Ricky was standing in the hall. She smiled at him and he frowned at her. “Good morning Ricky.”
She moved to his side and tried to kiss him. He turned his face. “Mellenda we need to talk.”
“What do you want to talk about Ricky?” She gave him her best wide eyed innocent brown eyes.
“You know what I want to talk about Mellenda. Get your coat. We’ll go outside.”
“You want to smoke don’t you? That is such a disgusting habit.”
Ricky sighed. “I quit.”
“Does your new girlfriend not like the taste on your lips either?” She gave him a tight smile and then turned back towards the guest bedroom.
She blinked back tears as she gathered her things, wondering how she was going to get home. There was no way in hell she was going to beg Ricky for a ride. That would be pathetic. Although she thought that did feel rather pathetic at the moment.
She shoved her clothes into her bag and then put her jacket on. She put first the strap of her backpack over her shoulder and then the strap of her purse, wishing yet again that her parents weren’t so messed up that they had forgotten she was alive. If they knew she was alive, she would probably have a car or at the very least be able to call them and ask them to come get her.
Ricky was at the bottom of the stairs. She looked at his handsome face and a single tear dropped down hers. He reached to brush it away. She gave him a dirty look. He was not going to get away with acting like a gentleman right now she thought.
He sighed as he held the front door open for her. He shut the door and she followed him around to the patio.
“Talk Ricky.”
“Mellenda it didn’t need to end like this. You held on so tightly. It didn’t make any sense to me with the other choices you’ve made.”
“If you’re talking about the stupid abortion again you can just shut the hell up. It’s done. I can’t take it back. I told you that I’m sorry over and over again. What else do you want me to do?”
“Think before you make another mistake like that.”
“How was it a mistake? We didn’t need a kid.”
“You never offered me any kind of a say in the decision. There were other options. But this is no longer about your abortion. This is about the end of our relationship. I had hoped that we could be friends but you are making it extremely difficult for me Mellenda, for both of us.”
“It’s because I’m the one who’s getting dumped.”
A ghost of smile crossed Ricky’s face. “Would you like to do the honors?”
“I didn’t mean it like that. Everyone thinks you’re such a smart, cultured gentleman. They say ‘look at Ricky, he’s only 19 and he acts more adult than men twice his age. He’s going places.’ You have everyone fooled. You’re just another lying cheating man like all the rest.”
“I’m sorry Mellenda. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but it did.”
“Fuck you. You didn’t mean for it to happen.” Mellenda felt like hitting him. Why did people have to say such stupid things when they cheated she wondered? Why couldn’t they be honest? The bullshit only made it feel worse. “Love is an illusion. You and all your stupid pretty words were a big lie. I hate you Ricky. I wish I’d never met you.”
“I understand why you feel that way. I never meant to hurt you.”
“But you did and nothing you say to me is going to change that. Why did you have to lie to me? You’ve been messing around for a long time haven’t you? How could you look me in the eye and tell me that you loved me and that there wasn’t someone else?”
“Oh Mellenda.” He reached his hand out to her. She smacked it away.
“You no longer have the right to touch me. Who is she Ricky?”
“She’s pregnant. We’re getting married.”
“I didn’t ask to hear your fairy tale future, I asked who she was. Answer me you fucking coward. It’s not like it’s not going to be around Brentwood before you know it anyway.”
Ricky sighed. “Molli.”
Mellenda’s eyes widened. “That stupid slut was telling the truth when she told me that you two horny disgusting pieces of shit had sex on my bed wasn’t she? What the hell Ricky? You’re dumping me for a moron with a single digit IQ that will spread her legs for any guy with a penis. That baby can’t be yours. She has a boyfriend and who knows how many other lovers. You make me sick. How could you be so stupid? She’s not even that damned pretty.”
“Molli is not a moron or a slut and we had sex on her bed, not yours.”
“Don’t defend her. She is stupid. It takes her hours to do the simplest homework. She is a slut. She gave it up at thirteen. She has a boyfriend, but of course she stole him too. And you want to marry someone like that and raise a kid that’s probably not yours. I feel sorry for you. No, actually I don’t. If you’re going to be that stupid and throw your life away, you deserve it. You deserve to be cheated on and lied to. I hope that you like the way it feels. I sure as hell didn’t.”
“In case you don’t remember Mellenda, you’ve been lying to me for months.”
Mellenda looked at him and felt a puzzle piece fall into place in her head. “That whore was the one that told you about the abortion wasn’t she? I tell that dumb bitch something in confidence and she runs and tells you because she knew that it would drive another nail into the coffin that our relationship was turning into. I am the world’s biggest idiot. Damn.”
“You’re not an idiot.”
“I am. That crap was eating at me and I had to get it out. I couldn’t tell you because I knew you’d freak out on me. I bet she told you that I was casual about it too didn’t she? It wasn’t casual for me. It wasn’t casual to have someone scrape what would have been a baby out of my body either. I didn’t feel any of that stupid crap that some women say they feel like this vast emptiness or hear a baby crying, but it didn’t feel good. I didn’t want to ruin our lives. I was thinking about you when I did it. But it doesn’t matter now does it? You’re signing on the dotted line with a smile on your stupid face and willingly asking for a life of misery. She’s going to cheat on you, because she’s a whore and whores always cheat. She’s an idiot so you’re going to have to support her while she sits on her ass and gets fat. She’ll make a terrible mother. That kid is probably going to be just as retarded as she is. Especially if it’s Jude’s. He’s not the brightest crayon in the box either. Has she even bothered to tell him she might be knocked up with his kid? What about the ten other possible baby daddies? Oh my god Ricky. How can you do this?”
“I don’t appreciate your words Mellenda. You really should think before you speak.”
Mellenda snorted. “Oh, does it hurt your feelings to hear the truth about your slutty new girlfriend? Or your fiancé or whatever in the hell she is. That ring I found, it was never for me was it? It was for the queen of slutty morons.”
“You shouldn’t go through other people’s things. You might not like what you find.”
“Fuck you. Some people should learn to be honest and not be cowards. Have fun marrying a crazy, stupid slut. I hope you have a nice life.”
Mellenda turned to leave. She was going to walk as far as she could stand and then call a cab. She wasn’t going to bother going back to her parents’ house. She was going straight back to Brentwood. She didn’t give a shit if it was pathetic to be hanging out at Crestview Academy almost the whole winter break. She didn’t want to see anyone or talk to anyone. She was going to put in a request for a new roommate too. She was afraid that if she had to deal with Molli’s smug face she would end up killing her. She remembered how Molli had shoved the promise ring Jude had given her straight down Tory’s throat. She could only imagine how smug the dumb bitch was going to be when she was able to flash around the stupid engagement ring that Ricky had bought for her.
“Mellenda.”
Mellenda didn’t bother to turn around. “What?”
“You were always my second choice. When I was spending time in Brentwood,
it was Molli I was waiting for. I didn’t think she would say yes to a guy like me. That’s why I asked you out instead.”
Mellenda stifled an urge to wring Ricky’s neck. “Thanks for telling me. I get to hear that from you and then I get to go back to school and watch your whore show off her engagement ring. I know she will because she sure as hell made sure to show everyone the crappy promise ring that Jude bought for her, especially Tory. Now that she’s got something she can actually be proud to show off, I’m sure it will never stop. Goodbye Ricky. Thanks for the memories even though lately most of them weren’t so great.”
“I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Why not? It’s true isn’t it? I hardly think you need to bother to try to spare my feelings anymore. I have to get out of here. I can’t stand the sound of your voice.”
Mellenda took a step off of the patio and into the yard. Ricky touched her shoulder. She turned around and gave him a look that she wished really could kill. “You heard what I said about touching me. If you touch me again, I won’t be responsible for my actions. They’ll call it temporary insanity.”
“There’s no need to be so melodramatic. Our relationship ended. It happens. You’ll find someone.”
“Why would I want to? I’ve had two real boyfriends in my life, if you can really call Tony my boyfriend since he never bothered to try to be faithful to me. At least he was honest about it though. You couldn’t even be honest. You always pretended to be perfect.”
“I’ve never had the illusion that I was perfect Mellenda. Let me give you a ride back to your parents’ house.”
Mellenda shook her head. “No way. I wouldn’t take a ride from you if you owned the last transportation on earth. I’m not going back there anyway. I wonder if you eventually become invisible when enough people try to pretend that you don’t exist. I guess I’ll find out soon enough.”
“Oh Mellenda. I am so sorry. You are such a bright, beautiful girl. I know how much it hurts you that your parents treat you the way they do. I wish things could have been different, but honey they’re not. I love Molli. Did you really want to go on thinking that I still loved you, that my heart didn’t lie elsewhere?”
“I’m not a complete moron Ricky. Why couldn’t you have done all of us a favor and asked that stupid slut out instead of me in the first place?”
“I wish you’d stop calling her that.”
“It’s true and you know it’s true. Sometimes the truth hurts. You’re a coward. I wish I’d never met you.”
“I understand that you’re hurt Mellenda. I never wanted to hurt you. You have to understand that.”
“I don’t understand that because it’s not true. I have to go. Please just leave me alone.”
Mellenda turned and walked away. Ricky called out to her, but she ignored him. She couldn’t stand to hear more of his lies. She understood that he thought he was in love with Molli. She understood that he wanted to do what he thought was the right thing and marry her and be a father to her baby. She understood that he was still upset over the fact that she’d had an abortion and hadn’t told him about it. She didn’t understand why he had to continue to lie to her and make platitudes when it wasn’t helping either of them.
Mellenda thought that if she didn’t think cigarettes were revolting, she probably would have wanted one right then. She walked briskly down the block. She was two blocks away when the tears started to flow. She brushed them angrily back from her face and quickened her pace even more. By the time she had reached the downtown area, she was running and almost completely out of breath.
As she took a deep breath and then let it out, she realized that she was having a panic attack. Her heart was pounding in her chest. Her palms were sweaty and she felt shaky and nauseous. She felt like she was dying. Then again she thought she wasn’t sure that she’d mind dying. What difference would it make? She might as well already be dead as far as her parents were concerned.
She took several more deep breaths, letting them out slowly. Eventually her heart beat slowed and the grip of the panic attack eased. She realized that she could see the bus station from where she was and wondered whether she had enough money for a bus ticket back to Brentwood.
She went into the bus station and used the restroom. She washed her face, which garnered a strange look from a middle aged woman with two little girls in tow. She fought the urge to give the woman a dirty look, and instead forced a smile. The woman gave her an even stranger look, and walked out of the bathroom.
Mellenda looked at herself in the mirror. She looked like crap and she knew it. Her eyes were puffy. She was tempted to reapply her makeup, but then she realized that she didn’t care what she looked like. Ricky and Tony had both told her how beautiful she was. Hell, random strangers had told her how beautiful she was. She looked into her eyes and wondered what difference it made. Why did it matter if she had a pretty face when no one gave a shit about her?
She turned away from her reflection. She went to the ticket counter and asked for the price for a ticket to Brentwood. She did have enough money and there were still seats on the bus that was leaving in forty-five minutes. As she handed the money to the woman behind the counter, she had a sudden urge to laugh. She’d never thought that she would actually look forward to going back to Crestview Academy. Even the pain of being ignored by her parents was usually preferable to the fake bullshit atmosphere of the private school.
She took her ticket and went to sit in an uncomfortable seat. The bus station was virtually empty. She wished again for a car but she still didn’t have enough money to buy even a piece of shit car.
Her phone beeped at her from her purse. She ignored it, because she figured it had to be Ricky. She doubted that it was her parents, because they never seemed to care whether she was home or not. She wondered if she should call them and tell them that she was going back to Brentwood, but decided against it.
Her parents had been so drunk when she’d left that they’d barely said a word to her when she said she was leaving for Ricky’s. If they didn’t care that their daughter didn’t spend the holiday with them, she doubted that they would care that she was going back to school early.
She sighed and wondered what she had done to deserve the life that she had been given. She was seventeen years old, would be eighteen in a few months. She had been walking around in a state of half death for a long time, going through the motions of living because when you’re not quite thirteen years old and your sister dies and your parents shut down like a door that will never be opened again, you realize that it doesn’t really matter what you do.
She’d pretended to be happy for a long time, and she had had good times. Her best friend where her parents lived had been the only one that could make her laugh for a really long time. Joanie was the only person she had talked to about Adrina’s death, about the death of her niece or nephew that had never had the chance to see the light of day. She certainly hadn’t been able to talk to her parents, and she’d never felt comfortable enough to speak up in the support group that she’d gone to a few times.
Then her parents had had the brilliant idea to send her to Crestview Academy. She’d been glad that she didn’t have a roommate all freshman year because she cried herself to sleep a lot of nights. She’d put on a bright shiny smile when she was in the halls and chatted right along with the stupid popular girls while she was really disgusted by them in private.
She’d drifted apart from Joanie because their lives had grown to be even more different than they’d ever been before. Joanie had been home schooled her whole life. They’d met at a local park and had become friends. It had been even better when they’d realized they lived right down the street from each other. Now she barely talked to the girl that she’d felt was her only real friend.
When Adrina had been alive, she’d felt like she was in her sister’s shadow. Adrina had been so beautiful and so smart and so good. Mellenda had always known that their parents favored Adrina, but until she’d died
, she’d always believed that they loved her too. Adrina had just had more in common with both Mr. and Mrs. Brooks. She’d baked and gardened with their mother and went fishing and jogging with their father. Mellenda had always felt like a stranger in her own family.
Adrina had been the picture of their mother. She was tall and slender with wavy dark hair and bright blue eyes. She had their father’s darker skin tone, but it only brought out the color of her eyes even more. Mellenda was shorter than their mother and her body was curvy. Her eyes were too dark to match the color of their father’s-his were a much lighter brown. Mellenda’s hair was straight and neither of their parents had straight hair. She’d asked Adrina if she was adopted, and her sister had laughed at her and told her that her eyes and her straight hair came from their paternal grandmother, a woman that Mellenda had never met because she’d died before she was born.
Mellenda missed Adrina terribly right then. She hadn’t let herself miss her sister in years. She felt tears prick her eyes again as she stood in line, waiting to show her ticket to the bus driver. He looked young and was definitely giving her the eye, but she looked away from him and went up the steps and onto the bus.
She took a seat in the back, glad that the bus was almost empty. She didn’t want to have to share a seat with anyone. She leaned her head against the window and willed her brain to shut down. But it didn’t. It raced all the way back to Brentwood. By the time the bus driver parked in the bay at the bus station, she felt like she was boiling over with anger.
The bus driver gave her a flirtatious smile as she got off of the bus. She shot him a dirty look and tamped down the urge she had to flip him off because she knew that he was checking out her ass. She walked to the nearest bench and sat down, wondering what in the hell she was going to do with herself until it was time to go back to school.
She sat there for fifteen minutes, staring off into the distance. A good looking guy had sat down next to her and given her a look that was full of unveiled interest, but she’d given him an even dirtier look than she’d given the bus driver. He’d got up and walked away, muttering something under his breath.
Misty Reigenborn Romance Boxed Set Page 172