by Zoey Long
Michelle looks at me with her eyebrow raised. “You think I can’t spot a good dye job when I see one? Please. I work in wigs.”
The next few days on campus are rough. I haven’t seen Adam anywhere, class has been cancelled. Everyone is saying he’s been fired. He texts and calls me, but I’m not ready to talk to him yet. I can’t even leave my dorm room without people snickering around me or flat out asking me what the fuck happened in the middle of the lawn.
“Are you really hooking up with him?” a well-meaning friend asked me on my way to the bookstore. I shrugged her off and kept walking. I disabled my Facebook account, I couldn’t take the constant comments and tags. I also haven’t seen Alexis, although I’ve been looking for her.
When I finally venture out, it’s to check my mail. I slip the small key into my mailbox at the bottom of the hill and a few letters fall out. One is a letter from the head of the visual arts department, Joe Sterling. He wants to meet with me. The lump in my throat forms as I read his words, asking me to please stop by when I get a chance. I text Michelle and let her know I’ll be a bit late to our lunch date. May as well get this over with.
Joe Sterling greets me when I enter his office with a big smile and a firm handshake. He asks me to take a seat right away and shuts the door.
“Hi, Carrie. How have you been?” he begins, once I’m seated and he’s at his desk. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen this guy out of jeans before.
“Pretty shitty, to be honest.” He laughs. “I deactivated my Facebook, it was overwhelming.”
He nods. I know why I’m here. He wants details on the outburst on the main lawn. He’s going to question me.
“So, I asked you here because there’s been some controversy surrounding Adam Clark recently, who has taken a voluntary leave of absence.”
I start biting my lip absentmindedly, there’s a small scratch on my bottom lip, I’m not sure how it got there. So he wasn’t fired. Okay.
“Last week, there was an incident between you and Mr. Clark, just outside this building. He has made it very clear to me that he has no interest in pressing charges against you.”
“Against me?” I widen my eyes.
“You hit him several times with your bag, there’s evidence taken on film, as, unfortunately you’ve seen leaked to social media. We have taken down all postings of the video.”
“Thank you for that.”
“Any incident of violence, well, we need to report it. Between a student and a teacher, most definitely. Again, Clark is not going to press charges at all, he wants the incident dropped. He says it was a personal matter between the two of you, and when pressed, he wouldn’t say any more. Any inappropriate behavior or relationship between a teacher and student, even though you’re technically of age, is strictly prohibited.”
My face is reddening, the more I will it not to happen, the more it pricks.
“I wanted to give you the chance to speak to this. Of course, the student body sensationalized what happened on the lawn between the two of you, but to an outside eye, it looked like a lover’s quarrel.”
I don’t say anything. I feel like that’s as damning as outright admitting that we’re sleeping together, but to deny it would be impossible. Joe opens one of the drawers in his desk and takes out the photograph I took of Alexis for Adam’s class, the one of her with her legs up my dorm room wall. The first picture I developed with Adam in the dark room, the scene of our first kiss.
“Where did you get that?” I blink my eyes, my stomach does a flip.
“You’ve seen this before?” he asks me.
“I took it! It’s my friend. I took that picture for Adam’s class.”
He nods resolutely. “All right then.”
Joe picks up his telephone receiver and pages the assistant sitting at the front desk.
“Rose, you can send in Ms. Schiff now.”
I might actually throw up all over his desk. Right now? He’s going to force us to confront each other right now?
I see the outline of Alexis’s frame through the translucent glass at the top of the office door. She’s in a brightly colored lavender top and ripped jeans. She recoils at the sight of me.
“You didn’t tell me she was going to be here!” Alexis yells.
“Please, Alexis, sit down. There’s been too much back and forth on this issue and I wanted to put it to rest once and for all.”
The sight of Alexis makes my blood boil. I don’t know if Michelle was right about her making things up, but I know something is wrong. Why else would Joe have the photograph?
Alexis sits down next to me, but does not make any effort towards eye contact. Joe put the picture down on his desk in the middle of the two of us. I swear I can hear Alexis audibly gulp.
“What have you been saying? What have you done?” I ask her.
“Carrie, please, no accusations. Alexis, please repeat what you told me. And if either of you start getting volatile, I have security guards at the ready to escort you out of my office if need be.”
“Adam Clark is a disgusting, student-fucking bastard,” Alexis spits. “You want to know what I said? I told him that Clark took this picture of me. That he’s abusing his power as a teacher at this school and should be fucking fired.”
I look at Alexis aghast. “Alexis, you know I took this picture of you. I did. Not Adam, me. Those are my clothes. My wall. We took that in my room.”
Alexis shoots me a look that nearly confirms everything Michelle told me in my room. I see real hate behind her eyes. Something I’ve never seen before. Alexis sits back in the chair, letting her arms drape over the sides.
“Fine. Fuck it. Yes. You took the picture. Fine. That’s true. Yes. Adam Clark never took any pictures of me.”
I breathe a sigh of relief and sit back, nodding my head in Joe’s direction.
“Why would you lie about that?” Joe asks her, sternly.
“You took the picture,” Alexis starts to laugh softly. “You did. You took a spot in the class I wanted, you take every role this school has to offer, you...”
“I had no idea you wanted to get in the class. And acting? You’ve never told me you had an interest in acting. How was I supposed to know that?”
Alexis flashes me a look. “Do you know who my grandfather is? You know what, it doesn’t even matter. He’s a Hollywood producer. A big name…he’s responsible for some of the greatest films of all time. I could name drop right now but even if I did you wouldn’t believe me. The point is that I grew up surrounded by people just like you. Gorgeous, talented people who got everything they tried for. Do you know what it’s like to grow up, to be a little girl who grows up thinking that what a woman is supposed to be and look like is ACTUALLY Julia fucking Roberts? Not because I saw Pretty Woman and Mystic Pizza like everyone else, but because she actually came to your house for a garden party? That my only examples of adult women were A-list actresses and models? My grandfather always said talent is born, not made. And everyone who’s ever met you knows you have it. I just don’t.”
I can’t believe how limited her view is. Even famous actors have been passed over. Hell, I’ve been rejected plenty of times in high school and even here at Earnsley.
“I grew up pretty poor, Alexis. I had no idea you...”
“Of course you didn’t! You just take take take. You take everything. Just like I saw you take Adam Clark’s big thick cock,” she spits at me, sitting back, her hands shaking.
Joe Sterling sits up in his chair, the hinges squeak loudly.
“How dare you!” I yell at her, but now that she’s said it there’s no stopping her.
“I saw you, bent the fuck over in his office. You’ll do anything to get ahead, won’t you? Or are you just so lucky that that man actually loves you? Did he tell you he loves you?”
I am livid with her. This is not the place to be having this discussion. I can’t believe she did this.
Joe looks increas
ingly uncomfortable. He is sitting in his chair, tight-lipped, not saying a word.
“As you both know, Adam Clark has taken a leave of absence. Alexis, may I implore you not to spread any more rumors about him or Carrie?”
He hands me back the photograph.
“Where did you even get this?” I ask Alexis. It dawns on me that there’s only one. Alexis shrugs, unwilling to implicate herself any further.
“I don’t want to hear anything else about this,” Joe says to us gravely. “If need be, you can both be put on academic probation. I don’t want to have to do that. I’d like this to end here and now.”
Alexis stands up and nods, leaving the office and shutting the door behind her without another word to either of us.
“Well, that was eventful,” Joe turns to me and says. “What was said about your friendship with one another, that’s none of my business. But I’ll say again, I’ll give you the chance to disclose if there’s anything inappropriate going on between you and Mr. Clark.”
“No. You don’t have the right to ask me questions about my personal life. Besides, I’m twenty-one.”
“Ms. Desmond? Carrie, I have to warn you, you may be removed from this school if it comes to light that something is going on between you.”
“If Adam even comes back,” I say, and turn to leave, shutting the door behind me.
I’m able to catch up with Alexis between the visual arts building and the dining hall.
“Alexis!” I call out. She doesn’t turn. I pick up the pace, keeping my eye on her like a beacon. I whizz past students and groups of faculty members standing outside lecture halls.
“Alexis, hey! Answer me!” Still nothing. I still have my eye on her, I will follow her to the ends of the campus if I need to.
Finally she turns and stops short, waiting for me to catch up with her. By the time I do, my chest is heaving. I need to catch my breath. Alexis is pissed, her arms crossed over her chest, standing in black leather combat boots, shoulders thrown back.
“Here to make another scene, are you? Should we wait for the droves to show up, or can you even live your life without being watched or filmed?”
I wince from the force of her verbal blow. She’s never spoken to me like this before today.
“You hate me that much, do you? Wow. It must have been exhausting being you these last few years. Did you not think we were friends? Where did you get the picture? From my room?”
Alexis laughs. “I tried to be your friend. I wanted to see what was so special about you. Of course I got it from your room. You don’t always lock it. I’m sorry about that. You remind me of the starlets of my childhood, and I thought, if I could just get close to one, without being so scared and intimidated all the time, maybe I could find out that people like you really do work just as hard as the rest of us. And you know what I found out? Being your friend has taught me one thing, and one thing only. Some people’s lives are just easier than others. For no reason at all. Some people are just lucky.”
I scoff at her, amazed at what I have just heard. “Easier? Are you kidding me? My mother works in a library. My parents are lower middle class at best, I’m here on a scholarship! I didn’t grow up drinking tea and having finger sandwiches with Julia Roberts! Do you know how ridiculous you sound? Are you really that blind to your own privilege?”
“All the money in the world can’t buy what you have,” she says, her eyes wet with tears.
“And what’s that?”
“If you don’t know, I sure as hell won’t be the one to tell you. Bye, Carrie.”
“Wait. One minute. How did you see me and Adam?”
“I think I made it perfectly clear what position you were in in his office, both to you and to Joe Sterling, unless you’d like me to regale these lovely students with the same details...”
A few people have stopped to watch us fight, but I could not care less. I’m reactivating my Facebook account, I’m not letting anyone intimidate me. Not ever again.
“Stop. Just answer me straight on. For once.”
“All right. You want the truth? I was passing by his office. I looked through the keyhole. I saw your bag on the floor, I heard the noises. I got the gist. At first I couldn’t believe it. I wanted to know how you’d pulled it off. Such a gorgeous guy. And a teacher no less. Then I was surprised you’d stoop so low. What did he have that you wanted? I guess I can’t even out fuck you, can I?”
“Alexis, he doesn’t have anything I want. I wasn’t doing to get anything from him. I love him. I fell in love with him.”
She laughs, throwing her head back. “That’s just perfect. A love story.” She giggles, and starts to walk away.
“This is…” I yell, “It doesn’t have to be like this!” I offer, not sure of what else to say.
“It already is like this, my darling.” she says, turning her back to me and walking away. I don’t know that we’ll ever speak again. The students who have gathered now disperse, and I don’t give them a second thought.
You were right about Alexis, I text Michelle, letting her know I can’t have lunch with her today. It’s actually really sad.
She responds in no time, It’s all good…
Big meeting with Joe. I send back. Adam’s on leave. I think it’s okay now. And, thanks. For everything. I’m not sure how to adequately thank her for being my friend, for holding me while I cried. She sends me back a smile. I’ll grab something to eat in the train station.
It’s raining hard by the time I make it to Adam’s apartment building. I realize once I am standing there that he very well might not be home. I didn’t text him to let him know I was coming. I buzz his apartment and there’s no answer, and for a moment I think I just made a really stupid mistake.
“Yeah?” his voice buzzes through the intercom.
“It’s...” I clear my throat. “Adam, it’s me.”
He buzzes me in immediately and I make the trek up to his apartment door. By the time I reach his floor I must look a fright, because he’s standing in the doorway to his apartment in a white t-shirt and jeans, looking at me like I just swam up the sewer.
“My God, here.” He comes back with a fluffy white towel and hands it to me. “Dry off.”
I fly at him and he envelops me in a huge hug, his arms are wrapped around me so tight he lifts me off the ground a little. Placing me back down, he wraps the towel around me as we hug once more, and I start shivering from the change in temperature. I shiver in his arms for a moment.
“I know you didn’t do anything,” I whisper in the nape of his neck. He breaks from the embrace to look me in the eye.
“I didn’t... I would never... But how?” he asks.
“Rumors. All rumors. I’m sorry.”
We’re hugging again, it feels like his body and mine are just one entity, fused together.
“Can I come in?”
He laughs. “Of course.”
Adam lets me in and his cat is weaving through my legs in no time, meowing at me for food. I stand in the middle of his apartment, waiting for him to shut and lock the front door. When he turns back around I fly at him, covering him in kisses. He cradles my face in his hands and kisses me on the lips, it’s frenzied, passionate.
“I love you,” he says aloud, taking a breath. “I love you so much.”
“I know, I love you, too.” I let out, my eyes still closed, my hands reaching for his chest, desperate for every part of him, pulling up the white cotton t shirt, revealing his hot stomach. I run my fingers over his abs once again, then my lips are kissing him around the middle. Touching him feels so good, like a returning.
“I didn’t think it was true...” I say, between kisses, “I didn’t want to believe it. But Alexis... She told me you were sleeping with the whole class. That everyone knew it, and...”
Adam stops me and grabs my hands. He looks at me skeptically, furrowing his brow. We hold one another’s gaze and in a moment we’re laughi
ng out loud. We both know how hard one secret affair is to pull off.
“The problem has never been you and me,” he says earnestly, running his finger along my face. “You and I, from the moment we met, ever since we touched, we know it’s real. It’s everything around us that’s...”
“Fucked up?” I finish his sentence.
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry about your friend,” he says thoughtfully, his eyes full of compassion.
“Me too. I had no idea she was so resentful. I feel so stupid. Michelle tried to warn me.”
“Your roommate? With the glasses?”
I nod. “How do you know Michelle?” I don’t remember ever introducing them.
“I don’t, I have just seen you together a lot. I’m observant. And you’re not stupid. You can’t control other people’s feelings,” he says. “That’s why I’m on leave.”
My stomach turns at the thought that he might be out of a job. That because of Alexis and really, because of me, Adam might not be able to come back to Earnsley.
“I feel terrible about that...” I offer.
“That was not your fault. It was my decision. Do you hear me?” He runs his thumb over my bottom lip. “It was my decision.”
I nod, and then I’m kissing him again. He unzips my leather jacket, it’s still beaded with droplets of rain. He hangs it on the back of the chair in his kitchen and then his hands are on me, running his fingers delicately over my clavicle, kissing the hollow there with his soft lips, pulling me closer. He pulls the elastic gently from my hair, letting it fall to my back. I cross my arms and take off my striped shirt.
“Too bad you weren’t just wearing this, that would have gone completely see through in the rain,” he teases me. I hit him in the side and he embraces me again, just in my blush-colored bra.
“Take off your clothes,” I whisper to him, “I want to be close to you. I want your skin against mine.”
He leads me to his bedspread, removing his white cotton t-shirt. He unhooks my bra one-handed, a trick I’ve always found incredibly sexy, and I scoot myself back on the bed, opening my legs, pulling him to me. I can feel myself wet in my underwear as I start to unzip my jeans, slipping them down over my hips, revealing the tiny black string bikini panties I’m wearing. Adam unbuttons his jeans and pulls them off, his boxer briefs a deep charcoal color, his cock is erect, I can see the outline of it through the thin fabric. He starts tease his fingers over my panties, making my pussy ache and swell to his touch. He’s on top of me then, and the feel of him hard against me makes me respond even more. My whole body shivers, not just from the cold.