"Paul." She batted her eyelashes at him.
"Yes, Sierra?"
"Make love to me."
"Sierra.”
She looked up at him and could see the "no" in his eyes. "Damn it Paul. Don't make me beg you."
"Sierra I. . .”
"Fuck it.” She rolled over to her side of the bed. "Never mind."
He had turned on the TV, tuning it to the local news, when she rolled over and glared at him.
"Don't you ever want to let go Paul? Do something spontaneous, something a little crazy? Haven't you ever wanted to run stark naked in the rain?"
He stared at her, and she turned back to her side of the bed with a groan.
"Shit," she muttered under her breath. "I might as well be living with a damn priest."
"I heard that," he murmured into her ear.
"So?”
He turned off the TV. She thought he was planning on going to sleep until she felt him kissing her neck.
She turned her head to give him better access and soon felt his hand slipping under the sheer fabric of her negligee to lightly cup her breast.
Her breath quickened as he traced her nipple with his fingertip, turning her head to give him access to her mouth.
He kissed her deeply. She moaned into his mouth as he pushed up her night gown, spreading her legs and entering her from behind.
She moved with his thrusts, pressing her body fully against him, to take him more deeply inside her.
She felt him lightly pinching her nipples. His breath was hot on her neck as he kissed her, sucked at her; bit her oh so lightly.
Her orgasm came all too quickly, his coming soon after.
He held her close to him for a moment before he withdrew from within her, his hands now slack on her breasts.
Finally, he pulled back, tucking himself back into his pajama bottoms, pulling her gown back down and smoothing it back into place. "I love you Sierra.”
"Wow." She turned to gaze at him.
He raised an eyebrow, and gave her a questioning look. She thought that it was almost as if he didn't realize what he'd done to her.
"Wow," she repeated. "So you do know how to fuck."
"Ugh." He turned away to put his glasses into their case on the night stand.
"No.” She realized he'd taken it as an insult. "It was great. Really great. Sometimes it's okay babe, if there's more to sex than making love."
She brushed her hand lightly across his face, wishing that he'd let himself go more than a day without shaving. He'd be so sexy with a little stubble she thought. "I love you Paul."
"I love you too, Sierra.” He drew her into his arms. "Goodnight."
"G'night.” She thought that if she could persuade him into more nights of sex like they'd had that night, marrying him might not be so bad after all.
Chapter 16
Paul bought Sierra an engagement ring right before Christmas that year. While she was finding herself resigned to the idea of marriage, the thought still didn't bring the excitement to her that it seemed to bring to him.
She'd told him that she'd marry him, but told him to put the ring away until after they graduated, and that if he mentioned it again, she might decide not to marry him at all. He had looked so hurt when she'd put the ring back into his hands that she'd wanted to take it back. His eyes had almost looked moist as he looked at her, like he was going to do something as ridiculous as cry. But she'd held her tongue and he'd kept his mouth shut from then on.
He'd proposed again the day after graduation and she'd accepted the ring, then slipping what really was a beautiful ring onto her finger.
It was a thin gold band set with the sapphire of her birthstone.
She briefly thought of Luke's ring when she put it on. The diamond that she'd never removed from the velvet box, but hadn't been able to convince herself to get rid of.
She grudgingly started to join in the wedding plans, figuring that marriage couldn't be too different than living together. Though a part of her still figured they had everything backward, as he was the one planning where they would get married, who to invite etc.
She herself had few people that she wanted to invite. A few friends from school, her mom and Timothy, her grandmother and Ashley.
She was a little wary about getting married in a church also, not only because she had not attended church in years but because when she thought of it, the dream she'd had of running out a wedding ceremony in a church straight into Luke's arms still loomed uneasily in her mind.
But she wouldn't do that would she if somehow after all this time; Luke managed to show up out of the blue at her wedding. Or would I she thought?
She loved Paul and their sex life had been better, though it was still a little too predictable for her tastes. Though she still found him to be uptight about some things, he made her happy.
Luke was a distant memory that she couldn't completely put out of her mind. Somehow things still felt unfinished between them.
They were married in early October, in a small church in his hometown. His side of the church easily housed twice as many people as hers as he'd invited extended family and a few friends from high school.
She'd thought briefly of inviting Austin and Ilana but quickly discarded the idea. She hadn't told Paul much of anything about her past loves. Not a word about Luke and certainly not much about Austin, since she was still a little embarrassed over the fact that he'd been cheating for so long and had gotten Ilana pregnant in the process.
Sierra thought that it was a nice ceremony all in all.
After a short honeymoon, they started their lives together as man and wife. Sierra found that married life wasn't altogether too different as living together though she found him too eager to have children. He had convinced her to quit getting her birth control shots six months before they'd been married as he'd heard that after taking them for a time, they continued to provide birth control without taking them.
She wasn't thrilled about the idea of having a child. She was scared to death of the idea, and found herself wanting to return to the doctor and get the shots in secret or get pills. But she quietly set her fears aside and went without birth control.
He seemed to open up a little then sexually at least. While she knew that it was because he wanted her to have his child, she was gratified to be able to have sex when the mood hit. So married life wasn't so bad. Until. . .
Chapter 17
One year later
Sierra glanced at herself in the rear view mirror, dabbing a bit of gloss on her lips.
She was already late for work, at the small private learning center where she taught two, three and four years old but damned if she was going to go in there looking like hell she thought.
She was three months pregnant. Paul seemed to enjoy it all so much more than she did. But then again he wasn't the one with his head hanging over the toilet every morning either was he, she thought with a sigh.
She popped a breath mint into her mouth. She'd brushed her teeth, but thought she caught a slight taste of bile in the back of her throat.
Ugh she thought. She brushed her hair out of her eyes, pulling her purse with her as she pushed the remote button to lock her car.
With one hand she pulled her hair back into a quick ponytail, glancing in the side mirror of the car.
She almost dropped the elastic band. The sight she'd caught in her peripheral vision could not be real.
She turned slightly, and her heart threatened to beat right out of her chest as she caught a voice that was still familiar after all these years.
She couldn't quite make out what he was saying as he was bent down next to the little blonde girl that was standing next to him. She was a beautiful little girl with blonde hair that was too light to have come from. . . Oh god was he her father Sierra thought? Had to be because as she sneaked another peek, she saw that the little girl indeed had his eyes, Luke's eyes.
As she straightened, knowing that she had to get inside;
had to get to work, she felt his eyes on her and felt herself on the verge of throwing up for the second time this morning. Though this time it would have been from nerves instead of morning sickness.
She hurried to the door, throwing it open with a hand that was shaking. She took a deep breath, putting on a smile as she turned to face the pleasant though plain and slightly plump older woman that shared the main teaching duties with her.
"I'm sorry I'm late, Mrs. Johnson," she said quickly.
"It's okay Sierra." There was sympathy in her light brown eyes. "I know what it's like dealing with first time pregnancy. And" she added with a quiet laugh, "Second and third and fourth also."
She patted Sierra on the arm, leading her to their shared office to quickly go over the lesson plans for the day before the small children clustered loosely in front of one of the aides who was handling the morning story for the day could get too anxious.
She was able to forget about Luke for a moment. Until the door opened and he led the still protesting little girl into the brightly painted large room.
She thought her heart would stop as he came towards her and Mrs. Johnson. He stopped briefly to whisper something into his daughter's ear, brushing a quick kiss across the top of her blonde head.
“But Daddy," the little girl whined. "I promise I won't get in your way. Mommy always let me stay home with you before."
"Alexis. You know you never get in Daddy's way. But Mommy thought." He gave her a mock stern look that sent her into a bout of giggles. "That it would be good for you to be around other kids sometimes and not just your old Daddy."
"You're not old Daddy." She let out another giggle. "At least I don't think so. Not old like Grandpa anyway."
"Yeah," he said teasingly. "I guess Grandpa is pretty old huh?"
His eyes met Sierra's briefly. She thought her heart would stop as she saw the flash of recognition there.
He took his daughter's hand, leading her their way. "You know Mrs. Johnson, Ali and this is?" When he paused Sierra wanted to blurt out something ridiculous like the woman that wouldn't marry your daddy, but Mrs. Johnson jumped in quickly, sensing Sierra's hesitation.
"This is Mrs. Brooks, Alexis."
"Nice to meet you," the little girl said politely, though she was obviously already more interested in the children than she was in Sierra; almost straining to loosen her hand from her Daddy's all of a sudden.
Sierra let her eyes meet Luke's again and thoughts flashed across her mind almost in a panic. Oh why did she have to be married to someone else when he came back into her life? Why did she have to be carrying someone else's child she thought?
But obviously he was married too, as she could see the gold band on his hand. And he had a beautiful little girl who she judged to be somewhere between two and three years old.
What were the odds that they would end up living in the same town she wondered?
She and Paul were there because of the job that Paul had at the company where he worked as a software designer. It was a good job. She'd been lucky to find this one, as she'd been finding it hard to find a decent teaching job. She had been working at daycare centers at times, and though she loved the work, she wanted to put her degree to work.
But why oh why did Luke have to live in the same town Sierra thought? Why did he have to walk into her life with a gorgeous little girl who so obviously adored him, looking the same as she remembered him? Sexy as ever in jeans and t shirt, though he now sported a pair of wire rimmed glasses. They were similar to Paul's, though they in no part took away from the rugged handsomeness of his face. His face was clean shaven though that was new; as he'd always sported some stubble before, never bothering to shave whenever the first hint of hair showed up as Paul always had.
Oh she needed to stop she thought. Needed to stop comparing her husband to her ex lover who now stood before her looking as if he hadn't aged a day in the, had it been almost five years since she'd seen him last?
She shook herself inwardly, bringing herself back to the present, to meet the woman's eyes beside her. She could see the concern there. Sierra felt color rise to her cheeks.
She must look as if she'd seen a ghost. But no, he was all flesh and blood and was sticking out a hand to shake hers.
She looked up at him for a moment that lasted too long, and then gave him her hand hesitantly. She shook his, not letting her hand linger in his for longer than a few seconds.
"Nice to meet you Mrs. Brooks. You two will take good care of my little girl right?" His voice sounded perfectly calm and easy while Sierra felt herself dying inside.
"Of course Mr. Stone," Verna Johnson said. "You can be assured that Alexis will be in good hands. And." She smiled. "Maybe after a few days your wife's mind will be at ease, too."
"Of course. You can call me Luke. I never did much take to being called Mr. Stone."
"Of course Luke."
He bent down beside his daughter then; who was really starting to squirm. She had tired of the adult conversation, and was ready to acquaint herself with the children.
"I love you Miss Alexis. You be a good girl. Daddy will be back to pick you up before you know it."
"’Kay. Love you too, Daddy."
He finally released his daughter's hand and she ran off to join the other children. They were now involved in an art project, under the direction of the aide that had been reading and another young girl who looked much too young to be a mother herself, though her son had attended the center until he'd gone on to kindergarten in the fall.
"I guess I'd better get to work. I was a little anxious about bringing her here because she really is little trouble at home, but Kimber insisted that she needed more interaction with children her age than the occasional trip to the park will bring." He smiled.
"I'm sure your wife was right. She'll be fine, you'll see." Mrs. Johnson said.
"Of course. Have a nice day Mrs. Johnson.” He added with only the slightest hesitation, though Sierra, already tense, caught it. "Mrs. Brooks."
He walked away then. Sierra found herself finally able to breathe again.
"Are you okay Sierra? You look a little pale."
"Just the morning sickness hanging on a little longer than usual this morning I guess. Boy am I glad it's almost over."
"Let's hope so. You never know though, sometimes it hangs on past the first trimester."
"Ugh. I think I'll make a quick trip to the restroom if you don't mind?"
"Of course not. The children are pretty involved in their little project and a few minutes won't hurt." She patted Sierra lightly on the arm as she walked towards the restroom. She could still feel the woman's eyes on her back. She thought that maybe the woman knew it was more than morning sickness that had Sierra feeling queasy this morning.
Had she caught the quick hint of recognition in Luke's eyes when he'd looked at her she wondered? Had she suspected that Sierra and Luke were already acquainted? Quite well acquainted. She looked at herself in the mirror, not liking the cornered; almost trapped look in her eyes.
How was she going to face Luke day in day out when he brought his daughter here she thought? Why couldn't she ride the bus that some of the other children did?
And how was she going to teach Luke's little girl, the beautiful child that he had fathered with another woman?
She was going to do it, she thought making a face at herself in the mirror. And she was going to do it so well that that pretty little girl had no idea that Sierra would have any reason to feel any differently about her than any of the other bright lively children that she enjoyed teaching.
It wasn't the fault of Alexis that Sierra hadn't accepted Luke's proposal. And she couldn't exactly expect him to wait around for her forever could she Sierra thought?
That seemed highly unfair when she was now married and pregnant with another man's child herself.
You are pregnant with your husband's child she told herself, meeting the tense pair of green eyes that stared back at her from the mirr
or, and that's nothing to be ashamed of. You are going to go out there and treat Luke's daughter perfectly normally. She deserves it like any other innocent child.
But it hurt. She wondered why it had to hurt so much after all this time when she was married happily to a wonderful, though sometimes annoyingly anal man.
She took a deep breath as she exited the rest room, knowing that she had to do her job, to be the cheerful young teacher that the children were used to.
Chapter 18
Sierra let herself get lost in the simple joy of teaching young children. It was (almost) easy to ignore the fact that Luke's daughter was among them until she literally ran into him a week later as she rushed out the door. She was already almost late for her doctor's appointment. She was sure Paul was already waiting for her.
"I'm sorry," he said softly, bending down to help her pick up the scattered contents of her purse. She'd been digging for her keys and not looking where she was going when he came upon her. "Sierra."
"Yes Luke?” She sighed. She really didn't have time to get into all this now she thought when her husband, whom she knew was probably already looking back and forth from his watch to the door, impatiently waiting for her to arrive at the doctor's office, was waiting for her.
"It's good to see you."
"Oh, yeah, you too.” She couldn't bring herself to look at him, as keys finally in hand she walked towards her car.
She could feel his eyes on her back as closed the short distance to the parking lot, and had to stop herself from turning to look at him.
How was he feeling about this whole crazy situation Sierra asked herself? Did he still feel a little pang when he thought of her?
She wondered what his wife looked like, figuring she must be beautiful if their daughter looked anything like her.
She sighed again as she started her car, wanting a cigarette the way she hadn't wanted one in since Paul had finally convinced her to quit. She wondered briefly if Luke still smoked.
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