Molli got into the back seat of the car and laughed. “Sorry Sen. I had to.”
“I thought you were one of those stupid guards. I thought they were going to drag me back into Crestview like I belong there.” Seneca let out a fake shiver.
“Hey.”
“You don’t belong there Mol and you know it. Not because you’re not good enough, but because you’re too good for those stuck up little bitches.”
Molli laughed. “Thanks Sen.”
“No problem Mol.”
“So where are we going girls?” Grant said.
“Um, the discount store. No, the grocery store.”
“Okay.”
When they got to the store, Seneca wouldn’t let Grant go in with them. He whined because he said he wanted a candy bar and something to drink but she told him they could stop at the gas station on the way back to Crestview. He made a face at her, but shut up when she kissed him and whispered and something into his ear. Molli didn’t want to know what it was that Seneca had said to him. He got an almost dopey looking grin on his face soon after.
Molli followed Seneca to the aisle where the tests were displayed. She wanted to look at the selection, but Seneca glanced around for an employee of the store or a camera and not seeing either, pulled one off the shelf at random and stuffed it inside her jacket. Molli wanted to run out of the store after that, but made herself follow Seneca casually out of the store.
Seneca broke out in giggles when they got back to the car and Grant said “What?”
“Nothing baby. Just drive.”
“Girls are weird when they’re together.”
That only made Seneca laugh harder. Molli soon joined in. They were still laughing when he pulled into the gas station. Grant made a face at Seneca when she told him she’d go in the store again but she winked at him and said “I know what you like baby.”
Molli could almost swear Grant was blushing when she followed Seneca into the store. She bought a soda and a candy bar and then followed Seneca to the cash register. Seneca handed the pregnancy test to her when they were on the way back to the car. Molli slipped it into her purse.
Grant saw. When they were back in the car he said “What did you give Molli? What if I want one?”
Seneca handed him his candy bar and put his soda in the cup holder. “I don’t think you want to see one of those for at least a couple more years’ babe.”
“Um, okay. I told you girls were weird.”
“Trust me Grant. You don’t want what I gave Molli and neither do I. No offense Mol.”
“None taken Sen.”
Grant still looked puzzled as he pulled out of the parking lot. Molli had a feeling that it wouldn’t be too long before her friend told him what she had given her. But she could trust both Seneca and Grant not to spread it around town if she were pregnant.
Molli hurried back to her room after lunch on the day that school let out for Thanksgiving vacation and pulled out the pregnancy test that was hidden in her drawer. She felt bad about stealing it especially since she’d had more than enough money to pay for it, but she figured she was far from the first teenage girl or boy that had stolen a pregnancy test and would be far from the last.
She just looked at it for a minute, wondering if she wanted to know the results. Finally she sighed and opened the box and took it into the bathroom with her, sitting down on the toilet and reading the directions. She didn’t think that she’d be upset about being pregnant if she knew for sure who the father was and that that father was Ricky. But she thought to herself as she held the plastic stick in her urine stream, chances were better that it was Ricky’s baby. She’d certainly never had unprotected sex with Jude and would never have dreamed of it doing it with Eduardo without protection, even when she’d convinced herself that he would eventually leave Crisha.
She flushed the toilet and laid the test on the edge of the sink. She washed her hands three times and then left the test in the bathroom while she went to the bedroom and packed her overnight bag for the trip home. The test claimed to have almost instant results, but she couldn’t bring herself to look at it yet.
Finally, when her bag was packed and she could think of no other ways to stall since she knew Ricky was already on his way to pick her up, she walked back into the bathroom and looked at the test. It was positive.
Molli felt tears prick her eyes. How would Ricky feel about this she wondered? Should she tell him tonight? She discarded the test in the trashcan in the bedroom since there wasn’t one in the bathroom and headed out the door, excited and nervous to see Ricky, not thinking that Mellenda might see the test in the trash when she returned after class.
Ricky called her forty-five minutes later. She met him on the road in front of the school. He leaned over and kissed her. She felt very warm inside. They didn’t talk much during the trip to his apartment and only made one stop on the way for Ricky to buy a pack of his expensive cigarettes. She had missed him so much that she dragged him into the bedroom as soon as they were inside, quickly undressing both herself and him.
Molli and Ricky were lying naked in his bed together, kissing and touching when Ricky suddenly pulled back and said “Molli?”
“Yes Ricky?”
She hoped that he was going to tell her that he had broken up with Mellenda and that he wanted her to be his girlfriend. Of course, she’d wanted that since the first time they’d had sex. She didn’t think she’d feel nearly as bad about stealing Rick away from Mellenda as she had about stealing Jude from Tory. She knew that Mellenda talked shit about her behind her back. At least Tory was up front about it she thought. She thought that Tory did it because she was self-conscious too, not like Mellenda who she thought was just stuck up deep down.
“May I kiss you between your legs?”
Molli wanted to laugh. Ricky was so, well he was almost proper sometimes, and seemed much older than nineteen. “Do you mean like kiss my thighs and stuff or do you mean go down on me?”
Ricky made a face. “I don’t like to put it like that. It sounds so cheap that way. I like to think of it as giving you the most intimate of kisses.”
“I guess.”
“You don’t have to let me if you don’t want me to. Mellenda will never let me do it to her. She thinks that it’s disgusting. Many women enjoy it very much though, and I think you would.”
“Jude did it once but he wasn’t very good at it. And he only did it because I got tired of blowing him and not getting anything back. Eduardo used to do it, but he hasn’t since he hooked up with Peggy. I think he did it to her once and was so disgusted that he never wanted to do it again. I don’t know why he’s still with her. I’m not sure how he can stand to have sex with her, let alone do that to her. But yes, I think I’d like it very much if you did it Ricky.” She smiled. “You can give me your most intimate of kisses. Thank you.”
He kissed her. “You make me feel free to be myself Molli. I feel like I could say anything to you and you wouldn’t jump to conclusions and judge me the way Mellenda does.”
“Yeah. Do you want me to um, give you an intimate kiss at the same time?”
“I’d like to concentrate on pleasing you tonight. Maybe next time. You have such a beautiful mouth Molli. But then, every part of you is beautiful.”
“Thank you. You’re pretty damn hot yourself.”
Ricky chuckled. “You’re most welcome, and thank you.”
Ricky took his time. After a few minutes, it felt so good that Molli wanted to scream. She grabbed a fistful of the bed sheet on both sides and could feel herself tensing up. It couldn’t be right to feel this good she thought. Of course, it always felt incredible being with Ricky. Sex with Ricky was like doing drugs she felt like she was flying so high, but this was even better if possible. He paused and looked up at her.
“Do you not like what I’m doing Molli?”
“Oh, I like what you’re doing. I think I like it a bit too much.”
He smiled up at her. He had such lus
t in his dark eyes that she could almost fool herself into thinking that he loved her the way she loved him.
“I don’t think that there’s anything sexual that you can like too much, unless of course you’re hurting someone else by doing it. Sex is beautiful. The joining together of two bodies in such a way can express so much without words. Passion, lust, comfort, contentment, love. I’ve always thought that the body of a beautiful woman was the most precious gift on Earth. I am so glad that you have chosen to share yours with me. Please relax Molli. I want to please you. You’ve made me so happy just being around you that I want so badly for you to feel a fraction of what I feel for you.”
There he went again, Molli thought, almost telling her that he loved but not quite. But Jude had never said anything like that to her and Eduardo certainly hadn’t, not even on his best day early in their relationship, and both of them HAD told her that they loved her. So maybe he was right, sometimes it wasn’t necessary to put it exactly into words.
“You are so sweet Ricky. I’ll try to relax.”
Molli lay back and let herself get lost in the sensation of what Ricky was doing to her. She cried out his name so loudly when she had an orgasm that she thought she was going to go hoarse. Ricky didn’t seem to mind though. When he looked up at her, his eyes were so dark they were almost black. She thought that she could quite easily get lost in them.
She smiled at him, hoping that her eyes communicated what he had done to her. It wasn’t just the pleasure that he had given her. It had been something more. By doing what he had done, Ricky had made Molli feel more special and worthy than she had in a very long time. “Can I have a cigarette?”
“Of course. I’ll be right back.”
He went to the bathroom. She could hear him gargling and then the whir of his electric tooth brush. He came back and lit a cigarette of his own. “I don’t want you to feel offended by that. It’s just that some women don’t like the taste even when it’s their own and on the lips of a man. I would very much like to make love to you. I can’t stand not having your mouth on mine when we make love.”
“You’re so considerate.” She suddenly wanted to cry and fought tears. Was now the time to tell him her news she thought?
He looked over at her as he put out his cigarette. “Molli, is everything okay?”
“There’s something I need to tell you Ricky. I can’t keep it to myself anymore.”
“What is it darling?”
She put out her cigarette and he took her into his arms, running his hand over her hair. She pulled back and took a deep breath, then let it out. “Mellenda told me that she had an abortion. Not recently, just a couple months after you two got together. I know that it was yours because Mellenda’s not like that. I know that she didn’t tell you.”
Ricky immediately took another cigarette out of the pack and lit it. She knew that the cigarettes he smoked were foreign and cost ten dollars a pack or more, and he usually didn’t smoke much, so she was surprised to see him light another one so soon.
“I’m sorry Ricky. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you. It’s not my business. I don’t know why Mellenda told me in the first place. I know she doesn’t like me and never has. I don’t think she thinks that I’m good enough to go to Crestview.”
“Mellenda is a fool if she sees you as anything other than the smart, beautiful, special girl that you are.”
“I’m sorry I brought it up Ricky. I didn’t mean for it to make you mad. I thought you should know. I didn’t say it because I thought that it would make you break up with Mellenda. I know that if you decide to break it off with her, you’ll do it when you’re ready.”
“Molli, please don’t think badly of yourself for telling me. Please don’t think badly of yourself at all. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not good enough. You’re more than good enough. Will you excuse me for a moment? I need to use the phone.”
She reached out and put her hand on his arm. “Ricky please. Do you have to call her right now? I’m not trying to be selfish, but it’s already over with and we have so little time together.”
“You’re never selfish Molli. You are the most giving lover, the most giving person that I know. I suppose you’re right. I can wait to call Mellenda. I’m sure she’s busy with her family anyway.”
“Are you still going home tomorrow?”
“Yes. I don’t want to go since things are so tense with my sister-in-law being so close to her due date and my brother and her talking about splitting up, but I really don’t have a valid excuse. Are you sure you’re going to be okay at home by yourself? Have they fixed your car?”
“No. It’s still sitting in that garage. I think my dad told them he wasn’t going to pay to fix it. It’s not like I did something to it on purpose. My mom told him not to buy it, but it was so much cheaper than anything else we looked at. You’d think that my parents didn’t have money with the way they spend it. As long as you can still drop me off at home, I’ll be fine yes.”
“I simply can’t believe that your parents are gone at Thanksgiving and didn’t offer to take you with them.”
“It’s okay. I’m used to it.” She wondered if she should tell Ricky her other news, but thought that it could wait until after they’d had sex. She really wanted to have sex she thought.
“It’s not okay. I can tell that it hurts you, how terrible it makes you feel.”
“You make me feel good Ricky. You’ve always made me feel good. And I don’t just mean the sex, though that’s always been more than good.”
He smiled. “I’m glad that you’re here with me tonight. I’ll make us dinner after we’ve made love and taken a long shower together okay?”
“Okay.”
He kissed her and they were soon making love. It felt so wonderful to be with Ricky, to watch the ways his eyes changed when he made love to her, that Molli found herself crying after he had finished.
Ricky took her into his arms. “Oh Molli. I’m so sorry. Did I hurt you?”
“No Ricky. Please don’t think that. I don’t think you could ever hurt me when we make love. It’s so special. I feel so terrible.”
Ricky handed her a tissue from the box on his nightstand. “Why do you feel terrible darling?”
“I’m pregnant and I don’t know who the father is. I’m pretty sure that it’s you and I want so badly for it to be, but it could be Jude’s or even Eduardo’s.”
Ricky started to reach for a cigarette, and then thought better of it. “I’ll stand by you Molli. I will be with you every step of the way if you want me to be.”
“Of course I want you to be with me.” She put her arms around him, wishing that she never had to let go.
He kissed her cheek and brushed her curls out of her face. “I’ll give the baby my last name if you’d like. I have to end it with Mellenda. It shouldn’t be so hard now, knowing that she’s taken the life of our child.”
“I’d be very proud to give the baby your last name Ricky. Thank you.”
She thought that she’d very much like to take his last name herself, but didn’t want to push her luck by mentioning it. Sometimes, she could fool herself into thinking that she had Ricky’s heart, but sometimes she thought that if that were true, he would have broken up with Mellenda after the first time they’d made love.
“No need to thank me. It’s the right thing to do. Besides, as you said, there’s a good chance the child is mine. It means a lot to me that you told me.”
“You’re the first person that I told. Well, I told Seneca that I might be pregnant since I missed my period, but I haven’t told her that I am.”
“Seneca is such a good friend to you. I’m glad that you have someone you can confide in.”
“Me too. I’m going to miss her so much after I graduate.”
“You should still be close enough to visit her. Have you looked into attending the community college in Brown? It’s still a good school. They have very good tutoring services there if you need help.”
Ricky chuckled. “My father told me what I was going to do. I was lucky enough that I didn’t mind. I always dreamed of being a poet though.”
“So do it. You’d be wonderful at it. You say the most beautiful things.”
He smiled. “Thank you. You’re a wonderful inspiration Molli. Shall we shower? Then I’ll make whatever you’d like for dinner.”
“Okay.”
She took his hand and he led her to the bathroom. They took a long, leisurely shower together, then went back to the bedroom and dressed. Molli wondered if she was imagining things or if her pajama bottoms were already starting to get tight. She let out the drawstring a little bit and caught Ricky smiling at her.
He crossed the room and kissed her. “You’ll make such a beautiful mother.”
“I’m scared Ricky. I know my parents love me, but they haven’t been the best parents in the world. How am I supposed to know how to be a mother?”
“Most of it comes naturally Molli. It might not seem like it, but once you’ve held your child in your arms, your whole world changes. It’s kind of like starting a new life, because you look at the world with a different pair of eyes. Yes, having a child means that you have to make some lifestyle changes, but it’s worth it. I can’t believe I let you smoke that cigarette. I need to quit smoking myself.”
“I’m sorry. It felt so good, what you did to me. And I don’t just mean the physical sensation, though that felt so good that I can’t describe it. You made me feel special, wanted and needed.”
“You are very special Molli. I’d hoped that I always make you feel that way, but if what I did tonight makes you feel that way, we can certainly practice it more often.” He smiled at her.
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