by Thomas Rath
Dor’s eyebrows rose. “Tam? I don’t feel anything for Tam other than relief that she is well. What would it matter anyway, it’s obvious that she has chosen you; that you’re a match.”
He forced a smile. “But we’re not. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”
He thought he saw a flicker of hope and relief flash across Dor’s face before he quickly covered it up. “It sure looks like you are.”
Thane forced a laugh. “Yes, I guess it has. But that’s just because we’re so happy to see each other alive again. I can assure you, that for my part, I don’t feel that way towards her.” He laughed again. “Come on, you know how much she always got on my nerves.”
He watched as Dor’s eyes took him in and weighed what he said by the way he was acting. This was the moment of truth. He did all he could to appear relaxed and carefree, but he was afraid the pain he was feeling would show through his eyes anyway. He wasn’t doing this for Dor completely. He knew that his love for Tam could never fully come to fruition. “Plus,” he continued, “we share the same Tane. I could not be matched with her even if I wanted to be.”
Dor’s eyes widened slightly and then dropped to the ground. Thane was right. No one could be matched with any of the same Tane. But Thane had all five. That would mean….
He patted his friend’s arm. “I’m sorry I put you through all of that, Dor. She’s all yours.” They were the hardest words he’d ever said but, once again, the choice was not his to make. He only hoped that Dor believed in his lack of interest.
“But what of her feelings for you?” he suddenly asked, shattering Thane’s composure for a brief moment.
“Well…uh…I…I…don’t know. That is, what feelings?”
Dor gave him a knowing look. “Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed the way she’s been looking at you. And the way she’s always trying to hold your hand? I heard her tell you she loved you this morning.” Dor’s expression suddenly clouded and his voice dropped. “I also heard you tell her you loved her, too.”
Thane felt his heart racing. He was losing control. He had to make this work fast or he would not be able to ever convince Dor otherwise. Forcing another smile he then laughed and shook his head. “That was not in the way you think. It was love like that between a brother and a sister. The love of friends.” He laughed again trying to control the quiver in his voice. “You don’t really think we meant that we cared for each other that way do you?”
Dor looked absolutely confused but then shrugged his shoulders. “I guess that I just misunderstood.” Looking at Thane, he smiled weakly. “You aren’t mad are you? I mean, about how I feel about Tam. I mean, I know that we always joked and everything.”
Thane faked a yawn. He couldn’t stand it much longer. He had to end it now. “Of course not, Dor. I couldn’t be happier about you two.”
Dor smiled. “Well, now all I have to do is convince her to be just as happy.”
Thane forced another laugh. “Oh, I’m sure you will,” especially after I tell her, he thought. “But for now, I think I would like to get some rest myself. I’m still not feeling totally healed.”
Dor smiled broadly this time, the joy of it sparkling in his eyes, and then sighed to himself in relief. “Of course,” he said, slapping Thane’s shoulder. “You get some rest and I’ll bring up dinner for us all later.”
Thane returned his smile. “That would be great.” Then turning quickly, he reached for the door and opened it. “I’ll see you later.” Not waiting for an answer, he closed the door behind him and leaned heavily against it. It had worked. Looking over at Tam’s sleeping body he couldn’t help the empty feeling that suddenly filled him. He did love Tam. He loved her fiercely. It had been the happiest moment in his life when he’d heard her confess her love to him, but it had also been the worst. He’d known his own feelings for her for quite some time but it wasn’t until after she’d said that she loved him that he thought of what that meant. It was only then that he realized he would never have her.
Before, it had always been a sort of safe fantasy that he kept secret. But with the revelation that she felt the same, his fantasy had now become his nightmare. No Chufa sharing the same Tane could marry. It was not just a tradition, but law. It was more taboo than marrying someone in your own family. He knew he would never be able to return to his home again, but that didn’t mean Tam and Dor wouldn’t. He would not go against his people or put Tam through such an ordeal just to selfishly claim her love. No matter how much it hurt, he wouldn’t do it.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Thane ducked into the stables near the west gates and winked at the stable boy as he quickly made his way down to Chtey’s stall. Rubbing his neck in greeting, he reached for the brush that sat on the small ledge that ran along one side of the stall. The stables had become his quiet sanctuary for the past two days giving him a chance to spend time with Chtey and also giving him a place to hide from Tam when he had nothing better to do.
Still, almost immediately, his mind wondered to the problems that seemed to press him without ceasing. Persuading Dor that he was not in love with Tam was almost more than he could handle but trying to do the same with her was going to take all the will power he possessed. How did you convince someone you loved and cared about and more, who loved and cared about you, that your feelings were not really what they were? Harder than the ache he felt in his own heart was the ache he knew would arise in Tam’s eyes. He didn’t think he could bear that burden.
Luckily, for the past couple of days he’d been too busy to spend much time alone with her. And even when they were together he continually tried to distance himself, making up excuses of either being tired or having to meet with Jack or Bren.
From the first night, Bren had constantly pestered him about learning more of the TehChao Tane. It still amazed and fascinated him that a Tane could be learned. They had spent most of the night speaking in depth about how it was done and the theories behind it. He was particularly interested in what had happened with Dor. He found that Dor’s explanation of why he’d failed and become sick was the most plausible. Still, he couldn’t help but wonder if that couldn’t be bypassed somehow.
Dor had also been very helpful with keeping Tam busy. Every waking moment of her day seemed to be filled with him doting over her. He’d noticed, somewhat jealously, that it had been good for Tam in helping her regain her strength and her spirits. He’d watched with a throbbing pain as she flashed her smiles onto Dor instead of him. He tried to feel happy about it but his heart kept telling him that those smiles should have been his instead. Over and over he caught himself thinking that he should just not say anything, and that eventually her feelings would just fade away. But he knew that it was too much to hope and that the day of reckoning would not be put off forever. Sooner or later he would have to face her. He just hoped he was prepared when that day came.
Since the night Jne had insisted she stay in the room with Tam and him, he hadn’t seen much of the Tjal woman. He was a little disconcerted about her absence though he couldn’t figure out why. Most people would be glad not to have a Tjal sword master constantly following them around but Thane had to admit that he’d become accustomed to having her nearby. He liked her straightforward approach to problems. She kept him honest in everything he did, not settling for anything less than perfection. It was the Tjal way, and he found that he liked it. Plus, he needed someone to cross swords with to keep his skills honed and sharp. He’d asked Jack a couple of times, but he was always busy with Colonel Braxton and the city’s defenses. He too wanted to help but for some reason, Jack kept putting him off. His discussions with Bren, he admitted, were fascinating but it wasn’t enough. He was starting to get antsy. He needed something to do.
So, he’d spent much of his time rubbing Chtey down and had even snuck in a short ride the morning before. Security was extremely tight and no one was supposed to leave the safety of the fort without written permission from the Colonel. Luckily, Jack had final
ly taken pity on him and convinced the Colonel to write him just such a note. Jack was aware of the effects a tight enclosure had on his Chufa friends.
Careful to avoid the many patrols that were constantly out scouting around the town fort, he had taken the opportunity to get a look at the wall that was really their last hope of survival against what lay in wait on the other side of the pass. He couldn’t get in close enough with Chtey to see anything useful so he’d ridden the winds to get a better look at the barrier. After inspecting it on both sides, he had to admit that he was impressed with its size and construction. Luckily the entrance into the pass was narrow to begin with being no larger than the width of two wagons riding side by side. The pass itself was made by a large crack in the sheer side of the mountain as if a giant had forced a wedge into the side of the rock and then split it open.
A large rock wall now filled the gap that Jack and Dor had used not too long before to get through the mountains and rescue Tam. He could see about a quarter of a mile to either side where the HuMans had quarried rock right out of the mountainside to fill in the gap. Set into the pass a good seventy feet, the wall itself was at least thirty feet deep and rose up the sides of the mountain at least twice that. The mountain, of course, rose thousands of feet above that, but time, ability and need had forced them to settle on the wall they now had. On top, the barrier had been set with a large protective wall and two great caldrons for burning oil that could be poured down on any that attempted to breech the barrier. He also noticed a smaller iron gate set into the rock thirty feet back from the rock barrier and another just at the opening into the mountain.
He smiled in spite of himself, his hope rising slightly that the HuMan’s defenses might be sufficient after all to hold back Zadok’s minions. At least they had a couple of back up plans should the first fail. Though he recognized that should they get through the rock, the gates would be nothing more than something to slow their enemies down so the soldiers could retreat in a more orderly fashion. It was the best they could do given the time and circumstances. He just hoped it didn’t come to defending the walls at Haykon.
“Hi.” The voice startled him, bringing him out of his brooding thoughts and jarring him slightly with the recognition of to whom it belonged. His heart immediately increased in rhythm pounding hard in his chest and sounding in his ears. There was no escaping this time and he knew it. Turning, his breath almost caught as he drank Tam in. She was beautiful. It amazed him that he’d never really noticed it before. The past days of rest and food had worked wonders for the waif of a woman he’d been brought to the night she almost died. A warm color had returned to her face and the gauntness in her eyes was almost completely gone. She had improved remarkably fast after his blood had purified her own, wiping out the destructive force of the dranlok.
“Hi,” he barely managed, fighting to gain control over the quiver in his voice. Tam smiled, instantly igniting the yearning he had for her. He wanted to hold her, to stroke her hair, to feel her close.
“I guess I haven’t lost any of my skills,” she said, a playful tone skipping through her voice.
He wasn’t quite certain on how to answer. Were the feelings that were coursing through him so obvious in his face? “What do you mean?” he managed with a nervous laugh.
She chuckled. “You didn’t know I was behind you.”
He just stared at her, still unsure of what she was talking about. He opened his mouth to ask but she cut him off.
“Don’t try to deny it either,” she insisted. “You jumped when I said hello. I saw you.” Her smile broadened. “I finally snuck up on you.”
Thane was having trouble breathing—or thinking. Finally it struck him what she was saying and he let out a relieved sigh. “Oh, that’s all.”
She glared at him in mock anger. “What do you mean, that’s all?”
He threw his hands up. “No. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I just thought…” he caught himself before he finished what he was about to say.
Tam stepped closer, her scent filling his nostrils. “You just thought what?”
He blinked as if stunned. “What?” was all he could squeak out.
Tam laughed. “Don’t worry, Thane. I won’t tell anyone. It will be our secret.” She stopped, reached up and pulled on the dark hair falling down around her shoulders under the wrap that covered her head and her ears. “You know, it’s strange. For so much of my life, all I cared about was proving to you that I was good enough, that I could be your equal,” she smiled, “that I could sneak up on you without you hearing me. But now,” she paused brushing back her hair, “now it doesn’t really matter to me anymore. I don’t care about beating you, or even being able to do what you can. I’m just happy being around you.” She looked down at her hands before lifting her head and pinning him with her black eyes. “I’m just happy we’re together again.”
Thane’s knees felt weak. He couldn’t do it. He loved her. He couldn’t bear to be the one who would add another scar to her heart; especially after all she’d been through for him. But he couldn’t let her think their relationship could grow either. They could never be together. There was nothing either of them could do about it. He was cursed to spend his life alone. He had to tell her. She deserved to know, but oh how it hurt to do so.
He put down the brush, giving Chtey one last rub on his nose before opening the stall gate and coming out to face her. He looked down, taking her hand into his and then took a deep breath. “Tam, I…”
Just then a young boy came running into the stables calling out, “Master Thane, Master Thane.”
Thane peered past Tam who turned to see who was making all the commotion and both were greeted by a floppy brown haired boy no older than twelve with hazel eyes and a face full of freckles running in their direction. Thane unconsciously checked the wrap that covered his head and ears as the young boy ran up to them. “Master Thane, sir?” the boy asked dropping his hands to his knees as he tried to regain his breath.
“Yes,” Thane answered, concerned. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, sir,” the boy said between breaths. “Mr. Jack told me to find you, sir. I knew you’d probably be down here, so I ran as fast as I could.”
“What does he want?” Thane asked, frustrated and relieved at the same time to have been interrupted just when he was going to tell Tam everything.
“He wants you to come to the meeting,” the boy answered. “At the Colonel’s headquarters. They’re going to be discussing defenses and that sort.” The boy took another deep breath. “Says he wants you there to give your input.”
“Finally,” Thane breathed. “Something to do that might make a difference.”
Tam looked at the boy and then at Thane who quickly translated for her. “I’m coming too,” she stated, her tone leaving no argument for the contrary.
Thane just looked at her and smiled. “Of course. I would not try and deny you.” He was somewhat surprised at his answer. It wasn’t all that long ago that he would have insisted that such a meeting was for protectors only and that a girl had no business coming and getting in the way. But he had trained her and he knew her abilities were just as good as many of the Chufa men he knew. Not to mention the fact that she had just caught him completely off guard. He knew he could have claimed a clouded mind occupied with pressing thoughts, but such an excuse would not have stood against an enemy holding five feet of steel ready to plunge through his back. And, if she was going to stay with the rest of them, she needed to know what it was she was up against and what they were planning to do to defend against it.
The boy, Thane found out his name was Domis, led them back to the same building where he and Tam had been staying during their recovery, but this time they were led in deeper, past their room and the tiny office Colonel Braxton occupied. At the back wall a portcullis had been raised opening a passageway that led into another foyer just like the one they’d just left except in the center there was a large hole in the f
loor. The hole itself was plated in steel and a steel latch hinged to it laid open revealing ladder rungs descending down beyond their visibility. Thane paused wanting to ask what it was but Domis was already disappearing through yet another portcullis on the opposite side of the room that ran into a short hallway before stopping at another door.
When Tam and Thane caught up, Domis was whispering to one of two guards who were stationed at the door denying entrance to any who did not belong. Thane ran a quick eye over the men determining their strengths, the weapons they had, and how effective those weapons would be in such tight quarters. Almost instantly, he determined them to be more of a guard of honor than a force capable of stopping anyone who had the mind, skills or desire to get through. The one Domis had spoken to turned and pulled the latch on the door and opened it wide. Domis motioned and Thane and Tam moved passed him into a medium sized room that was filled with a table that commanded the center and was surrounded by people of whom some Thane recognized and others he didn’t. Save for the table and the occupants sitting around it, the room was otherwise empty. There were no windows; sconces holding burning torches circumvented the room instead, lighting it in a soft glow.
Jack, Dor, and Jne were already seated to their right while Colonel Braxton, another officer and two men Thane had never seen filled in chairs on the left. Seeing them come in, Jack motioned for Thane and Tam to sit over by him. Thane quickly maneuvered to the seat in between Jack and Jne, forcing Tam to sit on Jack’s other side next to Dor.
He smiled a greeting to Jne but she regarded him coolly before averting her attention to Colonel Braxton who seemed very aware that four people dressed as Tjal-Dihn sat at his table. The officer next to him also seemed nervously cognizant of the same fact though he tried unsuccessfully to cover it up. Of the other two men, the one sitting closest to Braxton seemed not worried in the least while the man next to him merely glared at them as if daring any of them to make the slightest threatening move. Thane sighed. If they only knew it was really Chufa in their presence how would the mood in the room change then? Would he find himself fighting for his life?