“I love my sister. If Starr is happy, then I will be happy. Our parents always worried that she would insist on spinsterhood and forfeit some of the glorious adventures that life has to offer. It was silly of them because I knew all along that Starr has an even larger heart than mine. How could she not find love? She will be a very reluctant duchess one day but a very good one! And I—I will have the honor of making sure she doesn’t wear anything with too much orange in it since Starr cannot for the life of her pay attention to such things. I will be able to support and care for my parents unhindered until I am no longer needed. I can look forward to being the most entertaining aunt that any child could ever wish for. I can live in their household if they allow it and even on my own, I will never be far from her side. Nothing is lost, Your Grace. Family trumps all.”
“You will marry as well,” he said calmly. “Do not be so quick to resign yourself.”
Scarlett shook her head. “No. No, I will not.” It was a firm statement without a trace of self-pity. “Stafford will announce his engagement to Lady Lavinia before the end of the Season, or if not by then, eventually. If not her, another well-suited titled girl will seize her prize. He will marry and even though he thinks to do his duty, I do hope he finds love in it. It isn’t resignation, Your Grace. I’m not a martyr. Despite my obsession with feathers and ribbons on bonnets, I am not a foolish person. I don’t want to fall short. I don’t want to…”
She stood, unable to sit still any longer as she spoke. “If Ryder proposes again and Starr accepts, then I have a year—a year of diversions where the attention will naturally shift to wedding plans and preparations for Starr’s new life and position. A year to think of everything and anything but Talon Rush. If I am very lucky, he’ll have married before I have time to look over my shoulder. And then I will have other matters that require my attention—or I’ll manufacture them. If I am clever enough, no one will ever know what happened or guess why I never bothered to marry.”
“No one except me, and Stafford, of course.”
Scarlett struggled not to cry, determined to prove to her friend that she was far too grown up for maudlin nonsense. “If he knew, he would simply be flattered. I think every man would love to have one heartbroken woman in the world eternally pining for him. And you—are too kind to betray my terrible shameful secret.”
“There is no shame in this for you.”
“There is a world of shame, Your Grace.” Scarlett’s voice dropped almost to a whisper. “For I am so in love with him, so blindly and deeply in love…I come a breath away from telling him yes, from begging him to make good on his offer, from being a whore. Even now.” She shook herself and turned back to pace. “He must marry. Quickly. For my sanity’s sake. I must close the door on all the wicked possibilities and try to be better.”
“Scarlett, I am so sorry.”
She stopped and returned instantly to her seat to sit by him. “It isn’t your fault! Don’t say that! I am so grateful to you for this Season. You are the best friend I have and I have no complaints! I danced with a duke! It was a dream, all of it. I could never ask for more and for all the fussing I’m doing, please don’t mistake me. There is no blame to be had. Your advice was flawless. It was my heart that wasn’t listening but my head is still aware that without your wisdom and kindness, I might still be in the Aldridge’s conservatory living on pomegranates and aloe plants.”
“How exotic and wild of you!” he exclaimed, trying to smile. “Would you be wearing animal skins?”
“I don’t think so. There didn’t seem to be any untamed beasts roaming about for me to hunt, unless Aldridge had cats and I don’t think I have the heart to bother such dear things.”
“Scarlett, you are incomparable.”
“Every woman can be compared to another and as I am an identical twin, I’m not sure the compliment would ever stand up to scrutiny.” Scarlett put her handkerchief away. “But I’ll thank you for it all the same.”
“Scarlett, you are not the only one with secrets.”
“Pardon me?”
“I came here to confess something to you.” Elgin sighed. “But I think I need a glass of brandy, first.”
“Oh, of course. May I get it for you? I can ring for Godwin and go through the proper rituals but…it seems a great bit of fuss to pour out a splash of spirits, don’t you think?”
“Yes, thank you. A healthy splash if you would, Miss Blackwell.”
Scarlett made her way to the sideboard and easily accomplished the task. She brought him the cut crystal glass and then resumed her place in the chair across from his. “Is it such a terrible secret to require a bit of false courage?” she teased gently.
He nodded, downed the liquor in one great swallow and Scarlett’s smile faded.
“Your Grace?”
“Miss Blackwell, you must let me speak. All in one ridiculous rush or I will not get through this. Agreed?”
“Agreed.”
“I have always been a selfish man. I liked being in the House of Lords and debating friends but only when it suited me. I can’t think of a worthy cause I ever really championed or a single soul’s struggle beyond my sphere that I bothered to notice. I liked the comforts of my houses, the pleasures my wealth afforded me and I laughed far more than I ever cried. I dallied and gambled and then gave up gambling only so that I could congratulate myself on being such a fine, superior sort of person. I did nothing I didn’t wish to do and was very spoiled. No one ever challenged me, Miss Blackwell—no one dared or didn’t even think to bother to cross me. Who knows?”
Scarlett nodded, doing her best not to interrupt him even though she very much wished to argue his finer qualities.
He cleared his throat and continued. “I was honest with you that night at Aldridge’s. I was hiding because once again, I was doing what I wanted to do and the idea of suffering a roomful of scheming cronies was giving me a headache.”
“Yes.”
“I was hiding because…I didn’t have the heart to pretend to enjoy any of it. And then you came in with your sister. Your dilemma was so sweet and for the first time in my selfish life, I had a bit of a cause to champion, someone to protect and assist—and I knew then that the scheme would stir up my nephew, rattle my peers and create a sensation. I knew all of those things and I made our bargain. I made our bargain because I wanted my last Season to be wonderful and unforgettable and I knew that you were exactly the wonderful young woman who would make it happen.” He leaned back in the chair. “I didn’t plan on Talon. But then I thought that was a delightful surprise and made the game even better. I would guide you to true love. Then Ryder stumbled into your sister and lost his heart…and I thought, this is perfection! I missed my life’s true calling as some kind of matchmaker extraordinaire, Miss Blackwell.”
“Yes, but what did you mean by last Season?”
“You weren’t to interrupt, remember? Here is what I wish to propose,” Elgin said. “Since the entire scheme was my idea, then it should be up to me to make it all turn out right. I agree that your sister should be happy and have no doubt that Ryder is the man to ensure that hers is a story to be envied. But I don’t agree that you deserve happiness any less than she does. So, I am amending our deal. I want you to consider marrying me.”
Scarlett wasn’t sure if all the clocks stopped in the room, if all the air vanished but suddenly it was as if she was in a bubble, isolated from the world, with Elgin York.
He went on, as calmly as a man laying out plans for a new garden. “It would be an entirely platonic arrangement; you have my word on that. I know you have a substantial trust to inherit from your parents that comes to bear when you turn twenty-four, but I would add to that. The estates and most of my holdings are entailed, naturally, to Ryder as the next Duke of Chesterton and since we will absolutely not be disrupting the line with offspring from this match, I will instead set aside everything that isn’t attached to go to you upon my death.” He stood to see about refilling his glass
with another generous splash of brandy.
“I’m…” she began to speak but then failed.
“It’s perfect. You’ll be a duchess in your own right and the youngest and prettiest dowager duchess to ever grace an English lane. You’ll be oddly related to your own sister’s husband and never denied a place at their table or in their home. As you said yourself, family trumps all.”
“You cannot mean…”
“I am dying.”
“No.” It was a whisper but firm with denial all the same. “No, you are not.”
“I was hiding in that greenery because I was suddenly unsure that I wanted to waste anymore of my time with—all of it. The useless conversations about the same useless topics, avoiding debutantes and ducking out on mothers with an eye to advancing their ducklings—and all the while knowing that I was more of an endangered species than they could guess. An even richer prize, eh? One of those heartless girls would have happily endured marriage to a crusty old man with a guarantee of it being short-lived, don’t you think?”
Scarlett stood slowly from her chair. “I am not a heartless girl.”
“I know. You are all heart, Miss Blackwell. So I will be honest. This is not charity. I am not gifting you with a title as some grand benevolent gesture before my heart gives out and I pass on. I am not trying to demonstrate generosity to prove to the Maker that I’ve changed before He starts determining punishments and rewards. It is quite the opposite.”
“How so?”
His eyes took on a sheen that at last, betrayed his own heart to her. “I am proving how selfish I can be. I don’t…want to die alone, Scarlett. You are…so kind and sweet…so funny and…surprising. You are everything I would have ever wanted in a wife. You deserve a true marriage but I am going to selfishly ask you…to marry me instead. I’m going to ask you to endure…whatever comes and I am going to beg you to hold my hand when…I go.”
“Oh, my…”
“You don’t love me. It doesn’t matter. Love isn’t a gem with one facet or one color to shine out into the world, Miss Blackwell. It has depth and infinite possibilities. We can love each other as friends and put the rest of the world to shame with the purity of it. Stafford—he’s blind and young—and he will regret the proud choice that robbed him of you. My proposition doesn’t alleviate any of that hurt for you, but it does ensure that if you meet him again, it will be as an equal. As my widow…perhaps you could take some comfort in that? If not in the certain knowledge that you saved my life—you will save my life, Scarlett, by helping me to face its end with a smile on my face.”
He set down the glass. “That is what I came here to say. I’ll go now. I want you to think about it, Miss Blackwell. Please take your time.” He smiled. “Not too much time, naturally, but whatever time you need. I’ve told no one else, not Stafford, not even...Ryder or my sister. I trust you’ll keep my secrets. I trust you with my life, Miss Blackwell.”
He bowed and walked out of the room before she could summon a single word into her head. The door closed firmly behind him and still she couldn’t move.
Somewhere in the house, she could hear laughter and it was then…
Scarlett sunk to the floor and wept as her Blackwell heart was broken again.
Chapter 27
It was to be one of the final grand balls of the Season hosted by Lord Fitzwalter and for once, their father was merciless in his social requirements. Ashe had made an announcement at dinner that all of the Blackwell family would be in attendance to present a unified front. The weak protests of the twins had faded quickly when Caroline had made it clear that she would also be going to demonstrate her love and care.
It was an impossible argument to overturn.
Then Ashe had put his foot down with authority and skill. “No man is worth surrender, Buttons. We will go. You will shine. And more importantly, I will dance with my wife, damn it!”
“Ashe! Language!” Caroline had chided but the point was well made.
He would dance with his wife for the first time in far too long and there was no possibility that the twins would even think of interfering with his plans.
No matter what the personal cost might be…
Scarlett chose to wear a new gown in a dark purple edged in black tulle that matched her mood for its weight and somber tones. Ever since Chesterton had called on her and revealed his secret, she had hidden in the house refusing to venture out. It was hard enough to accept that he was ill but his offer had shattered her. It was a nightmare wrapped in gauzy layers of pain to hear his sweet and simple request that she marry him only so that he need not die alone. The source of her torment was the truth tied to her genuine affection for the man.
How do you refuse such a proposal? What kind of horrible friend refuses?
She’d said nothing to Starr of Chesterton’s call. The additional lie was wracking her nerves. She knew that Tara assumed that her change in mood was entirely due to Stafford’s abandonment and Scarlett didn’t have the strength to clarify—or add to the chaotic horrors of her own emotional state by trying to speak aloud of matters she couldn’t find the words to describe.
The goal now was to survive—to find a way through, to see Tara safely off into the arms of Ryder Maitland, a well-deserving man who would ensure her sister’s happiness. Tara. She could think no further than that and Starr was the tip of her fingertips, anything beyond her immediate reach was a black void and too dangerous to contemplate.
I can think only of Tara.
Father wouldn’t be pushing this hard if he didn’t hope that Ryder would be there and that tonight things would at last fall into place for her.
It was odd but since her glorious start, she knew that her parents weren’t really looking in her direction for trouble or heartache. Father’s jests about panache and charm providing the best defenses when a person was at their weakest had proven true.
I lied to Chesterton. I’m a good actress after all. They all believe I am having a fabulous Season, dukes in tow and the conquest of a full social calendar.
“What do you think? Is the turquoise too bright? Too garish?” Starr asked. “I feel…a little overdone in this dress.”
“It’s a ball, Starr. You cannot be overdone and you look perfect! Here, Mother had Daisy bring these over this afternoon and they will match your gown!” Scarlett held up the prized necklace of star sapphires that Father had acquired in India. “I’m sure she hoped for you to wear it tonight.”
“Oh, it’s lovely!” Starr allowed Scarlett to help her put it on. “Why do you think they are so set on tonight? Weeks calmly sending us out with chaperones and then suddenly, it feels as if everything hinges on the workings of one night.”
“I think he’s just happy that Mother is feeling well enough to go out and perhaps,” Scarlett tried not to hold her breath as she spoke, “he is holding out hope that Lord Hayle will see how beautiful you are in this shade of blue and throw himself at your feet.”
“Don’t tease.”
“Starr? You’ve done nothing but…weep and…I know you’re upset that you refused him.”
“I did! I refused him and now I can’t think why or how or…I want to be a teacher but even as I was fighting for it, I knew a part of me was losing—losing far more than I could bear. Oh, God, Scarlett! Even if Mother is right and all things are sometimes possible, he won’t ask me again. I hurt his pride and no man is going to circle back for a second helping of humiliation.”
Scarlett nodded slowly. “You never know. Mr. Darcy did in ‘Pride and Prejudice’.”
“You mustn’t read romances, Scarlett, and think to apply them to the real world.”
Scarlett said nothing as finished fiddling with the clasp of the sapphire necklace.
Starr turned back to face her sister. “Scarlett? Is everything all right?”
“I have read too many romances, Tara, but I shall still hope for my sister’s happily ever after.”
“And yours?”
“Let’s g
o downstairs!” Scarlett said brightly as she stepped away. “My glorious tale is certainly still being written but not if I’m not at Fitzwalter’s to see how the plot will twist.” It was a flimsy performance but Starr was so distracted by her own anxieties, it held.
“Not too many twists, please. And if Lord Hayle is there dancing with someone perfect, promise you’ll shove me into the greenery before I burst into tears and embarrass myself.”
“I swear it. I shall be ready to shove you at a moment’s notice.”
The twins gathered their things, allowed Molly to make a final inspection and then headed down the stairs only to realize that Mrs. Martin and Paul were already waiting for them in the foyer, both wearing their finest evening clothes for the occasion.
“Parson, you look…so handsome and grown up,” Scarlett said and then rushed forward to kiss him on the cheek. “But that was a silly thing to say, of course you are! Are you joining us tonight?”
Starr laughed. “Of course, he is, dressed like that. Yes?”
“Mr. Blackwell invited me to come,” Paul said shyly. “Though I feel ridiculous putting on airs.”
“You do your mother proud,” Scarlett said firmly. “Doesn’t he, Mrs. Martin?”
“He does and my nerves are much steadier knowing I’ll have him on hand. I wish these parties were smaller as the Season unfolds but they only get larger and more intimidating. It is a heartless thing!”
“This is the final hurdle, Mrs. Martin. Parliament will wrap things up and all the finest families will desert Town for the countryside and our quiet days will be restored.” Scarlett rebuttoned one of her gloves. “I am considering taking up lace-making.”
Starr rolled her eyes. “Am I the only one who can see the comedy of that proposal turning into a tragedy?”
Scarlett sniffed the air in a mocking show of offense. “I may have had a battle or two with embroidery and surrendered possession of all my sewing needles as a result but I don’t see the need to tease. It’s lace-making or taxidermy, so best you pray I land on the prettier hobby.”
The Wild Duchess/The Willful Duchess (The Duchess Club Book 1) Page 23