by Karen Lynn
Resting his forehead against hers, “This reminds me of the day we met. Remember how nervous and defensive you were? You thought I was some weird rapist, didn't you?” There was a genuine smile on his face now, the first one in a while. If I can at least get her to laugh again, then we can work on the rest.
“No—I was not scared!” It became impossible to keep a straight face and a huge smile broke through. “But you did look like a rapist!”
Without warning, her laughter died. The horrible memory of Logan dragging her from the beach, the rape, the humiliation, the pain, all burned in its place. Casting her eyes downward, she hoped Jake couldn’t see through her this time.
“Really? Well, you never know and don’t forget, I warned you—but you just couldn’t resist!” Chuckling, he was too wrapped up in the moment to notice her cringe when he pulled her up from the chair to embrace.
“Were you supposed to work today?” If I can have a few hours alone, possibly I can come to terms with everything.
“You do think about me sometimes don't you?” He laughed as she rolled her eyes. “I told him I needed the day to take care of some personal stuff. I couldn't leave you today.”
When she simply nodded, it warned him there was something else still eating her up inside. After giving her some time to bring it up, he couldn’t take it anymore. “If you have anything else you want to talk about Kris, now’s the time.”
She squirmed around, playing with her fingers. The suspense was killing him. “Well?” He gripped her hands, to get her to focus.
“Did I really trash your studio?” Ever since he mentioned it, she couldn’t shut out the memory of her tantrum in his art studio, the idea she may have destroyed what he loved so much, devastating.
When she gazed up at him, the distress in her face touched a soft spot in his soul. It was the perfect time to get back at her, to exaggerate and really upset her. His eyes softened.
“Naw, just a couple of extra tubes of paint. No big deal, baby. I have to clean up that room anyway.”
“Good. I didn’t mean to…” Saying she was sorry was on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Not yet. Not for anything.
It would’ve made him very happy if she apologized, but he overlooked it. At least she expressed regret. Now it was his turn. Taking a deep breath, he decided to reveal everything that was in his heart, what he hated to admit, even to himself. “I don't wanna live without you, baby. I love you too much.”
She closed her eyes, waiting for the frightening numbness to disappear once and for all.
MONDAY
LOGAN/KRISTEN
Logan was going mad; she hadn’t returned any of his texts or calls. Micky informed him about the plea deal. He needed to firm it up, but wanted to run it by her first. She had the legal experience. Time was running out. So was his patience.
Why is she avoiding me? I didn’t force her to have sex, or hurt her. I wasn’t even rough. There has to be some way to find out where she is, if she’s in trouble. I have to stay low, keep clean, I need to stay at home but I can’t…its making it so much harder.
When he closed his eyes, he gave in to his daydreams, all involving his future with Kristen.
Her passion for me is undeniable, she proves it every single time. That's why I am allowing myself to be tortured like this, isn't it?
He picked up the phone, about to try again, when her call came through.
“Krissy! Where the hell have you been? I called you a million times!” Finally, he could stop pacing, stop tearing his hair out.
“I'm sorry Logan. I think I'm coming down with the flu! I've been sick like a dog.”
Another dirty, yet necessary lie. It had been torturous avoiding him, but she promised, not just Jake and the baby, but herself.
“The flu? Oh sweetie, if you were here I'd rub you down so good.” He tried to joke around, but the truth was he couldn’t stop worrying about the outcome of his case.
She wasn’t amused. “Logan, have you heard anything about the plea bargain? Did Micky talk to the D.A.?” Alex sat in her lap, gazing up at her with sleepy eyes, a reminder to stay strong and resist temptation.
“Yeah, I have a week to give him an answer.” He ran his fingers through his hair, his increasing anxiety silencing him.
“Well…what did he say?” She straightened up in the seat, her chest tight.
“Something about pleading guilty and getting two years with a chance of getting out in six, eight months—I, I don’t really remember his exact words.” His voice was lifeless.
“Oh my god, Logan! Is he trying for less? Should I call him?” Panic swept over her.
“Yeah, Krissy, that would be really nice—so, when can I see you? The time is getting shorter, let's talk about us instead.” His tone softened into pleading. Reaching over, he grabbed his lighter and a joint from the mirrored end table. When he caught a glimpse of the scar on his cheek, it had a sobering effect.
Distressed by the silence, she squirmed under the baby’s weight on her chest. He let out tiny whimpers. “I can't, I'm sick, I have a high fever and have to stay in bed. I can't have the baby catching it.”
“Really? Who’s watching him then?”
Was he testing her? Like Jake?
She needed to stay really still so Alex would remain quiet.
“My babysitter and Jake when he's here.” She squeezed her eyes shut. Talking to him about Jake was awkward to say the least.
He winced. His sigh came out louder than he’d planned. Taking another long hit, he sucked the smoke into his lungs anxious for his nerves to settle down a little. “Why don't I come to you? How long does he stay out for?” If he wasn't so depressed, he'd be cracking himself up at the suggestion.
“Logan! That's impossible!” The baby was restless, his moans threatening to turn into wailing. Fastening the cell under her chin, she carefully lifted herself out of the chair, rocking him as she walked to the crib. A moment later, he was safe and sound, fast asleep.
With his eyes cast to the ceiling, Logan threw his head back against the chair, any hope he had in his heart fading fast.
The worst part will be not seeing her, not making love to her for one whole year. Or two! How will I survive?
“Krissy. I don't think I can do this,” he whined, his bloodshot eyes, filling with tears.
Oh please don't start crying now! “Logan, please, please don't say that, you have to! You are a lot stronger than you think. I know you are.” It was no use; the teardrops were heading down her cheeks.
Frustrated beyond belief, he rubbed his forehead, then bent over burying his head in his hands. He heard her calling him. After a few seconds he found his voice. “I can try, but only if I see you before then. I need some inspiration. Pretty soon, I'll be spending my time fighting off rapists.” The idea was surreal, bordering on irony.
Ugh— if I wasn’t so paranoid he’d turn on me…“Logan would you calm down for a minute, please? I’ll call Micky and call you right back, okay?” Other than agreeing to run to him, it was the least she could do to ease his stress and guarantee her own freedom. Cutting off his mumbled response, she took several deep breaths to build her confidence.
* * *
Micky has to still be in Miami! It can’t be too late! With her uncertainty rising, Kristen paced back and forth waiting for him to answer his cell. A scream rose in her chest. Just as she was about to give up and cry her heart out, he answered.
“Hey doll, change your mind about sunbathing?” He laughed.
How the hell do these criminal lawyers stay so calm and detached? “Actually, I'm coming down with something.” She grimaced, expecting an annoying comeback.
“Are you alone? I can help rub you down?”
Why me? “Micky, seriously, Logan's freaking out on me. Can you get a shorter plea? Two years—that's a long time! You saw him! Do you honestly think he can last that long in there?”
Micky suppressed a chuckle. It would be one less
thing to worry about with her if he didn't, even though he knew it was a hopeless fantasy. “I can try my best. It's not out of the question yet. He said two, I go back with one. Maybe we can agree on eighteen months tops, or somewhere in between. He has a chance to get out sooner anyway. Did he tell you that?”
How much sooner? Whatever, I don’t have time for details. Her face lit up. “He mentioned six to eight, something like that, but he was pretty confused. Anything is better than two.”
I could never do it! She trembled at the thought.
“Yeah, well, it wouldn’t be the first time he was disoriented would it? Unless he’s playing the sympathy game again.”
“At this point, I don’t really care. Please just see what you can do. I don't want him committing suicide in there.” Or possibly changing his story, and then I’ll be the one fighting off rapists. That’s the last thing I need!
“You're not serious, are you doll? He's not that messed up is he?”
“Yes Micky, unfortunately he is.”
From the misery in her voice, he knew she meant it. “I’m on it then.”
“Wait—is this really the best way to go? How long before he goes in?” she muttered, wrestling the need to break down.
“I think it is. Trials can take a long time and are very costly. Plus, you know they're unpredictable. Once we work it out we'll probably have it finalized with the judge within the month. Tell him to hang in there. I'll call you as soon as I know.”
“Thanks, Mick.” Her spirits were already sinking and she had no clue why since he was doing everything in his power to help.
“Unless you want to take me up on my offer before then?” He had to give it one more shot. It was a long trip after all.
Kristen rolled her eyes—Micky was nothing if not persistent. After they ended the call she burst into hysterical laughter, not bothering to hold back the tears cascading down her face at the same time. When it was all over and she was exhausted and breathless, she allowed Logan to invade her mind.
What am I going to do about him?
* * *
Jake’s excitement mounted as he burst through the gate into the backyard. Just before he reached the front door, he did a double take—she sat next to Alicia on a lounge chair at the side of the house. It was hard to disguise his surprise and disappointment.
“Hey. Where's Alex?” Bending down to kiss her, he snuck a glance at her arms. He didn't want her to be around Alicia, or anyone else for that matter, until her bruises had vanished. Trying to make an inspection, without being conspicuous, he sighed with relief. Either she covered it with makeup or they were fading.
“He's sleeping. Is anything wrong, babe?”
“No, no, I just had something I wanted to talk to you about. It can wait.” Flustered, he fidgeted with his hair, lifting it up to fan himself with his hands. When Alicia and Kristen exchanged looks, he mumbled something about Alex, and took off into the house.
“He's acting strange. Are you sure everything's cool?” Alicia's eyes lingered on the door, then sought Kristen's.
“I think so. I have no idea what's wrong with him now.” Did something happen at work? Why is he home so early? Giving in to her curiosity and nervous tension, she stood up to go inside.
“I was just going anyway.” Alicia rose, planting a kiss on Kristen's cheek. Before she could leave, Jake was back with a couple of beers. Smiling, he extended one to Alicia.
“Oh, no thanks, Jake, I'm off to class. Talk to you guys later.”
When she was gone, he handed his beer to Kristen, and draped an arm around her shoulders. Her eyebrows raised. “Rationing me now?” she motioned to the full bottle he'd offered Alicia.
“No! Of course not!” He jammed it into her hand. “I just thought we'd share one.”
She took a long swig from the full bottle, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. “Why are you so hyped up?” Feeling more at ease, she stretched her legs out in front of her, getting comfortable.
Jake's face lit up. “I was hoping you'd come with me to the restaurant. I'm almost done with the mural and want you to see it. We can grab a bite to eat, walk on the beach…” He nuzzled her neck, absorbing the silky comfort of her hair on his skin. What he'd done to her still haunted him, making him desperate to make it up to her. “Are you bored staying home all day?”
It took her by surprise. “Sometimes I get lonely. But...” her thoughts began to wander.
“Are you happy?” He knew it was an unusual question to ask considering what had happened, but it was important to him.
Even more stunned, her face snapped up to his. He watched with apprehension as she pondered his question, her eyes crawling across every inch of his face.
“I think so.” She turned her face from him.
Taken aback, he stiffened, but fought to move on.
“Do you want to go with me?”
“What about Alex?”
“Cassandra?” Then remembering his concern, he touched her arms, his eyes saddened. “I thought you were gonna stay out of sight until the marks disappeared?” They were hard to notice, yet still unnerved him. As the strange way Alicia eyed him entered in his mind, he fretted over what she knew.
“I can't stay hidden forever, Jake. Besides, they are almost invisible. If you're so embarrassed, maybe we shouldn't go.”
“I'd never be embarrassed of you baby! I just don't want them getting the wrong idea—”
“—The wrong idea? What is the right idea Jake?”
His devastated sigh filled the room. He stretched his neck, rotating it in circles without relief, waiting for the mist in his eyes to dry up before looking at her. “Are you ever gonna forgive me for that? I told you it would never happen again. I'll burn my hands if I ever get mad enough to even think about it.”
Moved by his words, she found her anger melting away. Then an influx of images and voices in her head wouldn’t let up. You can never let anyone hurt you again. Don’t ever forget that.
Closing her eyes, she exhaled as he loosened his embrace. “Just don't think about it then, Jake.”
* * *
The evening turned out too perfect to be real. She was blown away by the mural. Jake’s face beamed the entire time with an intensity she hadn't seen since they first met. Henry appeared to genuinely appreciate Jake’s talent, his restaurant was exquisite and the food delicious. To top it all off, he was a super nice guy.
Things were heading back to normal with Jake, their chemistry so explosive, it rivaled the way it was in the beginning. For a while the stress was minimal, enabling her to block the painful events from her thoughts.
Since Cassandra agreed to keep Alex for as long as they needed, they made the most of it. It was almost 7:00 p.m. when they removed their shoes and trudged through the glittering white shoreline of South Beach. They gaped at the brilliant sunset illuminating the beach in a magical way. Just as the tepid water slapped the sand, soaking their feet, Jake lifted her into his arms.
“We still have so much to experience together, Kris. Do you know that?”
It felt like an eternity since he had any faith at all in himself or positivity that his life would get back on track, even longer since he’d been happy. The fact that he could have destroyed his entire world faded from his mind as he held on with all of his might.
Surprised by the depth of her love for him at that moment, she clung to him, determined never to let go. It wasn't the time or place to discuss the inevitable.
TUESDAY
KRISTEN/JAKE
She knew she should be glowing with happiness. Her beautiful baby cuddled in her arms. He was perfect. Jake worked hard doing everything in his power to please her while his career zoomed to unimagined heights. Fulfilled by his success, he strived to encompass her in his bliss. A few more weeks until couples' therapy began. Although it would revive all the painful memories, they were hopeful it would do more good than harm.
So why did the emptiness inside threaten to destroy her?
Micky called. Logan agreed to the plea bargain. One year locked up with the chance of an earlier release for time served with good behavior. Gina was still in a coma, hanging on, but there was always that possibility she would die. He was certain the plea was the safest way to go under the circumstances.
Logan persisted, texting and calling her nonstop, his desperation over her failure to respond, obvious. She knew she couldn't avoid talking to Jake about it any longer, no matter how much she dreaded it.
* * *
The minute Jake delved into her eyes that night, he knew something was wrong. She refused to discuss it until they returned from shopping and started making dinner. Alex was down for his nap after a feeding so Jake suggested going outside to talk. By that time the knots in his stomach provoked by the stressful day and worsened by her mysterious attitude, were killing him.
“So what's going on?”
Like usual, she was unsure how to start, so she got straight to the point.
“Logan accepted the plea deal, one year in prison for aggravated assault.” She stopped talking, waiting for his reaction and seeking the courage to continue.
Jake eyed her with a mixture of curiosity and suspicion. “And?”
She didn’t answer but her turmoil was apparent. Unable to understand why she was suffering, he rubbed his forehead, quickly taking a long swig of his beer.
“Think about it like this—he's going in for something he didn't do, but doing time for what he actually did. He got away with killing Ray, didn't he?” He knew it would rile her up but was too fed up to care and couldn’t hold back.
When he reached out for her, she pulled away, her face flushed.
The look on her face told him there was more to it, stuff he wouldn't like. “What's the problem then?”
She bit her lip, inching back further on the bench. “I told you I'd be honest with you all the time, from now on, right?”
“Kristen just talk to me! Stop the games,” his voice rose higher than he wanted. Her eyes widened. Regretting it, he finished his beer in one gulp, quickly opening another. “Sorry, I had a rough day. Just tell me. I can handle it.”