Love Not a Rebel

by Heather Graham

  “Kisses! I shall spit upon your carcass when they’ve hanged you!”

  “Shh! Careful, he’s coming close. With Geneva upon his heels. Ah, and there is Lady Harding! Amazing how many of your father’s guests have discovered that they need a bit of fresh air. Slowly now, slide down against me.” He carefully set her down. She was against him still, yet it was a very proper position, with his arm just about her as he escorted her in the moonlight. She stared at him furiously, but she didn’t fight him. She didn’t want to face her father with any more whispers of scandal raging about her.

  “You will be made to pay one day,” she promised him pleasantly.

  “To pay? Why, milady, I have desired to do nothing the whole night long except to ease you from any difficulty you encountered. You do have a vengeful streak within your delicate soul. Perhaps, when we are married, I shall have to beat it from you.”

  She started to jerk from him and she saw the laughter in his eyes. “Perhaps I shall marry you, just before they tighten your noose. I understand that your property is very fine.”

  “You must visit it. Come to Cameron Hall any time, milady. Or if you’re in Williamsburg, you must be my guest, whether I am in attendance or not. I shall leave word with Mathilda that you are welcome any time. Ah … here comes your father. He is looking for us, I think.”

  He raised a hand. Nigel Sterling stood upon the porch, his hand stuck into his frock coat. He saw Eric Cameron’s wave and started down the steps.

  Amanda did not like the speculative look within her father’s eyes. She did not like his glance upon her, colder than usual.

  “There you are, my dear, Eric.”

  “The night was captivating. Not nearly so captivating as your daughter, yet the combination of loveliness was one that I could not resist. Forgive me.”

  “You are forgiven for being young and enamored, Lord Cameron—if not for other things,” Nigel said. He smiled cordially, but when he gazed at Amanda, she still felt the coldness. “Our guests are beginning to leave, Mandy. Perhaps you will be so kind as to see them on their way?”

  “Of course, Father. Excuse me, Lord Cameron.”

  He reached for her hand, kissed it. She waited until his eyes rose to hers and she mouthed sweetly, “Good-bye.”

  “I’m not leaving—yet,” he returned, arching a brow rakishly.

  She pursed her lips, turned about, and fled for the house. Her father remained talking a moment longer, then he followed her, standing by the door while Amanda took a position at the landing of the stairway, by the bannister.

  The Hastings and the Hardings were leaving, and Amanda called Danielle to fetch their hats and accessories. She was thanked for a wonderful time, and she kept her sweet smile in place, wondering if the ladies were pitying her—or if they were eager to rush home to discuss her scandalous behavior. It didn’t matter. She kept her chin up and her laughter light. No one would ever know just how devastated she had been.

  Mrs. Newmeyer left next, thanking her and Lord Sterling for the sumptuous buffet. Smiling graciously, Amanda realized she hadn’t even glanced at the buffet table.

  Then Robert was before her, his eyes pained as they stared into hers—as if he was the one who had been betrayed. He managed to draw her aside as her father was caught in a discussion nearer the door.

  “My God, how could you!” Robert whispered heatedly.

  “How could I?”

  “I saw you in his arms. It was indecent.”

  “Indecent! Robert, he asked me to marry him. You asked me—no! You sought to force me into something that was indecent!”

  “He’ll never marry you,” Robert said harshly.

  “Oh?”

  “It’s a lie. It’s a ploy. He’s disgustingly wealthy, and you are perhaps an heiress, but nowhere near as wealthy as he. He couldn’t possibly be serious. You’re not—”

  “I’m not as disgustingly wealthy? Robert, take your hands off me. Contrary to your belief, not every man longs to awaken with wealth alone on the pillow beside him. Now leave me be.”

  Robert stiffened and turned sullen. Although the pain of betrayal and shattered dreams was still with her, she was startled by the discoveries she was making. She did not like this side of him.

  “You won’t marry him. He’s a bloody patriot.”

  “Patriot? I believe the word might well mean many things. And I do intend to marry him.”

  A slight cough interrupted them. Amanda swung around to see Lord Cameron. His eyes were alight with amusement and mockery. “Good night, my love,” he said, purposely turning her away from Robert. “I shall return very soon—to discuss the wedding plans, of course.”

  She longed to kick him but she didn’t dare. Robert was still before her. She forced herself to smile. “Good night. My love,” she added.

  He bowed deeply. At the door he paused, speaking with her father.

  In a fury, Robert swung about and left too.

  There were more guests bidding her good night. She longed to escape to her room, but she held her ground and maintained her smile.

  Damien was the last to leave for his home, an hour north of his uncle’s estate. She kissed him and agreed to ride to Williamsburg with him soon. Then Damien said good night to her father.

  “Yes. Good night, young man.”

  They shook hands, and Amanda thought that Damien had been right—her father did not like him. She clenched her hands behind her back, wishing that he would not be so obvious.

  The door closed. Danielle stood quietly before Lord Sterling, lowering her eyes. “Is there anything else, sir?”

  Her voice still held a hint of a French accent, and Amanda thought that even that annoyed her father. He looked at Danielle distastefully, even though she was a wonderful servant. She managed the household staff and slaves, and did so very well, and still Lord Sterling never had a good word for her.

  Amanda thought that Danielle stayed because of her. She wasn’t sure. Danielle’s husband and brother had died in the cargo hold of the ship that had brought them to Virginia from Port Royal, Nova Scotia. Her tiny daughter had died in that same hold.

  “No. You are dismissed.”

  Danielle turned to leave. Lord Sterling quickly shifted his gaze from his servant to his daughter, and the cold distaste remained in his eyes.

  “And for you, girl.”

  “What is it, Father?” Amanda said wearily.

  “Come here.”

  She was somewhat surprised by his tone, but too weary to fight him. She strode across the room to stand before him.

  “Yes?”

  She was stunned when his hand lashed out at her, catching her across the face with such violence that she fell to her knees, her head reeling. She screamed out in her surprise and pain. Danielle, barely out of the room, heard her cry and came rushing toward her.

  “Stop!” Lord Sterling commanded Danielle. “It will be a whipping for you. You are dismissed.”

  Danielle paused, then continued forward. Crawling to her knees, Amanda raised a hand to stop her. “I’m fine. Danielle, tu peux t’en aller maintenant.” she urged her in French.

  Her father seemed to hate even the language. His eyes darkened further with displeasure as he stared down at her. “Don’t you ever go against my word. I made arrangements. You broke them.”

  “What?” Amanda said, amazed.

  “Lord Cameron has informed me that he is not interested in a marriage that is not desirable to you. I will make the arrangements for your life—you will not.”

  “No!” she cried. This night, which she had hoped would be a night of magic, had turned into a nightmare. “You cannot make me marry, Father! I do not believe this. I—”

  “Don’t worry. Lord Cameron no longer wants you.”

  “You cannot make me marry anyone!”

  “When I so choose, you will marry. You will not disobey me, or else you will learn the persuasion of the lash. Now go to your room. Get out of my sight.”

  She
stood, facing him, feeling her cheek swell while tears rushed to her eyes. “I—I hate you!” she whispered to him.

  And to her amazement, he smiled. With pleasure. “Hate me to your heart’s content. But you bear my name, and you will obey me. Now go to your room.”

  She turned and fled up the stairway. More than anything in the world, she wanted to escape the sight of him.

  When she reached her room, she slammed and locked the door and leaned against it, gasping for breath.

  Then she burst into tears and fell on her bed. What sin could she have committed that was so grave that she should deserve the agony of all that had happened this night?

  Magic had died.

  And even in her misery she was dimly aware that the nightmare was just beginning.

  The world was changing, her whole world was changing. Winds of change were sweeping over the land, and no one, no one at all, would be able to stand against them.

  V

  For several weeks Amanda managed to stay clear of her father, just as he stayed far away from her. It helped that he was gone on business for a time, but even when he returned, she had no difficulty avoiding him. He dined in his room; she dined in her own.

  It was a miserable time for her as she accepted the fact that not only had she been betrayed by the man she had so foolishly loved, but her own father did not care for her at all. All of her life she had thought he was being stern for her own good, but now she realized he hated the very sight of her.

  Then she was plagued by thoughts of Eric Cameron. Despite her rude refusal of his proposal, he had willingly allowed her to use him to taunt Robert when she’d had an opportunity to salvage some of her pride. She had not heard a word from him since the party, and as the days passed, she realized that she would not. His promise that he would come by to discuss the wedding had been for Robert’s sake.

  Yet she had expected him. He was not a man to give up what he wanted, and he had said that he wanted her. Maybe he hadn’t wanted her badly enough. She told herself that it was definitely well and good, but when she lay awake at night, flushed and tossing, it was Eric Cameron she was remembering, the audacity of his touch and laughter, the bold command of his eyes. He knew too much, she thought, and she tried to tell herself that she referred to Boston—and to Damien. But it wasn’t true. He knew too much about her. He knew her far too well.

  Her days passed easily enough despite her expectation and dread that Eric would come—and her startling disappointment that he did not. Her pride was doubly wounded, nothing more. She just wished that she did not feel such peculiar flashes of heat and unease when she thought of his eyes upon her, when she remembered the force of his hold, the caress of his lips.

  Still, her father’s cruelty ravaged her soul. If home had not been such a pleasant place to be, she would have thought about running away. She did start wondering where she could go if she ever felt desperate enough to leave. She could go back to Boston and stay with Anne Marie, but if her father wished to wed her to some distasteful stranger, he would come for her, and Sir Thomas would dutifully hand her over. She had just returned from her father’s sister’s plantation in South Carolina. And while she loved her aunt and her cousins, she knew that if her Aunt Clarissa were pressed to side with either her or her father, she would choose her father.

  Then there was Philadelphia, where Damien’s brother Michael lived, but both Philadelphia and Boston seemed to be such hotbeds of rebellion right now that they did not seem to be safe places to visit. Thinking over her own position, she realized that she was very strongly a loyalist herself and that she did not want to live among rebels.

  Then, too, she loved her home. She loved Virginia, she loved the soft flowing river. She loved the summer warmth and the flowers and the beauty of the land, and she loved the accents of the people. She loved Sterling Hall, the singsong of the slaves in the field, the melodic murmurs of the Acadians on the household staff and in the laundry.

  Walking out beyond the oaks that lined the walkway before the house, Amanda suddenly panicked, remembering that her father had mentioned sending her to England when she had first returned from South Carolina. She hadn’t protested emphatically then, for she had thought that he meant to protect her because he loved her. Now she knew that he merely wanted her out of the way, set upon a shelf until he was able to use her as pawn to his advantage. Her heart quickened. She would not go to England. She would weather the storms of discontent until reason prevailed.

  She stared down the slope of ground in the back of the house, leading toward the river. Sterling Hall was self-sufficient. There was a huge smokehouse, the laundry, the stables, the barn, the carriage house, the cooper’s, the blacksmith’s, and the shoemaker. Beyond those buildings lay the slave quarters, and the larger houses for the free servants, and far beyond those lay the lands and the homes of the tenant farmers. Her father did very well here. The land was rich, and the fields were filled with the very best tobacco. Her father gave it no thought himself; he never dirtied his hands, nor did he keep his own books. He hunted, danced, and indulged in politics, drank hard, and played hard. Amanda knew that he had a mistress in Williamsburg, and she had also heard that he slept with one of their young mulatto slaves.

  On her fifteenth birthday she had struck Damien in a fury when he had told her about it. But then, when she had asked Danielle if it was true, she had been appalled, for Danielle had not been able to deny the accusations.

  She had known that her father was not a terribly nice man. She had just never realized how he really felt about her. Maybe she had always sensed it, though. And maybe that was why she had fallen so desperately in love with Robert.

  Robert. At the thought of him, she felt the same gnawing pain in her middle. She had been so desperately in love. She had imagined a life with Robert, waking beside him, laughing in his arms, taking great pride in the fact that their home was known far and wide in all the colonies for its grace and beauty. She had never dreamed of a different house—it had always been Sterling Hall. She had never imagined her father’s death—he had just been gone, and Robert had been lord of Sterling. They had laughed and played by the river, and she had even indulged in fantasies about making love. The water would ripple by them and the moon would be full up above, or else the sun would beat down upon their daringly naked flesh, but it would be all right, because they would love one another so deeply. She had never really thought too terribly much about the act of making love, not until …

  Her thought trailed away, and then she flushed furiously, grateful that she was alone with her awful realization.

  She had never, never thought about the act itself until she had been with Eric Cameron in the maze. Never, never before that night had she felt anything like that physical excitement, like a hot river sweeping through her, awakening her flesh.

  “Oh! Will he forever plague me?” she whispered aloud, and pressed her hands against her cheeks. They were flaming. He had sworn that he would plague her, she recalled, but she had not thought that it could be in this manner! She didn’t want to think about Eric Cameron, she hated him almost as much as she hated her father this morning. She wanted to hate Robert, but love died a very hard death, and so she hated Eric all the more venomously. For all that he had witnessed, for all that he had caused—and for the horribly shameful way that he made her feel.

  She wasn’t going to think about him, that was all. Not now, not ever again. And as much as she loved Sterling Hall, maybe it was time to leave for an extended vacation. Then she wouldn’t have to hear the rumors and whispers when Robert married his duchess.

  “Amanda! Amanda!”

  She swung around. Danielle was on the porch steps, wiping her hands on her apron, waving to her. Frowning, Amanda waved in return and then hurried toward the house. Danielle’s dark eyes were anxious. “Ma petite, your father is looking for you. He is in his study. You must go now.”

  Amanda stiffened. She had no desire to see her father, but such a summons would be d
ifficult to ignore. He had total power over her; he could beat her if he chose, he could send her away. And her only recourse would be to run away.

  She squared her shoulders. “Thank you, Danielle. I will see Father now.”

  She smoothed down her cotton skirt and composed herself as she walked down the hallway to his office. She knocked on the door, then waited for him to bid her to enter. When he did, she came in and stood before his desk in silence, waiting. An open ledger book lay before him, and he finished with a group of sums before looking up. When he did, his eyes were as cold as lead. He looked her up and down distastefully.

  “Make ready for a trip.”

  “What?” she said. “I don’t wish to leave—”

  “I care nothing for your wishes. I am going to Williamsburg. The governor has asked that I come. And he has especially asked that you come too. You will do so.”

  Her heart took flight. He was not attempting to send her out of the country. She just wished that they would not be traveling together.

  “Fine. When do we leave?”

  “This afternoon. Be ready by three.”

  That was it. He turned his attention back to his ledger. Amanda turned around and left his office. Danielle was out in the hall, her deep, beautiful dark eyes full of anxiety again.

  “It’s all right,” Amanda told her. “We are leaving this afternoon. For Williamsburg.”

  “Am I going with you?”

  “I didn’t think to ask. Yes, you must come. It’s the only way I shall be able to—”

  “To what?” Danielle prompted her.

  “To bear being near him,” Amanda said quietly, then she turned around and hurried for the stairs.

  At three she was waiting in the hallway. Timothy and Remy, two of the house slaves, had carried down her trunks. She was dressed in white muslin with a tiny print of maroon flowers and an overcoat of the same color in velvet. The overcoat fell in fashionable loops over her wide-hipped petticoats, then fell gracefully in a short train down the back of her skirt. She wore her delicate pearled pumps and a wide-brimmed straw hat decorated with sweeping plumes. Danielle, behind her, wore a smaller hat and a soft gray cotton dress, but even she had given way to fashion in her choice of petticoat. She was still very beautiful, Amanda thought of Danielle. After all these years.