He put his head in his hands and took a couple of shaky breaths. He sat like that for a long time. When he finally spoke, he said, “I was so afraid you wouldn’t be here when I got back, and I wouldn’t have blamed you if you weren’t.”
I unplugged the drain and got to my feet, not without some effort. I stood before Danny and said, “Will you get me a towel?”
He looked up at me with tears in his eyes and nodded. He dried me off, wrapped the towel around me, and led me to his bed, where he hesitated.
“Will you sleep with me, Jesse? You don’t have to tell me if we’re ok—”
I grabbed his face and kissed him firmly. “I’m going to operate under the assumption that what you said to me when I moved in here, that you were ‘never fucking letting me go,’ is still in effect. You’ll need to correct me if I’m mistaken.”
He blinked once and fell to his knees, his arms around my waist. “I don’t want to lose you, Jesse. Please tell me you’ll stay.”
I gently pulled his arms away from me and let the towel fall to the floor. I grabbed his t-shirt he’d worn earlier, slipping it over my head. I lifted the covers and crawled into bed, holding my arms out for him to join me. Which he did. And he held me all night.
We spent the next week, starting Sunday, with him in the studio all day. He’d have breakfast with Jane, leave until ten or eleven at night, and then we’d talk and hold each other. We both needed this time to work out some things alone and together. Some nights our discussions got heated, and we never really resolved anything, but we still held each other every night.
The Friday after the wedding, Danny and Brooke had a court date to finalize custody and some other issues. I met his attorney, Jordan Simmons, Thursday morning when she came to the house for a breakfast meeting. She was smartly dressed in a plum colored suit that contrasted nicely with her dark chocolate skin. She wore her hair smoothed back into a bun and wore her makeup to highlight her features. She had a tough-as-nails attitude. She had a similar way of dealing with Danny as Nora did.
Danny had Jane sit with us to hear what he was going to say to Brooke. He hadn’t told her about the blow up over the weekend and he didn’t mention his concerns about her drug use, although I knew he’d told Jordan everything. After breakfast, I took Jane out for some school supply shopping so he and Jordan could work out the uglier stuff. I liked her. She was confident in Danny’s ability to get everything he wanted and she’d heard from Brooke’s attorney that she wasn’t going to contest anything.
Thursday night he was unsettled about meeting with her, but glad that everything was finally going to be decided. We sat outside by the fire until two in the morning talking. He was just so relieved that Brooke was moving away and wasn’t going to be able to cause him and Jane so much grief. Again, we held each other all night, but we hadn’t made love since before the disastrous wedding. I told myself it was only because Danny had so much on his mind. It made me a little nervous.
Friday I got Jane up just after Danny left so that I could take her to meet Ivana and Sasha at Universal Studios. We both needed a break from the stress in the house. Danny texted me when the meeting was over:
Leaving court now. Very weird. Full custody granted with supervised visitation. Will tell all later. My love to my girls. Going to the studio, probably be home late. Going to get Jane’s shit tomorrow and spend time with my family. IFLY
“I fucking love you, too,” I whispered with a relieved sigh.
“What was that,” Ivana asked me and I blushed, not realizing she’d heard me.
“Sorry. Danny was just texting me to say that court was finished. He met with Brooke this morning.” She nodded seriously.
While the girls were on the Jurassic Park ride for the fourth time, I told her a very sanitized version of the previous weekend’s blow up.
“I hope she doesn’t involve Jane in her drama. I hate that you and Danny are having to deal with it, but I sure hate to see Jane getting dragged into it.”
I assured her that while Danny was keeping Jane informed, he wanted to protect her as well.
Danny came home after two in the morning and it was obvious he’d had several beers. He kissed me good night and crashed hard. Alex had driven him home, so I knew he was safe. I gave him his space, although I had hoped we would talk. Saturday he was up before me and in the pool. He didn’t say much, so I did my own workout and dressed in sweats and sneakers so I could help at Brooke’s. She told him she would be gone until Tuesday, when she was overseeing the moving company that was going to pack and store her things for the time being. She’d already found a buyer, and since Danny bought the place for her, he would be receiving half of the proceeds, a quarter would go into Jane’s trust, and Danny generously let Brooke keep a quarter. The townhouse sold for over 1.75 million dollars so this was pretty big money.
It took us several hours to pack up her room. I had asked Jinx to bring the van over in case the Range Rover wasn’t big enough. He and Cosmo came and helped Danny carry out all of the boxes so Jane and I could pack and sort. Jane said she preferred her furniture at Danny’s, so we left it behind for Brooke to deal with. Jane donated several garment bags and boxes full of clothes and shoes she never wore or that were too small. It made her feel good and made Danny and I proud of her.
When it was over and everything was moved out, we drove back to the house in silence. Jane seemed overwhelmed, Danny was pensive, and I was exhausted. Nora had dinner waiting for us and we wolfed down our food. Danny explained that we forgot to eat lunch when Nora looked worried. My appetite had been off for most of the week, I’d even had a few more meetings with the porcelain boss, but tonight I ate like I hadn’t had a meal in weeks. I hadn’t told Danny, but I was losing weight again. I decided I’d go see the doctor this week if it continued.
After dinner, Danny and Jane went to watch a movie in the theater and I went to the library to read. I just needed to stop thinking for a little while.
“Hey, sugar. You okay?” Nora must have been tidying up the various rooms when she found me a couple hours later.
“Yeah,” I answered. “It’s just been a weird week and I’m a little tired.”
She put a hand to my forehead. “No fever, but you don’t look well.”
I confessed about the nausea and she thought it might be some combination of the medicines.
“You’re not pregnant, are you,” she asked and I shook my head.
“I took a test, so no. I haven’t missed any pills or anything either. I might talk to the doctor about another form of birth control, though. Maybe even something permanent.”
Nora brushed my hair back and smiled sadly. “I know you said you’re okay with that, but you’re so young to do something so permanent. Maybe there’s another way.”
I shrugged. “I don’t think it matters. I want to live the life I have. If I were to get pregnant, I’m worried it would cripple me and as underweight as I am, the baby might not make it.”
She sat next to me and took my hand. “And as crazy as life can be around here, it’s going to take a lot out of you to keep up.”
I smiled weakly at her, figuring she just might know what’s been going on. Even though we were close, there was a chasm between Danny and I, and I had no idea how to get across it. She pulled me into one of her awesome hugs, and I let myself relax there for a moment.
“Jesse, I wanted to say goodnight.” Jane came in and stopped in the doorway with a worried look on her face.
“Baby, did you find... There you...” He stopped with the same pose and worried look as Jane. Nora and I looked up and laughed.
“You two look more alike all the time,” Nora said, motioning for Jane to come join our hug. She squeezed us both really tight.
“Jesse, will you tuck me in,” she asked, turning her big blues on me.
I kissed her forehead and followed her out of the room, saying goodnight to Nora.
“I’ll wait for you,” Danny whispered as I passed him, and I
smiled at him, relieved. In Jane’s room, I braided her hair for her and gently scratched her back until she was asleep. Poor thing just went through a huge upheaval. It was no wonder she was upset.
I stepped out into the hall, maybe a half hour later and heard Danny playing the piano. He smiled slightly as I walked up, glancing down at the bench next to him so I sat down. He played a tune I recognized from the night before they went into the studio. His music was really soulful. I wondered how it would transfer to the Blackened hard rock sound.
He stopped about ten minutes later and stretched his back.
“I’ve missed you,” he said quietly. “I know we’ve been talking a lot this week, but I feel...”
I nodded, running my fingers along the top of his thigh. “You’ve had a lot going on, baby.”
He covered my hand with his. “So have you,” he said in a gravelly voice. “Are you feeling okay?” While I wanted to be honest with him, I didn’t want to upset him.
“Can we talk about that tomorrow? I just want to be with you tonight,” I said, feeling a little shy. I wasn’t sure where his head was at, and with him being a little distant, I was worried.
He frowned, looked down at my hand in his, and stood, leading me to the bedroom.
“Do I need to be worried?” he asked as he led me down the hall.
I shook my head. “No, just having some side effects. I’m calling the doctor Monday morning.” I really didn’t want to worry him and I didn’t want my health to get in the way of us being intimate. I needed to be close to him.
When we got to his room, well, our room, there was a lot of tension in the air. We looked at each other nervously. Thankfully, he spoke first.
“I’ve wanted to touch you every night this week,” he said quietly, while keeping his hands in his pockets.
I was so afraid a bomb was about to drop. He was acting so hesitant. “And you didn’t because?” I desperately tried to figure him out.
He cleared his throat and said, “I wasn’t sure if it was okay. I still don’t.” He looked deep into my eyes and spoke so honestly, it was probably the most difficult thing he’d ever had to say to me. “I’m afraid.”
I wanted to cross the space between us and take him into my arms, but I felt exactly as he did. “What are you afraid of?”
He took in a shaky breath and ran his hands through his hair. “I’m afraid of how out of control I feel. I’m afraid of you leaving. I’m afraid of losing the best friend I’ve ever had. You. Before the wedding I thought I could read you, thought I had a handle on my feelings for you. Now...”
Oh, God. This was scaring the crap out of me. I wanted him to stop talking. I was petrified of what else he might say. I felt like we were standing on the edge of a cliff, and the rocks were slipping away.
“Now?” Please don’t let him say it’s over, was all I could think. “What’s changed for you, Danny?” I was shaking. I was so scared. Obviously all the talking we’d done this week had unsettled him more than anything.
His expression was all over the place. “Everything just feels so much more real. And fragile. My feelings have changed only in that I love you even more, and I need you even more, and I got a taste of what it would feel like to lose it all. I don’t think I would survive that. So part of me wonders if I shouldn’t just let you go so I never have to worry.”
My heart stopped. This was it. I’d heard people describe the feeling of a broken heart before. I thought I knew how it would feel from the previous times he’d pushed me away. But there was no describing this fear, this pain. If he said it was over, I thought it would end me.
Scrounging up the last ounce of courage I had, I asked, “So what are you going to do about that part?”
He cocked his head and narrowed his eyes. “I’m going to tell it to shut the fuck up because there’s no way I ever want to live without you. No safe route will ever compare to how whole I feel with you. But I’m so scared you’re going to tell me to fuck off. I can’t take not knowing anymore, Jesse. Can we fix this? Please? I love you so fucking much! I can’t take it anymore, not knowing.”
When I could convince my lungs to function again and when I could force myself to take in a breath, I slowly stepped across the space between us. I lifted Danny’s left wrist, the one still thankfully wearing the cuff I’d given him. I lifted it up so the heart was facing him and I held it up in front of him.
“The only thing that has changed for me is the determination to love you even more, to fight for us even more, and to do whatever it takes for us to get past this. I can’t stand this space between us either, Danny. You’re my lover, my best friend, and you hold my soul in your hands. Please, don’t be afraid. Come back to me.” The last words were barely above a whisper.
“I want to,” he said, shaking his head. “But I know there’s going to be more drama. I wish I could say there won’t be, but Brooke’s shit isn’t going to go away just because she’s in New York and marrying this dude. And neither is Grace Manning, although I think she’ll be singing a different tune now that she’s seen Brooke at her worst. I guess what I’m trying to say is I wish I could shield you from the ugly parts of my life, but I won’t always be able to.” He swallowed hard and took my hands in his. “Knowing all that, do you still want to be with me, Jesse?”
I answered him without hesitation.
“For as long as you’ll have me, Danny, and I sure as hell hope that’s for good.”
He squeezed my hands in his and pressed his forehead against mine. “God, I want that. I want you! I’ve been so afraid to ask you because I thought you’d say no.” His hands came up to cradle my face. “So you promise me that we’ll deal with this? Together? No running away?”
I nodded and lifted my chin. “No running away. We’re in this, for better or worse.”
His lips curled up on the sides. “That sounds a little like a vow,” he said, playfully, while dropping kisses on my bottom lip and jaw.
I smiled up at him, raising an eyebrow. “It does, doesn’t it?”
He leaned back so he could look deeply into my eyes. “I’m going to fucking marry you, Jesse. I swear it. I hope you’re ready for it when the time comes.”
I giggled. I couldn’t help it when he was so serious. “Name a time and place, Danny. I’ll be the one in the dress.”
His eyes bugged out and he clutched at his chest. “You mean it?! You will? Even after what I just said?”
I rolled my eyes. “The only way I would say no at this point is if you decided you were done with me. Or, I guess, if you decide to rekindle your relationship with Alex. I’m not sure I could compete with him.”
He laughed and picked me up, spun me around, and fell on the bed with me on top of him. He brushed my hair back out of my face and laughed. “I told you he’s a sloppy kisser, and you’re an amazing kisser, so I think we’re safe from that fucking scenario.”
I gave him a non-serious look of scorn. “You keep bringing up his kissing skills, or lack of them. I think I’m going to have to make you give me the gory details.” I tickled him a little and he squirmed wildly.
He tossed me off him and pinned me down with my arms over my head. “You want me to talk?”
I nodded. “I think if we’re going to be married eventually, I should know about your sexual escapades. Especially with Alex! For all intents and purposes, he’ll be my brother-in-law, so it’s kind of weird that he kissed my future husband.”
He groaned and bit my neck, eliciting a gasp from me. “I fucking love it when the words ‘married’ and ‘husband’ cross your lips. Fine. I’ll give you the fucking gory details.”
I stopped struggling against his hold and looked up at him in anticipation. “We, uh, experimented a little. When we were younger. Like when we first left home.”
He blushed and I could tell that he was really worried about what I would think. He let go of my hands and I wrapped them around his waist, slipping my fingers under his waistband.
“Experime
nted, huh? I think I need more details.” Nothing disturbed me about this information. In fact, I thought it was exciting.
He cleared his throat nervously. “You sure about that?”
I nodded, licking my lips. “Danny, you are the sexiest man I have ever met. It would in no way surprise me to hear that straight men aren’t immune to your sensuality.”
He shook his head. “You are unbelievable,” he murmured, kissing me deeply. My hands slid further down, squeezing his perfect ass. He moaned softly and I could feel his arousal thickening.
“Did you have sex with him?”
He dropped his head on my shoulder and laughed. “No. Well, not totally. We couldn’t decide who should bottom, and I think we just kind of reached a point where we both said, ‘Nope, not interested,’ so we stopped. Then we went out, grabbed a couple of chicks, and looked at each other like, ‘Yep. Way better.’“
I could totally see that happening. “So you kissed, though. Anything else?”
He smiled, moving ever so slightly against me. “Aren’t you the curious kitten?”
I nibbled on his jaw and he ground a little harder. “I am curious. Did you touch each other?”
He nodded, slipping a hand under my shirt to caress my breast. “We did.”
I opened my legs a little further and he pressed hard against my core, like he really wanted inside. “Did you use that talented mouth on him,” I asked, feeling myself getting wet.
His eyes searched mine, perhaps unsure of what I’d think. “Yeah,” he said and I sighed.
Teacher: The Final Act (A Hollywood Rock n' Romance Trilogy #3) Page 2