by Sue Shepherd
A picture of her daughter’s face popped into Beth’s mind. She couldn’t risk being killed, Lisa was right, Megan needed her. Lisa had won.
Focusing on Lisa’s place, Beth forced herself backwards and felt the now familiar whoosh as her sister overtook her and came to the front.
‘If this is it for me,’ Lisa shouted, ‘promise me you’ll get in touch with Charlie.’
‘OK.’
‘Good.’
‘I wish I could change this. Lisa …’ She knew there was no time left. ‘I love you.’
‘I love you too, you idiot.’
Beth’s body hit the floor hard. The back of her head was the first thing to strike. The carpet was far from plush and luxurious, it was cheap and thin, and it offered nothing in the way of cushioning.
Beth heard the thump. Even from way back in Lisa’s place it was incredibly loud. The air left her lungs with a hiss, as her ribs also took a bashing. Suddenly, without warning, everything went black.
Sixty-seven
If she’d been awake, Beth would’ve seen James thunder down the stairs and jump over her motionless body. She would have heard him remove his phone from his pocket and call 999.
James later told people that she’d resembled a rag doll, who’d been flung to one side, and he’d had serious fears her neck might be broken. Looking into her face, he’d shouted, ‘Don’t move. I mean it. Don’t move a muscle.’
Of course, being out cold, she’d been happy to oblige.
Her second ride in an ambulance was equally as desperate as her first. Although it was not as fraught for Beth herself. She missed the whole thing.
In fact she didn’t regain consciousness until she was being wheeled into A&E. A large contraption was strapped to her head and neck, meaning she was unable to look at anything other than the ceiling. People’s heads kept popping into her line of vision. They seemed determined to ask her how many fingers they were holding up, but she was far too tired to answer. Let them count their own fingers. Then a doctor shone a light into her eyes and asked her who the Prime Minister was. Ahh, I know this one. It’s … It’s … Before her mouth could form the words, the name was gone. Next, the same man wanted to know her mother’s maiden name. That one was easy.
‘Pat,’ she whispered.
‘Do you know her maiden name?’ he asked again.
‘I think I’m going to be sick!’ Beth hated to interrupt this riveting discussion about her mum, but she felt it best to warn someone. Her bed was swiftly moved to the sitting up position, although her head was still firmly restricted. A nurse held a kidney-shaped cardboard bowl under her chin and she duly threw up.
‘Severe concussion’ seemed to be a phrase that was being bandied around a great deal. She was too exhausted to even attempt to work out who they were talking about.
Beth heard a voice she knew well. ‘Excuse me, excuse me, let me through, please?’
‘Mum?’
‘Yes. It’s me.’
‘How did you …’
‘James called me. Michelle’s looking after Megan at the party. She’s fine.’
‘I feel sick, Mum.’
Another cardboard bowl appeared from the left and more sick arrived on the scene.
‘They’re going to check your neck. But hopefully you’ve just got concussion. They’re going to give you an X-ray. Don’t worry, I’m here. James is here.’
‘I don’t want ‒’
‘You need to have an X-ray.’
‘No. Not that. What I mean is ‒ I don’t want him.’
Pat turned away and her muffled voice could be heard in discussion with James. Frustratingly, they were now out of Beth’s line of vision.
‘Why would she say it, then?’
‘I don’t know, you said yourself she’s concussed. She doesn’t know what she’s saying. You know what she’s like, Pat.’
‘James, did you push her? Did you have a row?’
‘No. I told you. She just fell.’
‘She was supposed to be on her way to the party. Why would she be upstairs with you?’
‘We were just about to come to the party. I swear.’
Beth wanted to intervene. She needed her mum to know what had really happened, but her head ached, and she still felt awfully sick.
Pat wasn’t easily fooled. ‘Don’s just been round to your house. He wanted to see for himself what had happened.’
‘So …?’
‘Is there anything you’d like to tell me?’
‘No … no,’ James stuttered, defensively.
‘Not even that the presents are all gone, and so is Beth’s car. Oh yes, and the bloody TV … again!’
‘Look, Pat, it’s got nothing to do with you. Beth and I … we just ‒’
‘Don told me there was a half-packed suitcase on Megan’s bed.’
‘Yeah, well …’
‘She was leaving you, wasn’t she?’
‘She was thinking about it. But she won’t go through with it. She loves me and ‒’
‘Did you push her?’
‘NO! If you must know, she’d just pushed me.’
‘Did you trip her up?’
‘NO. Well … maybe … but it was an accident.’
Pat sounded angry now. ‘Do I need to get the police involved?’
Beth found her voice. ‘No, Mum. It was an accident. He’s right.’
Pat was back at her side. ‘We’ll collect your stuff and take it to our house. When you get discharged from here, you’re coming home, OK?’
It was impossible to nod; the paramedics had done a damn fine job of restricting any head movement.
Pat took hold of her hand. ‘If there’s anything you need to tell me, don’t hesitate, OK? I’m here, I’m not going anywhere, that’s all that matters. Do you want me to …’ Spotting Beth’s bare left hand, she switched questions. ‘Where are your rings?’
Beth was silent.
‘Did you take them off because you were leaving him?’
‘No,’ Beth paused, before finishing her sentence, ‘a couple of dodgy loan sharks took them.’
‘Oh no!’
‘Nanna’s ring, Mum!’
‘I’m so sorry.’
Beth heard a male voice say they needed to take her to X-ray. She couldn’t see the owner of the voice, he didn’t move into her line of vision.
As the bed began to move, Pat called out, ‘Do you want me to send James away?’
He instantly began complaining. ‘I’m her flamin’ next of kin, Pat. I’m allowed to stay.’
Beth’s head was about to explode. Just before her bed left the cubicle, she called back, ‘Yes, Mum ‒ send James away, please.’
Sixty-eight
It wasn’t until the next day that Beth properly regained her faculties. The head brace had been removed when the X-ray had shown no damage had been done to her neck. The fog that had been surrounding her brain, and making every thought and every conversation incredibly complicated, was now, thankfully, beginning to lift.
Her consultant appeared at her bedside. ‘Ah, hello there, Mrs Collier. You’re looking a bit more with it today.’ He shone his torch into her eyes and seemed happy with whatever it was he saw.
‘I’m sorry, I don’t recognise you. Have we met?’
‘We talked yesterday, Mrs Collier. Your contribution was mostly a list of people you thought might be the Prime Minister,’ he chuckled.
‘Oh, right. Did I at any point say, David Cameron?’
‘No, you didn’t. But I’m pleased to hear you’re up to speed now.’ Another chuckle from the consultant. ‘You’ve had a nasty case of concussion, but I think you’re over the worst. I’m happy to discharge you when your mother arrives.’
‘My neck …?’
‘All fine. You were a lucky lady, you know? The way you landed, the paramedics feared the worst. You did well to get away with a simple bump on the head and a couple of bruised ribs.’
‘Did you hear that, Lisa? We’re going t
o be OK.’
Lisa said nothing.
Beth figured she was still concussed. After all she’d been at the front and, in her own words, she’d taken the hit.
As Beth and Pat made their way through the front door, Megan ran to her mum. Arms outstretched, she shouted, ‘MUMMY’S HERE!’
‘Now, now, please be careful,’ Pat requested. ‘Just take it easy. Mummy’s a bit delicate.’
‘I’m OK. But I’m desperate for a gentle hug from my girl.’ Beth also opened her arms, ready to receive her daughter.
Don was relieved to see her safe. ‘Christ, Betty-Boo, you had us worried.’
‘Did you know we live here now?’ Megan’s innocent face smiled up at her.
‘I … yes, I did know. Is that OK with you?’
‘Of course. I love Grandma and Grandpa.’
Beth was relieved.
‘And Daddy can come here and live too. It’s going to be fun.’
‘No, darling, he …’ Beth appealed to her mum and dad for help. ‘I don’t know how to …’
As always, Pat knew best. ‘I’ll think of something, you go for a lie down. You’re not completely over your concussion yet.’
Laying in her old bed, Beth tried once more to wake Lisa. ‘I’ll bet you’re pleased, huh?’
Again, Lisa didn’t reply.
‘I guess you need more time. I’ll wake you later. I suppose a nap wouldn’t do either of us any harm.’ Realising she was exhausted from the car journey home, Beth fell into a deep sleep.
Whatever Pat had told Megan, it had done the trick. She seemed to understand that her daddy couldn’t come and live with them, but she was happy to hear she’d still be seeing him, when possible. Beth had remained awake for just long enough to privately tell Pat the whole story about the loan sharks, eat a bowl of soup, and have some more much-needed cuddles with her daughter. But now, tiredness was taking over.
Sending Megan downstairs to find Don, Pat asked Beth, ‘How are you feeling now, darling?’
‘Mum, I can’t even describe it. I ache everywhere. My head the most, of course, but also my back, my neck, even my bloody armpits hurt.’
‘You hit that floor hard. You pulled several muscles. It’s a bit like being in a car crash. It’ll take you a good while to get over this.’
‘I guess I’m just lucky I didn’t break my neck.’
Pat shuddered. ‘You do know I place the blame for your fall squarely at James’s door, don’t you?’
‘Honestly, it wasn’t his fault.’
‘I’d still like to speak to the police about it.’
‘It would be wrong, Mum. It genuinely was an accident.’
‘But you were leaving him. You had a case half-packed. It’s not much of a stretch to believe he might have pushed you.’
‘He’s many things. The list is long and plentiful. But he was never violent towards me. He did not push me.’
‘I can’t stand the thought of you alone in the house with those thugs.’
Beth whispered to Lisa. ‘I wasn’t alone. I had you.’ Then, to Pat, she begged, ‘Mum, please. It’s done with. Let’s not talk about it?’
Pat could see she needed rest, so decided to leave it. ‘All right. You go back to sleep. I’ll see if we can find a game for Megan and Grandpa to play.’
A few minutes later, just as Beth’s eyelids were beginning to droop, her mum knocked on the bedroom door. ‘They’re having a get together next door. We thought we might take Megan. If you don’t mind.’
‘Why would I mind? She’ll enjoy it. She’s always the first one to dance at parties.’
‘I just meant … you know … provided you’re OK on your own.’
‘Mum, I’m a grown woman, I’ll be fine.’
‘Right, well you get some more sleep, and we’ll go and be sociable. I might just pop back in half hour or so.’
Beth yawned. ‘Don’t you dare. I’m out of danger. You go and have a good time. I think I can spend a couple of hours alone.’
‘All righty. See you later.’ Pat blew her daughter a kiss and shut the door quietly.
Within minutes, Beth heard her family chatting as they put on their shoes. They grabbed some drinks from the fridge. And then they were gone. The house became silent. Beth lay quietly in her narrow bed. It was early evening; the birds were beginning their twilight call. It was incredibly peaceful. She felt safer than she ever had in the house she and James owned. ‘It’s going to be OK, Lisa. I’m glad I listened to you. I took your advice and I’ve dumped that idiot of a husband of mine.’ She smiled. Waiting for a caustic reply.
A thought occurred to her. Even when Lisa had assured her she wasn’t watching or listening, those times when she’d begged for privacy, even then, she’d been aware of her sister. Somewhere in the back of her head, there’d been the shadow of a presence. But since she’d come round in the A&E department, something was different. The truth began to dawn on her. The reason Lisa was saying nothing was not because she was still concussed. Beth had just told her mum she would be OK to spend some time alone. Oddly, now, for the first time in her entire life, she was truly alone. Alone in her own head. Lisa wasn’t going to come back with one of her annoying one-liners. Neither was she going to tell Beth how pleased she was that James was out of the picture at last.
Beth’s blood ran cold, as she realised with absolute certainty ‒ Lisa wasn’t going to say anything ever again, because Lisa was dead.
PART FIVE
Sixty-nine
A thousand times a day she caught herself talking to Lisa, asking her opinion, or expecting a stupid remark. Every time, the silence reminded her that her sister had gone. Whether she could technically be described as dead was a strange question. Hadn’t she already been deceased for the whole of Beth’s life? Whatever phrase she chose to use, be it dead or gone, both meant Lisa was no longer there, and Beth missed her. Never again would she hear the other voice echoing around her head. She was consumed with guilt. Blaming herself constantly. But as difficult as it was to have lost her sister, she knew deep down she’d done the right thing to swap. Imagine if James had been left in charge of Megan!
It was difficult to grieve for someone whom no one else knew existed. If Pat or Don saw her crying, they no doubt assumed her tears were for James. But actually, there was little remorse for Beth about the end of her marriage. If ever she found herself wondering if he was going to be OK, or if she was tempted to give him another chance, she would remind herself of the moment when Lisa, in desperation, had plunged her hand into the freezer to remove Nanna’s beautiful ring, so it could be given to those horrible, heartless creatures, in exchange for Beth’s hand remaining intact.
In the first couple of weeks after Beth’s fall, James insisted on visiting her. Facing the wrath of her two protectors, Pat and Don, he tried every conceivable angle to convince his wife to give him another chance. Sometimes he arrived at a sensible hour, and presented a confident ‘new’ man who was now on top of his gambling, and who would never allow anything bad to happen to his family again. Then, on other occasions, he rolled up late at night, a sorry emotional wreck of a man, pleading, telling her he was nothing without her and Megan. Whenever they talked, it ended with Beth confirming that neither she nor their daughter were ever going back to that house. They were never going back to him. He was angry, he was miserable, he was desperate. Beth found it emotionally exhausting. But ultimately, the memory of what Lisa had done for her was stronger than any of his arguments, and that was all she needed to remain steadfast.
After she’d been back at Pat and Don’s for a few months, Beth decided to see a solicitor and filed for a divorce. Still James declined to give up hope. He fought her all the way. Refusing to even look at the papers, never mind sign them. He seemed determined they should remain a family. She was always fair, she gave him many opportunities to see his daughter. Only ever putting a stop to the visits if he said it wasn’t a good time, which was code for ‘someone’s after me’. Or, alte
rnatively, if Megan mentioned that Daddy hadn’t had enough money for food when they’d been out. If that happened, Beth would realise he was down on his luck again and insist they stop the visits until he was back on track. Megan continued to love her dad, and seemed happy to see him, which Beth was pleased about. But she was persistent in her request for a final and legal separation.
The divorce wasn’t cheap, and if it hadn’t been for the generosity of Pat and Don, it would’ve been impossible. It took all of Beth’s new-found strength to make it happen. Eventually James agreed, but it was obvious he wasn’t convinced she’d take it all the way.
Used to being the one in control, he frequently told her, ‘You and I are soul-mates. You know it, as well as I do. You don’t really want this divorce.’ His words were like a red rag to a bull, and only proved to spur her on further. Her only regret was that she hadn’t been confident enough to do it when Lisa could’ve been a witness.
With James’s finances being the way they were, the divorce took an age to process. Don was as generous as he could afford to be. But it angered Beth that sometimes her dad was paying both sets of solicitor’s bills.
One day, when she was a couple of years into her divorce, Beth arranged to have a coffee with Michelle. They met in the café at Sainsbury’s. Mainly because it wasn’t too busy and there was usually a spare table close by for the kids to sit at, giving their mums a rare chance to chat.
After the kids were settled with a slush puppy and a gingerbread man each, Beth filled her friend in on the details of the divorce.
Michelle struggled to understand how she was able to separate herself from James with such apparent ease. ‘He used to be so important to you, didn’t he? He was always able to manipulate you. Where has this new Beth come from?’
‘He left me there to face those men alone. I lost every last ounce of respect for him that day. It’s just not possible to be in love with someone you have no respect for. After that, separating myself from him was easy.’