by K. I. Lynn
There was no furniture in the living room, only a box—the box.
My chest tightened as I stared at it. Why was it there?
“Will you make another box of secrets? Another place to hide the evidence of your past?” Grace walked over and kneeled in front of it. Her fingers ran around the edges and then she flipped the clasp.
My hand shot out. “Wait!”
She turned to me. “Wait for what? Don’t you want to see what’s in here?”
No. I was certain I didn’t want that.
She raised the lid and set it back.
“Wow.” Grace went silent as she looked at whatever was on top. She turned to me and held up a photo of my wedding with Lila. “You really were meant for each other.”
I began to shake, the tightness around my chest squeezed. “W-why is that in there?”
Grace blinked at me. “Why wouldn’t it be? She’s dead, just like me.”
I shook my head. “No. No, she’s not.”
Grace stood and walked forward, another photo in her hand. My eyes widened, tears filling them as she held up a photo of Lila staring blankly at me, blood everywhere.
“Of course she is. She’s married to you. Don’t tell me you really think you can keep her safe.” Her hand caressed my cheek, her eyes sad. “Nate, she was dead the moment you met her.”
My eyes squeezed tight, and I shook my head. “No! I can keep her safe.”
She stroked through my hair. “Really? I thought you weren’t going to be naïve any longer.”
My eyes snapped open, and I stared at the pain in hers. She leaned forward and kissed me. When she pulled back, it wasn’t Grace, but Lila who stared back at me.
“Do you really think you can keep me alive? Keep us alive?” She looked down, her hand running soothing circles on her round stomach.
It felt like there was a vice locked down around me. “I will do anything to keep you safe.”
She stepped back, pain filling her face. “Why aren’t you seeing it? Why are you blind?”
My brow scrunched. “I don’t understand.”
The air swirled around, lightning cracking. She closed the distance between us in the skittering blink of an eye, her face inches from mine.
“Lila will still be dead.”
I sat up. Confusion filled me, and it took me a moment to realize I was in our bedroom. My breath was coming out in hard, harsh pants as I took in the darkness.
Dream. It was all a dream.
I looked next to me to find Lila inches away, staring at me with wide, worried eyes. The constriction around my chest loosened and a strangled croak escaped me. She moved closer and wrapped her arms around me, holding me close.
“Shhh, I’m here. I’m with you, baby. We’re going to be okay.”
That was the moment I knew Lila held my weight on her shoulders. I was dragging us both down, and it made me face with the horrible truth I’d denied—Lila wouldn’t live without me.
The only way to save her was to save myself, and there was no way to do that.
CHAPTER 23
The day was long, and I was ready to get home. My workout with Jared left me exhausted and in desperate need of a shower. He was pushing me harder, to beat all the pain, fear, and anxiety that consumed me out and into the pads and the bag.
It helped a lot, and I was thankful for another physical release, but it didn’t change the truth. Marconi was coming for us.
In the back of my mind, I’d been working on a contingency plan—a getaway. Working it out in real life without them finding out was harder than I imagined. Who could I trust, and of those few, who wasn’t being watched?
When I stepped into our condo, dread washed over me.
Silent.
Black.
Nothing.
“Lila?”
I closed and locked the door behind me, then set my bag down. Silence remained. Her car was in the parking lot, so I knew she had to be here.
The echo of my footsteps on the tile accentuated the quiet, along with the hammering in my chest. I flipped light switches as I moved through the condo, scanning rooms for anything out of the ordinary. The anxiety rocketed, adrenaline pumping through me as I fought off my fears.
Everything was right where it was supposed to be. I didn’t know if that was good or bad.
Glowing yellow drew me to our bedroom, the light from the bathroom spilling out into the room. Lila sat against the wall. She was biting her lip, her hands tangled together, fidgeting.
“What happened?” I asked, rushing to her side.
She blinked back tears as she slid up the wall. “Nothing… Well, not nothing.”
Her eyes fell down, staring at my chest. A buzzing fear wrapped itself around me. Lila usually told me everything. The only time she’d pause was because she was afraid I’d fly off the handle.
I swallowed hard and raised her head so that our eyes met. “Lila, tell me.”
She was cautious, her expression pleading and scared.
“I’m late.”
I blinked at her, the fear that was building falling from me and my lips twitching up into a smile. The words weren’t foreign—I knew them well. It was another life, so long ago, but the weight of them was the same.
“Really? Do you think…”
She blinked up at me and swallowed. “I took a test. It was positive.”
Her eyes were trained on me, studying my reaction. A smile grew on my face and excitement coursed through me.
Lila was pregnant.
We were going to have a baby.
My hand moved to rest on her abdomen as my mind imagined it ballooning out from her hips, full with my child. The beast in me purred, excited about the development. It was territorial, the possessiveness growing in me—Lila was mine in every way.
Time seemed to stop as reality set in and the duality of the situation reared its ugly head.
The Marconi were watching.
The smile slid from my face. I stared down to where my hand lay. My fingers flexed against her skin as her reaction began to make sense. She was waiting for it, braced for it—my meltdown.
My eyes snapped to hers and I froze, staring at everything I wanted and loved, and feeling the sheer terror of it all being taken away the same horrific way as before. Vincent Marconi wouldn’t hesitate to kill my pregnant wife. In fact, I was certain the symmetry would be poetic in his eyes.
A strangled sound escaped me, and I fell to my knees. My arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her tight to me. My heart threatened to beat its way out of my chest. It refused to believe it was all happening again.
“We have to go to the doctor,” I said against her skin.
Her fingers moved through my hair, each stroke trying to soothe the crippling fear that was ripping through me, but it couldn’t keep up with the waves of despair.
“I have an appointment scheduled for tomorrow.”
I took a deep breath, then nuzzled her stomach. Time had changed me, and for the better. The unexpected was expected. I wasn’t the carefree, naïve man anymore. This time I could protect my world, and I would.
I had to.
My lips pressed against her abdomen as I looked up at her. “I won’t let it happen again.” I stood up and cupped her face as my arm wrapped around her. “No one will take you from me. You’re mine, now until forever. We’re going to be a family. We’re going to be happy. I won’t let anyone take that from us.”
I didn’t give her a chance to respond. My lips crashed to hers, silencing whatever she would say. I needed her to believe me. I would find us a way out.
The desperation fueled my need to have her, to feel her wrapped around me, to consume her. She whimpered against my mouth, nails digging into my shoulders. I growled as I pushed her up against the wall.
I slammed my hips against her, begging for the friction of her body against mine, the calming release for all my ailments, all my anxiety. Celebration for the life we created.
“Fuck.” I pul
led back and led her over to the bed. She pulled her cami over her head, leaving herself in only her tiny panties, knowing what was coming next. “Now, bend over, baby.” I pushed on her back, and she bent at the waist, her forearms resting on the bed. I tugged her panties off her ass and slipped a finger in her pussy, making her squirm against me. “Good girl. I’m going to make you come so fucking hard. Have you cream on my cock.” I hissed as I rubbed my clothed cock against her ass. “Mmm, my good little slut loves it when I talk dirty to her.”
She whimpered and pushed back against me. “Yes.”
“Turns you on so much when I call you my whore, my cock slut, doesn’t it?” I pushed my shorts down enough to pull my cock out and slapped it against her ass before sliding it between her cheeks.
“Fuck, yes!”
“Why is that?” I pulled back on her hair, exposing her neck and making her arch against me. I nipped down the column of her neck and latched on at the base.
She cried out and shuddered. “Because I’m yours.”
My cock sunk into her pussy, both of us moaning. “That’s right, baby, mine. My wife, carrying my child.”
I released her hair, my grip moving down to her hips as I rocked into her, my thrusts increasing. Incoherent sounds clawed their way out of me each time my cock bottomed out against her ass. The sight of her pussy stretching out around my cock was hypnotic.
Her pussy walls tightened around me, and I picked up the pace. The angle was always good for her and got her off faster.
“Come for me. Milk me.” I was panting then, groaning as she clamped down. A scream escaped her as she shuddered around me.
I exploded inside her—mind-numbing, white release, my muscles contracting with each pulse of come that emptied into her. A bead of sweat slid down my cheek, my mouth open as I gasped for breath.
All strength left me with the last drops, and I released her, falling back onto the floor. She sunk onto the bed, then slipped to the floor, crawling until she could collapse onto my chest.
“I love you to the end of the earth and beyond,” I said between pants.
She looked up at me and quirked her brow. “The earth is round.”
I snickered. “I love you to the moon and beyond.”
She kissed my chest. “I love you to the rock formally known as the planet Pluto and beyond.”
I ran my hand down her arm. “That’s a long way.”
“Yes, and that’s how much you mean to me—more than this world and all in between.”
I grabbed her face and kissed her, trying to pour all the love I had for her into it. “For all eternity, this life and the next and the one after that, you are mine and I am yours.”
“Always.”
Lila’s hand was clutched tightly in mine as we sat in the sterile environment of her OB/GYN. Neither of us said much to the doctor, just answered her questions, both of us anxious. The answer would change everything. If the pregnancy test was right…
My knee was bouncing, hand rubbing a hole in the back of my neck. The tension was thick, both of us waiting. We’d celebrated, happy to have a baby on the way, but we both needed the definitive proof of a blood test. Maybe then we could make rational decisions on what to do.
Who the fuck was I kidding? I didn’t make rational decisions, not when it came to her. If I did, I would never have given in to the lust and fucked her in our office that night. I wouldn’t have gone to her time and time again. My door would have stayed closed to her. It never would have gotten far enough to know I couldn’t live without her.
Each minute that passed made my agitation grow. What the fuck was taking so damn long?
Another time, long ago, I’d been in the same situation. It was happier then, when I didn’t have a threat hanging over my head. How could I be so fucking stupid? It was bad enough that I allowed Lila to come into harm’s way by being with me, but bringing a baby into the fucked up situation? What the fuck was I thinking? I was asking for Marconi to come after us, more than my actions already had.
But I’d practically begged Lila for a baby. I wanted us to have a family—I wanted everything with her. My nightmares were in full force. The parallel of then and now…
“Mrs. Thorne?” the doctor called from the door, bringing me back from my thoughts.
Neither of us seemed to notice when she entered the small examination room. “Yes?”
She sat down and looked at the two of us. “Well, the test came back. It was negative. You’re not pregnant.”
“But the test…” Lila trailed off as I stared at the doctor in disbelief.
Not pregnant.
I didn’t know whether to sigh in relief or cry. My relief was from knowing Marconi couldn’t take another one of my children from me. Yet, it was laced with torturous pain from a loss that was never there. I wanted it, was so excited about us having a baby, and now I felt…empty. Devoid of something we never had to begin with.
“It was likely a false positive. They are extremely rare, but there is that one percent.”
Lila’s cheeks turned red, likely due to embarrassment, and she looked up at the doctor. “My missed period?”
The doctor nodded. “It sometimes happens if you’ve been on birth control and go off, to miss one soon after as your body regulates itself again.” She gave us a pity smile. “Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.”
Lila looked up at the doctor. “It’s my fault, isn’t it? User error?”
The doctor nodded. “That’s usually what happens in these rare cases.”
Lila looked between us, distress written all over her face. “I took a shower after taking the test.” She looked down, fidgeting with the hem of her skirt. “I couldn’t stand waiting.”
“Tests read after the time on the instructions can lead to a faint positive.”
“Thank you.” I held out my hand, and she shook it.
“Are there any questions you have while you’re here? Any help you need?”
Lila shook her head. “No, that was all.”
The doctor stood. “You still have plenty of time, and if you need anything, don’t hesitate to call. Okay?”
“Thanks,” Lila whispered.
We followed the doctor down the hall and checked out. Silence filled the space between us. The walk to the car was empty, but as we moved through the parking lot, her head was down, looking to the ground.
“Honeybear?”
“I feel like an idiot.” She sniffed, and her bottom lip trembled.
I shook my head as I cupped her cheeks and lifted her face. Unshed tears welled in her eyes. “You’re not an idiot.”
“Yes, I am! I gave us joy and fear in one announcement that wouldn’t have even happened if I hadn’t been so scared to wait the damn two minutes.” She lost it then, tears spilling down her cheeks. “You freaked out, and I caused you pain.”
“Oh, baby, no. That’s not it at all.” I held her in my arms. “I want us to have a baby, to be a family.”
“The Marconi aren’t going to allow that.”
I had no response, no rebuttal.
The reality of life-threatening danger hung heavy around us both.
Lila—my goddess, my sin, my soul mate. Live together or die together. There was no in between, and the odds were stacked against us.
No more hoping, no more dreaming, only harsh reality. It was a time for action. I had to get my plan going, and it had to be soon.
Time was not on our side—it was running out.
CHAPTER 24
Lila
I stared at my reflection in the mirror, at the dark circles that needed more makeup every day. Insomnia had taken control again, and sleep eluded me. I took comfort in my husband’s arms, but I couldn’t shut my brain off.
What were we going to do? Over a week had passed since we had the pregnancy mishap, and things were only getting worse.
Life was hard for everyone, but it was incredibly atrocious to others. Nathan and I qualified as others. I knew with every cell i
n my body he was my soul mate. I also knew that fate was a cruel mistress.
“Honeybear, you almost ready?” Nathan called from the bedroom.
“Almost.” I closed up the concealer and brushed on some powder.
My hand trembled, and I clenched it into a tight fist, trying to stop it. I had to keep calm, had to show calm, no matter how badly I was breaking on the inside. Nathan needed me to be strong, and I would be his pillar.
“Ready.” I smiled at him and held out my hand to take his.
I didn’t want to die.
I was happy for the first time in my life. Was it too much to ask to grow old with Nathan?
The tremors got worse with each passing day, and soon I wouldn’t be able to rein them in. He would see the fear I fought so hard to keep from him. The show left me more exhausted every day.
My eyes flitted over to the remnants of what was our home office as I walked toward the door. He destroyed it, obliterated it, telling me the end was near.
He pulled me close and kissed my forehead as we rode down to the ground floor. “I have to go to the Hamilton County courthouse today, so I won’t be able to go to lunch.” His voice was tight.
“Okay.” I leaned my head on his shoulder, soaking him in.
We headed out to the parking lot and got in the car. He eyed me and pursed his lips.
“What?”
“Can you order lunch in today?”
I wanted to object. I wanted to tell him everything was okay.
But I couldn’t.
“Sure. Caroline and I can take over your office.” I elbowed his arm and smiled.
Why couldn’t we be left alone? Ever since we’d met, wave after wave of hurdles crashed in front of us and we cleared them all, together. The one in front of us now loomed over, casting a shadow and making it almost impossible to attain freedom.
Eggshells. We were walking around avoiding everything in a strange dance, all out of fear. Part of me wanted them to kill us and get it over with, to end the anxiety that ruled our lives. The other part begged for another day, hour, minute—I never wanted to leave him.