The Carrero Heart_The Journey_Arrick and Sophie

by L. T. Marshall

  ‘I know…Don’t say it. You told me, and I said I was fine with just a fuck buddy while I got over Matt.’ She looks like she is about to burst into tears and I lay down my chalk and sit down to face her properly, realising she needs an ear right now to get this off her chest. I paste on my most understanding and gentle face and hope to god I have the wisdom to give her right now. I am hardly an expert in happy relationships.

  Clearly!

  ‘Sex makes everything messy!’ Christian interjects, leaning in between us with a furrowed brow, obviously listening in and looking super fly in black today. Lately his own love life has been a lot more settled, his boyfriend finally coming out a little and joining us all on our little group get togethers.

  James seems to get on with Arry and Nate and some of the other guys and their girlfriends who come along. I love our extended circle of friends, having known all Arry’s male friends a long time and now getting to know their new women and new extended friends. It feels right, like I found where I belong, and no one mentions Natasha really, even though they all know her and know how long Arrick was with her before showing up with me on his arm as girlfriend instead of best friend. Christian and Jenny, and now James, just seem to slot in so seamlessly with Arricks friends, it’s like they always were.

  ‘Agreed.’ I raise a brow at him and we nod in unison. I still haven’t admitted to them that we haven’t even gone down that road again, I don’t even know if I want to. Half of me does, half of me is scared and my own emotions are still all over the place concerning even trying again anytime soon. I think this whole Natasha thing is messing with my head as much as it frustrates me that Arry isn’t trying to get me to try again, a part of me is glad in case I just freak out again. If it really is trust based, and even Emma thinks it is, then this whole messy Natasha hate I have going on will just screw it all up and make him think I will never be able to go there with him. I’d rather not try if that is the outcome.

  ‘Maybe it’s time to cut him loose Jen, accept that it’s going nowhere and you’re just going to get hurt if you keep sleeping with him.’ I frown harder at her, knowing Nate like I do, I know that he isn’t exactly going to stop messing around and settle down with one girl. Unknown to her, he brought a girl back with us a few nights ago from a bar we met up at, he had sex with her in Arry’s spare room and left early next day. Wasn’t hard to guess at what they were doing, she was a screamer and Arry laughed at the noises, while I growled and threatened to go castrate the bastard, before he drowned them out with some music that we fell asleep to. Okay Arry had to wrestle me to stay in bed, and remove all the sharp objects I found to go and put an end to the screaming noise in the next room. He laughed mainly at me, and my rage, and then had to talk me down from a psychotic turn that he finally only calmed by drowning out the grunting porn fest with very loud music that finally let me sleep.

  ‘I think I’m falling for him.’ She looks at me woefully and I just feel my heart sinking, hating that I could have predicted this and knew she was going to get hurt. She got over Matt way too quickly and left herself open to this jerk. Of all the people to fall for in the whole of New York, I stupidly let Nathan near her.

  ‘Don’t do that. He is so not worthy of you. He’s a slut, he won’t change, and trust me, you probably aren’t the only girl he has hanging on.’ I know it’s harsh, but I need her to stop this before he really hurts her, I need her to know that I know he has been sleeping with other girls too. Probably frequently.

  ‘I know. He told me. He never actually hides it and I have never actually told him that it bothers me…I kind of told him I was seeing other people too, so that he wouldn’t think I was falling for him.’ She looks desolate as Christian puts an arm around her and throws me the ‘yeah that was never going to work’ look over her head with a dramatic grimace. He looks a little bit murderous right now and I have to agree, if Nathan was around right now I would maim him with my fabric scissors.

  ‘Toxic relationships make you lie to hide your feelings babes. Cut him loose, you’re not being you and you’re acting out a part in order to keep him. You’re girlfriend material, a one guy girl and he’s not for you.’ Christian lays it on thick, squeezing her half to death. We catch each other’s eyes and almost nod in unison. Nathan isn’t right for our girl, she is a keeper. The kind of girl you marry and have a tonne of babies with. She was never built for this crazy shitty world of games and casual sex. Nathan is just jading a sweetheart with a pure soul for his own ends.

  ‘I keep telling myself that but……… When I try and not text or call him I just feel like I miss him crazily.’ A tear fills her eye and I literally feel like ripping Nates head off, she is the last girl in the world who needed to fall into the arms of one emotion sucking sex addict like him.

  ‘Let him go.’ Both Christian and I agree in unison, staring at her with only real love for the girl and sure that this will end no other way. I wish I could reach in and take it all away for her. I know the agony she is in and can totally relate to her pain.

  ‘I know, I know…Okay. I do.’ Jenny stifles a sob and I feel my heart melt, moving round beside her at the table and mirroring Christians pose at the other side of her, arms around her as we both hug her tight. I am aware that I am getting touchier feely nowadays, I don’t know if it’s because of Arry or if I am just still always moving on emotionally. I find that touch and affection isn’t abhorring me in the same way anymore. I catch Christian’s eye over the top of her head and its clear he’s thinking the same thing that I am right now. She isn’t falling for him, she clearly already has, and the bastard is already breaking her heart.

  ‘When he takes me home after bowling tonight, I just want one more night and then I’ll tell him it’s over…. I promise.’ She cries softly, not convincing either of us really; make up streaming down her rosy cheeks as Christian reaches for a fabric swatch and dabs her eye. I feel myself sigh down the reality, I know she will do no such thing. The reason Matt got away with being a shitty boyfriend for two years is because Jenny is too easily led on, too accommodating when it comes to her heart and she is too weak to dump anyone until they ditch her. Nate is chewing her up right now and the day is coming that he too will spit her out and I hate that I can see this. I hate that someone as beautiful and kind as her is at the centre of such a shitty man’s coldness. It’s the first time I have ever felt real dislike for Nathan Andrews! Christian mops more of her make up off with the cream coloured velvet and I suddenly realise what he is holding.

  ‘That better not be the swatch for the design board we are supposed to be finishing today?’ I glare at him frostily; our current project is almost done and these marks go towards a final grade on this segment of our course. The fabric he’s lifted looks a lot like the one I spent hours sourcing for our mood board.

  ‘Shhhh. Friend in need. We’ll just say its grubby as it’s urban chic.’ Christian gives me his sassy smile, shamelessly unconcerned that he probably just ruined our whole board and weeks of work. I grit my teeth and then sigh in resignation.

  A friend in need!

  I eyeroll at him over Jenny’s head and take the swatch from him, using it to wipe her mascara streaks for her cheeks instead and think ‘screw it.’

  Chapter 15

  ‘We’re running late from this fight promo baby, we’ll meet you at the alley maybe twenty minutes late. Nate says can you tell Jen too.’ Arrick is on the phone, surrounded by background noise and sounding cheerful. I’m already home and getting ready, where he was supposed to meet me and sighing heavily. Irritation rising because he’s never late and because Nathan can go fuck himself right now. I am still not pleased with the way he is treating my girl.

  ‘You suck… You know how much I hate getting cabs alone at this time of night. Tell Nate to text Jen himself, I’m not his secretary!’ I’m not really mad at Arry, just irritated that it’s going to be another hour before I see him, and all day I have only wanted a hug from him. I just feel so listless and all o
ver the place with my emotions, and he always makes me feel so much more grounded. It was a shitty day at school, thanks to everything going wrong today, and I just need some real TLC from the boy who knows how to make me feel so much brighter.

  ‘I know gorgeous, and I shall. Guy needs to man the fuck up and stop being such a pussy when it comes to women. I won’t be too late, and I’ll make it up to you. I promise.’ He sounds sexier on the phone today, more husk to that manly tone, his deep voice even more so since he’s trying to keep his cell close to his mouth and all the noise out, of the promo event they are at.

  ‘In what way?’ I ask saucily, knowing fine that sex is still off the table. Not sure how else men intend to do any making up with sexy tones when there’s no sex really. It’s still a source of eternal frustration that sends my head into gaga land.

  ‘Tomorrow we spend the full day, just you and me and do whatever you want. Saturday, so no school and I have no training before my flight to LA on Sunday. We can stay home and vegetate, or go anywhere you want. You have me for a whole interrupted day.’ He sounds smug down the phone, sure that he has just offered me a more than acceptable token of love. An entire day is a rare thing to be fair, neither of us rarely have one at the same time.

  ‘Uh, uh. I need to get up and go do that thing at nine am remember? It will take me an hour.’ I sigh, deflated that I am ruining our first entire day to just be. I have a school open day to attend, the fashion academy is hosting an event for new students, like a sign-up day and I must man a stall for an hour as a favour for a girl who is going to see her doctor first thing.

  ‘Okay so I will take you, pick you up, and then we can have our day.’ He tries again, muffled a little as he is moving around, and it sounds like someone speaks to him in the background and draws his attention for a moment. I pull off my leggings from the day and pace around bare foot on my carpeted floor of my bedroom and haul out new underwear. Sexy new buys; we may not be doing the deed yet, but he does like to get me into my underwear at bedtime and it doesn’t hurt to keep him interested with what can still happen.

  ‘Uh, uh, again. Christian is collecting me and dropping me off, because unlike you… He never stands me up and shows up late! He’s helping too. You can have me after that. He’s off to see his man toy afterwards anyway.’ I smirk down the phone satisfied that I am giving him enough of a hard time to keep him on his toes. Smiling to myself as I hold up a very lace infused navy set that leaves little to the imagination and put it beside the shoes I want to wear tonight.

  ‘You never warned me way back when, that despite him being gay, I would still have to share you. I might rethink beating him after all…. Okay baby. I will make you breakfast and then when you come home we will figure out what we’re doing for the day.’ He sounds happier, cheerful like he is most of the time nowadays and a little tired if I am being honest. Some nights he just doesn’t let me fall asleep until he pesters the hell out of me with making out and pointless half the night conversations about everything and nothing. Last night we stayed up till dawn discussing the finer points of New York cuisine. I have no idea why we even do that crap. I can’t complain though, really, I love lying in his arms listening to that sexy voice and giggling my nights away with him. I can’t imagine it any other way.

  ‘I suppose…if I must.’ I sigh dramatically, smiling when I hear him chuckle softly. Picturing his face and those to die for dimples that just make me want to squish his face.

  ‘Are you ever going to let up on me? Even just a tiny bit?’ He jests, knowing fine he gets it way too easy and I really should be harder on him. He just has to smile at me sometimes and I am all his.

  ‘When you deserve it, I guess. Now go. Let me get ready. I have bowling to go to, might meet a hot guy who sweeps me off my feet.’ I sulk down the phone in a mocking tone and catch sight of an alternate pair of shoes on the floor I might want to wear instead, that have been dumped there mercilessly.

  ‘Just make sure his surname starts with a C, or there will be hell to pay. I love you Soph’s.’ He seems to sound louder, moved to a quieter spot and a little echoing now, as though he is in a passageway.

  ‘You’re such a loser.’ I sigh with a smile, hearing another soft laugh from him.

  ‘You will say it again one day, you know? …. I know you still do.’ Arrick turns serious for a moment and I immediately deflect, conversation a little too close to the bone and not willing to face the fact I have been unable to say it to him since Leilas dance. That part of my heart is still curled up in hiding, waiting to see if it can.

  ‘If you say so. Get off the phone… My arm’s getting sore.’ I sigh and pout even though he can’t see me. Rotating my shoulder and switching ears.

  ‘Are you naked right now?’ Arrick sounds completely smug, back to his cheeky self and the little sexual innuendos he throws my way more frequently nowadays. Even without sex, he likes to act like there is some.

  ‘Ughh that’s it, I’m hanging up on you.’ I don’t even stop for an answer, hang up the phone and toss it on the bed, eyerolling at him yet unable to supress the laugh and smile he has pouring out of me.

  That boy!

  I pull my dress off and walk to my wardrobe in my underwear, picking up a casual pink dress that I have worn a couple times to the movies and the day he took me to the aquarium. It’s enough dressed up for a night socialising and yet dressed down enough for just bowling, its cute and flirty and looks good on me. Currently one of my favourites.

  My phone beeps on the bed, so I automatically pick it up, seeing Arry on the screen I can’t resist the heart swelling reaction as I swipe to my inbox to see his text.

  ‘I love you, beautiful. Wear the pink one. A xxxxx’

  I smile, despite myself, at my cute boyfriend; sometimes I feel like pinching myself to remind me this is real, and he really is mine for the keeps. Well, on days I am not super glum over the whole no sex and the still hanging on Natasha things. Still, right now, I kind of love him a little bit more than I used to. My heart is doing a great job of letting him in a little more every day and I guess I am starting to trust him in small ways over time.

  Not that he gets to tell me how to dress though.

  I throw the pink dress on the bed and look for another in my endless sea of clothes.

  Chapter 16

  I stand laughing at Christian’s awful attempt to get the ball down the ten-pin bowling alley with the help of Jenny, they are both equally poor at this and Claire, one of Arricks friends I have known a long time, is standing laughing beside me, she loves Christian and seems to find him equally amusing. Her short sassy red hair, framing an elfin face and almost lavender grey eyes are honed in on the two of them mirroring my amused expression.

  ‘Chris is way too hot to be gay.’ She looks at him bending over and sighs hopelessly, despite being married to Jason, she does have an eye for a nice ass. I like Claire, she’s one of Arry’s oldest friends and she has been around this group as long as I have known him. She is married to Jason, another long-term friend and are pretty much the unofficial mom and dad of this group. Everyone looks to them for advice.

  ‘Trust me, he’s way gay… That much drama would never be found in a straight man.’ I giggle as we both watch him grab Jenny’s ass rather ruggedly, to push her along with the ball, his idea of helping keep her straight. Jenny squeals, batting at his hand in a bid to keep her dress down, modestly covering that sexy body and drops the thing on her foot. The following yelp is smothered by Chris’ hand on her mouth as he dies laughing and tries to apologise without drawing attention to the fact he probably just broke her foot. The comedy double act isn’t unusual to see, I witness this hilarity almost daily at school and I just love these two even more because of it.

  ‘There you are.’ Arricks voice encompasses me at the same time as he spins me and meets my mouth with a dead-on kiss, taking me by pleasant surprise; his hand instantly cupping my face and the other around my waist, so I have zero opportunity to react. He leans
in to tilt me back a little, pushing the kiss to a little tongue action, heating me up in full view of everyone he knows, devouring me with ‘god I missed you’ lip action, before breaking away. He leaves me breathless and very warm with that little manoeuvre, knowing fine well it’s the reaction he always gets and hits me with a sexy smile that is still practically attached to my mouth. I have to tame the inner tingles and uncontrollable urge to slide my hands under his shirt and feel out that sculpted abdomen. He has no idea how crazy with longing he can make me with just a swift kiss.

  Still makes my toes curl, every time.

  ‘Grey dress? Trying to tell me something?’ Arricks eyes scan the jersey dress I opted for, over slouch boots instead of his favourite of the moment and sexy heels. I only raise eyebrows in challenge and feign innocence poorly.

  ‘Don’t know what you mean!’ I narrow my eyes with a smirk. I don’t know why I still feel the need to do silly things like this, I guess a part of me is still punishing him in subtle ways, even if I am wrapping my arms around his neck for that much needed hug I have wanted all day. Relaxing finally into the only place I ever want to be anymore.

  ‘I love your little passive aggressive stands baby, reminds me to keep on my toes where you’re concerned.’ He grins, squeezing me, fully encircling me and tightly bringing us together as he moves in for another kiss; someone makes loud vomiting noises to our left and completely ruins the moment.

  ‘Get a room.’ Nate chuckles at us, looking suave in navy tonight and freshly trimmed hair, as I swat a hand at him nearby, and notice how his eyes immediately scan out towards where Jenny and Christian are still trying to throw one ball between them. I swear for a moment he looks positively nervous and then turns and walks off with my eyes suspiciously following him.

  ‘What’s that all about?’ I nudge Arrick who seems to be focusing on my mouth still, lost in thought and push him a little to indicate Nate. Still trapped in muscular arms, holding me tight with no intention of letting me go anytime soon.