by Natalie Ann
“I know. Ethan always held it in. I’m not sure he was made for it, but he felt like he had no other choice. He didn’t have much in life; he didn’t have anyone. No family. He’d hoped for an instant family by joining.”
“Did he get it?”
“I don’t think so. Not like he wanted. He had friends. People he talked and joked with, but he was missing something in life. I think he didn’t know what he wanted, but it was just something.”
“Which is why he went on a dating website?” he asked, finding it odd, but knowing it was common enough.
“I think so. We both were looking for something and it brought us together.”
He frowned. “What were you looking for?”
“An escape,” she said. “And that’s a conversation for another time.”
He didn’t like the seriousness on her face. So far it was there when she was talking about his situation, but not hers. He’d noticed she’d been levelheaded and definitely calm in regards to personal things. But not really serious.
“How much will you tell me when that time comes?” he asked.
“What I think needs to be said.”
She was smiling, but it was forced, he could tell, and he let it go. “Seems fair. So when did you decide to do what you’re doing? The facial thingy.”
She laughed at him and he was glad that maybe they could move past the uncomfortableness of their conversation. Not the best second date on record, but he was still here, so he was going with it. For a minute he was thinking she was going to show him the door.
“Yeah, I know it’s a long hard name to pronounce. After Ethan and I were married and settled, I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. He wanted me to just stay home and care for him. Take care of the house. Like I said, he’d never had a family and wanted that. I was fine with doing it, but there wasn’t enough for me to do. We talked and decided this would be a good career. It wasn’t like I’d be in college for years to train, and I could work full or part-time when the time came.”
Made sense, though he found it strange that she’d just be a stay-at-home wife. She seemed too active for it. Her house was immaculate, but she didn’t rush to do anything. More like everything was under control in her life. He remembered that feeling from so long ago and hoped to have it again.
“Have you always worked full time then?”
“No. I worked part-time right when I finished school. Then we moved here and I started out part-time, hoping to go full time. When I found out I was pregnant it was good just working part-time. Then when Ethan died, well, I wasn’t sure what to do. How to make it all work out. Getting by financially was the top of my list.”
He looked around her house again. “But you made it work?”
“It has its moments. We’d just bought this house and it was tight with our two incomes. The thought of doing it on my own was hard, but I’ve made it. When I went back to work they had a slot for full time and I took it. I’ve been there long enough to develop a long list of repeat clientele. The more I’m booked, the more I make. I get a base salary, but then a small commission on top of it and tips. I’ve had weeks where tips actually equal my salary. Not often, but those times I felt like I’d won the lotto and I’d sock it all away for a rainy day. I’m sure you can tell I don’t live an extravagant life, but it’s better than the one I came from.”
“Are you happy?” he asked.
“That’s a crazy question. Of course I am. I’m healthy. I’ve got a healthy little girl who’s well adjusted and just brightens my life.”
“But you’re a widow. A single mother.” Again, so unlike he thought she’d feel and he was wondering why he was feeling sorry for himself so much when she’d had it much worse.
“I am. And I’m not the only one. I can’t dwell on the past and you shouldn’t either.” There was that sharp eye of hers again, cool like icicles ready to fall on his head from a thirty-foot roof, making him prepare for the scold. “Doing that doesn’t do anyone any good. Even Nancy, my sitter, told me today that it was time to stop grieving. But you know what, I did. Then she reminded me that there’s more to life than being a mother. And I want to feel that again. I want to feel like a woman at the same time.”
What was she asking of him? He wanted to know, not assume. He could be way off base. “I look at you and see more than a mother. More than a widow. I really only see you. A woman that I’m very attracted to.”
“Really?” she whispered. “Then maybe you can kiss me again so I can feel that way because it’s just been way too long since I have, and I want to. I need to.”
He pulled her into his arms, put his lips to hers and started out gently. Just testing the waters again. He wasn’t sure why. Maybe he didn’t want to scare her with his need right now. Or the way she’d humbled him when she talked about her outlook on life.
That she wanted to feel like a woman and she was asking him to make it happen. To make her feel that way. That she was putting it in his hands. It might be right up there with feeling like a hero. Maybe in her mind, and a little bit in his.
She opened her mouth under his, his tongue swooping in and tasting her, clinging to her, feeling like a part of him that was missing might have just been found again.
Her hands were moving up his arms, around his neck and holding on tight. He laid her back on the couch, coming down over her, covering her and feeling like a man in the same way she wanted to feel like a woman.
He was so hard right now he felt like he was just going to explode with it. “Jared,” she said. “I’m not sure I’m quite ready for everything, but I know I need something. I just don’t know what.”
He knew though. And he could give it to her. He could make her feel alive again and if it was torture for him, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was her.
“Just relax,” he said, his lips moving over her neck now, to her ear. “I won’t pressure you, but I’ll make you feel good. Tell me to stop if you want.”
Her body was shivering under his, her breath panting out, and she was more worked up than he’d seen another woman before. Then again, if he was her first kiss in over two years, God only knew how long it’d been since she’d had an orgasm. It was too personal of a question to ask, so he was just going to let it fade from his mind.
Instead, his hand moved down her waist and under her shirt. Her nipple was rock hard against her bra, pressing into his hand, stabbing at it. Sliding under the bra now, he just had to touch it. Feel it. Let her know that he knew her reaction was because of him, and he’d make sure she benefited from it.
Her nails bit into his arms and, thanks to his hearing aid, it didn’t matter where her head was, what side it was at, he was hearing every little moan and groan she emitted. Every gasp and every whisper.
“Jared?”
“Hmm?”
“That feels so good.”
“Then just continue to feel.”
Her head was thrown back on the couch, her eyes shut. His glasses were steaming up and he didn’t need them to see what he was doing right now anyway. He could be completely blind and know by touch and taste alone.
After he took them off, he slid his other hand under her shirt and started to raise it up, exposing her to his eyes. The white cotton bra not doing much in the way of hiding anything. Nothing fancy, nothing sexy, but still showcasing a woman. What she said she wanted to feel like again.
He reached around and under the clasp and lifted it up, watching her face and seeing nothing more than pleasure on it. Then he lowered his head and pulled one of those light pink nipples in his mouth and sucked. His tongue moved around, twirling and swirling, lapping up as much of her as he could.
Her back was arching and her nails were digging. He just needed to give her some relief.
Slowly, he inched his hand down her waist to the button on her shorts. When she showed no signs of stopping him, he undid it and slid in.
He could feel the heat through her panties. The dampness too. All of it was testin
g him in a way he hadn’t been tested in a long time. But it wasn’t about him. It was about her and he was letting her know that.
She lifted her hips up some more, giving him all the permission he needed to slide under the side of her panties. She was soaking wet.
“Oh God,” she said.
“Yeah.” It was all he was able to say right now. He was too busy still tasting her. Moving to the other breast now, because, hey, it was there and he needed to give it equal consideration.
He started to rub around her swollen bud, her breath catching. So close. She was so close and he had to send her over.
With one finger, he moved down her folds and found his target, then pushed his way in gently. She was tight, but not resisting, and all he could think of was when he could test that some more. When he could feel himself inside of her.
There were no more thoughts though, not when she lifted up higher and he started to move in and out and she bit his shoulder right through his shirt, then groaned loudly. It was probably the best sound he’d heard in years and just continued to work her over until her body was still. Just lying there panting out.
“Wow,” she said. “That was a long time coming. I’m completely worn out.”
He laughed. It was all he could think to do when he was throbbing right now. When his shorts felt tighter than he’d even thought was possible.
“Glad I could help,” he said, smiling, the pain he was feeling totally worth it.
She turned and laid her head on his shoulder and sighed. “Thank you.” All that pain turned to something else. Something softer in his chest, around his heart.
“You’re welcome.”
“Oh God,” she said.
“What?” He started to jump back, then looked around to see if Kayla had gotten out of bed and had been watching them. Why didn’t he think of that?
“You. I need to take care of you. That was totally selfish of me.”
His heart rate slowed down now that he realized there’d been no witnesses to what they had been doing on the couch. “Don’t worry about it. It’ll go down soon as long as we change the subject.”
“No,” she said. “I want to. Do you mind?”
Did she just ask if he minded? What guy says yes, I mind, please don’t touch my rock hard dick? Let me suffer in pain.
He cupped her face in his hand and put his lips to hers. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything. This isn’t a payback or anything like that.”
“I really want to,” she said, her eyes roaming down to the bulge in his pants. Then her hands followed, not giving him much chance to say or do anything else before she was unbuttoning his shorts, her small fingers wrapping around and holding him tight. He knew what she must have felt because it wasn’t going to take more than a stroke or two and he’d be done.
He scooted back and extended his long legs out while she parted his shorts open some more, then she brought her other hand down and started to cup him, then stroke him, both of them working him over. He was tense right now and just wanted to let go, but was holding back because it just felt too good.
He looked over at her and saw she was just watching what she was doing. Concentrating even. Not looking at his face, not doing anything other than smiling and working him like he was a new toy she’d never touched before. “Shelby,” he said, trying to keep his voice low.
“Just let go. I want you to feel what I did. I want to watch.”
It was all she had to say. That soft twang of hers came out and it told him she was letting her guard down even more and she was doing it while bringing him to a place he hadn’t been before. Not a physical release but an emotional one.
Down to Earth
Jared sat straight up in bed, the nightmare he hadn’t had in a long time coming to the surface again.
The smell of burning flesh.
Acid smoke and charred debris.
The ringing in his ears.
The moans and cries for help.
All of it was there just like it’d been the moment after he’d realized the bomb went off and concrete collapsed on his body. Then there was nothing but blackness until he woke in the hospital.
He’d lain there for days wondering what was going on. In and out of consciousness in a foreign country. Friends next to him groaning in agony, or what it sounded like once the ringing subsided. Just those on his right. Nothing on his left at all. No vision either. They’d had a patch on his eye for the longest time. Too much damage they’d said. Irreparable.
He was still surprised he didn’t have any scars on his face. Maybe it would have been better than the shrapnel that got in his eye, damaging nerves and muscles. All but blinding him. Pretty much blind since all he saw was fuzzy objects in the distance. Up close wasn’t much better, just bigger blurry objects when he was looking straight ahead.
For months he would jump when someone came at him on his left side. A huge weakness. Not the vision part, but the jumpiness. The being caught unaware. He didn’t care what Shelby said—it was hard for any man to admit he had a weakness. Especially one used to protecting others.
He’d never be good to anyone in the field again. He knew that now, but he still wanted something else. Or so he always thought, but now he wasn’t so sure what he wanted.
Two weeks had gone by since Shelby and he let their hands wander like two teenagers eager for their first taste of sex. They’d been together a handful more times, but nothing more than kissing at this point.
He’d been dreaming of her body and getting his hands on her again.
Until just now. Until he woke up in a sweat remembering that his mind was an equal opportunity tormentor. That it wasn’t always full of dreams. That it didn’t care if you were ready to move on. All it cared about was bringing you back down to earth and letting you know some things were never going to go away. Not fully.
He threw the covers back and climbed out of bed naked, then walked into his bathroom to splash water on his face. He looked at his reflection. The vision in his right eye was fine up close for this.
What he saw was a shaken man. One with a lot of physical scars that he was getting ready to hopefully show Shelby.
Was that why he had the nightmare? That he was hoping tonight would be the night for the two of them and he had nerves over it? Over her reaction to seeing the white and puckered skin on his side and hip. His thigh.
He never thought he was a vain man before, but for some reason, this was making him uneasy.
They hadn’t really talked about sex explicitly for tonight. Nothing more than Shelby had gotten her babysitter to keep Kayla overnight. The first time she’d done it. He was touched more than he cared to say. That she was willing to let her daughter spend the night away from her the first time to be with him.
It had to be why he had the nightmare. The pressure this was putting on him.
Only he didn’t think he was feeling any type of stress. Nothing more than excitement. Too bad his brain was trying to tell him otherwise.
He moved away from the mirror and turned the shower on, then climbed in, prepared to just get on with his day. He had some errands to run and finals to grade. Marks had to be in by the end of the day. He was almost done and probably would have been if he hadn’t been so distracted about this weekend with Shelby.
Several hours later, he made his way to Shelby’s. He was taking her out to dinner. Just the two of them. He wanted fancy. She wanted casual.
He let her have her way.
She opened the door before he had a chance to knock. No nerves on her, at least it didn’t look it.
“Kayla all set?” he asked when he walked in. All she did was grab her purse and turn to leave.
“Yep. She had no problem going over. I’m glad I had the day off, so we ended up spending a little time playing together this morning. She was more excited than anything to spend the night at Nancy’s. I’m not sure if I should be upset or not.”
“Nervous about it?” he asked.
/> “A little. But it’s two houses over. I can go get her if I need to. I guess that makes it easier.”
“You look pretty.” She didn’t want anything special—her words—but she was wearing a dress. It was the most dressed up he’d seen her. Her hair was still down around her shoulders, and she had some makeup on. Or more than he’d noticed before. Her little purple-and-blue sundress and dainty heeled sandals told him she was putting a lot of effort into tonight, even though she fought him on spending “wasteful” money on a dinner out.
“You’re probably used to women in tight dresses and ice pick heels.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Just guessing. You picture me that way.”
He had. At one point. Now it was the furthest thing from his mind. He found his tastes ran toward petite women with more inner strength than half the men he knew.
“Well, take that picture out of your head. You’re what I want.”
She smiled at him, reached for his hand, then pulled him tight and hugged him. He liked that. He liked it a lot when she made the first move. When she pulled him in. When she brought him back down to earth.
It was just a short drive to a restaurant on the water. They were led back to a table on the deck in the shade. It was warm out, but there was a breeze.
He ordered a beer and she got a glass of wine. “I didn’t know you drank,” he said.
“I don’t often. I never really acquired a taste for it, but I keep trying to find something I’ll like.”
He was oddly touched by that. That she was still trying. That she wasn’t giving up on something as simple as a glass of wine. Why was he giving up on so many things in his life? Time to stop with the damn self-doubt. The internal struggle that he wouldn’t be enough anymore. That he wasn’t whole.
There was someone sitting here across from him right now that made him feel like a fool for all those negative thoughts. Time to end it. Time to man up.
Dinner seemed to fly by. They talked the entire time, but about nothing much at all. Stories about Kayla, potty training nightmares she was going through, all the things that he’d want to know if he were a father. Things that shocked him to realize he was dying to hear.