by Lynne Hinton
“Yeah. I have to go to the hospital later.” Charlotte was stretched and empty.
“Then we’ll talk again.”
Charlotte couldn’t be sure if it was a question or statement.
“Yeah, we’ll talk later. Take care now. Bye bye.” She hung up the phone quickly. She sat back in her chair and put her hands on top of her head. She was still angry at the conversation in the narthex with Twila, still frustrated at the people in the church, and still struggling with years of ambivalence towards her mother.
She admitted to herself that she wasn’t surprised by the response from the church to the wedding, but that didn’t lessen the disappointment. How can I be their pastor knowing that they feel this way? she wondered. Then she slid her hands over her face, dropped her head, and thought about praying, but, deep down, she knew she didn’t know how.
*
Brittany’s Tender Beef Stew
Some hamburger meat (1 pound)
1 onion
4 cups cooked potatoes
1 can tomatoes
1 can red kidney beans
1 clove garlic
½ teaspoon sugar
Salt and pepper
My mom makes the best beef stew. She says to put salt on the meat and make into balls. Fry them and add the onion. Cook until they’re both done and then add the potatoes, tomatoes, the can of red beans, garlic, sugar, salt, and pepper. Cook on low a little while, and serve it while it’s hot. It’s really good with homemade biscuits. But Mom doesn’t cook them a lot.
—BRITTANY KLENNER
*
The Cookbook Committee decided to hold their November meeting at the church office since Louise now had a nursing assistant to stay with Roxie a few hours each day and Charlotte had a meeting later that morning with Nadine and Brittany.
It was Friday, a week before the wedding, and the air was brisk. The sky was thick with the anticipation of winter. For reasons of support and maintaining a source of strength, Jessie asked Margaret to serve as director of the small wedding planned for the Saturday of the Thanksgiving weekend. There would be a brief rehearsal on Friday evening, with a meal to follow in the Fellowship Hall. The service would be at 2:00 P.M., with a simple reception later at Jessie’s house.
Since it was Charlotte’s favorite time of year to be outside, she had taken a long walk around the church. When she got back to her office door, all four of the women were waiting for her. Jessie and Margaret were trying not to look nervous, but, in spite of their strong appearance, they worried about the wedding. Louise still had a frenzied look about her that everyone had come to expect, and Beatrice was busy pulling weeds from the flower bed by the steps.
“Wow! You’re all early.” Charlotte fumbled with her keys. “Everything okay?” She unlocked the door and led them to her office.
“Fine” was the mumbled response.
“Just great,” replied Beatrice. They took seats around the pastor’s desk. Beatrice pulled out a folder, and Margaret and Jessie handed her a few recipes they’d been asked to deliver.
“How’s Ms. Roxie this week?” Charlotte hadn’t been by to visit in a few days.
“She’s better from her cold, but she’s still got a bad cough. The nursing assistant comes by three times a week now and the nurse once. She stays in the bed more than she did a few weeks ago.” Louise sat near the preacher’s desk.
“Is her family still coming for the weekend?” Margaret had gotten a chair from the choir room and was setting it next to Louise.
“The children are.” Louise paused. “George can’t get away.” She said this with a bit of sarcasm. “They’re just coming for Thursday afternoon.”
Charlotte said, “You’ve been mighty good to your friend, Ms. Fisher.” They all nodded.
“Call me Louise, Charlotte, please.”
Charlotte took off her coat. “Yes, ma’am, Louise.”
Louise rolled her eyes.
“Do you need any help preparing the meal?” Beatrice was opening up her folder and putting her other things beside her chair.
“That’d be nice, Bea, but I don’t think anybody is concerned about the meal. I thought I’d order one of those meals from the K&W. You can get everything for about five dollars a person.” She looked at the other women with a sense of triumph at discovering such a bargain. “That includes the turkey, dressing, a few vegetables, and a pie. All I have to do is fix the tea.”
Margaret chimed in. “You can probably get that there too.” She was really being facetious, but Louise seemed to think about the possibility and made a mental note.
Beatrice looked appalled. “Nonsense. You can’t have Roxie’s family coming from out of state and give them takeout food on Thanksgiving.” She emphasized the words. “I’ll help you fix a home-cooked meal. Robin’s family are the only ones coming this year; so I’ll just cook enough for you and your bunch too.”
Margaret and Jessie raised their eyebrows at each other. Louise shrugged her shoulders. “Yes, ma’am.” And she saluted Bea with a wave of her fingers from her brow while glancing over towards Charlotte.
“Well”—Beatrice was counting the recipes she had—“I guess what you all brought today gives us about half of what we need.” She looked over the papers. “Anybody got any ideas about how to get some more?”
“Bea, I’ve called everybody I know. Lots of people have promised, but I’ve just not gotten any new ones.” Jessie shrugged her shoulders.
“Same for me,” said Margaret.
Louise didn’t say anything. All the women sat thinking for a while.
“What about asking the children?” It was Charlotte who posed the question.
Beatrice looked up at her. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know for sure. But maybe in Sunday School we could ask the teachers to have each child tell their favorite thing to eat and then write down the recipe. They’d be simple, but it would give us a few more pages in the book and would involve the children.”
Margaret and Jessie nodded. It seemed even Louise liked the idea.
Beatrice studied the notion for a few minutes. “I think that’s a great thought, Charlotte. I’ll work on that this week.”
There was a break in the conversation while Beatrice wrote down the plan. It was Charlotte who asked, “So what else is going on with you ladies? Mrs. Jenkins, are you getting ready for next week?” The minister sat back in her chair.
Jessie shifted in her seat and looked at Margaret. “It’s Jessie, dear, and I’m not sure.” Then she added, “Maybe this isn’t a good idea.”
All of the women were surprised at her response.
“Of course it’s a good idea,” said Margaret. “It’s going to be a beautiful day in the life of Hope Springs Church.” She was trying to sound excited.
Beatrice closed her folder. “Margaret, maybe Jessie’s right. This is a big deal in the community.”
Margaret was preparing for a fight. She sat up in her seat.
“No, Margaret, Bea’s right. It is a big deal.” Jessie appeared defeated.
“So, it’s a big deal. It is what the church is supposed to be about. And if it’s a big deal, then we’ve made it a big deal. There is no reason we shouldn’t have events like this all the time.” She looked over at the preacher, who was nodding in agreement.
Beatrice added quickly, “That’s great for a white person to say, but we don’t know what it’s like for Jessie.”
Louise turned to face her. Beatrice was constantly surprising her. “I don’t know what you mean, Bea. Jessie’s fine. Nothing’s going to happen to her. What do you think, the KKK’s going to come burn a cross in her yard?”
“Margaret, it does still happen.” This was Louise.
“Oh, that’s nonsense.” Margaret turned to Jessie for confirmation.
Jessie hesitated in the hope that someone else would speak, but no one responded. They waited to hear from her. She shifted in her seat before she began. Slowly she spoke what had been on her
heart for some time. “No, they’re right. I don’t know what to expect.” She sat back.
“But it isn’t me I’m worried about. Lord, I’m too old to be whipped. But I worry about Wallace. He already had huge boulders in his way being black and poor. But marrying a white girl, having a mixed baby.” She shook her head. “White people think we want our boys to marry light, but this isn’t welcomed by either race.” She looked around at the women. “It’s going to be a hard life for him.”
She paused and took a tissue from her purse. “And you really don’t know, Margaret. None of you really know.” She focused her attention on Margaret. “Cruelty and meanness hasn’t gone away just because we’re able to eat at the same table or go to church together. It’s alive and well in this community, this state, this country. It’s just a little veiled is all. But it’s still alive and thriving. And young Wallace and Lana have been protected from it for the most part.”
She dabbed the tissue under her eyes and continued. “In some ways I think it’s even worse for our young people. At least we knew our enemies when I was young. They were loud and straightforward. Nowadays, they’re not always so recognizable. So that you begin to think it’s you, that something’s wrong with you. That you’re imagining things or just being paranoid. We’ve been brainwashed to believe that it can’t be racism; that’s been outlawed and forgotten. We like to think it’s ancient history.” She stopped again.
“Only it isn’t so ancient.” She dropped the tissue in her lap. “And you can’t outlaw the way a person feels. You can’t punish what’s in a person’s heart. And no matter how many laws have been passed, everybody knows that when a black person is walking up to white folks, that’s what they see first, a black person, the dark color of their skin.”
The women were silent while Jessie put her head down and folded her hands across her lap.
Instead of Beatrice, Margaret spoke this time. “I’m sorry.”
“So, what can we do, Jess?” Louise was asking.
“Lou, you got your hands full as it is.” Jessie sat up. She took in a breath and looked at Charlotte. She was nervous but resolved.
“We’re going to have a wedding, and we’re going to try and act happy for these two young people. And I tell you now, up front, I appreciate what you’re doing for me and my family. Margaret, for directing, Preacher, for doing the service and for apparently having quite a fuss with Twila.”
Charlotte surveyed the women’s faces, wondering how that news had gotten around.
“And Beatrice and Louise, for handling the reception.”
Louise seemed surprised. She turned to Beatrice with a questioning look.
“Oh, I forgot to tell you, Lou. But it won’t be a lot of trouble, and Roxie can come too. It’ll do her good to get out. Dick said we can borrow a wheelchair from the funeral home.”
Louise rolled her eyes and laughed. Margaret and Charlotte smiled.
“Your friendship means a lot, and I thank you.” Jessie looked at all of the women.
After a few moments of quiet appreciation, Margaret spoke up. “Um, speaking of Dick, Beatrice, I understand the two of you were at the Western Sizzlin’ Steak House last Friday night.” Margaret grinned while Beatrice opened the folder back up and began to shuffle the papers.
“Why, Margaret, you wouldn’t be spreading gossip now, would you?” Louise was speaking now.
Suddenly, Beatrice had a look of great pleasure. Finally the tables were turned. “Why, Margaret! I’m surprised at you!”
Margaret crossed her legs. “Now, I never claimed to have a problem with happy meddlesome gossip.” She accented the word happy.
The women laughed. “And it is happy, isn’t it, Bea?”
Beatrice’s face reddened. “Well, it’s certainly meddlesome.” She never responded to the implied question about her and Dick’s relationship.
Louise was about to push her when Nadine knocked on the office door. “Am I too early?”
Charlotte got up from her desk. “No, no, come in. We were just discussing”—she paused while Beatrice looked at her with a certain amount of trepidation—“the cookbook.”
Nadine walked in. “Oh yeah, I heard about the cookbook. I wish I had something to offer, but I’m afraid I’m not much of a cook.” She had Brittany by the hand.
“Well, actually the preacher had a great idea that maybe the children would like to give some recipes.” Beatrice leaned towards Brittany from her seat. “What’s your favorite thing to eat, young lady?”
Brittany reached behind her mother and stood with her face at the back of her legs.
“Oh, you’re not shy. Come stand around here, Brittany. Tell them what you like to eat.” The little girl peeked from around Nadine’s legs at Beatrice.
“I like beef stew,” she mumbled. And she hid her face again.
“Is that right? I like beef stew too.” This was Margaret.
“Can you remember what you put in it, Nadine? If so, we could get a recipe right here.” Beatrice pulled out a piece of paper.
“Um, sure,” Nadine said. And with Brittany stuck to the back of her legs, she walked over to Charlotte’s desk and wrote the ingredients.
“Great!” said Charlotte. “Brittany and I can write the instructions together, can’t we?” Brittany looked around and smiled at Charlotte.
While Nadine was writing, the other women began to fold up the chairs and prepare to leave.
“We’ll see everyone this weekend.” Beatrice was following Louise, who had slipped out first. “Lou, we need to talk about the reception.”
Margaret and Jessie walked out together, saying their goodbyes. Charlotte waved but stayed at her desk while Brittany came around and sat in her lap.
“There, that’s what I can remember. And you cook the meat and onions first and then add the other stuff. I usually let it simmer about ten minutes before I serve it. But it’s pretty good. Some people like it hot, but Brittany doesn’t like hot sauce, do you, honey?”
Brittany turned up her nose, jumped out of Charlotte’s lap, and went over to the shelf where there were toys for the children who came to the office. She picked up a windup monkey.
“Is she okay to mess with that stuff?” Nadine was standing beside Charlotte at the desk.
“Oh sure, it’s fine.”
“Well, then, I’m going to run. Remember to ask the preacher your questions about heaven, okay, baby?” She went over and smoothed her daughter’s hair.
“I’ll just be an hour or so.” Then she wound up the toy for Brittany and looked back at Charlotte. “I really thank you, Pastor. I never had a preacher that I could leave my daughter with. Brittany really likes you.” She kissed Brittany on the cheek and walked out. The door closed behind her.
“Well, there goes my speech to your mother about baby-sitting!” Charlotte said this as Brittany looked at her somewhat confused.
“So, you want to tell me about this beef stew?”
Brittany pulled the other toys onto the floor. “It’s tender,” she said.
Charlotte wrote down the heading “Tender Beef Stew.” Then she rewrote the list of ingredients that Nadine had given her. “What can you tell me about how your mother makes Tender Beef Stew?”
“She makes balls and fries them. That’s the best part.”
Charlotte wrote down what the little girl said.
“Then she mixes everything together.” She was playing with a baby doll that had been left in the hallway the previous Sunday. “And it’s really good with homemade biscuits, but Mom doesn’t cook them a lot.”
Charlotte smiled and wrote down her words exactly as she said them. She thought it would be funny for the cookbook. “So tell me what you want to know about heaven.” Charlotte was curious if this was a real concern or something just manufactured by Nadine.
“Is it nice?” Brittany asked.
“Oh, it’s real nice,” Charlotte responded, thinking this was pretty easy.
“Are there dogs in heaven?”<
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“I don’t know. Do you like dogs?”
“I’ve got one named Teddy. I like to play with him.”
“Then dogs will be in heaven too. The nice ones, like Teddy.”
“Do you know anybody in heaven?” Brittany had put the monkey with the baby doll. It appeared as if she was pairing up the toys.
“I have a sister in heaven.” Charlotte stopped writing and watched the little girl playing with the toys. “And of course Jesus is there.”
“Do you ever get to come back when you go to heaven?”
“I’m not sure. I think you’re so happy when you’re there that you don’t want to come back.” Charlotte began putting books back on the shelves.
“Does your sister come back?”
Suddenly, the questions were harder. Charlotte sat down on the floor with Brittany. “No, I don’t think so. But sometimes I feel her near me. She was a very funny girl.” She picked up a stuffed toy and rubbed Brittany’s ear with its tail.
“I’m a funny girl too.” Brittany reached for the dog and rubbed Charlotte’s ear.
“Yes, you are a funny girl too.”
“When I go to heaven, I’ll come back and tell you what your sister’s doing.”
Charlotte began to fix the baby doll’s dress. “That would be very nice of you.”
They played with the toys; then Brittany colored a few pictures while Charlotte worked on the wedding bulletin.
“Can I come to the wedding?” Brittany asked.
“Yes, you may,” Charlotte replied. “Have you ever been to a wedding?”
Brittany began to think. “I went to my aunt’s wedding. She got married in a park. It was real hot.” She searched for a red crayon. “I’m going to marry Stephen Mitchell. He has a swimming pool.” She said this as she looked for another picture to color.
“You are?” Charlotte asked. “And when are you planning to get married?”
“Oh, at least not until I’m thirteen.”
“Well, I’m sure your mother will be happy about that.” Charlotte laughed to herself.
“What about you? Are you married?”