Tonight I’m going to talk to Eric. I can’t believe he still won’t let it go. He calls and texts me every day like some psycho. I never answer or respond and he still does it. It became so annoying that I actually changed his name in my phone to a period. Like literally his caller ID is a dot because that’s how I feel. He is nothing but an end to my past and I’m fine with that.
I’m just going to talk to him because his friends are bothering me and acting dramatic by saying they’re worried about him. Please, he’s fine. He has been hooking up with Naomi Winthrop, of course I know. Jade knows all the gossip, so nothing gets pass me, especially since I found out Eric was cheating. I’m not shocked by any of this. Naomi always wanted him and she can definitely have him.
I wish my mom was here. She would have all the solutions to my problems. She would tell my dad to stop being a dick and pushing me to be with Eric and going to Princeton. She would definitely help me with my addiction to Donovan.
He is my addiction and I haven’t even been addicted that long. I relapsed once but I can’t again. I would love for him to be my future but he can’t. Maybe after I graduate I will meet someone new that will make me forget all about him. I would love that, but then I would probably hate it.
I get out of my car to walk into Kelly’s. It’s the place some of us go after school. They have great cheese burgers and the best milkshakes.
I walk in to see Eric sitting at our usual table. I walk towards him and sit across from him. He smiles at me. I have to admit he does have a nice smile, but it’s a nice smile that I would love to smack.
“Hey” He says.
“Hey” I say nonchalantly.
“So I didn’t think you would show up.”
“Well you and Dean didn’t really give me a choice when he kept calling my phone last night talking about he was scared for you.”
“Dean is just being dramatic.” I know.
“He just knows how much I miss you, so he would say anything. But I am glad to see that I still matter to you.”
“Yeah” I continue with my nonchalant attitude.
“So, I wanted to talk about the fact that these last couple of months I’ve been thinking a lot about us. I miss you Claudia. I miss us and I feel like we should try again because I love you and I’m so sorry for how I treated you.”
“Eric, I appreciate that you’re sorry I really do but, I’m just not trying to be with anyone right now. I really came here so we could hopefully get some closure because truthfully, I felt like we began drifting apart a while ago.”
“How?” I start hearing the attitude in his voice.
“Well you and I don’t really have things in common.”
“Yes, we do”
“Like what?”
“Like the fact that we have the same goals. We want to go to Princeton. We want to be in Politics.”
“What? No I’ve never said that. I said my father wanted me to go to Princeton and last thing I remember you said you wanted to be in Politics and that I will be your hot housewife.”
“Okay so what’s wrong with that?”
“That’s not what I want. Eric I’m eighteen years old. I want to live life go on an adventure and do things that make me happy. I hate politics, I don’t want to go to Princeton, and I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be with you.”
“Are you seeing someone else?”
“What?! No, and if I was it isn’t any of your business.”
“You know you can be so selfish sometimes. We dated for a year and you’re just willing to throw it all away like that?”
“Well Eric some things have to come to an end. I now see that for a year, you did not listen to one thing I had to say, so I have to go.”
“I’m not finish!” Eric says grabbing my arm as I try to rise out of the booth.
“Let go of me, Eric” I say calmly.
His grip gets tighter.
“Eric, let go” I say trying to loosen his grip.
“Is everything okay here?” I turn around immediately once I recognize that voice. It’s Emile, Donovan’s short friend. I have class with him so I recognize his voice because of his thick New York accent.
“Why the hell do you care?” Eric asks letting go of my arm and getting out of his seat.
“Hey Anderson, I was raised to treat a woman with respect okay and from what I see you’re not really doing a great job of that.”
“Listen Emily, Rico, or whatever your name is, this is between me and her” Really Eric? Rico?
“Well I see that, but you know it’s always polite to ask a woman if she’s okay, when you see her in trouble. Isn’t that right, Mitch?” Eric and I turn around to see Mitch standing over us. Mitch is one of the cooks at Kelly’s and whenever there is a fight Mitch is the guy to stop it. He’s 6’6 and very muscular.
I glance at Emile, then at Eric, whose face dropped at the sight of Mitch.
“Yeah.” Eric says quietly. He looks at me and shakes his head. “Whatever, you’re lost.”
Eric pushes pass Emile and heads out of the diner.
I instantly laugh. I look back to see Mitch going back into the kitchen. I turn to Emile who finally lets out a sigh.
“Whew, I actually thought I had to fight that guy. You know Anderson is pretty big and I’m on probation.”
“Probation, for what? Isn’t your father a lawyer?”
“Hey were from the Bronx and I like to steal sometimes, ask my therapist.”
I laugh again at the short adorable curly black haired guy who came to my rescue.
“Well, Thank you. I’m shocked you helped me.”
“Well, let’s just say someone wanted to help, but they knew you didn’t want them too.”
“What?”
“Hey I’m just a messenger. See you around.” Emile says leaving out the diner. Is he talking about Donovan?!
I run after Emile outside the diner.
“Emile!” He turns around to face me. “Who are you talking about?”
“Hey just leave it alone, okay?” He says waving his hands heading to his car.
“No Emile, please tell me what you know.”
“Will you come out now?!” Emile says screaming.
“What?” I ask looking at him confused.
Suddenly I hear footsteps from the closed gas station next to Kelly’s. It’s really dark so I can’t see who it is. Finally he comes closer. It’s Donovan.
He stands there in his dark blue denim jacket, black v neck shirt, black jeans, and black sneakers. He looks good as usual. It’s the first time I set sights on him fully since our kiss a month ago.
“Yeah, so I’m gonna go.” Emile says quickly in our awkward silence. He quickly jumps in his car and drives off.
I look around to see if anyone else is outside. There isn’t. It’s funny how every time Donovan corners me there isn’t anyone to witness it. I look inside diner. There is only five people and they’re all older and look like people from out of town and it’s eleven o’clock at night so I’m sure no one is here that know us. I look back at him to see him still staring at me with those captivating blue eyes. He looks really nervous. It’s annoying and cute.
“What are you doing?” I ask with an attitude.
“I was already here with Emile and we saw you. We saw Eric and you arguing and we thought you needed help.”
“We?”
“Yeah”
“So he knows?”
“Well, um, yeah.”
“You told him!” My voice rises as my anger increases.
“No.”
“Yes, you did!” Don’t lie to me.
“No! I didn’t! He saw us okay. At the event when you kissed me, he saw us.”
“You have got to be kidding me.” I say turning around heading for my car.
“He isn’t going to tell anyone.” He says following me.
I stop and turn around quickly to face him. “And why the hell should I trust you people”
“You people?” I he
ar an attitude in his voice. Oh shit. I guess that was mean. “You know you have a lot of nerve. Who the hell are you to judge my friends and family?”
“Well, let me see the fact that your father is a known crime lord!”
“You don’t know shit about my family!” He yells walking up to me. I have to admit I am very scared right now. “You know you walk around and act like miss perfect every day when in reality your just a scared little girl.”
Who the hell does he think he is? No way am I letting him get away with that.
“You don’t know me, okay?” Really Claudia, you couldn’t come up with a better comeback?
“Oh, really?”
“Yes!”
“I know that you’re Claudia Stonem. You’re eighteen years old and you love food, your friends, and your dick of a father. So far you have four smiles. One when you’re uncomfortable. One when you’re annoyed. One when you’re upset and one when you’re happy which so far I’ve seen when you’re around food. You want to go to NYU. To do what? The hell I know, but I would like to know. Your mother died when you were younger and you’ve missed her ever since. You wear your hair down and sometimes you wear it up. I prefer it down it brings out your eyes to me. Finally, I know that for some reason you decided to be what people expect and want you to be, which includes being head of all these school events and crap which clearly you could care less about, and date an asshole just because your daddy plays golf with his. I know that you’re not really happy and that you can’t wait to get the hell out of here and live your life and find out who you are because right now you don’t know. So instead of whining to yourself and keeping your emotions built up, why don’t you get a grip and grow the hell up.”
Is it possible to be so angry but also happy that someone actually sees you for a change? Like the real you. I am shocked that someone like him could just see me like that. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more known before in my whole life. His intuitiveness of the little things about me makes me feel.
Well it makes me feel something I can’t feel for him.
What do I say to all that? Do I scream at him? Be a bitch? Kiss him? I stare at his lips imagining our kiss and how I want to recreate that moment. I want to feel alive again.
“I can’t do this.” I force myself to say.
“Why?” He asks knowing what I meant. His eyes show so much need and anxiety towards me.
“Because we’re not supposed to feel this way. This isn’t a movie or a book. My father wants to put yours in prison, Donovan. This can’t be a thing.” I quickly gesture my hand back and forth between us. “It can’t happen because it would bring nothing, but misery and pain and Donovan I can’t do that. I’m not strong enough for that. So please if you really care for me. Stop with the looks. Stop with the great annoying speeches about how you feel and how you see me.”
“Claudia” He takes a step closer and I frantically back away.
“No!” I fight back to hold in my tears. I have to make him see that I can’t go through this pain again. “When I was younger, I went through a lot of shit. I went through things a kid should never have to go through. When I was eight I was kidnapped by some psycho. Why I’m telling you all of this, I don’t know. I just need you to understand that ever since then I haven’t felt that strong. Then a year after that my mom died. If I let myself feel for you, that’s another person I lose. Because let’s face it, we would not work. Given everything around us we would not work. So please just leave me alone.”
I quickly run towards my car before he can protest anymore.
That’s it. That is definitely the end of it. He gave me the truth and I gave him my truth. I told him something that I had blocked out a long time ago and I have to keep blocking it out. I can’t remember that long dreadful weak where I was locked up and tortured. I can’t remember the look on the man’s face when he came after me. I can’t remember the little boy who saved me.
That was our closure. It’s done.
Chapter
6
“Defining Moments”
Donovan
Kidnapped?
It’s like it triggered the memory in me. Is that why we were connected? Did we recognize each other and not know it?
This was all I could think about as I drove back home after Claudia and I’s confrontation. I know my father isn’t home so now is the time to get the truth. I have to remember.
“Mom” My mother turns around to me as she cuts apple slices. She always has them for a late night snack.
“Hey sweetie. I’m just fixing a snack before bed. Wait.” She says looking me up and down. “Have you been out?”
I look down guilty. I snuck out earlier because I needed some air. I was going crazy in this house. I met up with Emile at Kelly’s which is where we saw Claudia and Eric.
“Donovan seriously! You can’t just leave this house late at night when you feel like it!”
“Was Claudia Stonem the other kid?” I watch as her eyes widen at my question.
“What?”
“Was Claudia Stonem the little girl that was locked up with me?”
“Who told you that?”
“I remembered.”
“Listen maybe we should talk about this later.”
“Mom, please.”
“Why do you need to know? It was a long time ago.”
“I just do. I need to let it all go.”
She lays the knife down and wipes her hands on a kitchen towel. She grabs a seat at the table and I sit across from her.
“Yes, she was.”
“But it wasn’t on the news. She’s the daughter of an Assistant U.S Attorney, how could it not make the headlines.”
“Because they knew he would kill you.”
“Who was he?”
“He was Billy Chambers. He was the son of Isaac.” She slowly says.
“Isaac Chambers?”
Isaac Chambers was a well-known mob boss. He was also my father’s godfather and my grandfather’s best friend. They were my family’s allies. I had never heard of Billy though.
“Billy was the son, Isaac disowned. He exiled him when he got caught by Henry Stonem and the police. Stonem used Billy to get to Isaac causing him to go to prison.”
Isaac was sentenced to life prison when I was born.
“Billy was always sick in the head. He was always jealous of your father’s relationship with Isaac. Roman was the son he always wanted especially after your grandfather died. Billy wanted revenge on your father and Henry so he kidnapped Claudia first. Your father found out and had you protected.”
“But I messed up and snuck out.” I remember I was so mad my father wouldn’t let me go play outside.
Love and Hate (The Pierce Family Trilogy) Page 12