She turned, her teeth clenching as soon as she saw Buster approaching. She pushed her hands deeper into her pockets and started walking along the lake trail. She wanted to be alone, and she didn’t want to listen to anything Buster had to say. He could apologize to her when he’d sobered up.
“Steph!” he called out again, and she continued walking. He needed to take the hint.
The pounding footsteps behind her caused her to spin around. “Leave me alone, Buster. I’ve had enough of you tonight.”
He stopped in front of her, slightly out of breath. “I was completely out of line. I’m so sorry. You’re the last person I’d ever want to hurt.”
Steph stared at him. “I understand you’re hurting, Buster. I imagine you’ve had a horrible week, but there’s no excuse for taking it out on anyone else.”
Buster hung his head. “I truly am sorry, Steph. You’re right. There is no excuse. I didn’t want to come tonight but allowed Travis to talk me into it. I knew I’d be rotten company, and I also know from experience that drinking is the worst thing I can do when I feel like this. Next time I’ll listen to my gut.”
Steph couldn’t help but smile. “I was thinking the same thing myself only a few minutes ago. That I should have listened to my gut.”
Buster met her gaze. “You didn’t want to come tonight?”
She shook her head. “No, I was talked into it too. I’m feeling very stressed and unsure of what I want to do at the moment, and a hot bath and evening of meditation would have suited me much better.”
“Ryan would have been disappointed if you hadn’t come.”
Steph frowned. “I’ve got you to thank for that too. Now I have to tell him I don’t want to go out with him on a date.”
“Really?”
Steph couldn’t help but notice the relief in Buster’s eyes. Her heart flipped when she saw it. Was he happy she wasn’t going out with Ryan? But where did that leave them? Neither of them was relationship ready. Perhaps that was Buster’s appeal—not being in a position to date allowed her to look but not touch, which was a much safer place for her too.
“Let’s walk.” Buster shivered. “It’s freezing.”
Steph fell into step beside him. “In answer to your question, yes, really. I’m not good relationship material right now and would hate to lose Ryan’s friendship. He’s a good friend, a really good one. I don’t want him getting the wrong idea.”
“You should tell him,” Buster said. “Let the poor guy down.”
Steph almost laughed at the smile she heard in Buster’s voice. Instead, she sucked in a breath and shivered. It was freezing.
“Here,” Buster said, moving as if to take off his jacket.
“Don’t be crazy,” Steph said. “You’ll freeze to death. I’ll be fine; we might just need to walk a bit faster.”
“Or,” Buster said, putting an arm around Steph and pulling him into her, “we could keep each other warm.”
Warm tingles spread throughout Steph’s body as she felt Buster’s sturdy frame against hers. Her heart rate quickened, and she did her best to keep her breathing calm.
“I did go to the prison on Holly’s birthday,” Buster said. “It was tough and why I’ve been in a strange mood.”
Steph nodded. “I lit a candle. Seven actually. Hopefully Holly is fussed over in heaven.”
“Spoiled rotten, I hope.”
They fell into a comfortable silence for a little while before Buster spoke again. “I told Eve I thought she should pursue the appeal. That she didn’t belong in prison.”
“That was very big of you.”
“It’s how I feel. She’s being punished daily with her memories and regret. The postpartum depression put her on the path that ended in disaster. It’s very cruel, and I don’t want to be the one to inflict any more hurt on her.”
Steph found herself wrapping her arm around Buster’s back. She squeezed him gently, letting him know that his words touched her.
“Do you think we should turn back?” Buster said. “It will be warmer at Traders than it is here.”
“I don’t want to go back there,” Steph said. “Not tonight.”
Buster nodded. “I’m a bit stuck because Jodi’s driving, and they’re not leaving until eleven.”
“Why don’t you come back to my place? I’ll make us some tea, and we can sit out on the back. I have patio heaters, and we can get the fire going.”
“I’d love to,” Buster said. “But only if it’s not too much trouble.”
Steph laughed. “Definitely not too much trouble. The cold air seems to have sobered you up a lot already, and the tea will help too. Why don’t you message Jodi or Travis and get them to pick you up from my place? Save you having to walk back to Traders.”
Buster slipped his phone from his pocket and sent the text. His phone chimed seconds later with a message. “See you at eleven,” he read out to Steph. “That’s not too late for you?”
“Considering I’m likely to be awake half the night, it isn’t. Now come on, let's go. I’m freezing and would love some tea. Zane baked some bread today, so we can throw together some sandwiches.”
She smiled as Buster pulled her close once again, and they set off companionably for her place.
❖
Buster closed his eyes and inhaled a delicious aroma of sandalwood and something else. Lilies? He opened his eyes and sought out Steph’s. “Your home is so nice. I can see why Matt wants you to be the leading designer of the retreat.”
“I’m not sure about the leading designer, but I do have some ideas,” Steph added a teapot and two mugs to a tray. She’d cut thick slices of bread from Zane’s loaf, lavished them with butter, and added them to a plate. “You bring the bread, and I’ll bring this,” Steph said, nodding at the tea tray. “The patio heater should be warm by now, and the fire’s built, so we should be able to just put a match to it.”
Buster followed Steph out of the back door into a garden oasis. He placed the bread on a small table where Steph had put the tea tray down.
She picked up a box of matches and passed them to Buster. “Can you light the fire? I’ll pour the tea.”
Buster struck a match, and within a few seconds, he had the fire lit.
“I built it up earlier,” Steph explained, passing Buster a teacup. “When I can’t sleep, I’ll often come out here in the middle of the night and stargaze. It’s not as appealing if I have to build the whole fire first. Knowing I just have to throw a match on it gets me out here most nights, even though it’s freezing.”
“You’re up in the middle of the night, most nights?”
Steph nursed her teacup and shrugged. “It varies. I seem to go through stages. When things are particularly stressful, I seem to sleep for a few hours, and then I’m wide awake. My mind is racing so fast there’s no way I’ll get back to sleep.”
“Was it like that before Holly died?”
Steph fell silent.
“Steph?”
She shook her head. “No, it’s been since then. Nothing’s been quite right since the accident. But it’s not always because of Holly that I don’t sleep. Sometimes she’s not in my dreams at all. I know at the moment I’m particularly stressed. There’s just so much change happening, and it only really occurred to me tonight that I didn’t ask for any of this. Bodhi leaving so quickly and selling to Matt set off a chain of events that makes sense on paper, but I’m not sure if they make sense in here.” She tapped her chest. “Margie called me a technophobe the other day, which is pretty accurate. It’s not that I’m scared of computers and technology; I’ve just never had any desire to use them. I like living a simpler life. I don’t want to be involved with social media and know what people are doing all the time. I’d rather chat with those I’m interested in to find out. Suddenly Matt’s sending me phones and computers and telling me to get up to speed.”
Buster nodded. “I kind of understand where he’s coming from.”
“So do I,” Steph said. �
�And so far, I’ve been whisked along by the excitement of everything. But today, I realized the one thing I love about my life is disappearing.”
Buster waited for Steph to explain.
“I like having very little responsibility. Teaching a class means I’m responsible for sixty or ninety minutes of someone’s life. I can manage that. Scheduling classes, enrolling clients, developing the retreat—that requires someone responsible. Someone who can be counted on, trusted, and won’t let anyone down.”
Buster stared at Steph. The conversation was taking a turn he hadn’t expected. Her words mirrored the thoughts that had been building within him since Holly’s death and even more so since seeing Eve. He cleared his throat. “Before the accident, did you have plans, or were you happy teaching?”
Steph sipped her tea. “I was planning to travel. I wanted to go to India and Southeast Asia. Practice and hopefully teach yoga. I was hoping the experiences I had would give me enough confidence to open a studio of my own when I returned.”
“Really?”
Steph nodded.
“That sounds like something someone looking to take on responsibility would do.”
“I didn’t worry about things then. I believed life unfolds the way it is supposed to, and you can’t control it. I still believe that, kind of. But now, after what’s happened, I can’t explain it, but I’m not as carefree as I was.” Her eyes took on a faraway look. “If I’m more cautious, I should be able to prevent horrible things from happening. I hope, anyway.”
Buster put his teacup down and took her hand in his. “Steph, the accident changed you. It changed both of us. But I think your original line of thinking is the truest: that life unfolds as it is supposed to. There’s one good thing that I’m realizing has come from all of this.”
“What?”
“There’s part of me fighting this every step of the way. I shouldn’t be allowed to be happy, and I’d never want to let you down. But there’s something bigger at play than what I’m telling myself.” He searched her eyes. It wasn’t just him feeling this, was it? Her eyes reflected his hope, excitement, and desire. She felt it too, he was sure of it. “I have no idea what this all means, or whether there’s any chance for us to be happy, but the only time I’m happy lately is when I’m around you or when I’m thinking about you.”
He reached out his hand and brushed a stray tear that was rolling down her cheek. “I think you feel the same and are as scared and unsure as I am. Is that true?”
Steph nodded.
He smiled. Cupping her chin in his hands, he kissed her lightly on the lips.
9
After teaching her morning classes, Steph made her way from Heat Wave to the Sandstone Cafe. She’d arranged to meet Matt there before he returned to the city, and she also needed to speak to Ryan. Only hours after agreeing to go on a date with him to Periwinkle, she’d found herself kissing another man.
She hugged a secret smile to herself as she thought of Buster. The kiss they’d shared had been gentle, delicious, and full of promises to come. They’d spent the remainder of the evening huddled together, talking and laughing. She hadn’t felt so happy in months and was disappointed when Travis and Jodi arrived to pick up Buster. He hadn’t kissed her again but had hugged her and promised he’d call her this morning. She stopped walking. What if he’d had second thoughts? It was entirely possible. He’d drunk too much the previous night, although by the time they were sitting around her fire, he seemed to have sobered up.
Her phone chimed with a message as doubt crept over her. She pulled it from her pocket and saw Buster’s name.
Last night was so special. Can I see you later today or tomorrow? x
Steph smiled, the doubts immediately falling away. Her worry that he was regretting their evening was unfounded. She sent back a message.
I’m teaching afternoon classes today. How about tomorrow? I’m free after my 9 am class, so from 11. x
Aren’t you hiking tomorrow? Buster responded immediately.
Not anymore. How about a picnic at Spicer’s Peak? Steph sent the text, hoping it would suit Buster. Spicer’s Peak was a beautiful spot only a short walk from Hope’s Ridge. They could get there without the need to drive anywhere, which suited her as long as he didn’t mind coming all the way back to Hope’s Ridge again.
Perfect. I’ll be at your house at 11 and will be thinking of you today. x
Steph’s smile widened as she put the phone back in her pocket. She’d be thinking of him too. After Buster left the previous night, she’d made herself a promise. To try to live in the moment. To not stress and not overthink. Life would unfold as it was supposed to; she had to trust her judgment on that.
“You look happy,” Margie commented as Steph entered the cafe. “A lot happier than you looked last night.” She raised an eyebrow. “Any reason for this change?”
Steph shrugged noncommittally. “I just taught two classes. I must have absorbed the positive energy in the room.”
“Or,” Ryan stepped out from the kitchen area into the service area, “you’re excited to see me.”
Steph smiled. She hoped he wasn’t going to be too upset when she told him how she felt. “I’m always happy to see you, Ryan, and I was hoping to talk to you.”
Ryan raised an eyebrow. “That sounds ominous. Can it wait until tomorrow?”
Steph shook her head. “No, it’s about tomorrow. I need to cancel.”
“That’s okay. We can do it another time.”
Steph looked from Ryan to Margie and back again. Margie didn’t need it spelled out for her and slipped away under the pretense of offering table service to a small group of customers.
“Or not do it another time,” Ryan added.
“I’d love to go hiking with you another time,” Steph said, “but as friends, not as a date. I’ve always thought of you as a friend, more like a brother than someone I’d date. I’d hate to ruin our friendship by trying to turn it into something else.”
Ryan nodded. “I had a feeling you were going to say that. It’s Buster, isn’t it?”
“Not exactly. I’d say the same thing regardless of having feelings for Buster. I want us to be friends, Ryan, good friends, but without expectations of anything else.”
Ryan sighed. “You have no idea how many times I’ve heard that line. That I’m more like a brother than someone I’d date.”
“I am sorry.”
“No, don’t apologize. I’d rather you tell me now than string me along.” He leaned forward and hugged her. “All I can say is Buster is one lucky man.”
Heat flooded Steph’s cheeks. “I hope we’ll still be great friends.”
“Of course we will,” Ryan said. “Although I might have to glare at Buster the next time I see him.”
“What’s Buster done?”
Steph turned to find Matt approaching the service area.
“Nothing,” Ryan said. “We were just joking around. Now, I take it you two have a meeting. What can I get you?”
Steph ordered tea and a bliss ball and Matt asked for coffee and a slice of lemon cake. They chose a table by the window looking out to the lake and sat across from each other.
“I’m sorry about how everything turned out, Steph,” Matt said. “It’s been manic. I was thinking this morning that there is no rush to do anything with Heat Wave. If you’re okay with keeping the studio running, we can discuss the development when I’m not quite so frantic. It would give you a chance to get used to running the studio first.”
Steph felt a massive weight lift from her shoulders.
Matt laughed. “You look relieved.”
She nodded. “It only really registered with me what was happening yesterday. Bodhi leaving and selling you the property, and then us talking about being business partners is all such a massive change. Being a partner in Heat Wave is something I have considered but never really seriously. I had always planned to travel, see what’s out there beyond Hope’s Ridge before settling down. Don’
t get me wrong, I was planning to have my own studio, just not like this.”
“You know, it’s funny,” Matt said. “If we were having this discussion a week ago, I’d be telling you that you’re crazy. How often does an opportunity like this land in your lap.” He smiled. “I would have been one of two things: either very convincing or, more likely, exceedingly arrogant.”
Steph smiled. “You know yourself well.”
Matt rolled his eyes and laughed again. “This week has been eye-opening for me. The reality that I could have lost my dad, and still could, has brought a lot of things into perspective for me. The first being I need to slow down. I need to start living in the now a bit more than constantly rushing to make the future happen.”
“I imagine in your line of work you do need to do that too.”
“Yeah, but not to the extent I have been. Anyway, it’s early days with my dad, and depending on how he shapes up, it’s likely I’ll be taking over a number of his projects.”
“That hardly sounds like you’ll be living in the moment. You’ll be even busier now.”
“Possibly, unless I can learn to let go of controlling everything and employ some good people to take over some of the jobs I normally do. Once again, early days. I haven’t worked out what I’ll be doing yet but did want to say that I’m fine with slowing down the retreat. It’s busy enough with construction starting next door. The only way I can see the retreat moving forward would be having you drive it. If you’re not sure that’s what you want, let’s put it on hold. The business is profitable as it is, and the land is probably worth a fortune. Bodhi had to sell it quickly, and I was happy to pay his asking price, but with the right time and planning, a backup plan would be to subdivide it and split it into lots. I can recoup my investment and more doing that without outlaying too much time or energy.”
“Was that your plan all along?” Steph couldn’t help but ask the question. A quick profit seemed much more likely than Matt developing a wellness retreat.
He frowned. “No, it wasn’t, and it’s still my second choice.” He studied her face for a minute. “Should I assume you’re now considering that I’ve ripped off Bodhi and plan to make a quick profit and sell it?”
Beyond Hope's Ridge Page 14