There had been much teasing and a flurry of excitement as Adela and Lacy threw together a sack lunch for them and hustled them on their way. It had been embarrassing.
As they headed toward his black-and-chrome Harley he’d smiled at her and made her smile when he told her that he’d enjoyed watching her have a good time, even if it was at his expense.
The man had a way about him—when he wasn’t being a domineering oaf—that seriously drew her to him…dangerous thing to admit but it was true. He was so different from his brother Seth. Susan had thought at one point maybe she and Seth would have made a great couple. Seth was so settled and sure of his spot in life that they’d gotten along great from the moment she’d first begun working in this area and they’d become friends. He’d been in what she’d thought was a serious relationship and then when he’d broken that off, she was dating someone—of course that didn’t work out. But when they both were single and she’d thought now was the time, he’d fallen for Melody. She’d been happy for him, but sad for herself. She’d not been able to help thinking that she might have missed out on the best man she’d ever known.
The man she could have trusted would never leave…but the first time she saw him and Melody, she knew they were meant for each other. There was a beautiful spark between them. That “thing,” that unspoken connection, that everyone around a man and a woman in love can see. She couldn’t help but be thrilled for them.
At their wedding when Cole had walked in, she’d thought instantly, “Now, there is a man.”
He was nothing like his brother, oh, no. One look at Cole and she’d felt as though she was stepping out on a tightrope. With Seth she felt an easy feeling of comfort. Not anywhere near the tightening of her stomach, accelerated heartbeat and the we’re-going-over-the-edge-of-the-cliff feeling she got when Cole was near…
That impression had solidified and done nothing but gather speed since he’d come home. Being around him was always like a roller-coaster ride. But it was all surface stuff.
So now here she was with the sun on her face and the wind in her hair as she took this step to get to know him better. She was terrified…her daddy had always told her fear was her best friend if it helped propel her forward. Susan had no idea if forward was good in this situation but forward she was determined to go.
She had to find out if this spark she felt when she was around him was what she feared it might be…
Energy filled Cole as he jogged down the old stone steps to where she stood on the large flat rock that jutted out into the water. The river swerved around the rock and rapids gurgled and swirled as the rock ledge on both sides of the area narrowed. Susan shielded her eyes and looked at him.
“I never knew this was back here,” she said, amazed. “Can you imagine what a welcome respite this must have been for those stagecoach passengers a hundred and fifty years ago when those stages rumbled to a stop at the house?”
He looked about thoughtfully, taking in the beauty and the timelessness of the place. “I’ve thought of it often. Actually as a kid I’d come here to this spot for respite myself. It’s special.”
“I can see you here,” she said, her eyes sharpening with interest. “I bet you dreamed of all sorts of things.”
He tucked his hands in his pockets—the logical way of keeping them from reaching out to her. Which was suddenly exactly what he wanted to do, right here at his special spot. He’d never brought anyone here before. But he’d made the decision to share it with her the instant she’d agreed to have lunch with him.
He held up the plastic grocery bag Adela had handed to him before they’d left. “Are you ready to eat?”
“I can’t believe they threw that together in the few moments we were telling them we were going for a ride.”
“Adela and Lacy are quick-handed women, is all I can say.” He led the way along the wide rock to where another ledge made a good place for them to sit. “As a kid, I pretended this was my thinking couch.”
She sat down with a space between them for the sack of food. Scooting back so her feet dangled, she leaned against the wall. “It reminds me of one. All we need are a few pillows to soften it up a bit.”
He nodded as he extracted two bottles of water, some turkey sandwiches and a large, half-full bag of chips from the sack.
“This looks good,” he said, his mind racing for an opening.
Susan nodded. “Can I ask you something?”
“Shoot away.” His interest spiked instantly by the hesitancy he heard in her voice.
“When you were sitting here, did you dream of settling down?”
There was his opening…as if God was telling him to open up like he’d wanted to do.
He laid a sandwich on the napkin Susan had just removed from the sack and placed in front of him. He steadied his thoughts. “I didn’t. I dreamed of being a rodeo star and seeing the world. I brought my rope here and I practiced to the sound of the water rushing by.”
“That’s kind of what I’d put together about you,” she said before taking a bite of her sandwich. She looked away, studying the water as it flowed past.
“But things change.”
“How so?”
“First, I never figured I was needed around here. I love this place, the land, the fact that it has been in our family all these years. I love coming home to it—”
“But you hardly come home. I mean, at least since I’ve bought the clinic and been doing work around here, you haven’t been home much.”
He grinned. “Been keeping up with me even before you knew me. Impressive.”
“Yeah, you wish.” She laughed. “That Seth has mentioned you a time or two is the only reason I even knew you existed.”
“There’s no need to be embarrassed. I’m sure my gals, Norma Sue and Esther Mae, have mentioned me to nearly all the single gals just like yourself. They’re always looking out for a suitable match for their favorite prodigal son.”
She shook her head. “Hate to burst your bubble, but they never once mentioned you to me.”
He let out an exaggerated sigh. “And here I thought they were on pins and needles waiting for me to come home to roost.”
“Don’t feel too bad. They’ve been busy with all the cowboys already living here.”
“This is true. Still, I’m wounded.”
“So—it wouldn’t really matter. Right?”
“Actually, at the time I left it, it wouldn’t have. The rodeo team at college was my ticket to see more of the world. I never meant to leave home forever. But my third year at school I met—” He had to pause as emotions slammed into him at the thought of meeting Lori.
Susan’s gaze went still and she studied him with open curiosity. “Who?”
“A very special girl. Her name was Lori and she’d been on the team the year before I signed on.” After all this time it was just like yesterday. “She was an excellent barrel racer and sister to one of the ropers. And, well, she’d had to drop off the team due to a rare form of cancer. The team admired her and dedicated most of their rides to her so even though I’d not met her, she was there in spirit every time we went out.”
Susan placed her sandwich on her napkin and listened, unmoving. He studied her thoughtfully, her healthy glow and vitality so in contrast to Lori’s sallow coloring when they’d met…“She came to the arena one day. She’d lived longer than the doctors expected her to and had beaten the odds, as some would say. She gave all the glory to God for every second she was alive. And she believed God had kept her alive for a reason—she was convinced of that and had been trying hard to figure out what it was that day when she walked into the arena.” Cole took a shaky breath, remembering that moment as if it was thirty minutes ago.
“She changed my life in ways I never thought possible. She was frail—so frail I thought she might need to sit down to catch her breath as she walked up the wheelchair ramp to the bleachers.”
“What happened? Did she make it?”
“Yes. She ma
de it into the stands and sat on the bottom bleacher and watched the practice. I roped my calf, but when I went off my horse to tie his hooves she let out a whoop and I slid in the dirt and went down. I was laid out flat on my back in the dirt and heard her soft chuckle. For the first time in my life, I didn’t care that I’d missed.” He smiled. “All I could think about was going over and meeting the girl I’d heard so much about.” He glanced at Susan and widened his smile…thinking about how hearing that rich laugh coming from such a fragile woman had affected him.
“She must have been a great gal?”
He shook himself out of his nostalgia. “That’s all I could think, too. I mean when someone makes an impression like she had on so many, it gets a person’s attention.”
“So what did you do?”
“I picked myself up, dusted myself off, walked over and…and, I gave her my heart.” He swallowed hard and caught the surprise in Susan’s face. “Yeah, hard to believe, isn’t it?”
“You fell in lov—” Her voice caught, which caught him off guard. “You fell in love?” she asked, her voice hushed.
“Like a rock.” He leaned elbows on knees and hung his head. “When I looked up through those arena bars into her eyes—so shadowed and hollow, but…extraordinarily full of life—I knew I would never be the same.” He wasn’t exactly sure why he felt so compelled to open up to Susan about Lori but it felt good to talk to someone. Why her? Maybe it was so that she would stop and take less risk with herself. Not take her life or the quality of that life for granted.
“Was she recovering? In remission?”
“No.” He gave a slow head shake as he held Susan’s startled gaze. Sure she was probably unable to believe he had the capacity for something like that—he hadn’t known it himself. Feeling compassion for someone in that situation was one thing, falling in love in a heartbeat—some would say was crazy. And they had said it plenty. Pushing forward, he continued—details were hard. “We had three months. People called me crazy. Who would pursue someone who was dying? If I could, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. But I wouldn’t change it for me. Lori was the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Susan’s pain-filled eyes bored into him but she didn’t say anything.
“She taught me what was important. Look, I’ve never told anyone all of this. I don’t exactly know why I brought you here to tell you this, but I did. Life is precious. You should enjoy it and take care of yourself. There is more to life than your career. Don’t take it all for granted.”
Susan’s heart hammered with Cole’s words. The man had fallen in love with a terminally ill woman—it was heartbreaking. “What did you do?”
He rubbed his knee, as he seemed to go back in time thinking. “I’d hurt my knee and was struggling competitively in my rodeo events. My dream was dying and it had been killing me. But after meeting Lori, it wasn’t important anymore. I started seeing things in black-and-white in terms of importance. Which makes it even more difficult to handle what happened after she died…
“I shut down and for a while nothing was important to me, nothing at all. Thinking about those weeks now, I’m ashamed because I feel like I let her down. She’d wanted me to let her go easily. She’d been prepared to die. But even knowing this, there was no way—” His words died abruptly and he turned his head away from her.
Susan’s heart broke for him. She wanted to comfort him, touch his shoulder, something, but she couldn’t move.
“I couldn’t understand how someone so wonderful had to go through so much,” he said, his words harder, his eyes flat when he turned back to her. “I still don’t. It’s a part of life I don’t get.” He shook his head in distaste. “I didn’t mean to get into that, that isn’t why I started telling you this. I was just trying to let you know that you need to take care of yourself. Do more of this type of thing. Play volleyball, laugh. Hire an assistant who will be with you when you go out on call. You shouldn’t be so stubborn about it.”
So that was what all of this was about—he slipped that assistant in there so smoothly. What exactly had she hoped it was about?
More.
The man had just given her a look inside his heart and even said he didn’t do that with many people. No one in town, other than Seth maybe, knew this side of him. She would have heard something about it…she remembered Norma Sue saying she thought something had happened to him, but she didn’t know what. Now, Susan knew and she’d felt touched, even honored, that he would confide something so personal to her. He’d just described giving his heart to Lori in an unbelievable instant. He’d still stepped over that line and given his heart to her, knowing that he would suffer such a void after her death. But obviously he hadn’t confided in her because he felt connected to her…
Oh, no, hardly. She blinked and stared away from him. Had she really thought his telling her meant more than it did? And why, oh, why did she care? She knew he was merely trying to use the experience to get her to slow down and hire an assistant.
“You want to know why I’m so stubborn?” she asked, more disappointed than angry at his continual soapbox stand on her life. “I understand the void you feel. Not exactly in the same way but, still, losing people you love is hard. Even with God’s comfort. My mother died giving birth to me. She was forty-five. They’d wanted a child so badly, but had given up years earlier and so when my mom found out she’d conceived me she was ecstatic. She was cautioned to give me up because of some complications, but she refused. She basically gave her life to bring me into this world.” The very idea of it had truly overwhelmed her growing up. Her mother hadn’t had to die for her. But she’d loved her. “I always think of Jesus when I think of my mother’s sacrifice. Jesus died on the cross for us because He loved us so much, and my mother died in labor because she loved me so much. Even though she’d never seen me. It’s overwhelming sometimes when I think about it.”
Cole took her hand. The contact was so unexpected it took her breath.
“I’m so sorry for your loss,” he said, his smoky-blue eyes darkening like gray skies before a rain.
Susan felt his sincerity and as she looked into his eyes she felt comforted. “Thank you.” His hand tightened about hers and his thumb soothingly caressed her skin. “My daddy and I were everything to each other. He was fifteen years older than my mom, though, and he felt like I needed to be able to stand on my own two feet in case something happened to him. He died just after I graduated high school and was getting ready to enter college. Though he’d prepared me, I still had lessons to learn.” Had she ever. Thinking about how hard those years were reminded her not to feel bad about her stubbornness. She’d been alone and grieving when she’d entered college. She’d also felt all of her father’s expectations while feeling lost at the same time. “I’m stubborn and determined and driven for a reason, Cole. Yes, I’m moving to town to try to have a life. But I can’t change who I am.” And that was what he would have her do—she pulled her hand from his. “I am the child my father raised. Knowing your story helps me see why that bothers you. But I will make my father proud in my short lifetime.” She stood up, too troubled to stay seated. “I think we should go back now.”
She’d confided too much and knew it had simply been the result of a long two days…a long two weeks. That was it.
He would be through with the clinic by the end of the next week if he hurried it up, and then he’d move on. He’d be gone. Back to the altruistic life he’d chosen after losing the love of his life.
All she had to do was not think about that. Not think about how she would love to be the one to take away the pain she’d glimpsed in his eyes as he’d talked of Lori.
Chapter Sixteen
“So how’s it goin?” Sam asked on Tuesday morning when Cole walked into the diner with Seth. From their seat at the front window, Applegate and Stanley tuned in. They called out a “howdy” and leaned a bit closer to make sure their hearing aids picked up all bits of conversation.
“Don’t ask,” Se
th said. “Cole might bite your heads off.”
Cole shot him a grumpy glare as he took a stool. He’d avoided the diner on Monday because he knew he’d get the fifth degree from the old fellas. He’d already gotten it from Norma Sue, Esther Mae and Adela. The three ladies had visited the clinic first thing Monday morning. They hadn’t even tried to hide their real reason for dropping by and had immediately begun drilling him about Sunday afternoon.
He’d told them little. What was there to tell? That he’d opened up to Susan and had completely come across the wrong way. She’d empathized with him over Lori but hadn’t gotten why he’d told her…he wasn’t sure he completely understood why he’d told her.
The last thing he’d expected was for her to reveal what she had. He’d had no clue what she’d been through and he seriously doubted that anyone in town knew that she’d lost everyone so close to her…early in her life. No wonder she was so independent.
“I’m almost done with the clinic, if that’s what you mean,” Cole offered.
Applegate spat a sunflower seed into the spittoon. “I heard Susan was out most of the night last night,” he boomed. “She was back and forth between here, thar and yonder with one emergency after the other. You seen her?”
“Nope. She hasn’t come by.”
“That ain’t good,” Stanley yelled across the room.
Sam set cups in front of Cole and Seth. “Nope, sure ain’t.”
“She’s busy. It’s her job,” Cole snapped, watching as Sam filled his with coffee. “Thanks,” he grunted. He took a cautious swallow. Black and caustic, the coffee burned all the way down his throat and settled in his stomach like acid on acid. He took another swallow.
“Shor she’s busy but…” Sam drawled. “It still ain’t good that she’s burning both ends of the candle. The little gal is dancin’ with disaster if ya ask me.”
Cole couldn’t agree more. He wasn’t the only one in town who thought she put herself in dangerous situations. Or was stubborn. Or needed someone to watch over her. She might be a certified veterinarian, but she was a woman alone at all hours of the night and no matter how she explained herself to him he could not and did not think it was safe for her.
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