“Daddy is glad to be home. Do you feel okay?”
“Yes. I’m not sore if that’s what you’re asking. You’ve never tried to push me to do anything that made me even remotely uncomfortable in bed Luke. An encore might not be the best idea in the world, but I think at least one round of lovemaking today is probably in order.” She winked. “But I do have to pee.”
He took her hand and helped her out of bed. She went to the bathroom, used the toilet, washed her hands and brushed her teeth. Luke passed her on her way out. He gave her a quick kiss. “I need to tell you something. I’ll just be a minute.”
Her heart started pounding in her chest. “Okay.”
When he came back to the bedroom, he said “This might be better left unsaid since it wasn’t a big deal, especially with the indiscretions that have taken place on both our parts in the past few months, but I feel like I should tell you.”
“Um, okay.”
“I had phone sex with Sierra.”
Kimber laughed. “You’re kidding me right?”
Luke sighed. “No. I shouldn’t have called her. I was drunk. She was a little drunk too. You had Alexis of course and Paul had their baby. We kinda bitched about you and Paul for a while. Then Sierra blurted out that she was horny. One thing led to another. It ended up being kind of weird so it’s not like it’s going to happen again. And I know that I shouldn’t talk to someone else about our problems, even if they’re facing the same sort of thing as I am. I always thought we had pretty good communication in our marriage, but when something like my affair and your one night stand with Paul happens, you have to reevaluate things.”
“Yeah. It is kinda weird that you had phone sex with her, but it’s not like people don’t pay to do the same thing all the time. Thank you for telling me. I understand how talking to her would be easier than talking to me. And she does understand what you’re going through. She and Paul separated didn’t they?”
“Yeah. She said that she misses him, but that she doesn’t think that she can hang if the baby is Paul’s.”
Kimber sighed. “I understand that. It is going to be so much easier if the baby is yours Luke. I have a feeling that he is, but I have sent up so many prayers and hopes and wishes for him to be your son in every way.”
Luke smiled. “You think it’s a boy?”
“I do. They should do an ultrasound at my next appointment but you can’t always tell. I just have a feeling though.”
“You knew Alexis was going to be a girl.”
“I did. How about I make breakfast?”
“How about I make breakfast? I asked around a bit and there’s a good family counselor with an office not too far from Alexis’s school. I’m not sure how much good it will do Alexis or if she’d even understand a bit of what’s going on until she’s older, but I figured we could give it a try. Or we could do the marriage counseling thing and leave her out of it, and then figure out how to explain this to her when she is older.”
“I feel like a bitch for lying to her when you were gone the first time. I know that she’s young and doesn’t understand the concept of affairs and the chance that her little brother isn’t her Daddy’s son probably definitely won’t make sense, but it doesn’t do any good to try to hide it. We did too much hiding already. We might have to explain again when she is older whether the baby is Paul’s or not to make sure that she does understand, but the counselor should be able to help us figure out how to do that.”
“I hope so.” He gave her his hand and they went downstairs.
He made them French toast. It was delicious. They made love again and then made an appointment for their first session with a family counselor. They were lucky enough to get in within two weeks. Kimber was satisfied that they could talk things out between the two of them until then.
Paul
Life was hard for Paul. He missed Sierra. He missed the sound of her voice, the way she smelled, the feel of her body next to his in bed. It was hard seeing her when he picked Nathan up and dropped him off because she was so breathtakingly beautiful to him, but he thought that it would have hurt even more not to see her at all.
He drifted through his days and felt like he wasn’t giving his all at work, though his boss thought he was doing well enough that there might be a raise and another promotion in his future. The thought held little interest for Paul. He liked his job, but his mind was too filled with worries for the future to really give anything else much thought.
He was worried that he would lose Sierra forever whether the baby was his or not. Her betrayal had made him feel like his heart had been torn out of his chest without anesthesia and ripped to shreds, but he knew that his was worse. He was also worried that if Kimber’s child belonged to him, he would never love him or her the same way that he loved Nathan.
He loved and adored Nathan because he was his father. But he loved and cherished his son even more so because Sierra was his mother. He barely knew Kimber. She was beautiful and he knew that she was smart and had done well with her bookstore. From his understanding she had inherited it when she was pretty young and had been running it virtually by herself ever since and it did well.
So he figured that genetics wise, if he and Kimber had created a child he had nothing to worry about. The fact that the child belonged to someone other than the woman that he loved was what bothered him so much. He realized that many men and women loved children wholeheartedly that they had created with people that they felt less than favorably towards. He certainly didn’t feel any ill will towards Kimber, but he worried that he would never be the father to her child that he wanted to be to Nathan.
And that weighed on his mind more and more as the days passed. He started to feel a little better about his relationship with Sierra. She was trying to be nice to him and seemed a little less annoyed when he called her to ask her a question or to voice a concern when he had Nathan. She even let him get away with giving her a hug and kiss goodbye most of the time, but he knew that she wasn’t ready for him to come home and that she might never be ready for him to come home. The thought broke his heart but he also knew that if they reconciled, it would have to be Sierra’s decision and that he would have to have a whole hearted belief that she wanted it before he could return home.
Sierra
Sierra opened the door with a half-smile on her face. She was hungry and looking forward to enjoying the calzone that she had ordered. Nathan was asleep and she was also looking forward to a quiet night. The delivery guy was early too and that was definitely unusual.
But when she opened the door, it wasn’t a delivery guy or girl that was standing on her doorstep. It was her husband. He looked so handsome that she could hardly breathe. She missed him so much, and even with Kimber’s due date looming ever closer, she felt her resolve cracking more and more every time that she saw him. She still wasn’t sure if she could tell him that she could accept him being the father of another woman’s child and mean it though. Especially when that other woman happened to be Luke’s wife.
He handed her a bouquet of flowers with a hesitant smile. She had let him get away with hugging and kissing her lately when he picked Nathan up and dropped him off, but he hadn’t made any moves to try to push it further or to ask if he could come home.
“Paul, I thought you were taking Nathan tomorrow night. He’s sleeping. I already gave him his bath. With any luck he’ll be down for the night.”
“Can I come in?”
Sierra nodded. Paul entered the house and shut the door quietly behind them. “Can I cook you dinner?”
“I ordered dinner. Did you come over here to ask me out on a date? That’s kind of weird since we’re still married.”
Paul chuckled. “You’re beautiful.”
“Paul, please don’t do this. You know that I love you. You can probably see in my eyes that I miss you, but I still can’t say that I can be your wife the way I was before. Until I can say that, I’m not going to try to fool either of us.”
“Sierra, living without you has been so hard. I know that this whole mess has been hard on everyone, but what does it hurt for me to ask you out on a date now and again? It is kinda weird I guess since we’re married and have a child together, but I feel like if we could start over, that our marriage could be even better than before. I will do anything to make it up to you.”
“I know that you would take what you did with Kimber back if you could. But you can’t. She’s going to have the baby before we know it and then it’s going to be time for you to go and find out if you’re the father of that baby. I want to stand by you, and I think that maybe if the baby isn’t yours, we can get past this. But if the baby is yours, I don’t think that I can. I won’t lie to you. I think that if we went out on dates and you got your hopes up of us being back together and then it turned out that the baby is yours and I had to walk away from you again, that it would be too hard on both of us. Why should we put ourselves through more pain unnecessarily? Maybe if you take the test and the baby isn’t yours, then we can talk about going out on dates or even about you coming home. Until then I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Sierra, every moment I spend with you feels like a gift. Even if the baby is mine, I would like to have time with you until then. If the child is mine and you tell me that you can’t be my wife anymore, I will walk away from you. I will willingly sign the divorce papers and I will not fight you on anything. You can have the house, and I’ll pay you whatever amount of alimony and child support they tell me to and give you whatever you ask for on top of it. Because I know that you will not take advantage of me. I know that I hurt you, and that what I did with Kimber was ten times worse than what you did with Luke. But it would mean so much to me for you to think about going out with me. It wouldn’t cause me pain. And even if it does, I will take that pain if it means that I get to spend time with you.”
“What if I don’t want to take that pain?”
There was a knock at the door. She started to get up, but Paul motioned for her to stay seated. She hid a sigh as he paid for her food, even though it would technically have been his money that was paying for it anyway, even if she had taken it out of her own pocket.
He shut the door. “Let me get you a plate. Is there still a vase in the kitchen for the flowers? Would you like something to drink?”
“Paul you don’t have to wait on me hand and foot.”
“You work so hard keeping up the house and taking care of Nathan. You deserve a break.”
Sierra let her sigh out. “The vase is under the kitchen sink. I would like a glass of wine and you’re welcome to share the calzone with me.”
He smiled. “Thank you.”
He returned several minutes later with her plate and a glass of wine. She took a sip and watched him walk back to the kitchen. The way he moved turned her on more than she liked to admit. He was wearing his glasses instead of his contacts. It had bugged her for so long because they hid his gorgeous eyes, but tonight he looked so sexy she could hardly stand it.
He sat next to her on the couch and took a sip of his wine. “This is good.”
“Yeah. I have unfortunately drank all too much of it lately after Nathan’s been in bed. Wow that made me sound like a terrible mother.”
“I would never think you’re a terrible mother. You look so stressed. You should let me give you a massage.”
She made a face at him. “No way. Your massages are way too intimate.”
Paul chuckled. “I won’t make any move that you don’t want me to.”
“Ha, like that’s any kind of a comfort. You know how horny I get.”
Paul cleared his throat. “I do.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. I’m not saying that you still get me horny. Oh, who in the hell am I kidding? Looking at you makes me horny, but my hormones don’t have a brain or a heart.”
He touched her face. “I dream of you every night. Sometimes, when I’m really lonely, I can fool myself into thinking that I feel the heat of your body beside me.”
“Shut up right now or I will make you leave. You can’t make me feel this way anymore. You have no right.”
“Oh Sierra. Maybe I should go.”
She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I’m a bitch. Please stay.”
“Thank you.” He squeezed her hand briefly and then let go.
They were silent as they ate. She drained her glass of wine and went to the kitchen for another. She was halfway through her second glass when she knew that she was going to make what could be a huge mistake, but it wasn’t going to stop her.
“Paul, will you kiss me?”
A faint smile crossed his face, but it quickly faded. “I don’t want you to do something that you’re going to regret later. I’m willing to put my heart on the line and take the chance that I’ll lose you again after the DNA test comes back, but if you’re not willing to do that, I understand. I’ve put you through enough pain already.”
“Shut up and kiss me.”
When Paul kissed her, she felt such passion that she was overwhelmed. He was all raw emotion when his lips touched hers. She was blown away by what he put into his kiss. It was like he was saying everything he wanted to say to her without putting it into words. She felt tears prick her eyes when she pulled away.
He looked at her face and tears filled his eyes too. “Oh baby, I am so sorry. I’m going to go now. I never meant to hurt you.”
“I know Paul. And I never meant to hurt you. I can’t help but think that this is all my fault. Luke called me, but if I hadn’t made the first real move, we probably wouldn’t have made love. I was selfish. I thought that if you weren’t giving me what I needed, that I had a right to get it from someone else. I justified it by thinking that I loved Luke. I do love Luke, but we had no right to do what we did. And if we hadn’t been so damned selfish, you and Kimber wouldn’t have done what you did. We all acted like a bunch of assholes and now we have to deal with it. But I don’t want you to go. I feel like I’m being really selfish when I can’t say that I’ll let you kiss me like that again before the DNA test comes back, but I am so vulnerable right now and I want you to stay with me tonight.”
“Sierra, I don’t want you to feel like I’m putting any kind of pressure on you.”
She gave him a dirty look. “Paul, think of who you’re talking to. When have you ever had to put any kind of pressure on me to do anything even remotely sexual with you?”
He grinned. “Never.”
“So finish your wine and then maybe I’ll let you give me a massage.”
They finished their wine in silence. She took his plate and both of their empty glasses and carried them to the kitchen. When she returned to the living room, she took his hand and led him toward the stairs. He looked a little stunned and it reminded her of the first time that she had seduced him. She thought that it was a little funny that her hormones still surprised him after all this time, but Paul was Paul and always would be.
She left him in their bedroom while she checked on Nathan. He was still sleeping peacefully, so she went back down the hall, taking a deep breath and letting it out before she opened the bedroom door. She felt selfish for doing to him what she was sure allowing him to give her a massage was going to lead to, but she was a little too buzzed to care.
He was sitting uncomfortably on what had been his side of the bed. Without ceremony she stripped. She let him drink in the sight of her body, feeling like a bitch the whole time. She turned away from him, retrieving the lotion from the nightstand that she liked him to use when he gave her a massage. She handed it to him. He took it and she noticed his hands were shaking. His eyes didn’t leave her body.
She lay on her belly on the bed, pulling her hair up into a bun and securing it with a hair tie. When he still hadn’t moved, she sighed.
“Paul, take your shoes off. Take your shirt off too, if you don’t mind.”
“I um. . .”
“I didn’t ask you to take your pants off, though you can t
ake them off if you want to. I’m not going to freak out if you have an erection.”
“Sierra, I’m really sorry but I don’t know if I can do this.”
Sierra groaned. “Don’t tease me Paul. I know I’m being a bitch, but I have been stressed. Don’t promise me a massage and then go back on it.”
“You are so beautiful. I’m afraid that I’ll do something that you don’t want me to.”
“I’m the one that brought you to our bedroom, my bedroom whatever. I’m the one that got naked and let you get a nice eyeful. I’ve never been a tease. If something sexual happens in this bed tonight, don’t think that I’m going to want it any less than you do. Wait, I’m forgetting who I’m talking to. I would want it way more than you do because I always have.”
“Sierra, I want you so badly that I can taste it. But. . .”
“Okay, I was going to seduce you and not care if I was being a bitch and stomping all over your feelings, but I don’t want to play bullshit games anymore. We’re going to be honest from now on, even if the truth really fuckin’ hurts. If we make love or have sex, I have to know that you can handle it. I have to know that your heart can take the fact that this may be the very last time that we make love. I’m horny and want to tear your clothes off. But I can separate what my body is screaming for and what my heart feels. It doesn’t mean that I love you any less. It means that if our bodies join together in the most intimate of ways tonight, that I want to make sure it’s really damned good because it might be the last time. But I don’t know if you can make that separation.”
“I don’t know if I can either, but it’s a chance that I’m willing to take.”
Sierra smiled. “Get naked for me handsome.”
When Paul stood naked before her, she groaned. “You look way too good. It should be illegal for a man to look the way you look. Have you been working out? And did you change the cologne that you wear? You smell even better than you did before. I think that you’re doing it on purpose to drive me crazy.”
Misty Reigenborn Romance Boxed Set Page 22