by Sue Shepherd
After an indeterminate amount of time, James gently broke away from her. ‘I take it we’re on? Together in Bondi, yes?’
Beth wanted to agree. She was desperate to say yes. But she had a whole load of concerns. What if he wants to go to the laundry room with me, tonight? How far will he expect me to go? What if all this ends up in another Mandy situation?
She knew what she had to do. It was a risk she simply had to take. Telling him everything might cause him to run screaming for the hills. But if they were going to be together for the next couple of months, she couldn’t see any way around it.
Taking a deep breath, she began, ‘First, James, there are a couple of things you need to know about me.’
Nineteen
They found a bench and settled down for a further chat. Beth didn’t know what he was expecting to hear, maybe he thought she was going to tell him she wasn’t on the pill or inform him that she liked things a bit kinky. She was sure he didn’t expect to hear that, due to an extremely bad start with sex, she’d avoided it like the plague. She decided to include Mandy, which surprised her a bit. But somehow, it seemed right not to leave her out.
A lesser man would, no doubt, have decided it wasn’t worth the bother. But that was kind of the point. If she was going to be too much trouble, a freak, if that was how he was going to see it, then she needed to know. She was completely honest and even told him how much she’d hated sex, although she did make sure to point out that kissing him was completely gorgeous, and she’d be more than happy to do a bit more of that.
When she’d finished talking, James took her in his arms and held her so tight she could barely breathe.
‘Are you crying?’ Beth asked.
‘No …’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Look, it’s just sad, OK?’
‘I know.’ After a pause, she added, ‘Thanks for minding.’
He wiped a stray tear from her cheek with his thumb. ‘You’re welcome, love.’
‘The stuff about the miscarriage …’
‘I shan’t say a thing. But … about the sex, Beth, it’s not ‒’
Her turn to interrupt. ‘Oh, I know.’
‘What? What do you know?’
‘It’s not normal. I know I should’ve had loads more men by now.’
‘If you’d let me speak. What I was going to say was, it’s not horrible. I mean obviously, I’ve not experienced it from your perspective. But …’ he blushed, ‘I’ve been told, it’s good for girls too. I think you got off to a rather crappy start.’
‘You think?’ She raised her eyebrows.
‘What if I told you, I could make you feel good, and you wouldn’t have to risk getting pregnant?’
‘Condoms?’
‘No, you daft thing. I’m saying, how about I dedicate some time to showing you how your body can feel. No … um … you know,’ he seemed embarrassed, and appeared to be weighing up which phrase to use, ‘No penetration. How would that be?’
Beth’s body underwent a jolt of excitement. She rather liked the idea of James showing her how she could feel. Was he so selfless as to do that for her without the obligatory shag?
Reading her mind, he replied, ‘I just want you to see how it could be, I’m not a flamin’ saint or anything.’
‘I would like to know how to enjoy that kind of intimacy.’
‘Good. It’ll be my pleasure to show you. No risks, OK?’
‘No pain? No babies?’
‘Abso-bloody-lutely!’
Walking back towards the hostel, she wondered when all this was going to begin. Next week? Tomorrow? The butterflies in her tummy had resumed their dance. She wanted to kiss him, but she feared what was going to come next. Also, where? Where was all this feel good stuff going to take place?
He answered her unspoken questions. ‘We could go to my room, now? The lads are out, they won’t be back for hours.’
‘Your … your room?’
‘We’ve found a way to lock the door.’
‘Really? I mean, really locked. Properly?’
‘Locked up tighter than a nun’s …’ He stopped. Whatever the punchline was, he decided better of it.
‘Right now?’
‘Unless you don’t want to.’
She looked at him, his handsome face, his fit body. She wanted to know what he had to offer. Giving serious consideration to herself, she figured there wasn’t anything she urgently needed to do. She’d recently shaved her legs, her armpits and her bikini line, plus she’d not long had a shower. If she asked, ‘Can we leave it until tomorrow?’ it may not happen. Something might get in their way.
‘I want to …’ she began walking in the direction of his room ‘… but you’d better be right about locking the bloody door!’
As Beth watched James wedge the chair up against the door, so the handle wouldn’t budge, she asked Lisa, ‘Please don’t stay. I don’t want you to watch.’
Lisa was silent.
‘I mean it. It’s private. It’s my life. Promise me you’ll go away.’
‘Go away? Where to?’
‘I don’t know. Isn’t there somewhere? Aren’t there others like you?’
‘I don’t think there are.’ Lisa sounded incredibly sad.
Beth wondered how jealous she must be, but tried not to think about it. She knew if she allowed the guilt to take hold she’d never be able to enjoy this moment with James. ‘Well, just don’t watch or listen, please?’
After a second, Lisa replied. ‘OK. But …?’
‘Yes?’
‘Take care.’
After that, Lisa was silent again, and Beth had to allow herself to believe her sister wasn’t watching. Banishing thoughts of her twin from her mind, she gave her attention to the handsome man who was walking towards her with a sexy grin on his face.
They kissed for what seemed like ages. As before, he kissed beautifully, no rush, not too much pressure, just a leisurely rhythm that built and built until she was panting. As James began to undress Beth, she felt a shock of embarrassment. She’d never been naked in front of a man before, unless you included the surgeon who’d performed her operation, and she certainly wasn’t counting him. The one time she’d been intimate with Mario, she’d only removed her knickers and he’d merely taken his trousers and pants down. Understandably, being undressed scared her. The minute James began gently removing her knickers, her whole body clenched up.
He stopped and stared into her eyes. ‘Do you trust me?’
‘Yes,’ she whispered, trying her hardest to unclench.
Within seconds, she was completely naked, and James was gazing at her admiringly.
To begin with his fingers traced patterns all over her skin. It was deliciously light. Gradually, the pressure increased, until she realised they were most definitely no longer at the ‘beginning’. The random patterns had become progressively more and more centred around her belly. It seemed strange, but it was as if her lower body was made of jelly somehow. All the stiffness had gone from her limbs, they were now fluid.
She’d discovered her clitoris many years before, and occasionally touched herself when Lisa was asleep. It wasn’t that hard to find, despite Mario’s best efforts to ignore it. She was fully aware that when his fingers made their way towards it, things were going to be different. Clearly though, she hadn’t paid enough attention to it previously. The few orgasms she’d managed to elicit from that area by herself had been a quick enjoyable surprise, not much to make a fuss about. As James’s hand made its leisurely way towards her clitoris, she began to experience a build-up of pleasure, an unhurried feeling that promised to be far more satisfying than anything she’d previously experienced.
At last, he concentrated on her most intimate part and she was surprised to realise how wet his teasing had caused her to become. This would have come in handy with Mario!
As his fingers deftly drew the gratification to the surface, her body arched, and her breath began to come in short sharp gasps.
The orgasm, when it did hit, was like nothing she could have imagined. Wave after wave of pleasure, beginning at the pinnacle of her being and flooding out, up her tummy, down her legs. This was way more than a mild surprise!
Afterwards, she lay still, looking up at James. She would have thought she’d be embarrassed and maybe she wouldn’t be able to look at him after he’d seen her so exposed. But that wasn’t the case at all. She was entirely comfortable with his eyes upon her.
Before his room-mates returned, James found the time to show her that, as amazing as the first orgasm was, he could top it.
Hardly giving her time to catch her breath, he gave her a sexy look and asked, ‘Are you ready for lesson two?’
‘I …’ There was the jolt again, only now it was even stronger, and it was directly to her groin. Now she knew what he was capable of, the anticipation was incredible. ‘Lesson two?’ Her mouth became dry.
‘Yep.’
‘There’s more?’
‘Oh yes.’
‘Still no pain? Still no babies?’
‘Still abso-bloody-lutely!’
Before she had the chance to complete the sentence, ‘To be honest, I don’t think you can top that …’ his head was between her legs, and he was paying her some serious attention with his tongue. The sensations he yielded were similar to the ones he’d produced earlier, only, amazingly, they were even more intense. There was an urgency to his moves this time, it was less of a slow build and more of a sudden wham that took her breath away. James dedicated endless time to her, and he asked for nothing.
Even though she was scared, Beth thought she ought to offer, ‘Are you sure you don’t want me to …’
She was incredibly relieved to hear him answer, ‘Don’t worry. There’ll be plenty of time for that, when you’re ready, sweetheart.’
Twenty
Beth and James had been together for a couple of weeks, when a few of them arranged to go to the races.
Beth was disappointed when Michelle said, ‘I know I agreed to come with you, but I’m kind of thinking now …’
‘What? Oh no, don’t say you don’t want to go.’
‘It’s just that I don’t really approve of it.’
Beth couldn’t hide her disappointment. ‘But it won’t be the same if you’re not there. You know that?’
‘Sometimes the horses get hurt. They have to put them out of their misery.’
‘Yes, but that’s rare, isn’t it?’
Michelle shook her head. ‘Not rare enough for my liking.’
‘So, why now? Why not tell me before that you didn’t fancy it?’
‘Well … you were excited, and I didn’t want to upset you. But honestly, I’d rather not go.’
‘But what will you do all day? I’ll be gone. You’ll get bored. You know you need me?’
‘Nice try. But I’ll manage one day without you.’
It seemed there was no way of persuading Michelle. In a sulk, Beth made her way over to James’s room, to share the bad news.
Things had been going well for them. Over the last fortnight, he’d taught Beth more about her body than she’d ever thought possible. Just a few days ago, they’d made love for the first time. He hadn’t pressurised her, far from it. It had happened when she’d been ready. She was amazed by the difference, it wasn’t the uncomfortable, rushed process she’d previously known. They’d managed to get together three times since, and it was always passionate and loving. Even with the condoms they’d decided to use, making love with James was infinitely better than her one-off experience with Mario.
Beth told James about Michelle. ‘… and she says she’s worried about the horses getting hurt or having to be put down. But that hardly ever happens, surely? I was looking forward to it so much.’
He stroked her hair away from her face. ‘You can still go. There’ll be others there.’
‘What do you mean I can still go? Don’t you mean we?’
‘I thought I might give it a swerve as well.’
‘You’re kidding me?’
‘No. I’m just thinking. Maybe … if Michelle’s not coming, I could stay home too?’
‘To be with Michelle?’ Beth’s voice wobbled.
‘Not to be with Michelle, no. She’s a grown woman, she can spend one day alone.’
‘What then? Why are you saying you don’t want to come?’
‘It’s just, I didn’t like the idea before. I only agreed because you seemed to be looking forward to going. If I’d known there was the choice to opt out, I’d have ‒’
‘There isn’t a bloody choice to opt out!’
‘Well, clearly there is. Michelle’s done it.’
By now, completely pissed off, Beth moaned, ‘Fine, then! Neither of you have to come. My best friend and my boyfriend, both of you can “opt out” as you put it.’
He seemed uncomfortable. ‘Sorry. I did try saying right at the beginning that I wasn’t keen, but you weren’t listening ‒’
Again, she didn’t let him finish. ‘This gets worse. Now I’m the evil bitch who wasn’t listening to you in the first place. Do you know what? Do what you like. Come. Don’t come. See if I care.’
She knew she was behaving like a spoilt child, but she’d been looking forward to them all going out for the day. She started to leave, preparing to flounce off back to her own room, but James jumped off his bunk and caught up with her at the door. ‘I’m sorry.’
She waited. Hoping he was about to change his mind.
‘I just don’t … all right, if it means that much to you … I’ll go. OK?’
‘You won’t regret it, it’s going to be great.’
Beth was thrilled to be on their way to the race course. There were five of them in the group, and it was a bit like a family outing. She would’ve loved it if her mum and dad and nanna had been there too. Annoyingly, James was quiet on the bus, she wished he would cheer up a bit.
‘What’s up with misery guts?’ Lisa asked.
‘I don’t know?’
‘He’s not still grumpy because you made him come here, is he?’
‘I didn’t make him come here. He wanted to.’
‘Yeah. Sure, he did.’
‘Don’t you get arsey with me. You’re always saying we should try new things and we are, so … shut up and enjoy it.’
‘Fine.’ Lisa spoke no more on the subject.
It was crowded and difficult for them all to stick together. Choosing her horse for the first race, Beth was disappointed to discover she’d already managed to lose James. However, halfway through the race, he reappeared by her side.
‘Where were you? You’ve missed it.’
‘Toilet, sorry. Anyway, I haven’t missed it, look they’re still running. Which one did you choose?’
They stood together and watched as Beth’s horse came last.
‘Ah well, I’ll have better luck in the next race.’ She examined the programme, trying to decide which name she was drawn to.’
‘Want a drink?’
‘What, now?’
‘Why not?’ James began walking away.
‘Don’t you want to choose a …’
‘I’m too thirsty. Beer?’
‘Yes, please.’
Siobhan, one of the other members of their party, joined her and asked who she fancied for the next race.
Again, James didn’t appear until halfway through. In his hands, he held a beer for each of them.
Beth took her drink. ‘Thanks, did you get a chance to place a bet?’
‘No. The queue was crazy.’
‘Never mind, it’s probably just as well. Looks like I picked the three-legged donkey.’ She gestured toward her horse, which was hobbling along, significantly near the back.
Downing his beer, James began looking around for another.
‘Don’t go now. You’ll miss another race.’
‘I’ll be back in time, no sweat.’
The third race was far more exciting. The horse Siobhan a
nd Beth had both chosen, proved to be a great runner. They watched enthralled as it initially romped out ahead. Beth loved how incredible it was to be standing in the blazing sunshine, watching her horse speeding towards the finish line. However, just as the race was almost over, a horse that had been near the back, seemed to put on a sudden spurt, and, to their horror, it proceeded to overtake all the other horses, crossing the line a fraction of a second before theirs.
‘Holy shit!’ Siobhan tore up her betting slip with frustration.
‘I thought we were going to win. How the hell did that horse …?’
‘We’re cursed. I swear to God.’
Beth tried to remain optimistic. ‘We have to have more luck with the next one, surely.’
They were so caught up in the races, Beth completely lost track of time, and it was almost an hour later when she asked Siobhan, ‘Where the heck has James got to?’
‘He’ll be with the lads. Toby and Miles went to get beers. He’ll have gone with them.’
‘Do you think? All this time?’
‘Of course. Right, now, which one of these horses is going to win the next race?’
‘I would’ve thought he’d have told me he was staying with them, that’s all.’
‘You’re not married! Let him drink his beer with his mates.’
Beth knew Siobhan was right. James was probably having a good time elsewhere. But she couldn’t help being annoyed with him. He was meant to be spending the day with her.
By the time they caught up with the lads, Beth was ready to have a go at him. He’d been gone for ages, and, as much as she’d enjoyed betting with Siobhan, she had to be honest and say, James hadn’t known she was with Siobhan. For all he knew she’d been having a totally awful day, waiting alone for him to return from the loo or the drinks’ stand or wherever the hell he’d gone.
‘All right girls? Had a good time?’ Miles’s cheeks were decidedly rosy.
‘Did you win anything?’ Toby joined them, he too was extremely merry.
‘We didn’t win a thing, did we?’ Siobhan complained.
‘But it was fun.’ Beth tried to look on the bright side.