by Sue Shepherd
‘We could’ve sorted it. It was working OK.’
‘It was not working OK. Don’t kid yourself about that. I was already packing, remember? The decision had been made. It had nothing to do with my fall, or any perceived violence. You know that, James. You know I was already leaving.’
‘If you hadn’t fallen …’
Beth gave up. She figured maybe he just found it easier to blame the fall than to admit that the reason she’d left was because he’d put her and their daughter in danger.
When James ran out of sofas, he headed back up north, where he joined his brothers. They were wasting their lives in Shirley’s miserable house, still making their living selling knock off gear. Beth wasn’t even sure why they’d been allowed to keep the council house, but concluded that it was possibly because the lads had lived there all their lives and Dean was only eighteen when his mother had died. Alternatively, perhaps they just hadn’t informed the council of Shirley’s death.
On a few, rare occasions, James did make it down to see his daughter, but their time was regrettably spent in burger bars, as he’d predicted.
Then, within a year, she could only assume he’d pissed a few too many people off up there, as, one day, without warning, like a bad penny, he appeared back down south again.
At least when he came back, he stopped begging for a reconciliation. Even he was smart enough to realise it was over. He now had nothing to offer, whereas Beth had Nanna’s house.
To Beth, he seemed a little more broken. It was as if the light had gone out behind his eyes, and all hope had ended. He’d lost, and he knew it. He accepted she was never going to let him live with them in their safe haven.
Once he’d given up on ever experiencing the much longed-for reunion, James made no secret of the other women he was seeing. In a way, it was a relief for Beth. If he was with someone else, it took the pressure off her, although, none of his ‘relationships’ lasted long.
She, on the other hand, chose to remain single, dedicating herself to raising their daughter and re-decorating the house. It was a long hard slog, but nevertheless she single-handedly transformed their home from an old lady house, with rooms that were wallpapered up to the eyeballs, into a modern, contemporary place with stripped floorboards and white walls.
As Beth was working her way through the house, room by room, James was working his way around town, living with one girlfriend for a few months, then, when she’d had enough of being taken for all she was worth, moving on to the next.
Figuring it was best to let her daughter judge for herself, Beth kept her mouth shut when he repeatedly let Megan down.
She chose the same route to deal with his assortment of girlfriends; trying her hardest not to slag him off if she ever had the misfortune to meet them. And biting her tongue when they turned their venom towards her. Due to the nature of the women who were drawn to him, she often found herself being accused of jealousy. They all thought she was heartbroken since they now had the wonderful Jim Collier all to themselves. Little did they know.
She continued to bail James out financially, even though, legally, she was not in the least bit obliged. She just couldn’t forgive herself for the fact that, thanks to her nanna, she had a permanent roof over her head, and a safe place for Megan, whereas James was lost, drifting, always hoping for another big win.
As their daughter grew, and life moved on, Beth let every stupid thing James did wash over her. She was happy in Nanna’s house, with her daughter right there in the next room. It was all she’d ever wished for. She let all the bad feeling go, managing not to go crazy at him when he repeatedly failed to turn up to collect Megan. Smiling sweetly at all his dopey girlfriends. Nothing James did or said could rile her any more.
That was, until the day he told her he was planning to run off into the sunset with an innocent twenty-one-year-old. A girl who had her whole life ahead of her and didn’t deserve to be dragged into his mess.
Then Beth was truly mad at him.
She had to be sneaky. These days it was rarely necessary for her to go behind anyone’s back, seeing as her life was now her own. But just knowing that James was planning to move to Spain with a woman who was barely older than she was the day she’d blindly walked into a marriage with him, was truly upsetting her. She knew she had to be the voice of reason, and that voice needed to be directed at this poor deluded girl.
She invited him over to see Megan and, using her own daughter as a distraction, she managed to obtain the young woman’s number from James’s phone. Unlocking his phone was easy ‒ he had a lucky number. Of course he bloody well did!
Seventy-two
Brittany arrived on the doorstep two days after receiving Beth’s text.
Beth didn’t know what she’d been expecting. In a way, she’d imagined Brittany might look a bit like she did when she was twenty-one. She thought perhaps James was trying to replace her. But Brittany was physically very different. There was something about her that drew Beth in, and made her even more determined to stop the girl from ruining her life. She could see why he liked her. She was extraordinarily attractive and annoyingly firm. Beth just knew the tops of her arms wouldn’t wobble if she shook her fists with rage. Which she was sure to do if she did decide to head off to Spain with James.
Her hair was short and platinum blonde with rose-gold tips. Like a kind of Annie Lennox brought bang up to date. As Beth stood looking at her on the doorstep, she couldn’t help thinking that this girl was only a few months older than Mandy would’ve been, if she’d lived.
‘I’m Brittany. You asked me to come.’
‘Yes.’ Beth stepped back, and the girl followed her into the house.
In the lounge, Brittany stared around, all wide-eyed innocence.
What the hell does she think I’ve invited her here for, a tea-party?
‘Nice room.’
Beth took the compliment. ‘Thanks. I stripped the floorboards myself.’
‘You’ve done a good job. My mum did our place a year ago.’
It was on the tip of Beth’s tongue to question how old Brittany’s mum was, but she couldn’t bring herself to ask. Instead she gestured for her guest to take a seat, and, without pausing, asked, ‘You do know James is a gambler, right?’
‘Jim.’
‘Huh?’
‘His name isn’t James, it’s Jim.’
‘OK.’ At least he’s not pretending to be something he’s not for her. ‘Whatever you want to call him, you do know?’
‘Yes. I know he dabbles. But I don’t think it’s a bad thing. I went to a casino once and it was fun.’
‘Dabbles!’
‘And my dad used to bet on the Grand National.’
‘Used to? Is your dad …?’
Brittany’s face fell. ‘Yes. He died. It was a huge shock.’
‘I’m sure.’ Beth wanted to ask more about the nature of his death, but it seemed intrusive. ‘I expect you miss him?’
‘Awfully. Every day.’ Brittany’s eyes misted over.
Blimey, step aside Freud, we won’t be needing you for this one! ‘Do you mind me asking when you lost your dad?’
‘Two years ago. A massive heart attack.’
‘I’m sorry for your loss.’
Brittany rubbed her eyes with her knuckles, causing her to appear even younger, if that were possible.
Taking a deep breath, Beth asked, ‘Do you think maybe … is it possible you’re going out with Jim as a bit of a … you know … father figure?’
‘Oh, no! My dad was nothing like Jim. They’re very different.’
‘Right. Right. But … you can’t deny, he’s eighteen years older than you.’
‘No, of course not. That’s basic maths. But … I promise you, that’s not why I’m with him.’
‘OK. But what about the gambling. It’s not the harmless dabbling you seem to think it is.’
‘He bets on the horses. I know that. But he’s clever. He did this … um … accumulation, or someth
ing.’
‘Accumulator.’
‘Yeah. And he made a load of money. He started with two grand and made it up to about thirty.’
Beth’s blood began to boil. How much of the two grand did he borrow from me, I wonder?
‘You have to admit, Mrs Collier, that’s quite smart.’
‘Please, Brittany … call me Beth!’ She was starting to feel very old.
‘Right. Sure, OK. Anyway, Beth, anyone who can make their money worth …’ Brittany tipped her head on one side and her face took on a look of concentration ‘… fifteen times as much, in one night, is clever.’
‘For every one of those wins, I could show you a hundred losses. Maybe even a thousand! Please, you have to see that he’s not some suave Daniel Craig character who’s going to keep you well cared for and pampered in Spain.’
‘We’ll be OK. We’re going to do it together. Make a life. Start afresh.’
‘You really believe that?’
Brittany began to look a bit miffed. ‘Yes, I do. Look … you don’t know him like I do. He’s funny and he’s caring and ‒’
‘I don’t know him like you do?’ Beth couldn’t stop the sarcasm. ‘I know him better than anyone else in the world!’
‘You’re wrong. You used to know him. He’s not yours any more.’
Oh, here we go! ‘I wouldn’t bloody well want him to be mine. Thank you very much!’
As Beth’s anger matched Brittany’s, it seemed they were getting nowhere.
‘Why can’t you just be happy for him, happy for us? We’ll be OK. Jim can make a bit of money in the casinos, and I’ll be fine working in the bars. Why be like this? Why even ask me over here?’ The pout on her otherwise beautiful face reminded Beth of her daughter.
‘My intention is not to spoil your fun, I promise you. I’m just trying to stop you from making a huge mistake. Besides, I’m worried about Megan, she won’t get to see much of him.’
‘She’ll be fine. She can stay with us.’
‘I couldn’t allow her to come over unless I could be one hundred per cent sure there was a safe place for her to stay.’
‘Jim won’t let any harm come to her.’
If only you knew. Beth was at a loss to know how to convince the girl. Everything she tried to say made her sound bitter and jealous. It wasn’t how she wished to come across.
‘We’re going to be OK in Spain. We have each other. It’s enough.’
‘Look, I honestly think you’re a nice girl … I just worry that …’ Beth was lost, stuck for words. It was like kicking a puppy. She needed to think. ‘Sorry, where are my manners? Would you like a tea or coffee?’
‘Coffee, black, no sugar, please.’
Bless her, she’s desperate to be a grown up! ‘Fine. I won’t be long. Make yourself comfy.’
Beth headed to the kitchen. She switched on the kettle, a gorgeous chrome number that matched her toaster, and was destined never to leave her house under the sweaty armpit of a loan shark, and gave herself a good talking to. You must do this. Whatever it takes, you must show her how rare this accumulator is. Beth could barely remember any decent wins during their marriage. And besides, starting afresh in Australia hadn’t exactly worked for him all those years ago, had it? Starting afresh now was even more risky.
‘Mum!’ Megan called from her room.
‘Yes.’
‘Can you come up, please?’
‘I have a guest. I’m …’ Oh what the hell. ‘Coming!’ Beth made her way up to her daughter’s room. ‘What do you need me for? You do know I have Brittany downstairs?’
‘Really? Brittany? Dad’s girlfriend.’ Megan made a face, a kind of doe eyed innocent look. It was the spitting image. At eleven, she was showing a wonderful gift for drama, and that included impersonations. From somewhere, she had acquired great comedy timing.
‘Yes. Exactly.’
‘Why is she here?’
‘I’m …’ Beth paused. As always, she didn’t want to slag off Megan’s dad too much. ‘I’m hoping I can persuade her it’s not a great idea for her and Dad to go to Spain.’
‘Oh good. It would be a total disaster if they went, even I know that! Why does she think she’s here?’
‘I have no idea. She’s quite naive. I reckon she thinks it’s just a social visit.’
‘Do you think you can change her mind about Spain?’
‘Hopefully. I’m just going to tell her a few things about him.’ Beth hated to talk ill of James in front of Megan, she’d always tried to hide his faults from her. ‘I just hope she’ll listen.’
‘I hope so, too. I would miss Dad if he moved.’
‘Well, I’ll try.’
‘Hurry up, then.’
‘Flippin’ cheek. You called me up here.’
‘Oh yes, well remembered, Mum.’
‘Anyway … what did you want?’
‘To show you these boots. They’re gorgeous. They’re DMs, but they’re tartan.’ Megan angled her tablet screen towards her mum. ‘Your Grandpa Malcolm would’ve approved. Can I have them? Pretty please?’
‘Do I need to remind you you’ve just had a birthday? You did extremely well for clothes and shoes. Grandma and Grandpa were very generous.’
‘I know, and I don’t mean to be greedy, but I’ve just found them, and they’re awesome. I’ve never owned anything like them in my life.’
‘Well, they are … different. And you’re right about Malcolm. Let me have a think about it.’ Perhaps James would like to buy them out of his £30,000 win?
‘Thanks, Mum. I’d better let you get back to her.’ Megan did another perfect impression of Brittany’s innocent face. ‘Just tell her they’ll need jobs when they get there. Tell her we’re worried about him. It’s hot there. It’s not like he’s fit enough to wash cars or something.’
Just for a second, Beth’s mind was invaded by an image of a young James coming back from the car wash and grabbing her for a snog. He was tanned and toned and glistening with sweat. He sure was a sexy man.
‘Mum. Mum.’ Megan snapped her fingers in front of Beth’s face. ‘I said, it’s not like ‒’
‘I heard you. But I can’t guarantee she’ll listen.’
‘What are we meant to do? Just let them go?’
Beth stroked Megan’s hair. ‘Maybe, yes. If I can’t convince her otherwise. We don’t know her. She might be stubborn. The more I try to tell her, the more she might dig her heels in.’
‘Bloody women!’ Megan snorted.
Remembering the coffee she was supposed to be making, Beth concluded, ‘Anyway, I’ve left her downstairs waiting for a drink. I’d better get back down there.’
Returning to the kitchen, Beth re-boiled the kettle and made Brittany her black coffee. She placed it on a tray with a camomile tea for herself; there was tension in her neck. Adding biscuits, she made her way back into the lounge.
Brittany had clearly had time to think. ‘So, is that why you invited me over? To remind me that Jim gambles?’ She picked up her coffee and prepared to sip it.
‘Don’t drink it yet.’ Beth’s hand shot out to stop her. ‘Sorry, I just thought it would be too hot. I didn’t want you to burn your lips.’
‘Oh, right, thanks.’ Brittany replaced the mug on the tray.
This is ridiculous, I can’t help but mother her! ‘Yes, to remind you he gambles and … well, to let you know what it’s actually like to be his other half, I suppose. You need to know what happens when he can’t pay people what he owes.’
‘Go on?’ Their eyes met.
‘Well …’ Beth paused. Can I really stamp on her dreams?
‘Honestly, it’s fine. I can handle it.’
‘You might think so, but you’d be surprised.’
Not breaking her steely glare, Brittany gave her opinion. ‘Look, Beth, I know you weren’t tough enough to handle him, but I think I am.’
For goodness’ sake. The confidence of youth. What would Lisa say if she were here? She’d say – s
tamp away!
Seventy-three
‘So, you won’t mind when two enormous, aggressive men barge into your love nest and begin taking your stuff?’
‘Um …’
‘When they remove your TV and your stereo?’
‘Jim wouldn’t let them hurt me.’
‘And what if your beloved Jim isn’t there? What if he’s buggered off in a last-ditch attempt to get some money together?’
‘Then, I’d let them take the TV. What’s a TV anyway? Not worth getting hurt for.’ Brittany was beginning to look a little less confident.
‘Now imagine you have a five-year-old daughter.’ Beth realised it wasn’t her place to mention James’s disorientated sperm.
‘So, what if we did?’
‘And those same men took all her presents on the day of her party. The presents you’d carefully chosen and wrapped. The presents you’d wanted so much to give her.’ Beth felt a tear escape down her cheek. Brushing it away, she pushed on. ‘And then they took the spare set of keys to your house, meaning you didn’t even feel safe in your own home.’
‘Did they really take all Megan’s presents?’
‘Yes. They did. I’m not lying. That was it for me. The final straw.’
‘That’s when you left him, and went back to your parents?’
‘Yes. Well, I went via the hospital.’
‘How come?’
‘The day I left him is also the day I fell down the stairs and almost broke my neck.’
‘Oh my God, what happened?’
‘I was leaving, we were arguing.’
‘Did he push you?’
‘No. But …’
‘What?’
‘I think he kind of tripped me.’
‘Shit!’
‘Yes, it was rather.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘What are you sorry for?’
‘That you had to go through so much.’
Beth saw her chance and grabbed it. ‘Listen, please, I’m begging you. Everything I’ve told you is true. James loves Megan more than anything, hell, he even loved me at the time. But he couldn’t save us from it all. He couldn’t shelter us. Whatever kind of windfall he has now, it’s nothing, I mean it. It’s not enough. At some point in the future, a thug will take away all the precious things the pair of you own.’ She gestured towards Brittany’s right hand. ‘That gold band you’re wearing …’