by Mia Caldwell
You just had to do it, didn’t you?
You broke Kia, just like you broke Dana.
And now you've driven her away too.
Nakia
☼ ☼ ☼
I didn't need to look at the clock. The shuffling of papers, combined with the creak of desk chairs and the discreet tucking of books back into battered bookbags heralded the last five minutes of my Fashion Merchandising class.
It was good thing too. I was already having to grip the desk hard to keep the room from spinning. I hadn't heard a word Professor Harding had said about the emerging Bangladeshi markets. I believed in taking notes longhand, but today they were a jumbled mess. My notebook consisted of garbled sentence fragments and long scribbled lines where my pen trailed off the paper.
It had been almost four weeks since I left Kingsley Designs. I had thrown myself back into my classes, trying to convince myself that I had made the right decision.
But my body was in full revolt. Odd, phantom pains fired in my joints, especially around my hips and pelvis. At first I had blushingly thought they were remnants of Zach's hands on my body, his rock hard cock entering me for the first time....
But then I had started throwing up.
And I really hadn't stopped.
The dizziness came and went with no real rhyme or reason. I couldn't point to a single thing that actually caused it. Somehow I had figured out that being hungry made it worse, so I now took to carrying a packet of crackers everywhere I went. Some days I could eat an entire sleeve in one sitting, while other days I could only manage to get a few down before throwing them all back up again.
A part of me wondered if my body was in full on revolt at the idea of never seeing Zach again, never feeling his lips on mine again, never watching his eyes light up when I walked into the room again.
But I put that aside. I had done the right thing. I had to believe that.
"Kiki?" Rayna was maneuvering her way through the jumble of desks, looking concerned. "You look like hell," she observed, leaning up against my desk.
I looked up, startled. There was no one left in the classroom. I had somehow missed the end of class, missed the assignment, and missed the mass exodus out of the auditorium doors. I had been lost in a fog through the whole thing.
"I feel like hell," I admitted, not even bothering to correct her when she called me Kiki. Only my mother was allowed to call me that, but right now I was too tired to care.
"Hmmph," she snorted. Rayna was a pain in my ass, but I knew her heart was genuine, even if she had a prickly way of showing it. "I was going to invite you out tonight. See if getting you drunk might dissolve that stick in your ass..."
"Other people have tried that before," I croaked, dizzily trying to smile at her. "I only end up policing how many shots everyone is having and reminding everyone of classes in the morning. I figured you'd know that."
Rayna tossed her rippling black hair over her shoulder. "Okay fine, I'll stop lying, I was going to ask you if you could be DD. But now I'm wondering if it shouldn't be me who's driving you home. What's going on?"
"I just can't seem to shake this...flu or whatever it is," I moaned. I was being more dramatic than I usually was, but for some reason I felt very close to tears. I wanted Rayna to put my head in her lap and brush my hair away from my forehead while she sang lullabies.
I wanted my mother.
I hastily turned away and acted like I was going to sneeze, surreptitiously wiping away the tears that had suddenly gathered for no apparent reason. What the hell is wrong with me?
"Yeah, okay hon, come with me," Rayna clapped her hands together as she stood up.
"No, I have to go to the studio...," I shook my head.
"Nope, not going to happen. You look like warm death and I really don't want your demise on my conscience. You're coming with me." Rayna gently lifted me to my feet, her grip stronger than I would have expected.
I allowed myself to be led, docile with nausea. Her car was in the close lot, a prime parking space she was giving up to take me home. I felt a swell of appreciation brush against the hurt pride. "You don't have to do this, Rayna," I mumbled. "I'm fine."
"You said you have the flu or something?" she asked, changing the subject.
"I guess so. Or a stomach virus. Or the plague." I shook my head. "I just generally feel like shit."
Rayna's big brown eyes widened, but she didn't say anything. She opened her passenger door, sweeping aside a drift of papers, books and shoes to make room for me to sit down.
I collapsed gratefully into the seat, pressing my forehead against the cool window. "I'm just going to run into the drug store and grab something for you, okay?" Rayna informed me. I nodded mutely, my eyes closing of their own accord.
I must have napped, because the next thing I knew, the door was opening. I flung out my arms to keep from tumbling out onto the sidewalk. Rayna caught me at the last second.
"Okay Kiki, here we go, you have your keys? Good girl, I'll take care of that." Her whole demeanor had changed. She kept up a consistent parade of soothing babble as she helped me into my apartment, gently took off my shoes and settled me down into the cool sheets. "That's a good girl, you got it. Everything's fine, you'll feel better after you sleep." She brushed my hair back in the way I had hoped she would and I felt those rogue tears leap to my eyes again. "All right Kiki, I'm going to go, but I left something on your toilet for when you wake up, okay? You'll see it on the lid."
"Mmmkay," I mumbled, snuggling into my pillow. Then my eyes flew open again. "Gonna puke," I warned as the world lurched sideways.
Rayna hauled me back to my feet and the two of us ran to the bathroom, barely making it in time before my stomach violently purged itself of its contents. My embarrassment at Rayna seeing me like this was only surpassed the mortification I felt when I saw the box that Rayna had set on the lid of the toilet. It was now lying on the floor, staring at me like an accusation.
"I just thought...just thought you'd want to be sure," Rayna told me, nudging the pregnancy test towards me with her toe.
Zach
☼ ☼ ☼
He's not going to be a distraction for me, that's for sure.
"It's nice to meet you, Oliver," I said.
The man, no, kid, in front of me closed his hand loosely around mine. "It's such an honor, sir," Oliver said, enthusiastically pumping my hand up and down.
I winced, I couldn't help it. I’d spent almost a month alone in this office and the last thing I needed was to be reminded of what I’d lost.
"Please don't call me sir," I said, trying to smile winningly, but only succeeding in baring my teeth at the poor kid. "Mr. Kingsley is fine."
"Okay Mr. Kingsley," Oliver smiled so widely I was afraid his eyes would bug out of his head. "I am such a fan, I have been since forever. Your couture work was what got me started...."
"Thank you, that's great." I didn't mean to cut him off, but time was wasting. "I need you to get yourself up to speed on the Winxhing account. We have a teleconference with them in two days, and I want to have our ducks in a row."
God… The fucking Winxhing account. I’d put them off just like everything else after Kia’s departure. Told people I was busy with a secret project and locked the damn door. Time had crept up on me, and I couldn’t put things off any longer.
"Right," Oliver's smile faltered a little , but he nodded enthusiastically once again.
I sat back down at my desk and opened my laptop. Looking up, I saw Oliver was still standing there, that enthusiastic smile now plastered across his face like a grimace. "Was there something else, Oliver?"
"Er, no sir...Mr. Kingsley. Go look over the file, got it."
I sighed. "The file room is on the main floor."
He breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay."
"Good." I turned back to my screen, pulling up the CAD file I had been working on, an idea I had been toying with. Something based on that saffron yellow that reminded me of Kia.
I was just starting to feel my rhythm return when there was the soft noise of a throat being cleared. I looked up sharply to see Oliver grinning like a maniac, his eyes filled with panic. "What the hell is wrong now?" I barked.
"Er, you said which file?"
"The Winxching account!" I nearly exploded. "The licensing company that my cunt of an ex-wife sold my soul to! Go get it!"
"No problem Mr. Kingsley, just...er...."
"What?!"
He swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down. "How do you spell that?"
Something in my mind snapped. I stood up like I was being pulled by an invisible force and stalked towards the elevators, leaving Oliver gaping open mouthed as the doors closed behind me.
Once down in the lobby, I pushed open the front doors into the autumn chill. The weather had finally turned, and late October wind blew away some of the rage that was clouding my thoughts. I lifted my phone and held it to my ear. When it went to voicemail, I started to speak.
"Kia, I know why you left. I understand. But I need you to know that I miss you. I miss you more than you...more than I can even understand. Please, call me, text me, something. I need to see you. No, that's not right. I just...need you. Kia. Please."
The voicemail beeped loudly in my ear, cutting me off with a menu of options. I stabbed my finger on the off button and shoved it back into my pocket.
That was when I felt it starting to vibrate. My heart pounded in my throat as I raised it back up to my ear. I swallowed hard. "Hi there," I said softly.
"Hi," she replied.
A million thoughts raced through my head when I heard her voice, but the only thing I could say was the only thing I needed in that moment. "Can I see you?"
She waited so long I thought I had dropped the call. "Okay," she finally breathed.
Nakia
☼ ☼ ☼
I hung up the phone and instantly regretted my weakness. I should have never agreed to see him.
"He has a right to know," I told my sour looking reflection. "It's only fair."
I dressed carefully, down to my shoes, closing the strap around my ankle. Soon I wouldn't be able to wear shoes like this, I mused. I had better make the most of it now.
The knock on my door came more quickly than I realized. For a moment I felt embarrassed to let him see my tiny studio. He had a French chateau for heaven's sake, my whole apartment could probably fit into his smallest bathroom.
But then I told myself to shut the hell up. I was proud of what I had accomplished and being able to rent a studio on my own as a student was a fucking accomplishment. I refused to be embarrassed.
But when I opened my front door, my cheeks flamed all the same. Zachary Kingsley just looked insanely out of place in the cramped, poorly lit landing outside of my door. His broad shoulders nearly brushed against the wall on either side of him, and the gorgeous cut of his suit was entirely at odds with the slumped and bowed walls that surrounded him. He looked like the most solid thing in the building.
Zach's eyes darted past mine and swept over the inside of my apartment. He was curious about me, I realized with a start. Those quick, discerning eyes were taking everything in, disseminating it and filing it away for future use. For a moment I wondered if there was something he saw in there that would inspire his next collection. In that moment, I could almost let myself relax.
But I couldn't relax, not yet. This wasn't a date, I reminded myself. No matter how elegant he looked in his suit. No matter how carefully I had chosen my clothes. This was the last time I would see him before I said goodbye forever.
If only I could make my skipping heartbeat believe that.
"Hi Kia," he said softly, clasping his hands firmly behind his back. He doesn't want to risk touching me I realized. I was both sad and grateful.
"Hello Zach." My voice was calm, but if he put his hand on my neck, he would be able to feel my pulse fluttering like a hummingbird.
"Do you have a jacket? I thought we could walk."
That startled me. I imagined slipping into the back of his car, the driver at attention. Walking next to Zach, having to see the way he moved....
I wasn't sure I was strong enough to resist that.
He nodded as I pulled my favorite lined blazer from the wall. "Another of your creations?" he said approvingly.
I looked at him, slightly startled. "Yes," I said, brushing my hand over the wool crepe. "It's a little warm for today but..."
"But the drape of it really works with the collar of your dress," he finished.
I paused and looked down. "It really does," I murmured. I hadn't realized that when I was reaching for it out of habit. But Zach's eye, that celebrated unerring eye, had seen right away that those two pieces just went together.
"You have a gift, Kia," he murmured.
Suddenly he was too close to me. His nearness threatened to overwhelm me. I darted past him, slamming my door shut and nearly stumbling up the stairs to street level. I needed cool air before his body heat melted me from the inside out.
It was Friday night, and the crush of people out on the sidewalk nearly lifted me from my feet. For one desperate moment it was a repeat of my first day at Kingsley all over again. I pinwheeled my arms wildly, trying not to fall over.
And then suddenly my forward momentum stopped. Zach looked me full in the eye as he gently steadied me. I took a deep breath, ready to thank him, but my words died away when my eyes fell on his lips.
Everything in my body yearned toward him at once. The need to kiss him, the hunger that I had been denying since the day I left Kingsley, was suddenly undeniable. I caught myself craning my neck, lifting my lips to his.
"Ah, thanks...," I sputtered, pulling back before I did any more permanent damage.
Zach's face fell, but he composed himself quickly. "No problem," he said, more gently than I had ever heard him speak. He pressed his hand to the small of my back, guiding me in the direction of the restaurant. I waited for him to drop his hand back down again once he had turned me the right way.
But then he didn't.
I swallowed hard as he guided me, swiftly and safely through the crowd. They parted around him like he was Moses at the Red Sea, and all around us I saw women's heads turn when they saw Zachary. I saw frank desire on their faces and frank envy when they saw him touching me. I smiled and tossed my head, forgetting for a moment how complicated everything had become and just relishing the pride that came with being squired about town by a gorgeous man.
Because Zach was gorgeous. In my self-imposed hiatus, I had somehow managed to convince myself that he wasn't as incredible as my memory insisted. But now that I was next to him again, with my eyes free to wander over his tall, broad frame, taking in the incredible cheekbones, the squareness of his jaw, the long, straight nose, those incredibly soft lips....
I caught our reflection in the plateglass windows of the storefronts we passed and I couldn't deny that we made a good-looking couple; with his dark hair falling in waves that were slightly too long and rumpled, his white skin contrasting with my black. In fact, with his sharply cut suit and my one of a kind wardrobe, we actually wouldn't look all that out of place in a fashion spread...that is, if things were somehow completely different.
The absurdity of my situation suddenly overwhelmed me. Try as I might, I could not suppress the frantic giggle that bubbled up between my lips.
"What are you laughing about?" he asked as he scanned traffic to guide us safely across the street.
"I don't even know," I confessed. "Sorry."
He shot me a sharp look. "No, tell me, please."
I swallowed, grateful for the distraction of traffic. "It's nothing. This is just funny, that's all. I, uh, I pictured us moving quickly through traffic in one of your cars or something. Like all private and discreet. But instead I feel like you're parading me around like you want to be seen with me."
I giggled again but my laughter died away when he stopped and turned to me.
"Why
wouldn't I want to be seen with you?"
"No reason," I demurred.
Zach gripped my arm, hard. "Answer me, Nakia. Why in the world would you think I wouldn't want to be seen with you?"
I tried to explain but the words wouldn't come. I was reduced to just gesturing helplessly at his suit, his shoes...at him.
He shook his head, his lips pressed together angrily. "Yes, I want to be seen with you, and that's why I chose this place for dinner," he said, gesturing to the doors in front of us. "We're going to sit down and enjoy a meal together like we should have from the very start."
He turned to the door, opening it with such a flourish that I giggled again in spite of his harsh words.