by RB Hilliard
Around midnight, I left them still working through the details and went to bed.
Sometime later I felt Evan’s warmth hit my back. His arms snaked around my waist.
Before he could settle in, I rolled over and pressed a kiss to his chest. “You okay?”
A minute passed before he spoke. “For so long, I thought it was me. That I was wired different or just messed up.”
I shifted up onto my elbow and waited for him to explain. When he didn’t, I asked, “How do you mean?”
“I cared for Mandy, but even from the beginning there was something missing. I watched my friends fall head over heels for their wives. I was there when they said their vows and had their first kids. Hell, I was even there when a few of them divorced. They all had one thing in common...passion. I didn’t feel that way about my wife. I married Mandy because I’d gotten her pregnant.” A bitter laugh shot from his mouth. “At least, I thought that was the case. From the very beginning, there was no love. She knew it and I knew it. Did I tell you that she blamed me for losing the baby after a fight we had?” My heart squeezed inside my chest.
“No,” I whispered.
“We had a knock down drag out fight and I swear, Quinn, I was second’s away from walking out.” I bit my tongue to keep from responding. I hated that woman before, but I despised her now. She’d tricked him into marrying her and then conned him into staying. What a piece of work!
“I was packing my things and she came in crying. She said she’d lost the baby and I couldn’t bring myself to leave. After that, we fell into a routine. I tried to love her, but it was like we were always just on the verge of being over. At some point, I stopped wanting what others had. I convinced myself that what we had was good enough. At least she wasn’t a doormat like my mom and I sure as hell wasn’t a cheater like my dad. But something was always missing. Music was my outlet. Mandy hated it because it was the one thing I refused to give up, the only part of our marriage she couldn’t completely control. The last year we were together, I was so damn tired of it all. In a way, I think that’s why I tried out for Meltdown. It’s definitely why I lied about it.”
“Self-preservation?” I asked.
He let out a soft chuckle. “Either that or self-sabotage.”
“Have you ever thought that maybe you sensed what was happening, even if you didn’t know the actual details?”
“Looking back now, I see it. I see the lies. I was so blinded by my need to do the right thing that I failed to actually do the right thing. My father asked me to get proof of paternity and I told him to fuck off. He was a cheater and I knew better than him. It turns out I knew shit. My family thought I was making a mistake, but I was so determined not to be like my father—so determined to prove that I wasn’t like him, that I spent nine years in a lie—and all because I wanted to be a better father than the one I had.”
Not sure my heart could take much more, I dropped my head to his chest, and sighed, “Oh, Evan. You’re going to make the best father one day, not because your dad was such a shitty one, but because of the exceptional man that you are.”
I felt his lips on the side of my head. “No, Quinn. I’m going to make the best father because I’ll have you by my side.”
Jerking my head up, I stared deep into his eyes. “I’m crazy about you, Evan Walker.”
Without hesitating he said, “I’m in love with you, Quinn Kinley.”
“Always gotta out-do me,” I grumbled, and pushing forward, I pressed my lips to his. As usual, it went from zero to scorching in a matter of seconds.
Before I knew it, his lips were on my neck and his fingers buried inside me, while I slowly stroked his cock.
“I want to feel you inside me.” The feel of Evan’s fingers scissoring in a back and forth motion made the word ‘me’ sound more like a groan. His lips paused at my neck, but he kept at me with those fingers. “I know you’re clean because we talked about it, but so am I. I’ve been on the pill for years now, a—” Before I could finish my speech, he had me flat on my back.
Hovering over me, he locked his green gaze to mine. “So what you’re saying is that you want me to slide my imperial dong, or better yet, my dictatorial dong,” he lowered his head to where his lips were hovering no more than an inch above mine, before finishing with, “inside you right now.” Clearly, my penis measuring banter from the other day was a bad idea.
“Dwell much?” I asked through my laughter.
“Hell yes. When the woman I love refers to another man’s cock as king dong, I take offense.” Chills zipped through me. He loved me. Then I thought about the rest of his sentence and mentally rolled my eyes. Men and their egos.
“Hmmm, let me take another look-see. I may have been mistaken.” He sucked in a breath when I slipped my hand between us and latched onto his cock. Slowly, I stroked my hand up and down a few times, before giving my verdict.
“I was definitely mistaken. This is the kingliest man dong I’ve ever had the privilege of touching, the only dong for me.” He grunted, as if only moderately appeased, and I broke into laughter. Laughter which quickly morphed into a gasp when he settled the object of our discussion right between my legs and slid inside—all the way inside.
“Evan!” I shouted as he began to pound me to the bed. We’d had a lot of sex over the past week, but nothing like this. It was punishment and pleasure at the same time.
“Say it!” he ordered. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to hear. Did he want me to call him imperial king dong or what?
His mouth lowered to my breast and he sucked my nipple between his teeth, biting down hard enough to elicit a loud groan. Damn that felt good.
A few punishing strokes later, he released my nipple, and growled, “Say it!”
Finally, I just gave in and shouted the first thing that came to mind. “I love you!”
I was pretty sure I’d caught him off guard, because he paused mid-stroke. When he picked back up, it was at a much slower pace. I wondered what he was doing when I felt his hands cup my face. “God, I fucking love you,” he whispered. Touching his mouth to mine, he gave me the sweetest kiss I’d ever had. Then he made me come really, really hard.
The next morning, we said goodbye to Bobby and Tut. I was sad to see them go, but at the same time, glad to have my house back.
While Evan was talking with his lawyer, who I was beginning to think was a real jackass, I stripped the sheets from the beds. I’d just thrown them into the wash when my phone rang. I was expecting a call back from Alex-Ann, so I didn’t bother to look at the screen.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Don’t hang up!” an annoyingly familiar voice called out.
Before I thought better of it, I said, “Girl, you have nerve calling me.”
“Just hear me out! He’s trying to ruin me with his lies. You know me, Quinn. I—”
“I don’t know you...Mandy,” I spat out her nickname like it was dung on my tongue. Before I could say another word, the phone was wrenched from my hand.
“No!” I cried out as Evan placed it to his ear and stalked from the room. Oh, God, she was going to tell him!
For five minutes straight Evan said nothing, and I knew she was telling him everything. Suddenly, his face blanked of all expression.
“Who I fuck is my business, Mandy. Don’t call Quinn again or we’re going to have an even bigger problem to deal with. Now listen and listen well. When your lawyer tells you to take the deal that I’m offering, you’d be wise to take it.” I held my breath as I watched him disconnect the call.
Green eyes blazing with anger stared straight at me. I closed my eyes and waited for it. “I’m sorry baby,” he rasped, and pulled me in for a hug. As I hugged him back, I knew what I had to do. Tonight, after work, I was telling him everything.
_______________
Monday nights were always slow. Normally, I hated them but not tonight. Tonight, I wanted to last forever. I would take a million Mondays if it meant that Evan never had to kn
ow. Thank God he wasn’t here. His lawyer called right as we were leaving and said he had news, so I left without him. Sensing my foul mood, Alex-Ann and Gretchen had both kept a wide birth. That is, until I decided to take a smoke break.
“I see quitting is going well for you,” Alex-Ann teased as she joined me on the ledge.
“I have quit,” I replied through an exhale.
“I can see that.” When I failed to laugh at her sarcastic remark, she nudged me with her shoulder. “What gives?” Guilt, that’s what. I was guilty for not telling Evan about Amanda. Guilty for smoking the exact things that killed my father. Guilty for feeling trapped by Margo’s. Guilty, guilty, guilty.
Sighing loudly, I flicked my cigarette off the ledge and turned to Alex-Ann. “I’m telling Evan tonight.”
“Bad idea,” she replied.
Sick of her always disagreeing with me, I said, “No, a bad idea would be what you were doing with Baxter. No, make that several bad ideas.”
“Oh, so that’s how it is. Well, go on with yourself then, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.” I waited for the door to slam behind her before dropping to my back and cursing like a sailor.
On my way back in, some God-awful song was playing on the jukebox. Right as I opened my mouth to scream for Gretchen to change it, I saw them. Baxter and Evan. They were squaring off in front of the bar...in front of my colleagues and friends. In front of everyone. Baxter looked angry and Evan... well, he just looked confused. My heart leapt into my throat, and I felt as if I was going to choke on it. I deserved to choke on it.
“Look, man, I’m sorry she dumped you, but trust me when I say you’re better off without her,” I heard Evan say as I neared where they were standing.
“You just couldn’t let her go, could you? Tell me, what’s your plan? To move back in, so you can cheat on her some more? Or do you save that for when you go on tour.” His gaze swiveled to me and I flinched. “And you,” he spat. “I thought you were our friend. We hung out together. You gave Amanda advice when she needed it. Hell, you even gave the bar free drinks when we got engaged. Talk about betrayal.” The entire time Baxter spoke, Evan’s eyes remained glued on me.
“It wasn’t like that,” I told him.
“Oh, it was exactly like that,” Baxter spat. “You better watch yourself Quinn. What comes around goes around and I can guarantee you that something bad is heading your way.” The bar broke out in pandemonium. Alex-Ann all but tackled Baxter to the floor, while Will and the rest of the patrons shouted obscenities at him. Evan just stood there, a look of heartache and betrayal written across his beautiful face.
“It wasn’t like that,” I repeated, but to him it was.
To him, it was exactly like that...
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
“Rusty Cage”
Evan
I’d never been in love before. Never. I knew this because nothing, not my father’s cheating, not Mandy’s betrayal, not even discovering that the baby wasn’t real, came close to hurting as much as this did. Quinn had lied. She’d been lying all along.
“Tell me, what was it like?” I asked.
Her gray eyes...eyes that I’d fallen crazy in love with, studied me, and I wondered if she was thinking up another lie. Probably.
“I didn’t know she was Mandy. To me she was Amanda. You have to believe me, Evan. I didn’t know—”
“Until you did,” I cut in. She didn’t respond. She just stood there staring at me. “How long have you known?”
“Please—” Her voice was pleading, begging for what, understanding? Oh, I understood alright. I understood that, like Mandy, Quinn was a liar and couldn’t be trusted.
“How long?” I asked again.
“She was protecting you,” Alex-Ann called out.
Gritting my teeth, I repeated, “How long?”
“The day Bobby and Tut arrived,” she answered, her voice shaking with emotion. “I-I figured it out when we were talking in the living room.” Now it all made sense. She didn’t leave because she was choking, but because she realized who they were talking about. She’d known for over two weeks and hadn’t said anything. Not one word.
“You told me you hated liars. Yet, here you stand. Was it all some sort of joke to you?”
“No! Evan, listen to me. I wanted to tell you, but decided not to because it wouldn’t change anything.”
“It would have changed everything!” I shouted. “We wouldn’t be standing here now if you’d fucking told me. Instead, you’ve proven that you’re just like her!” My chest felt as if it had a fifty-pound weight sitting on it and my eyes burned. This was my cue to leave.
“That’s not fair,” Alex-Ann defended. “She wanted to tell you and I told her it would only make things worse.”
“Evan, just listen to me,” Quinn pleaded.
Shaking my head, I said, “You had plenty of time to tell me, but you didn’t. I’m done with listening and I’m done with all of this.”
I was halfway to the door when I heard her shout, “Evan, please!” but it was too late.
I managed to keep it together on the drive back to Quinn’s place. That is, until I hit the front door and saw the two rocking chairs sitting on the porch—the same porch Quinn and I sat and drank coffee on every morning. That’s when the enormity of the situation barreled into me. Dropping to my knees, I screamed at the unfairness of it all. Screamed at the endless ache inside my heart. Screamed, because if I didn’t...I would cry.
Somehow, I managed to pull it together once more. Forty-five minutes later, I was in my car and headed for the airport. On the way there, my phone pinged with a text. Shortly after that it rang. Grabbing it from the cup holder, I checked to see who was calling. When Alex-Ann’s name rolled across the screen, I turned the damn thing off. As far as I was concerned, Alex-Ann had said enough. Sadly, she’d said more than Quinn.
Hours later, I was standing on Chaz and Olivia’s doorstep with my bag in one hand and my guitar in the other. I’d turned my phone on long enough to text Chaz from the airport, so he and Olivia were expecting me.
Olivia opened the door, took one look at my face, and pulled me in for a hug.
“Oh, Evan,” she sighed, and that’s when I completely and totally fell apart. After I pulled myself together, she dragged me inside, plopped me on a dark leather sofa, and handed me a beer.
Surprisingly, Chaz wasn’t as accepting of the news that things were over between me and Quinn. First, he wanted all of the details. When I told him what I knew, which admittedly wasn’t very much, he called me on it.
“Let me get this straight. Mandy dumped Baxter, so he decided to pay you a visit at Margo’s, and that’s when you found out that Quinn knew what? Who Mandy and Baxter were? That Mandy and Amanda were one in the same? Was Quinn friends with them?”
“According to Baxter she was.”
“I’m sure Baxter is a pillar of honesty.” His sarcastic tone wasn’t helping.
“I don’t know what she knows, Chaz. I just know she lied.”
“You don’t know, numb nuts, because you didn’t give her a chance to explain before you walked out on her.” He didn’t get it.
“My entire nine-year marriage was a lie, every last bit of it. Then to find out that the one person I felt I could confide in, who really got me—the woman I’m in love with, was also lying to me... What was I supposed to do? Tell her it was alright? Forgive her on the spot?”
“No, but if she means that much to you, you sure as hell could have taken the time to listen. Fuck, Evan, do you think this is easy?” He pointed to Olivia and she smiled. The woman deserved a medal for putting up with his shit. “I’m a dick, and I’m not talking sometimes. I’m a dick all the time. If I got butt hurt every time Olivia kept something from me—because that’s what Quinn did, she kept it from you—then we wouldn’t stand a chance. You’re painting Mandy and Quinn with the same brush, bro, and I’m not sure that’s fair.”
Seeing my confused expression, Olivia said, �
��Mandy lied because she’s a pathological bitch. Quinn didn’t tell you because she didn’t want to add to your pain.”
“Or so she said,” I muttered.
“That’s my point,” Chaz broke in. “You didn’t give her a chance to explain. What do you think, that couples never keep things from each other? Wasn’t it you who lied to Mandy before trying out for Meltdown? What if that had been Quinn? In your head, what Mandy didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her, right? Have you ever thought that Quinn felt the same way?” Well, fuck. Sometimes Chaz actually made sense. In this case, he was right on more than one account.
Olivia held out her hand. “Come on. Let’s show you to the guest room. Right now, you need a good night’s sleep. Tomorrow you can make things right with Quinn.” I took her hand and let her pull me from the chair. Then I did exactly that. I went to bed. Only, I didn’t sleep. I just lay there reliving every second I’d spent with Quinn in my head.
The next morning came and I wasn’t much better. I missed Quinn. I missed sleeping in her bed, waking next to her, hearing her laugh, watching her face light up whenever I was near. I just plain missed her.
Chaz and Olivia lived in what used to be an old warehouse turned loft. With two bedrooms, two full bathrooms, and a kitchen that opened into a large living area, the place was big for New York.
“So, what’s the plan?” Chaz asked over breakfast. I shrugged and told him I didn’t have one.
“Come,” he said once we were done eating. I followed him across the kitchen, through a door that I didn’t even know was there, and into a kick ass music studio.
“Damn, Chaz. You’ve been holding out on me.”
A smile of pride appeared on his face. “This is why we had to get back. The guys were laying the finishing touches and I needed to be here.”
“This is awesome.” I thought of the pool house studio and felt my chest squeeze.
“Go get your guitar. Let’s jam,” Chaz suggested.
Ten minutes later, my mind was clear of everything, except the feel of my fingers coursing across the strings. I’d missed this, missed playing with Chaz. For two hours straight, I wasn’t thinking about how stupid I’d been. I wasn’t worried if Quinn would forgive me or if I’d ever be free of Mandy. It was simply us and the music.