by Karen Lynn
How did my life become so screwed up?
She buried her face in her hands, allowing the sobs to wrench through her body in agonizing bursts.
CHAPTER 5
SATURDAY, WEEK 6
KRISTEN
The problem with not working was the days all blended into one jumbled haze. It kept getting harder to keep track. Kristen was getting bigger and more anxious, and sitting around doing nothing didn't help. Her life filled with doctor's appointments and constant daydreaming, was becoming unbearable. She was tired of waiting, tired of thinking, sometimes tired of living.
Logan made an effort to be affectionate and attentive when he was home, but as her stomach grew, so did the amount of time he spent away. The state of depression she found herself in was even worse than after her father died.
“Logan, I need to start painting again.”
He looked at her with a mixture of amusement and surprise. “Why?”
“Because I'm bored and I feel useless and depressed. I’m sick of being alone all the time. Maybe I should see a shrink again.”
“When did you see a shrink?” At last something she said interested him. His forehead creased as he shut down his laptop and walked over to her.
“When you were out all the time, getting high and screwing around. How do you think I stayed sane? Didn't you?” She eyed him apprehensively. Maybe he lied to me when he said he was getting treatment.
He shrugged. “Really? You never told me. Anyway, it didn't work for me. I don't like the idea of baring my soul to a stranger, or you telling someone all our secrets.” His face was serious as he pulled her over to him. “You only have a few more weeks, then you'll be really busy.”
“Six! Six more long, boring weeks. Being pregnant is driving me insane! And you're never here!”
“What do you mean I'm never here? I'm here now!”
She didn't really know what she wanted any more, but being isolated wasn't the answer. “Then get me art supplies.”
“Come to bed, I'll massage you.” He kissed her neck. That should keep her satisfied for a while.
Pouting, she gave in. It seemed like he'd gotten over his fear of her belly and the life throbbing in it. She lay on her side, letting him undress her and apply oil, moaning as he began to massage her aching back and shoulders, then moving down to her lower back. “Maybe one of those mommy and me exercise classes. I can meet some friends.”
He rolled her over, kissing her breasts and moving down to her belly. Applying the fragrant oil, he gently caressed it. “I'll try to spend more time with you, okay? I don't want you getting hurt in some exercise class. We can exercise here and I'll give you all the therapy you need, sweetie.” His mouth hungrily found hers, kissing her with growing urgency. He broke free with a gentle motion and gazed down at her.
Lost in his eyes, she felt her willpower fading. He was trying to control her any way he could, but she was too fatigued and achy to fight him. “Well I still want the paint—an easel, all the good stuff I left behind.”
“Is this because he's doing it?”
He sounded jealous. Her eyes gleamed at the thought.
“No, Logan, you know I always painted before. I only stopped because of you, when you started fucking up my head.” Her fleeting optimism had disappeared—she was sinking again.
He rolled his eyes. “Well those days are gone. Let's go shopping then. We can get sexier maternity clothes too, if you want.” Trying to hide the laughter in his voice, he slowly removed his pants, watching her eyes grow large and distrustful. “Don't worry, I'll go nice and easy on you.”
JAKE
Seeing Marty again rekindled all of Jake’s doubts about Ray's murder. Despite how much he wanted to disregard his presumptions, since it increased his depression, they constantly haunted him. It just didn't connect.
Why would Ray go out to an isolated underpass in Jersey all of a sudden? Why did Logan and Kristen disappear right afterwards?
When he pulled up to the club that night, something strange crept into his mind, possibly a premonition. He had a strong feeling that Tia would show up, but he was confident it didn’t have to do with her. The sensation was too powerful, and he never expended much mental energy on her. They weren’t even into verbal communication, never even bothered to exchange phone numbers. Yet it all seemed perfectly normal, since neither of them cared. It was a strictly sexual arrangement, and there was no way he'd be comfortable confiding his theories and suspicions to Tia. Especially after her snide remarks about Kristen's clothes.
It was early, only 9:30 p.m. when he entered the club. They hadn't started the music yet, and only a couple of heavy-hitting drinkers were at the bar. Ben and a few of the bartenders were hanging out, the atmosphere light and easy.
“Hey, man, I was wondering if you were here the night Ray disappeared?” Jake asked as they started to set up.
Ben was stunned, Jake could read it in his face.
“Yeah, I was here. Just me and Jaimie. Why?” Ben stopped what he was doing, his face serious.
“It just doesn't add up... I know him. He wouldn't be out selling drugs by himself in Jersey. He fucking hated Jersey. I just can't get it outta my head. The cops don't give a shit and closed the case.” Jake’s body clenched up.
“I thought about it too at first. He was all pumped up because he made some extra cash. We didn’t get to hang too long cause I was all over the place. It was pretty dead, there were only a couple of customers. It sucks.”
Jake's eyes darkened. “You see anyone unusual here? Anyone hanging out?” It was a long shot, but he had to pursue it. He stared hopefully at Ben.
Ben thought for a few minutes, shaking his head dully. “Naw, just us and a couple of local guys, the usuals. Jonny was here talking to some guy. No big deal.”
Jake dug his knuckles into his eyes as a sick feeling hit his stomach. “Do you remember what he looked like? Anyone you've seen before?”
The DJ turned the music up higher, the lights dimmed. Ben searched his mind, a spark of recognition brightening his face. “Yeah, some blonde hippy looking dude. I remember thinking that's weird, why would Jonny be hanging with that dude? Next thing I knew, it started getting busy and Ray must've split.” Considering the change in Jake's face, Ben squinted. “Why, what's up?”
Trying to control the twitching in his face, Jake continued. “And where was that guy? And Jonny?”
Ben’s had a faraway look in his eyes when he shrugged. “I was too busy to notice…the dude was gone and I don’t remember seeing him around after that. Jonny was around.”
“Did you ever see that guy before? It's real important, Ben!” Jake didn't blink as he watched him.
“Yeah, that's what I was trying to remember ’cause he looked familiar. I think he might’ve been that dude who started shit with the redhead you were with a while back.”
Jake smashed his fist onto the counter top. “Fuckin knew it!” Realizing people were streaming in, he struggled to control himself and lowered his voice. “Was he the one I fucked up?”
“Yeah, yeah, that's the one! I was hanging out in the back right there when it went down. Everyone was talking about it for days!” He paused to scrutinize him briefly, then frowned. “You don't think he had anything to do with it, do ya? He could never take on Ray, man.”
Jake's head was spinning. It all made sense now. “Maybe, I don't know.” He closed his eyes, forcing his thoughts back to the details in the police report. “Whoever did it snuck up on him with a pipe or something like that and smashed his skull in. Some fucking coward.”
Customers were converging on the bar, laughter and loud voices filling the air. It was time to get started.
Ben looked surprised as he turned away.
“Thanks, man, you've been a big help.” Jake gave him a reassuring pat on his shoulder. Ben smiled, ready to go to his station at the other end of the bar, when Jake hugged him to get closer to his ear. “Hey, don't mention this to anyone, especially Jonny, oka
y?”
The urge to talk to Kristen was suffocating Jake. It took a few minutes and intense effort to lose himself in the music and the increasing flurry of activity. Looking around woefully, he took a long, deep, painful breath.
SUNDAY
The nightmares were starting again. This time it was with Ray, his head bathed in blood. Kristen was running away. There were horrible screams. The rest was blurry.
Jake jumped up, his body soaked in sweat. It was raining. As the sound of his loud panting decreased, he could hear the raindrops pattering against the window pane. The room was dark, but it was 2:00 p.m.
Staggering to take a look outside, a wave of dizziness caught him off guard. The memory of too many beers flooded in. Stretching to crack his back, he stumbled off to the bathroom. A rustling noise by the hallway closet caught his attention. The light streamed in—Tia was crouched on the floor, busy doing something, her long, dark hair concealing her face. Getting closer, he could see Kristen's stuff strewn around her. He didn't say a word, but she felt his presence above her.
“Jake!” She dropped a blouse, leaping to her feet. With her eyes wide and a sweet smile spread across her face, she reached for him.
“What the hell are you doing, Tia?”
Inching back nervously, she fluttered her lashes.
“I asked you a question!” his voice boomed, the anger rising in his face.
“Nothing! Oh my God, why do you still make such a big deal about her?” Seeing the rage building in him, her eyes widened, then softened quickly. Her hand fell to his arm, attempting a caress.
Jerking his arm out of reach, he stiffened. “It's none of your goddamn business.” On the verge of losing his temper, he refrained himself from shoving her away, releasing his pent-up frustration on the pile of clothes instead. A sudden rough kick sent some of them sailing back into the closet, the rest landing by his feet. Momentarily satisfied, he stepped back to inspect the mess.
“I'm sorry, Jake, I didn't mean anything.”
He detected a hint of sarcasm in her voice. Turning to look at her, he fought the urge to grab her arms and shake her. “I'm taking a shower. Lock the door when you leave.”
“What? Come on, Jake, I thought we'd spend the day together!” She followed him. The bathroom door slammed in her face. He locked it.
“Fuck you then!” she yelled, punching the door before she stomped back to the bed.
He wasn't happy—she was still sitting there when he came out of the bathroom with a towel tied around his waist.
“Tia, why are you still here?”
She crept closer, like a panther seeking its prey. “You didn't really mean it, did you?”
Jake looked at her, trying not to let her beauty hypnotize him.
She’s bad news I definitely don't need.
Averting her eyes, he stood firm, an unimpressed look on his face. “Yeah, I did mean it, Tia. I don't appreciate you invading my privacy.”
She grinned. “Really? You didn't mind when I invaded it last night.”
“Thanks for that.” He raised his eyebrows, grinning for a moment before becoming serious and cold again. “Get dressed and go home, Tia.”
“If that's what you really want.” She slid behind him, her warm, soft skin mingling with his, her arms around his waist.
He thought about it quickly, wanting to feel something, even if it was uncontrollable anger, but there was only numbness. “Okay, I'll do you a favor and screw you one more time first.”
Maybe it was the wrong decision, but it was the only one he was capable of making. Without stressing further, he took a deep breath and pushed her back on the bed.
KRISTEN/LOGAN
The late afternoon sun felt good on Kristen’s bare skin. It felt even better to finally sit down after hours of shopping. He'd bought her tons of maternity clothes that she probably would never wear, and a bunch of baby stuff. Even though he was exerting a major effort to appease her, she was uneasy. Somewhere in her subconscious she sensed it was all an act.
She was on her second raspberry iced tea, Logan on his third beer. He reached over, putting his hand gently on her knee, his eyes soft and glassy. She could tell he was already wasted and frowned.
The cafe patio overlooking the beach began filling up with jubilant beachgoers and tourists. A crowd of rowdy college kids paraded past them, the girls with mile-long tanned legs in cut-off short shorts. Logan was busy drooling as they strutted past their table.
A text alert on her phone startled her. Sneaking a peek at Logan, she discreetly took it out of her bag. Her eyes flashed in surprise. When she recovered, she looked back at Logan, confirming he was oblivious. “I'm going to the bathroom.” He gave her a feeble nod, his eyes still following the girls.
It was a text with an attachment from Jake. She couldn't believe her hands still shook every time she saw his name. Opening it, her eyes almost bugged out of her head at the sight of Tia's smiling face, Jake right next to her. They were cuddling in his bed, their bare chests exposed, the rest of their bodies hidden under the sheets.
“I can't believe him!” Grabbing the countertop to keep from falling, she quickly swiped away the tears flooding her face. A couple of women burst through the door, seeking the mirror. Wobbling into a stall, Kristen sank down to the floor, stifling her sobs with her fists.
Why would he rub this in my face?
Her finger hovered over the delete button, then froze. She stared at his face, he was obviously stoned, but still so hot. Was he happy? She couldn't tell, his hazy eyes looked vacant, almost dead. At that moment she felt a burning hate for Tia, which was terrifying. Blinking, she dropped the phone in her bag and went to the sink to splash her face with cold water. Someday Jake would be sorry for this, but she wasn't sure how.
CHAPTER 6
MONDAY, WEEK 7
KRISTEN
She couldn't take it anymore. Her nerves were on edge, her head pounding. Logan said he would only be gone for an hour or two. Another really important business meeting—or so he said.
Months had passed since she spoke to Jake. She couldn’t forget how apparent it was that his only reason for calling was to find out about Ray. But she didn’t care. The pictures he sent with Tia still burned in her mind, and she wouldn’t be able to rest until she questioned him about them. Unable to resist any longer, she dialed his number. On the fourth ring he picked up, right before she was about to hang up.
“Kristen…” He sounded half asleep.
“Why'd you do it, Jake?”
“Do what? What are you talking about?”
“Don't play dumb, Jake! Why are you trying to hurt me like this?” She was determined not to shed a tear. It was difficult.
“I really have no idea what the fuck you're talking about! You left me, remember?”
“The naked photo of you and Tia! Come on Jake, you sent it yesterday!”
“What photo? I never sent anything…” He paused, grimacing in recollection. “Shit—that stupid bitch must've taken my phone!”
Kristen couldn't speak. It was traumatic enough seeing him naked with Tia, but hearing his voice, having him admit it, was devastating. She couldn't hold back her sobs and covered the phone.
“Kristen, I mean it, I didn't know.”
“It doesn't matter anyway, Jake—you're with her. I always knew you wanted her, I don't even know why I called you. Take care, Jake.” The trembling in her hands had turned violent. She ended the call, then rolled onto her side, curling up in a protective ball on the bed.
JAKE/KRISTEN
When she hung up on him, Jake was dumbfounded. Desperate to find out what she was talking about, he searched through the texts until he found it. It was true—Tia sent it the previous day, probably right before he kicked her out. He thought back, remembering her playful suggestion to expose the upper half of their naked bodies to shoot them. She couldn’t wait to show off those luscious boobs of hers. And like an idiot, he'd complied.
How could I let mysel
f get involved again? At least he was smart enough to keep it strictly sex, no emotional attachment. Then again, it had only been a few weeks. Now he was sure he wouldn't see her anymore—she was nuts and out of control. The drama was too traumatic for him, especially since the wounds from Kristen were still bloody, raw and painful.
He had to call Kristen back. At first he couldn't find the words. “Look, I'm sorry about that, okay?”
Why am I apologizing? She hurt me more than she will ever know.
She didn’t say a word, but he could hear that all too familiar sniffling.
Where’s Logan? He inhaled, seeking the strength to continue.
“Kristen, I have something to tell you. It's about Logan.”
“What?”
That one simple word spoken so soft and innocently, almost knocked Jake to the floor. He had it all formulated in his head, everything he’d tell her, without regard to her feelings. Why was it suddenly so difficult?
“He was at the club with Jonny the night Ray was murdered.” He blurted it out to avoid changing his mind.
“Ray was murdered?” Kristen gasped, clutching her stomach.
Jake’s eyes narrowed. How could it be possible—she had to be faking it.
“You didn’t know?” He exhaled deeply.
Still shocked by his revelation, she never heard the question.
“What are you trying to say, Jake? Why was he with Jonny?”
All of a sudden it didn't feel quite as satisfying as he had imagined countless times. “I'm not sure. A guy I know saw them together at the same time Ray was there—the last time anyone saw him.”
With a devastated groan, she massaged her forehead.
When is this going to end?
“Why are you telling me this, Jake?”