by M. H. Soars
Sam stopped laughing to ask, “Hey, do you think his ‘you know what’ still works?” She wiggled her eyebrows at me.
“Sam!” I threw my napkin at her. She caught it and threw it right back. It landed it on my face. She laughed again.
Mia added, “It’s a fair question. I was wondering that myself.” I looked at her in astonishment. I could expect that question from Sam, but not from Mia.
“What is wrong with you two?” I was blushing furiously now. I put my hands on my face to hide it from them. I shook my head before I faced my cousins again.
“Hey, that is the first thing you need to find out. No sense in going into a relationship with a guy who can’t put out.” Sam winked at me.
“Oh my God, is that all you guys think about?” I couldn’t believe we were talking about this in public.
“I’m not going to deny that I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately.” Mia answered.
“Really?”
“Hello, Alexia! We’re seventeen, not twelve. Of course we think about sex. It’s not only guys who think about it, you know?” Sam replied. “For a non-virgin you are such a prude!”
My eyes widened as I looked at Sam. I was mortified and indignant. She had promised she wouldn’t tell anyone. She immediately realized her mistake, and her expression told me she was sorry, but I was still mad at her.
“Wait. What?” Mia said, holding her hand up. “When, how, and with whom?”
I closed my eyes briefly and silently cursed Sam for having such a big mouth. When I opened them again, Mia was still waiting for my answer. “Thomas Rodriguez, Junior Prom night.”
“You're kidding me! But didn’t you break up with him after Junior Prom? I don’t understand.”
“That makes two of us.” I sighed heavily. “Thomas is the most considerate guy I’ve ever met. Any girl would be lucky to have her first time with him. He was so sweet and I ended up crushing his heart the next day.”
“Oh, Lexi. I’m so sorry.” Mia reached over and squeezed my hand.
“It just didn’t feel right, you know? I was attracted to him, don’t get me wrong, and he was the best boyfriend a girl could ask for. But after we slept together, I knew without a doubt that I didn’t love him the way he loved me.” I paused briefly and closed my eyes. I didn’t like talking about it because every time I did, I saw Thomas’s wounded image again. “I just couldn’t keep stringing him along. He deserves to be happy. I hope that one day he’ll be able to forgive me.”
Silence descended on the table. I had successfully turned our fun day out into doom and gloom. That was, until Sam cut in with her usual bluntness.
“I tried to talk you out of it. How cliché of you Alexia, to lose your virginity after prom night.”
“Hey, I don’t regret doing it after Junior Prom. It was very romantic. I just regret hurting Thomas in the process.”
“I know, I know, and I’m glad you mentioned that, because I’m afraid you’ll end up doing the same thing to Ethan if you're not careful.”
Her comment warranted a warning glance from Mia, but Sam just shrugged it off. I got irrationally mad about it. “Why would you say that? Are you implying that I’m incapable of falling in love for real?” I couldn’t deny that it was a big fear of mine.
Sam and Mia exchanged a glance before Sam continued, “Of course you’ll fall in love one day. I just have the feeling Ethan is not the one for you.”
“Why are you telling me that, Sam? I know that I hurt Thomas and that I could have avoided it if I had listened to you, but it’s different with Ethan. So unless he’s secretly married with ten children or he’s a psycho, I don’t see anything preventing me from pursuing a relationship with him.” My pulse was hammering in my ears.
Sam was about to respond when Mia interrupted. “I think what Sam is trying to say and failing miserably at,” she paused to give a meaningful look at her sister, “is that you’re only here for the summer, and the chances that a long-distance relationship between you and Ethan might work out are slim to none.”
I was about to counter her argument when she raised a hand. “Let me finish, Alexia. I don’t know Ethan that well, but I’ve heard enough to know that he has a lot family issues, and the aftermath of his accident made his situation more complicated. We just want you to know what you’re getting yourself into. If you and Ethan hook up, great, but don’t expect more than a summer fling, and let him know that. The last thing you want is to break his heart, as well. I think you agree that he’s been through a lot already.”
I heard what she was saying, and on some level I knew she was right, but I didn’t want to accept it. Under normal circumstances I would have dismissed Sam’s initial comment. I had just met Ethan, after all. But there was nothing normal about the way he made me feel. Not wanting to discuss my love life with them anymore, I sighed and said, “I know, you're right, Mia. Sam just doesn’t know how to express herself without sounding bossy.”
“Whatever. Love is overrated anyway,” Sam replied.
“You're just jealous because I beat you to it.” I was still pissed at her for blurting out my secret to Mia.
Sam rolled her eyes. “Please, Alexia. This is not a competition. And how can you be so sure that I haven’t done it yet?”
“Uh-huh, like you wouldn’t bombard us with all the tiny details if you had.”
“Girls, this is ridiculous,” Mia looked at me. “Lexi, I know that you’re angry at Sam for revealing your secret, but I won’t tell anyone. I promise.”
Mia’s promise was a relief. She would keep my secret better than Sam. My problem with the whole situation wasn’t that I was ashamed of the sex part; I was ashamed of the way I had treated Thomas. It had been his first time too, and I felt like a douchebag guy who takes advantage of innocent girls just to dump them afterward. It made me feel dirty, and I didn’t want anyone judging me.
I was upset by the time our food arrived and barely touched my ice cream. The lunch ended quickly. I was in no mood to stay long and chat.
Matthew
I hadn’t seen any of the girls the entire day, and I hadn’t had any opportunity to be alone with Sam since we’d returned from the airport. She skipped dinner after Sean dumped flour on her head and only resurfaced when she went to sleep in Alexia’s room. I needed to apologize to her about the diary incident and also warn her about Julian. There was something off about him.
The girls had gone to their annual ice cream lunch, and we boys knew better than to tag along. I had nothing to do but wait, so I decided to hang out by the pool with Sean and Zach. The view from the infinity pool was amazing, but not even that made me relax. I mentioned to the guys that we had bumped into Julian at the airport and that we were invited to his party. I also mentioned that I didn’t particularly trust him, and asked for their help keeping the girls away from him. Zach listened without giving an opinion, but Sean was quick to dismiss my concerns.
“You shouldn’t worry about the girls. They can take care of themselves. First, there’s Alexia. We all know she won’t feel anything substantial for any guy unless he’s the Prophecy dude. And Julian ain’t him. Second, I don’t think Julian is anyone’s type.”
“You can’t possibly know that!” I exclaimed.
“Dude, just because you are clueless when it comes to girls, doesn’t mean we all are,” he continued, obviously entertained. I looked at him, feeling my temper rise. What did he mean by that?
“There must be a reason why you don’t like Julian. Has he done anything in particular?” Zach asked. Unlike his brother, he wasn’t one to dismiss everything without consideration.
“Besides flirting with everything that moves? No. I just get a bad vibe from him.” I wanted to be able to explain it better, but that was the best I could come up with.
“See? You have nothing. I know the guy. He's fine. Yes, he’s sort of a player, but he doesn’t hide that. It’s not like the girls he goes out with don’t know that they're just the flavor of the week.
You can’t blame him if the girls he dates all think they'll be able to change him.” Sean tried to defend Julian, but what he did was paint a worse picture of the guy in my mind. But it would be pointless to convince him that Julian could be a problem.
“If it makes you feel better, I can also talk to the girls and give them fair warning. But in the end, it will be their decision,” Zach replied. It was probably a good thing that he be the one to talk to them. They would be most inclined to listen to him.
“Thanks, man. I appreciate it. I tried to warn Sam about him at the airport, but I almost lost it again, and in front of Alexia.” That got their attention. Sean removed his sunglasses and rolled on his side toward me. Zach sat up straight on his chaise lounge.
“What do you mean you lost it again? How many times are you referring to?” Zach asked with a frown. I had forgotten that they didn’t know about my previous fights with Sam. Now I had no choice but to come clean. Sort of.
“Uh, I had a couple of arguments with Sam yesterday and my powers made them worse. But it’s all good now. I just have to avoid confrontations, especially with her.” I avoided making eye contact with them. I really didn’t want to give them all the details and worry them needlessly. Also, the reasons for the arguments were too personal.
Zach was looking at me closely, and I had the impression he knew there was more to the story. However, he didn’t pressure me to reveal more. Sean just took my story at face value, put his sunglasses back on, and relaxed again.
Feeling a bit uncomfortable about my half-truth, I got up from the chaise lounge and dived into the pool. I swam a few laps before I realized that I couldn’t simply stay home and wait until Sam returned. I suddenly got a burning need to find her and make amends, apologize, plead. I would even let her read my diary if necessary, because it felt like I was running out of time, and if I didn’t act soon I would lose her forever. Was I having a premonition? I didn’t care. I had to find her.
I quickly got out of the pool and ran inside the house, forgetting even to dry myself. I left Sean and Zach staring wide-eyed at my retrieving figure.
I didn’t bother to take a shower. I just grabbed the first pieces of clothing I could find. I drove downtown like a maniac, but when I got to the ice cream parlor, there was no sign of them. The manager confirmed their visit. Apparently I had missed them by just ten minutes, so they couldn’t have gone far.
The problem was, I had no idea where they might have gone. So I walked aimlessly, hoping that I would be lucky enough to bump into them. I always bumped into people when I didn’t want to, so it seemed like a good plan. But I must have walked for three hours, and still there was no sign of them.
I went inside every single store, asked the clerks if they had seen them, but nothing. I realized how foolish I was to think I could find them in downtown Santa Barbara. And if I had succeeded in finding them, then what? Sam would probably refuse to talk to me in private. I would just cause a scene in front of Alexia again.
I couldn’t call them because in my haste to leave the house, I had forgotten my phone. Maybe they had gone home already. So I decided to do the same, the feeling of impending disaster growing inside me.
Samantha
Ten minutes after we had left the ice cream place I sensed Matthew. It was the oddest thing. We were talking about shoes when I suddenly got a clear image of him in my head, arriving at the ice cream place. I told the girls that I had forgotten my phone there and retraced my steps, but I kept myself hidden as I got near it. Sure enough, there he was, talking to the manager.
I could see the manager nod and point in the direction we had gone, making me panic. Why was Matthew chasing us down? He could have reached any of us by phone, so if he was looking for us in person it meant that he was looking for me.
I couldn’t deal with Matthew right now, especially with Alexia around. But I wasn’t ready to go back home, as I still needed to find an outfit for tonight’s party. I ran back to where I had left the girls but texted Mia on my way. I told her that Matthew was looking for me and we had to leave immediately.
For the first time I was glad that Mia was in-the-know. Of course, I could have tried using my broadcasting powers, but I wasn’t sure if I could send cohesive thoughts on demand. I told the girls that I wanted to check the stores at the mall. Alexia complained, but I said I was in no mood to stroll around downtown in that heat, and Mia backed me up.
I made sure we stayed at the mall longer than necessary by dragging Alexia and Mia to every single store I could find, from athletic clothes to lingerie. The Victoria’s Secret visit was quite comical. I had never seen Alexia blush so much. She kept wandering back to where the boring PJs were, and I kept dragging her back to the sexy lingerie.
We got back from our shopping spree around 7 p.m. because, mercifully, we hit traffic on the way back. I was happy for anything to avoid having a conversation with Matthew before the party. I didn’t want him to sour my mood since I planned to enjoy myself there.
I could already guess what he wanted to talk to me about. He probably wanted to apologize for calling me conceited and also to tell me to stay away from Julian — two topics that would infuriate me further.
Alexia and Mia went to join the guys in the game room, but I made a beeline to the stairs and my room. I instructed Mia to tell everyone that I had a headache and would be taking a nap prior to the party. But I wasn’t feeling tired at all, so instead I decided to take a bubble bath to make me ultra-relaxed. These days, no precaution was too much.
My bathroom wasn’t huge, but it had everything I needed. The walls and floor were covered in beige granite, and the furniture was a creamy color. There was a walk-in shower and a separate bathtub.
I lighted up the scented candles surrounding the tub and turned off the lights. I made sure the water was scalding hot, the way I liked it, and I stayed in it until I started to get pruny. Forty-five minutes immersed in water would that to you, but I was feeling completely Zen now.
I wrapped myself in a towel and went back to my room, heading straight for the shopping bags on my bed. I was looking for the dress I had bought for the party but realized I had gotten Alexia’s bag instead.
I had made her buy an outfit for the party, as well, and used the possibility that Ethan might change his mind about attending it to convince her. I shouldn’t have dangled the Ethan prospect in front of her when I knew that nothing would come of it. But I felt bad for the insensitive way I handled the Thomas topic today. I hadn’t meant to be mean or to blurt out her secret like that. I also didn’t want her to spend her entire teenage years alone waiting for her Promised One. She could meet him tomorrow — or in ten years, for all I knew — because the Prophecy didn’t really specify when the ‘Promised Ones’ would finally meet and save Arcadia. Gary and the Council believed it would happen before they reached adulthood, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they were wrong. It had happened before.
I headed to Alexia's room still wrapped in my towel to exchange shopping bags. Before I could knock on her door, I heard Matthew’s voice inside.
“Please, Alexia. Just talk to Sam, okay? I don’t want her to get hurt. I don’t trust Julian.”
I held my breath and closed my eyes. Who did Matthew think he was? What gave him the right to meddle in my life like that? I hadn’t given much thought to Julian beside the fact that he was cute, but it wasn’t Matthew or anybody else’s business whether I decided to hook up with him. I was ready to burst in and tell Matthew off, even if I ran the risk of upsetting him beyond his control. Then I heard Alexia’s reply.
“Matt, you’re overreacting. She barely talked to him at the airport. I don’t think she even noticed him.”
“Oh, she noticed him! I saw how she blushed when he was insinuating stuff!”
I was going to kill Matthew. I had to use all my willpower to stay where I was, because if I went in now I couldn’t answer for my actions. The room got silent for a moment, and I wished I could turn into a fly and sneak in
there unseen. Alexia finally broke the silence.
“Matt, if I didn’t know you any better I would say that you're jealous. Tell me the truth… do you have feelings for Sam?”
I held the shopping bag hard against my chest. Could it be? Could Matthew have feelings for me beyond friendship? I found myself holding my breath, waiting for his reply.
“Of course not!” I heard him exclaim. “Sam is like a sister to me, nothing more.”
I closed my eyes and felt my world collapsing. Hearing him say those words was ten thousand times worse than just believing it was the case. Now I knew for sure. Before there had always been a tiny speck of hope that he might finally see me. Now I knew it would never happen.
I felt the first tear escape my eye and run down my cheek. I couldn’t let anyone find me like that. I quickly retraced my steps to my room, still clutching the shopping bag I was supposed to give to Alexia.
I locked my bedroom door and dropped the shopping bag to floor. I leaned against it, hugging myself and letting the tears run freely. The sense of loss and despair was overwhelming. Not even when I had the fight with him yesterday and he had called me conceited did I feel like this. I had always been so careful to keep my feelings for Matthew in check, and anger was a great way to dampen my true emotions. But Alexia’s question had caught me off guard and opened a door that I wanted to keep shut forever.
I expected Mia to knock on my door any minute, but this time she left me alone, and I was glad for it. I cried until there were no tears left. My nose was stuffed, and my eyes were probably bloodshot and puffy, but at least I was in control of my emotions again. I went to the bathroom and looked at my reflection in the mirror, finding resolution there. I wasn’t going to cry over Matthew anymore. There was nothing to be done about unrequited love except to get over it, and I was determined to do just that. I wasn’t going to put our mission in jeopardy because I was pining over him. I didn’t think I could ever be friends with him again, but I could at least try to keep a professional relationship.