay?”
“Definitely,” Steph said. “Today’s given us a chance to chat and a chance to move on.” Steph was surprised to see Matt’s face relax into a smile. His concern had been genuine. After everything that had happened with Asha, it was hard to consider him as anything but a self-absorbed jerk.
“Time for a picnic,” Ryan declared, rubbing his stomach. “I’m starving. Margie sends her apologies, by the way. She called as we were walking back and she isn’t going to make it. Not that I’m necessarily up for any more climbing after lunch anyway.” He flexed his muscles. “These guys are a bit worn out already.”
They laughed, and as the men pulled out coolers from their pickups, Steph grabbed the container she’d filled with sandwiches that morning. She had no idea how many of them would be here, so she had made enough food to feed at least ten people.
“What a feast!” Ryan’s eyes lit up as they spread out the containers of cold cuts, macaroni salad, watermelon, and Steph’s sandwiches on a blanket Travis had pulled from his truck.
“Did you hear about Bodhi?” Travis asked as they sat down and started eating. “Steph, you’d know what’s going on, wouldn’t you?”
Steph nodded. “I’m not sure how much is public knowledge yet.”
“Is he okay?” Again Matt’s face was filled with genuine concern.
“He is,” Travis said. “But his dad isn’t. He’s moving back to Tall Oaks to help his parents out. It sounds like his dad’s dementia requires full-time care.”
“That’s awful,” Matt said. He turned to Steph. “What does that mean for you and Heat Wave?”
“I’m not sure. You’ll probably hear from Bodhi yourself. He was going to approach you before he puts the business and land on the market.”
Matt’s eyes widened. “He’s going to sell?”
Steph nodded. “He has to. He’ll need the money for the care his father needs.”
Matt let out a low whistle. “The poor guy. He’s spent years building up that business. Can you buy him out?”
Steph shook her head. “No, I’m not in a position to. So I have no idea once it sells whether the new owner will continue with yoga or use the property for something else altogether.”
“It’s the perfect property to set up a retreat,” Matt said. “I’ve thought about it for ages but assumed Bodhi would never sell. You said as much to Zane at the town meeting when I was presenting my plans for the Sandstone Cafe and the Lake Drive development. I have contemplated talking to Bodhi about a joint partnership in the past but discounted it. I think our visions for what we’d see as progress would be very different. I never thought he’d sell.”
“And I truly believed that to be the case too,” Steph said. “This has come completely out of left field for me.” She held out the box of sandwiches, and Matt took a ham, cheese and mustard gratefully.
“If you’re interested, you should chat with him,” she said.
Matt raised an eyebrow. “The sister of Asha Jones is encouraging me to purchase the business she works for?”
“For Bodhi’s benefit, not mine. If you were to buy it, I’d assume you’d turn it into something fancy and modern and my services wouldn’t be needed. Even if you kept offering yoga, a fancy new resort wouldn’t be my style at all.”
“What will you do?” Ryan asked.
“I’m not sure yet,” Steph said. “I’m a true believer that having patience leads us to our best path in life. As soon as we try and rush or take shortcuts, things go wrong. So I’ll wait and see. Setting up on my own is an option, of course, but again, I’m in no rush to do anything.”
Matt watched Steph as she spoke, nodding and chewing his sandwich. She could see he was deep in thought. Knowing Matt, he was probably working out how he could rip off Bodhi if he were to buy the business.
She held his gaze. “I hope if you do discuss buying the property from Bodhi that you’ll offer a fair price, Matt. He’s giving up a lot for his family, and it would be heartbreaking to see someone take advantage of the years of hard work he’s put into Heat Wave.”
Matt flinched at Steph’s words. He didn’t speak as Ryan started joking about him being put in his place, but he did acknowledge Steph with a small nod of his head. Something in Steph’s gut told her that Matt had just given her his word. She would be stupid, after everything that had happened with Asha and Charlie, to believe anything this man said, but for some reason, on this occasion, she did.
❖
Buster replayed the discussion between Matt and Steph in his mind as he and Travis drove back t
o Drayson’s Landing. He’d remained silent during their exchange, finding himself watching her, impressed by the way she spoke to Matt. There was something about her energy that had him wanting to say yes to anything she suggested, and he was pretty sure Matt had fallen under her spell too. He shook himself. Spell? Was he being ridiculous?
Travis pulled into Buster’s driveway, and moments later, Matt’s pickup pulled in behind them. They’d decided to come to Buster’s for a few drinks to celebrate the success of the day. Ryan and Steph had declined the invitation, Steph declaring herself too sore to do anything but go home and have a hot bath. Both Ryan and Matt had joked that they felt the same and would happily accompany her, but Steph had only laughed and chosen to ignore both of them. She had turned to Buster before they left and mouthed thank you, at which he shook his head and pointed at her. He should be thanking her, not the other way around.
“Got any beers?” Matt asked as he climbed out of his pickup and followed Travis and Buster through the front door and into Buster’s house.
“A fridge full,” Buster answered, leading them into the kitchen. “Grab a seat, and I’ll get the drinks. I’ve got to say, I’m exhausted. I’m going to need to get back into the gym if I want to do that again.”
Travis flexed his muscles. “Not feeling it at all. You’re getting a bit soft.”
Matt laughed. “You’re lying. I work out five times a week, yet I’m beat. That was hard work. I think Ryan was showing off taking us up over that ridge. I’ll only admit it now, but there was one section where I was kind of worried. If any of us had slipped, the fall would have been nasty.”
“Yeah, I think next time I’ll join you and Steph,” Travis said, accepting the beer Buster handed him. “You two looked pretty cozy when we returned.”
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