by Karen Lynn
He took cautious steps. Cat-like she watched every move. He took a chance and sat down on the bed. “Thank you.”
He reached over to kiss her.
She cringed, shutting her eyes. “You owe me big time now.”
The door cracked open, Alicia's face peeked through. Logan went rigid. He needed her to disappear.
“Kristen, are you okay?” Alicia ignored Logan and crouched beside the bed.
He watched with disdain, the muscles in his face twitching when Alicia’s narrowed her eyes at him. “I'm gonna go out for a while.”
Without looking back, he fled the room.
“Kristen, what the hell did he do this time?” Alicia held her hand, disregarding the tears welling up.
Kristen’s sadness was overwhelming. She gradually lifted her eyes up to Alicia.
How much should I reveal? It was my fault also, for being with him.
“I just started getting really bad pains. The fever's breaking though.”
“Don't keep protecting him Kris! He won't stop! Did you have sex again?”
“He forced me...” It fell from her mouth, instantly relieving some of the guilt.
Why the hell should I take the blame and look like a total jerk?
“Oh my God! He raped you?” Alicia screeched, gripping her other hand while she anxiously waiting for confirmation. It didn’t come, but the anguish in Kristen’s eyes said it all.
Alicia's face burned with uncontrollable rage. “Press charges, Kris. Get him locked up!”
Kristen buried her head in her hands. Why can’t it all go away? All of it.
She needed to scream, but only a whisper came out. “I can't.”
“What the fuck! You can! What about Jake?”
“He can't know! He’ll kill him, Alicia. Please! When he gets here next week, it'll all be history. We'll leave with Alex and that's that.”
Alicia sat on the bed next to her, hugging her. “And if he doesn't hurt you again, do you want him to hurt someone else? Really? You have to stop him!”
Kristen stifled a moan as she pulled herself to a sitting position. “Alicia, you don't understand. I just want to start over. I don't want either of them hurt or locked up. Please. I can't explain it now. I should've left the house like you said. In a way, I provoked it –”
“—Keep blaming yourself for his bullshit and you will never leave him! I know, sweetie, I've been there.”
Kristen didn’t blink. “Please hold my phone until they release me. I don't trust him. Can you?”
Alicia covered her eyes, wiping away her tears. “When can you get out? Just tell me you won't go back there. Stay with me, if Jake's not here yet by the time Alex gets out, we'll bring his crib over. Please, Kristen, promise me.”
“Okay, okay, I promise. I can't let him communicate with Jake, you have to hold my phone.”
Alicia stared at the phone, twirling it around in her hands. “Why not call him first. He'll be worried when he can't reach you.”
“If he calls just text him that I'm okay, like you're me. It's only for a day or two. Say I'm with Alex.”
Alicia stared at her. “It's not right, Kristen.”
Kristen wouldn't back down. Alicia shook her head in disbelief, unwilling to put the phone away in her bag. “Take his number at least?”
“No. If I call him from here I might slip and tell him. I don't want him to freak out. You don't know his temper. If he finds out Logan hurt me... he'll kill him!” She grabbed Alicia's arm, her wide eyes filled with misery and hope.
“If he could only get away with it, the world would be a much better place,” Alicia said under her breath, her eyes gleaming from the thought.
“Just come back tomorrow. Give me your number, I'll call from here. If Logan comes back, he'll leave when you get here.” She attempted a smile.
“He's not staying here with you, right?” Alicia asked alarmed.
“No way! I doubt he'll even be back tonight.” She knew him too well. This time he was really spooked. Most likely he had already run to Gina or some other slut.
The nurse interrupted, banging the wheelchair through the door. They headed to the NICU without speaking.
SUNDAY
LOGAN
If only Gina wouldn't always welcome him back, open arms and open legs, maybe he could be good. But temptation always existed, grabbing him by the throat. He couldn't resist.
At first he let her be the aggressor, petrified he'd go off on her. Then the drugs and his soaring adrenaline took over. It was at an all-time high. The incident with Kristen, the fear of getting busted for it, the feeling of invincible power—It really pumped him up. When he manipulated Kristen, knowing how strong-willed she was, his confidence inflated beyond belief. And the sexual chemistry between them reached an explosive level, even when she fought with all her might. It just heightened his desire.
Before he realized it, something snapped in his head. Now he was the dominant force, all his inhibitions abandoned.
“Oh my God, Papi, what happened to you?” Gina was breathless, her naked, sweat soaked body glistening.
“You want more?” He rolled over to face her, his chest rising and falling with each pant.
She gasped. “Not now baby, please. I need to rest. Besides, you almost ripped me apart!”
Is that fear in her eyes? He grinned. “I'm taking a shower.” Her eyes lingered on him as he walked to the bathroom. He could feel her arousal building. Let her sweat it out for now and later I’ll make her suffer and beg.
As the water trickled down his body his thoughts settled on Kristen. For hours, she hadn't passed through his mind. Anger swelled inside. And then the throbbing headache came back. The one he had been fighting a losing battle to ignore. But the increasing frequency didn’t make it easy. This time it was unendurable. He raced to the medicine cabinet, downed an extra pain killer and waited.
As the pain gradually diminished, images of Kristen crystalized. She was probably with her little girlfriend. Then he remembered she was in the hospital.
Fuck! How could I forget?
He didn't want to see her, but he had the strong urge to call her. Yet he had to be very careful because if he made her mad, she could turn on him.
Maybe he'd call Nick instead, see about heading to NYC for that business proposition with Jonny. His hatred for the idiot was at an all-time high, but being far away from Kristen, that baby and all the associated drama would be refreshing. And by the time he got back, all the furor about the rape would be forgotten.
Finally rejuvenated, his thoughts were spiraling.
Why waste time. Let her have fun with that bitch while she can. When I get tired of it, she'll be history.
With his hair soaking wet, a towel wrapped around his waist, he inspected his image in the mirror. It took a few seconds, before his self-confidence rose along with his hard on and he called Nick.
JAKE
Jacksonville, Florida—not the place he'd expected or wanted to stop for the night. But exhaustion and anxiety dictated, along with a powerful desire to speak to Kristen, that drove him to near madness. He couldn't even eat or stay still.
He paced, put on the television and dialed her. It rang five times, his heart pumping so fast, he couldn’t take it. Then Alicia answered.
“Why do you have her phone, is she okay?” He needed to calm himself. Fast.
Momentary silence.
“Alicia? What's up?” He sprang to his feet.
“She's fine, don't worry.” After a painful pause, she breathed. “I'm not supposed to tell you this, Jake. Promise you won’t tell her I did.”
Enough with the games! He was losing his patience. “Just tell me!”
It took a few seconds for her to speak. “Something happened... she's in the hospital.”
“What the fuck? What happened, where?” He couldn’t control his surging adrenaline. Without a second thought, he reached for his pants, ready to keep driving if he had to.
“She's fi
ne. It's just a fever, but it’s down now. Some post-surgery complication. The baby is fine too.”
“What? How'd that happen? Did that motherfucker do something?” His fists clenched at his side.
“No! It just happens. Jake, she didn't want to freak you out!”
“Good work.” He grunted. “What hospital? I'm in Jacksonville now.” It slipped out. So much for a surprise visit.
“You are? Coral Beach—”
“—For how long? I was gonna stop for the night but I can get there in five hours.”
“Get your rest Jake, it's better. She'll be there at least another day. I'm going in the morning.”
What should I do? It was hard to think clearly. “I don't know if I can sleep. Keep her phone on, okay? I may hang out here for a few hours, but I'll be there first thing in the morning.”
As he lay back, contemplating the conversation, the poisonous doubts seeped in all their glory.
She is definitely hiding something, something to do with Logan. I don’t get how she still covers for him after all the crap he put her through. Unless that’s a lie also.
Marching back and forth his apprehension sky-rocketed.
I have to shut my mind down; I have to get some sleep.
Meditation and yoga worked most of the time; it didn’t hurt to give it a shot. All of a sudden he desperately longed for a shower and some food. He needed all the strength he could get. He had a long drive ahead of him.
MONDAY
KRISTEN
2:00 a.m. and the cot in the NICU, cut into her back. Tossing and turning no longer worked. Alex was at peace, asleep like a little angel. It hurt to look at him, the need to hold him overwhelming. With great reluctance, she gave in and returned to the semi comfort of the hospital bed. It was torture without her phone. All she could do was hope Alicia would be by early and she'd get it.
The nurse came in just as she was nodding off. More blood. Her veins were already achy, but she was too tired to argue. Her mind filled with jumbled thoughts, Logan, Jake, maybe it would put her to sleep.
Around 9:00 a.m. they wanted more blood. What were these people? Vampires? She was so sleepy. Only six or seven hours of sleep was never enough.
The doctor came in just as a light knock sounded on the door.
Alicia. Thank goodness. But why did she look so strange? Maybe it’s sleep deprivation causing my mind to play tricks on me.
By the time her vision cleared up, the examination was over and Alicia returned to her side.
“The doctor said if my fever stays down I could leave around six tonight.” Why aren’t I super happy about this? I can’t even manage a tiny smile.
“That's great news, Kris! Here's your phone.” Alicia handed it to her, immediately turning her face downward.
“What's wrong? Tired?” Kristen held her phone, absentmindedly going through the text log. Glancing up every so often at Alicia, she tried to figure out why she was different. Jake had texted. He was freaking out about not reaching her. Nothing from the bastard. With a sigh, she moved to her call log. Nothing from Logan again. Jake had called. She put it away.
Alicia watched her the entire time. “I guess. Are you coming home with me then?”
Why not? There was no way she could go back there. One of them would end up dead next time.
She nodded numbly.
There was an undeniable tension in the room. “Did you wanna talk about something? If it's about Logan...” Alicia’s voice trailed off.
Kristen shook her head, a helpless look dulled her eyes. She really didn’t want to go there. “Don't worry, he didn't even call.”
Alicia looked pale. Kristen changed the topic. “Time for Alex's feeding. Wanna go?”
“You go, I'll be right there,” Alicia acted like she needed to make a call, settling back in the chair.
Unable to sit still any longer, Kristen shrugged, anxious to leave. Her nerves were on edge for some reason. It hit her out of the blue, but was electrifying. She needed to see her baby.
JAKE
He kept ringing her. No answer again. Shit! Alicia is supposed to pick up! Why isn’t she?
When he finally pulled into the parking lot of Coral Beach Medical Center, the sun was already scorching. With quick strides past the several tall palm trees, he entered the hospital. Maybe he'd slept three hours, possibly four. An unusual excitement bubbled in his veins, building in intensity as he approached the information desk. Visiting hours started at ten a.m. He had fifteen stressful minutes. Then up to the third floor, room 303.
Calm down Jake. It's not a first date! He burst out laughing, then shut up when he realized people were focused on him. They probably all thought he was crazy. It wasn't New York—here they noticed. He stared at the ground, an unstoppable smile pasted across his face. It was hard to decide if he should pass by the baby first. There was still some time to make a decision.
Alicia continued stalling, ignoring the nurses that kept peeking into the room. She had only seen Jake in a photo but knew it was him the second she spotted him trotting down the hall.
His eyes were aimed at her, unblinking. She seemed like the type of woman that Kristen would be friends with—he could sense her warmth even before he got close. He squinted, stopped in front of her and peeked inside the room.
She’s not in there! His heart sank. He searched her big brown eyes.
“Are you Alicia?” He tried to clear the hoarseness from his throat.
She tilted her head all the way back, looking up at him, absorbing his tired, excited face. A huge grin spread across her face. “Jake? Nice to meet you.” She thrust her hand at him. He shook it eagerly, then stepped back.
“Where is she?” The unbearable nervousness made it impossible to stay still. Alicia's eyes darted down the hall.
“With the baby?” he followed her line of vision.
“Yeah. I couldn't tell her you were coming…”
“That's cool. Let's go.” He took a deep breath after she turned away. In an instant he was lost in a dream, floating on air, his numb legs propelling his body along.
* * *
“That was a big one!” Kristen burst out laughing.
The nurse on duty, a tall Jamaican woman she'd never seen before, wore a gigantic smile, her exuberance contagious. “He's a big boy now!”
“I know! Oops!” Kristen wrinkled her nose, shifting the baby in her arms to avoid being soaked by the liquid he spewed out. Luckily it was only on the bib they’d given her. The nurse chuckled, immediately replacing it with a clean one.
“He's too impatient!” Kristen laughed, gently rocking him. Her cheek blended into his, the silky softness of his skin and wispy curls, mesmerizing her. She remained lost in the moment, the pain of being restricted from holding or touching him, washed away.
Jake stood transfixed, gazing through the large window of the NICU. His eyes glassy, his heart pounding up a storm, he watched them. After all those months when she dominated his dreams, she was actually sitting a few feet in front of him, more beautiful and vibrant than ever. And now, he couldn't move.
He felt Alicia’s gentle touch on his arm. “Do you want to go in? Or should I?”
Why was her voice so low? He could not make out one word she said or speak. His hand seemed to have a life of its own when started tapping on the window, again and again.
What if she doesn’t hear me? Then he felt it—the same jolt of electricity that paralyzed him the first time they met.
Her eyes lifted towards him, then widened in astonishment. “Jake,” she whispered half under her breath. She held the baby close and rose.
“Are you okay, sweetheart?” The nurse's voice trailed after Kristen as she walked trance-like to the window.
The infuriating haze of tears blinded her, prohibiting a clear image of Jake’s expression as she held Alex to the window. “That's daddy, baby.” she heard her own strange, cracking voice, far, far away.
Overcome with emotion, Jake pressed his palm against t
he window. Kristen carefully gripped Alex with one arm and brought her free hand up to meet Jake’s. Alicia stepped back, in awe.
“Let's go in,” Jake mumbled to Alicia only to discover she was no longer next to him.
He couldn’t scrub fast enough, couldn't bear to wait another minute. Kristen came up behind him and gently touched his back. He whirled around to face her, looking down into her beaming face. His mouth opened, but the words he longed to say wouldn't come out.
“Jake. I didn't know you were coming…” Her hands clamped onto his waist. “Do you like him?”
He chuckled. “Like him? I love him—he's freaking awesome!” Unable to contain his passion any longer, he scooped her up in his arms, lifting her off the floor. She giggled happily as his eyes devoured her face. Before she could blink, he covered her cheeks with kisses. It wasn’t enough, he groaned, taking her lips in a passionate kiss.
After they broke the kiss, her body felt so light it amazed her she was still on her feet. “I love you, I'm so happy—”
His lips consumed her words. While the nurses snickered, Alicia stood off to the side, a joyful look on her face.
When he eventually released her to take a breath, she slumped against his hard body, and gazed up at him.
“You shaved. Your beard’s almost gone!” She ran her fingers along his chin. “And you cut your hair!” Her eyes danced over his wavy brown hair hanging just below his shoulders.
A shy grin broke across his face. “You like it?”
“I love it. You look so handsome!”
“And you cut your hair. You look beautiful.” He picked up a thick strand of copper hair, letting it flow through his fingers. It fluttered down, just above her shoulders.
“I can let it grow again, if you want.” She stared at him, her eyes wide and hopeful.
“Whatever you want, baby, I would love you if you were bald.” He leaned his forehead to hers.
They had to re-scrub before the nurse let them in. They gave him a shower cap to contain his hair. He fumbled with it, attempting to put it on several times before she finally helped him.