She gave him a half-hearted smile and followed him to the door. It seemed funny to her that she was the woman and all the men around her seemed to want what she was supposed to want.
A house, a family, a secure future. When would she be ready to give Nick or someone else for that matter, what they wanted she wondered?
She honestly had no idea, though that hadn't seemed like much of a problem until lately.
Everyone around her seemed to be in love, or think they were in love, or getting married and having a baby. Where did she fit in?
Alicia gave her an imploring look when she came down the stairs. She just shook her head at her friend to let her know that it had not happened between her and Nick.
Maybe it never would. Maybe he would decide he was in love with Penny tomorrow and they would be where Ali and Carson were before she knew it Ami thought.
Carson said something to Nick. Nick shook his head and said he'd talk to him later.
Finally Alicia said "Who's ready to eat? I know I am."
"Pregnant women are always ready to eat," Carson teased.
"You try being pregnant and see how much you like it," Alicia said.
"You know I would if I could baby," Carson said.
"Don't they make you want to throw up?" Nick said to Ami.
"A little bit," Ami said.
Alicia laughed. "So we have hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken and steak. The vegetables and the other side dishes are in the house. Help yourselves."
They all soon had plates filled and were seated at the picnic table. Conversation was light and easy, no more mentions of Gabe. Most of the talk was about the wedding and who else would be invited. They both wanted to keep it small, so it would only be Bobby and his wife, a friend of Carson's from work and his wife, the happy couple, Elijah and Nick and Ami. Ami felt a little weird about being the only adult there besides Nick that was not part of a couple, but she wouldn't miss it, even it did make her uncomfortable.
She was going to have to get used to being around Nick anyway she thought. She had a feeling that there were going to be a lot more days like that one. She did have fun though and she was again glad that she had what felt like real friends for the first time in a very long time.
Nick offered to give Alicia and Carson his apartment and move into theirs which would have made things even more uncomfortable for Ami, but they declined, saying that they only wanted to make one last move and that would be into their own home.
When they parted ways, Nick headed home, Alicia and Carson inside to watch a movie that they both wanted to see on TV, and Ami upstairs to read her new books, Ami couldn't help checking out Nick's butt again. Alicia caught her and grinned. "You two will end up together yet, you just wait and see."
"I don't know. Well, thanks for the great food guys. I'll see you later."
"Bye Ami," Carson and Alicia said in unison.
Ami went upstairs. What Nick had told her had troubled her. Should she talk to the girl that had worked for Gabe before she wondered? Why had Gabe told her that his kids weren't his if they were? It didn't make a lot of sense to her either way. If his wife dyed her hair and the kids really did get their dark hair from her why he tell her they didn't? What the hell was up with Gabe? Did she really want to know?
She was kicking herself even more for sleeping with him and wished with everything she had she could take it back. But she couldn't and she was going to have to deal with it.
She sighed again and sat back on the couch with her book, wanting to take her mind off of everything.
She finished half of the book and then went to bed early.
Chapter 11
Her sleep was uneasy that night. She dreamed about Gabe, about being pregnant with his child.
He said that he loved her and wanted to be with her but he spirited her away to a tiny house in the middle of nowhere and didn't want her to talk to anyone. She'd been another woman who was waiting for a married man to leave his wife and would probably be waiting forever.
She woke up and groaned. She had enough on her mind without worrying about getting pregnant again she thought.
Her phone rang. The caller ID just gave a number. She answered warily saying "Hello."
"Hello beautiful how are you?"
It was Gabe. "I'm fine Gabe. How are you?"
“I am so much better after our night together."
"We need to talk about that Gabe.”
“Yes Ami?”
“I don't think that it's a good idea if we see each other."
"Ami please. I’ve been unhappy for so long. You’ve opened my eyes to the possibility of real happiness."
"You're married. Your wife is pregnant."
"I told you that I would never walk away from my family. I'll do anything Ami. If you want to be a stepmother, that's fine. I'm sure my kids would love you. If you don't, then I'll see them somewhere else. It doesn't matter to me. I need my children in my life yes, but you have no idea how much I need you too."
The idea that he would do that, that he would keep his kids separate from her disgusted her.
Why did she get the feeling that he wasn't the first woman that she'd made this offer to all of a sudden? Maybe she should talk to the girl that used to work for him Ami thought. "I could never ask you to do that Gabe. They're your children. They're more important than anything else."
He sounded relieved. "Good. I didn't want to have to keep everything separate, but I would have if it was what you wanted."
"No Gabe. You don't understand. I can't do this at all. You're married. What we did was a mistake."
"What we have together is not a mistake. It's beautiful, something that some people only dream of finding."
"Gabe, please don't make this harder than it has to be."
"Do you want me to divorce her right now? Some people would see that as heartless since she's seven months pregnant. But if that's what you want, I'll go to my lawyer right now."
"The last thing that I want you to do is divorce your wife for me. Though if the things that you told me are true, then maybe you should think about divorce anyway."
His voice changed then. "Why would what I told you not be true? What kind of gossip have you been listening to? Don't tell me that Angel's back in town."
She wondered if this Angel was the Angela Nick wanted her to talk to, and she wanted to talk to the woman even more. "No, it's just that some of what you told me doesn't make a lot of sense Gabe. Does your wife dye her hair?"
He sighed. "She does. But the fact that my wife is not a natural redhead does not change the fact that my children are not biologically mine. You can't listen to the bullshit that people in this town come up with Ami. I thought you would know better."
She needed some time to think. Obviously this wasn't going to work as easily as she'd thought.
"Listen, Gabe. I just broke up with my boyfriend. I’m trying to get custody of my son back. I've got a lot going on right now. I think it would be better if we take this slow, okay?"
He softened then. "Of course, Ami. I understand completely. How is Charles?"
A cold stab of fear hit her. She had never told Gabe that she had a son, let alone told him his name. "I need to go now okay? I've got a bunch of errands to run today."
"Of course. Enjoy your day off. Call me if you need anything."
"Sure. Bye Gabe."
"Goodbye Ami."
She hung up her phone and considered tossing it at the wall again. What the hell had she gotten herself into she wondered? Gabe was intense. He might have sounded calm when she’d told him she couldn’t see him anymore, but she could tell that underneath, he was really pissed. And how in the hell did he know Charlie’s name? Alicia was the first person she’d told about her son in years, because she felt like a terrible mother for not taking care of him.
She had been planning on going downstairs to talk to Alicia, but she suddenly wanted to talk to Nick very badly.
She lit a cigarette and pulled up Nick's
number. She wasn't sure what time the bowling alley opened, but she thought that she could always leave a message.
He answered after two rings. "Hello."
Why did just the sound of his voice make her heart beat a little faster she asked herself? "Hi. It's Ami."
"Hi. Is everything okay?"
"Yeah. Well, sort of. I wasn't sure if you'd be at work or not."
"I just got out of the shower actually."
Oh, the pictures that that put in her head Ami thought. "I think I'd like to talk to Angela if you were able to find her number."
"I was actually. I'm not sure if it's still any good, but I'll give her a try before I go to work. She tends to sleep in. Are you free after I get off of work tonight, say around 7?"
"That's fine."
"I'll call you on my break at work to let you know whether I got a hold of her and to make sure nothing else has come up on your end. Did something happen to make you want to talk to her?"
She wasn't sure that Nick was the one that she wanted to confide in about Gabe. "Not really. I'm just trying to sort through it all."
"You sure? You know you can move into my spare bedroom anytime you feel like you need to. I'd feel better having you close."
The last thing she wanted was to hear him in the shower, to know he was sleeping right next to her she thought. "Thank you, but I'll be fine. I've got Carson and Ali."
"They're moving out sometime soon. If you change your mind, let me know. I'll keep it open for you."
His spare bedroom wasn't the only thing she thought she'd like him to keep open for her, but it was probably better not to mention it she thought. "Thanks. I guess I'll talk to you later then."
"Talk to you later. Bye Ami."
"Bye."
She hung up the phone and sat back on the couch. She lit another cigarette, knowing that she was smoking too much, but not caring. She was so confused. She had wanted Nick from the moment she'd seen him. It was at a deeper level than just lust. Gabe was the one she was sure about. The only problem with that was she didn't feel anything for him that he felt for her.
She lusted after him yes. But when the sweat from the sex had dried she had been utterly disgusted with herself for giving in to those feelings.
There was a part of her that wanted to tell Nick that she could be serious about him. She was afraid that if she didn't, he was going to slip away. Penny couldn't be the only one who wanted him. But even if she could tell him that, how was she going to explain her past to him, explain the beautiful child she had that looked so much like his father?
But between her fear of making an actual commitment and her fear of leading Nick to believe she was completely sure of something when she wasn't, she couldn't do it. She had a feeling that if she professed her undying love for him, he wouldn't believe her anway.
She put out her cigarette and headed downstairs to find Alicia.
Her friend was outside at the picnic table again, reading another romance novel with a racy cover. She was beginning to wonder if her friend ever worked.
"Hi."
"Mornin' Ami. How are ya?"
"Fine. How are you? How's the baby?"
"Keeping me up at night again." She yawned. "Of course it's not just the baby. The only time it seems like I can make any money lately is in the middle of the damned night. I feel like I'm doing phone sex again with the hours that I'm working."
"That sucks."
"It really does. If Carson couldn't sleep through an earth quake I think I'd feel even worse. Hey, would you mind taking me to this dress shop later? They need to make sure my wedding dress will fit around my big pregnant belly." Alicia grinned.
"Sure. So Gabe called me."
"Did he?"
"Yeah. I don't think he's going to take no for an answer."
"That's what I was afraid of. Did you tell Nick?"
"I called him, yeah. He's supposed to be getting a hold of that Angela girl to talk to me about whatever went on with her and Gabe. I'm not sure if I want to hear it. I wish I didn't have to involve Nick in this at all."
"He cares about you. But he wants to get married and have kids and he doesn't think you're ready."
Ami groaned. "I already have a kid that sometimes I’m not sure I’m ready for. But marriage, yeah he’s right about that one. Do they have to tell each other everything? They're worse than girls."
Alicia laughed. "You'd think so sometimes. But they've both been through a lot so they tend to talk things out."
"Yeah." It was time to change the subject Ami thought. "So, do you have a certain time you need to be at this dress shop?"
"They said it should be ready for my first fitting around noon. Carson is so lucky. His tux is already taken care of and it's just a rental. My dress cost more than I wanted it to, but I've had a couple of lucky breaks lately so it's okay. The rent is a lot cheaper here and my last check was quite a bit more than I thought it was going to be."
"That's good.”
"Yep. Nick did say he’d wait for you to be ready.”
“Nick said he'd wait for me?" Her heart beat faster at the very thought.
Alicia grinned. "Yeah, that part was too sappy to talk about with Carson, so I got to hear about it. That man is a true romantic at heart. He's more dedicated than a lot of men that are already married. Most men if they're not getting laid at home will look for it elsewhere. But our Nick is willing to sacrifice his sex life for you Ami. Though men get a little weird when they haven't been laid in a while. You'd better not keep him waiting too long."
"That's very sweet of him."
"Just my opinion of course, but give him six months max and he'll be so hot for you that he'll screw your brains out whether you're ready to get serious or not."
"Thanks for that thought Ali. Don't we need to go check on your dress?"
Alicia gave Ami a sweet smile. "Yes, we do."
They headed to Ami's car. Alicia messed with the passenger seat so she could get comfortable.
When she had finished, Ami pulled out of the parking lot. "Where are we headed?"
Alicia gave her directions. They pulled up to the dress shop less than five minutes later.
Ami started to follow Alicia to the shop, but then her phone rang.
“Go ahead without me," She told Alicia, though she was curious to see her friend's dress.
She looked at the screen, seeing it was Nick. Her heart felt like it skipped a beat when she said "Hello."
"Hey Ami. I talked to Angela. She can be at my place at seven if that still works for you. I'll cook ya'll dinner."
"That would be great. Thanks."
"Carson can let you know where it is. I've got to get back to work, but I wanted to make sure tonight still worked and that you're okay."
"I'm fine." Why was she finer at the sound of his voice Ami wondered?
"Good. I'll see you tonight then."
"I'll see you. Bye Nick."
"Bye Ami."
She shut her phone and went inside the small, brightly lit store.
Alicia was standing in front of a full length mirror in a light blue dress, making faces at her reflection in the mirror. Ami personally thought that her friend looked beautiful. The color of the dress made her eyes stand out even more than usual.
The older woman beside her was holding a measuring tape. She rolled her eyes at Ami behind Alicia's back.
"I look so pregnant," Alicia said.
"You are pregnant honey, remember? You look great. You can barely tell you're pregnant."
"Thanks Ami. But quit lying." She turned around and looked at her back side in the mirror. "When did my butt get so big?"
Ami held back a laugh. Her friend's butt didn't look big, and the only thing that even told you she was pregnant was a barely discernible baby bump. She was still fond of wearing Carson's clothes. When she did, you would think she had just gained a little weight and was feeling uncomfortable with it, instead of being six months pregnant. "You look gorgeous Alicia. Carson i
s going to have a heart attack when he sees you."
"Yeah, because he'll realize he's marrying a big fat pregnant lady." Alicia made another face at herself in the mirror, and then turned back to the woman with the measuring tape. "Can you take it out a little more in the waist and the belly please? My baby will probably kick her way right through if you don't." She made another face at herself. "And just a tad in the butt. And in a little in the chest? My boobs aren't quite that big yet."
The woman smiled patiently at Alicia. Ami had a feeling she was far from the first pregnant woman she had fitted for a wedding dress. "Of course dear. Check back on Thursday so we can make any last adjustments. Your friend is right though. You look stunning."
Alicia took one last look at herself in the mirror, her face finally softening. "Thank you."
Then she turned to Ami. "Can you help me get out of this thing?"
Ami helped her friend with the zipper. Ali was soon dressed again in more comfortable clothes and the dress was back in the capable hands of the seamstress.
They left the shop. Alicia said "I'm really sorry to be a pain, but do you mind if we run a few more errands? I need to pick up Elijah's suit. They had to special order it because they didn't have it in his size."
"Of course not. We'll go wherever you need to go."
They ended up running around half the afternoon. After picking up Elijah's miniature tux which was so adorable it made Ami ache for her own child, Alicia got a call that her crib was ready to pick up. Her mother had sent her her own crib which was still in good shape. She'd had to have it refinished and modified to make sure it was safe.
Then they had to make a stop to pay Alicia's cell phone bill, because like Ami, she did everything in cash. They dropped the crib off at the storage unit and ended up at the grocery store.
Alicia was making an attempt to cook dinner for Carson. She invited Ami over, but Ami told her she was having dinner with Nick. Her friend gave her a knowing smile. Ami shook her head and went back to browsing the shelves.
Ali said she needed to do laundry soon. They made plans to go to the laundry mat the next morning since there wasn't a laundry room at the apartment building. Ami picked up detergent and dryer sheets since she'd almost run herself out washing everything before she moved.
Misty Reigenborn Romance Boxed Set Page 82