by Becca Van
Chapter Eight
Tara took a long, hot shower, relishing the feel of the water on her sore body. She washed her hair and skin then stepped out. Tara stretched and groaned as her sore muscles protested, as well as the sensitive flesh between her thighs, and slipped into the bath she readied earlier. She savored the warm water she was now soaking in, her muscles easing as the water penetrated to her bones. Once done, she dried off and exited.
Tara walked into the bedroom, a large bath towel wrapped around her breasts and ending just below her knees, and stopped as she saw Johnny enter the room with shopping bags in his hands. She watched him as he placed the bags on the bed, walked up to her, tilted her face to his with a finger beneath her chin, and kissed her. He had embers firing her body up as he plundered her mouth with his lips and tongue. He drew back from her after she had slumped against his chest, holding her upper arms to steady her as she looked up into his face.
“How are you feeling, sweetheart?”
“Sore,” Tara blurted then lowered her eyes as she felt her cheeks flush with heat.
“You have nothing to be embarrassed about, Tara. You’re such a sexy little thing,” Johnny stated then gave a bark of laughter, and she knew he had noticed her cheeks flushing red. “I bought you some clothes, honey. Why don’t you get dressed? When you’re done, come into the kitchen. I’ve just made a fresh pot of coffee.”
“Where’s Clay?”
“He’s out in the barn. He’ll be back soon. Hurry up, sweetheart,” Johnny commanded, turned her around by her shoulders, and then popped her ass before he walked out the door.
Tara sighed as she watched his denim-covered ass until he was no longer in sight. Her heart was so full of love for Johnny and Clay. She had loved them for such a long time. She wanted nothing more than to tell them she loved them, but didn’t want to say those three words for the first time. Not until she was sure they loved her, too. Sure they said they wanted her, had wanted her since she was a teenager, but wanting and needing were vastly different from loving. There was no way she was putting herself, her pride, on the line before she knew for sure her love was returned. She knew she was setting herself up for another fall, but where those two men were concerned, she couldn’t seem to help herself.
Tara pulled out some sexy underwear Johnny had purchased from a lingerie shop, found some jeans and a T-shirt. She pulled on the new clothes and then put the rest of the clothes away. It looked like he had bought her enough to last an entire week without her having to do any washing. She was going to be paying off her debt for the next month at least. Johnny hadn’t left any of the price tags on the clothes, so she was only guessing at the amount she now owed him and Clay. There wasn’t much she could do about it just now. She didn’t have any of her bank or credit cards, and what little money she had saved would be gone when she paid them back, if it was even enough to cover the cost of the clothes. Tara pushed her thoughts to the back of her mind and left the bedroom. The smell of coffee was tempting her, so she followed her nose.
Tara sat down at the dining table and sipped from her coffee mug, aware of Johnny’s eyes on her the whole time. She didn’t know what they wanted from her. She wasn’t good with people anymore. Not since her and her mother had left Slick Rock. They had both been too busy going to school and working. She and her mom hadn’t done any socializing. They spent day in, day out, week after week, year after year, just trying to survive. The two years she and her mom had spent together in Denver had been one big struggle. It had continued to be more of a struggle when Tara’s mom had died. Tara had closed herself off from everyone. She had been numb with grief and so alone she had been afraid to let herself feel.
Johnny and Clay were forcing her back into the land of the living. The pain of it was too intense for her to endure. She needed to grasp that numbness, build the walls around her heart, bigger and stronger than ever before. Otherwise they would end up destroying her. She needed to find another job, a place to live, so she could go back to existing.
Tara moved on her chair, her sore muscles reminding her of their previous night’s activities. They had seduced her so effectively. She hadn’t been able to resist them once they had stripped her naked and touched her body, not that she had really wanted to. Her body, mind, and heart were screaming out for the touch of another human being. But if she allowed that again, she was scared she would shatter into a million pieces. Tara knew the only way to keep her heart safe was to leave. She had to figure out a way to get away from two of the people she loved most in the world besides her mom. Johnny came to the table and sat down beside her.
“Tara, talk to me, sweetheart. I can see the pain in your eyes. Tell me what’s going on with you. Please?”
“I’m fine. Just a little tired, I guess.”
“Don’t you dare fucking lie to me, Tara. Talk to me. I’m trying to help you,” Johnny reiterated.
“What the hell do you want from me? You and your brother have taken my body. I have nothing left. Don’t you understand? You’ve had all there is to have of me,” Tara screamed at Johnny as she rose from her seat and ran out the back door. She was blinded by tears and ran smack into a hard, large, immovable object.
Clay wrapped his arms around Tara to prevent her from falling backward. He swung her up into his arms and held her against his chest.
“Leave me alone. Put me, the fuck, down,” Tara yelled then contradicted her own words by clinging to him. “Hold me. God, please just hold me.”
Clay didn’t respond as she beat her small hands against his shoulders and chest. He held her in his strong arms and entered the house just as Johnny was about to exit. His brother held the door open for him, and he strode to the living room, sank down onto the large sofa with Tara still in his arms. He let her ass slide down onto his lap and held her immobile with arms banded around her arms and chest, effectively trapping her.
Tara didn’t quit fighting Clay’s hold until she had totally exhausted herself. She knew she had been fighting a losing battle, but she had to try anyway. She didn’t want to feel any more pain, but they were determined to bring her back into the land of the living. She wished she still couldn’t remember anything before the day she had found herself in the diner in Slick Rock with Johnny and Clay looking at her with concern. Life would be so much easier. But she wasn’t a quitter. She never had been. She was going to have to face up to reality, and it looked like Clay and Johnny weren’t going to let her hide the way she wanted to right now.
Tara had fought for everything in her life. Every step had been a struggle since before, and even more so after, she had left her childhood home of Slick Rock. She wasn’t one to give up without a fight. She was just like her mom. When they decided to do something, they did it, or at least worked toward it to make it happen. The loss of her mom had been so hard on her. Then the loss of her home had been the clincher. She had never thought she would be the type of person to give up. She was just too tired and overwhelmed at the moment to think clearly. Clay and Johnny weren’t going to let her hide, as much as she wanted to. They were forcing her to feel, and she was beginning to feel way too much.
“Tara, look at me,” Clay commanded.
Tara tried to ignore his command but soon found her eyes drawn to him.
“We are trying to help you, baby. You need to talk to us. Tell us why you are in so much pain. We can see it in your eyes,” Clay stated with compassion.
“If you want to help me, then let me go,” Tara wailed, holding on to her composure by a thread.
“No. We’re never letting you go again, baby. You belong to us,” Clay stated in a firm voice.
“I’m not a fucking possession. I don’t belong to anyone. I’m my own person. Can’t you see that? I don’t belong anywhere,” Tara screamed as the dam broke.
Once Tara started crying she couldn’t stop. She sobbed and cried until she could hardly breathe. She had spent the last six years alone, pushing the grief of losing her mom to the back of her mind. Bu
t the last eight years, her heart had been so shattered she didn’t think she would ever be able to put it back together. She felt as if she would never be whole again. Everyone she ever loved left her. First her father had left her and her mom, then she had walked into the barn to find the loves of her life with another woman, and then her mom had died. She had no one and nothing left.
* * * *
Tara wasn’t even aware she had spoken out loud, that she had told Clay and Johnny where all her pain was coming from. She was inconsolable and was unaware of the two men watching her and becoming very worried. She was oblivious of Clay turning to Johnny and mouthing the words, “Call Doc.” She was also unaware that Clay was worried Tara was going to make herself ill. Clay was relieved when Johnny advised Doc was on his way and listened as Johnny told him Doc Foster had been out on a house call at the neighboring ranch. Clay sighed when Doc arrived moments later. Clay saw Doc take in the scene with a worried frown, grasp his medical bag, and set up a needle. He injected the sedative into Tara’s arm and watched as her crying slowed until she was asleep on his lap.
“Put Tara to bed and then come into the kitchen,” Doc commanded, and Clay watched as Doc walked from the room..
Clay walked into the kitchen and stood behind an empty chair near where Johnny and Doc were already seated and watched as the elderly doctor rose again and helped himself to a cup of coffee.
“Sit down,” Doc stated quietly. “What in tarnation is going on? Why was that poor girl in such a state?”
Clay spent the next half an hour telling Doc Foster all about what Tara had sobbed out in her hysterical state, Johnny interrupting Clay every now and then with pieces of the story he’d forgotten to tell. Doc never said a word, just sat back and listened. When Clay had finished his telling, Clay tried not to cringe as Doc leaned forward and he knew he was about to read them the riot act.
“How the hell could you do that to that little girl when she is in such a fragile state? You two should be ashamed of yourselves. You need to give that girl time to get over her grief and shock. From the sounds of things, she hasn’t had a minute to spare to grieve for her mother. She is going to end up having a nervous breakdown if you don’t back off. Instead of trying to force that child, woo her. Take her horse riding, take her out to dinner. Give her some of the fun that has been missing from her life for so long. I know you didn’t mean to shock her out of her amnesia or to hurt her in any way, but you have to build her self-esteem up again before you can expect her to accept a relationship with one or both of you. She’s been alone and had no one but herself to rely on,” Doc stated as he rose to his feet and walked to the door then turned around to face the Clay and his brother once more. “Call me if you need to.”
“Fuck it. What have we done, Johnny? We never should have treated Tara that way. I was thinking with my dick and not with my head.”
“You and me both, Clay. We are both responsible for the way Tara just fell apart. We’re going to have to treat her like fragile glass until she feels more herself. Fuck. What if she never wants anything to do with us again after the way we treated her?”
“I don’t know, Johnny. I just don’t know.”
Chapter Nine
Tara stood staring out of the bedroom window as the first rays of the sun chased away the darkness of the night. She had been sitting in the window seat and was still dressed, with a blanket thrown over her shoulders. The memories of the previous afternoon came crashing back through her mind, making her cheeks flame with embarrassment. She couldn’t believe she had lost control like that. She remembered Johnny trying to talk to her, and she had yelled at him, furious for making her feel again.
Tara threw the blanket from her body and walked farther into the room. Apart from feeling a little woozy and her eyes feeling twice their usual size, swollen from her crying jag, she actually felt better than she had for a long, long time. She had always heard that crying was cathartic, but had never really believed it. She gave a sigh and went to the bathroom for a shower.
Tara entered the kitchen to find Clay and Johnny sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee and eating breakfast. She smiled at them as they looked at her, and then she walked over to the coffee, poured herself a mug, and sat down at the table.
“How are you feeling, Tara?” Clay asked as he and his brother scrutinized her face.
“I’m fine.”
“Do you want to go for a ride today, sweetheart?” Johnny asked from the other side of the table.
“Yes, please. I have missed riding so much,” Tara replied wistfully.
“What do you want for breakfast, baby?” asked Clay.
“I’m good.”
“We are not leaving until you’ve got something in your stomach, Tara. So what will it be?” Clay asked again as he stood and went to the kitchen.
“Sit down, Clay. I can get my own breakfast. In fact, I’m supposed to be doing all the cooking around here,” Tara replied as she went to the toaster to make herself some toast.
“Is toast all you’re gonna have, Tara? That’s not enough food to start the day,” Johnny opined as he pushed his plate aside.
“It’s enough for me since I’ve only been eating once a day.” Tara could have bitten her tongue off for revealing that little tidbit of information.
“That is going to change right now, Tara. You are to eat three meals a day. You’re way too skinny as it is. If I find out you’re skipping meals, I’ll put you over my knee and tan your ass,” Clay stated.
“And I’ll help him,” Johnny advised.
“Ooh, I’m so scared of the big, bad, mean cowboys,” Tara replied with a smirk.
Tara saw Johnny and Clay look at each other and knew they didn’t know what to make of Tara’s statement. She was back to feeling more like her sassy self but knew by their expressions and body language they weren’t willing to push her too hard, too fast in case she had a relapse and broke down again.
Tara brought her toast to the table and began to eat, aware of the two masculine, sexy cowboys eying her. She couldn’t help the grin that spread across her face, and then she was laughing out loud at the two astonished men. It looked like they didn’t know how to treat her anymore. Maybe they were too scared she would burst into tears again. Hmm, she might be able to use that to her advantage.
“Are you goading us, little girl?” Clay asked with narrowed eyes.
“Would I do that?” Tara replied with a smile that wouldn’t melt butter.
“I do believe you would. Just remember, we are bigger, stronger, and a lot meaner than you’ll ever be, sweet,” Johnny replied with a smile. And Tara knew he was happy to see the life back in her eyes.
Tara finished her toast, collected all the dishes, put them in the dishwasher, wiped down the counters and the table, and turned back to Clay and Johnny.
“So, which horse do I get to ride?”
“Come on out to the barn and take your pick. Actually, how long has it been since you’ve ridden, baby?” asked Clay.
“The last time was with you two.”
“Okay, we’ll give you Pepper to ride, since she’s more docile. No, Tara, don’t argue. Until I know you’re back up to par with your riding, you get Pepper,” Clay stated.
“Okay. Let’s go, time’s a-wasting,” Tara said as she grabbed hold of Clay’s hand to drag him from the house.
They rode out of the yard to the west of the property. Tara hadn’t felt so free and alive in a long time. She loved the scents of the cypress trees, animals, and wildflowers growing sporadically in the paddocks. She kicked Pepper into a canter, and with the exhilaration flowing through her veins, she upped the pace until she and Pepper were galloping across the fields. She laughed out loud. She had missed the freedom of riding a horse in the country. She was finally free from the hustle and bustle of a city. She never wanted to go back to that horrible, lonely place. She slowed Pepper to a canter and then a walk as she cooled the animal beneath her down, Clay and Johnny on either side of her
.
“You have no idea how much I’ve missed this. Thank you. Both of you,” Tara said gratefully.
“It’s our pleasure, Tara. We just want you to be happy,” Clay replied.
“You know what? For the first time in eight years, I am happy, and it’s thanks to you two. Let’s go paddle in the stream, then we’d better head back so I can make you two pigs some lunch. Oink, oink, oink.”
“Oh, you are so going to pay for that, sweetheart,” Johnny said with a grin.
“Yeah, yeah, I know. You’re gonna put me over your knees and tan my ass. You have to catch me first,” Tara said over her shoulder as she nudged Pepper into a gallop once more.
Tara rode into the yard to see a car parked near the house. The woman that got out of the small, expensive car made Tara feel really dowdy. She wore a feminine, sophisticated dress, which hugged her voluptuous curves, and the heels she teetered on across the yard were so high it was a wonder she didn’t twist her ankle and break it. Tara ignored the woman and rode Pepper into the barn. She dismounted, removed the saddle, and backed Pepper into her stall. She removed the bridle and then began the process of rubbing Pepper down and currying her with the specialized comb. She made sure Pepper had water and then left the barn to head for the house. Tara was halfway across the yard when she heard the woman speak.
“I’ve missed you so much, Clay. Why haven’t you been to see me?”
“I told you before, we’re done, Celia. Why do you keep coming out here?”
“Come on, Clay. You, me, and Johnny had such a good thing going. Why do you want to throw it away?”