“No, not really.”
“Tell me everything her doctors said.”
The drive back to the small house was quick, and Forrester filled him in. How she’d known since Christmas about a lump, her “surprise” surgery, and how Dr. Sullivan started her chemo immediately. Surprisingly, Tony didn’t interrupt as Forrester laid out the treatment plan. As fast as the brothers flew off the handle, they were just as quick to clam up and say nothing when they were deep in thought.
Was that maybe what Dino had been doing about Forrester?
Kyle clung to that hope. The way they’d pulled together for Joey proved their brotherly love was real, not just a show. He prayed that love would be enough to mend the broken fences between Forrester and Dino too.
As Kyle expected, they were bombarded with questions the moment they walked into the house. It was almost impossible for Kyle to keep up. Amanda and Ma didn’t question the flat tire story, both of them quick to scold Joey about checking the air pressure in his tires. Nonna was too busy cooing in Italian to a little baby, who Kyle assumed must be Baby Anthony. Much to Kyle’s chagrin, that chilly air around Forrester and Dino had returned, so he kept close to Forrester’s side. Concern etched Missy’s pretty face when she embraced Tony. The two of them seemed somewhat separate from the overdramatic discussion about Joey and his tire.
But then very efficiently, Mrs. Giordano had everyone sitting at the table. Soon they were all passing dishes and plates back and forth, reaching in front of each other and across the table, scrapes of spoons and knives against plates and bowls adding to the cacophony of the chaotic but well-choreographed dance.
When a basket of rolls crossed in front of Kyle, Forrester took one and added it to Kyle’s plate without asking. He did the same with the lasagna, the spaghetti, and the green beans. Rather than say it was too much food—let alone too many carbs—Kyle just went with it, enjoying everyone talking about their day, school fundraisers, the DEA bust, Alfie, anything but Mrs. Giordano’s diagnosis. He felt odd, uncomfortable, and totally loved by the way his boyfriend waited on him the same way Amanda served Dino’s meal, Tony did for Missy, and how all of them doted on Joey.
Forrester filled Kyle’s salad bowl when that made the rounds. “Italian or ranch?”
There was a slight lull in the talking and Kyle quickly said, “Italian,” and the conversation resumed.
Enjoying the delicious food while he tried to keep up with the chatter, Kyle felt like a TV extra dropped into some crazy sitcom without a script. Multiple conversations were had simultaneously, everyone jumping in and out of each like a game of double dutch. He missed half of what was said, so he just sat there quietly beside Forrester.
Beneath the table, a hand brushed his knee, startling him. Their eyes met and Kyle took a deep breath and smiled.
“You like?” Forrester asked, nodding toward his plate as he took a big bite of salad—drenched in ranch.
“It’s delicious,” he answered honestly.
He smiled as he swallowed, then mouthed, “I’m so glad you’re here. Thank you.”
“Of course,” he said, squeezing Forrester’s hand back.
“Olive juice.”
For a moment he imagined Forrester might kiss him, and he held his breath. But he just kept smiling and returned to eating.
Across the table, Kyle felt rather than saw Dino staring at them. Kyle glanced over, their eyes met, and he squirmed from Dino’s unreadable expression. Feeling very conspicuous, he let go of Forrester’s hand. He placed both hands on the table, in plain view, and fidgeted with his fork. The rich food did a flip-flop in his stomach.
“You okay?” Forrester looked at him oddly.
He forced a smile and took a bite of green beans. “Yeah, fine.”
But then Forrester caught Kyle’s quick glance in Dino’s direction, and his entire body stiffened. His fist clenched around his fork and then, to Kyle’s shock, he placed his hand back over Kyle’s, holding it right on top of the table with a defiant set to his jaw.
Kyle squirmed but didn’t resist.
Dino looked away, and Kyle let out a breath.
What was with the guy?
After they put a big dent in the food and no one could eat another bite—though Forrester must’ve asked Kyle three times if he wanted anything else—Amanda began clearing the table. When Mrs. Giordano stood to help, almost everyone at the table was quick with a “No!”
“All right, all right,” she grumbled, looking at Joey and barely able to hide the guilt that her “baby” still didn’t know.
Kyle stood and took his and Forrester’s plates, insisting Forrester stay seated.
Rinsing the dishes in the sink, Kyle was surprised when Tony joined him, plates in hand. “Thanks for helping today.”
Though Forrester always talked about what an overbearing man Tony was, Kyle felt comfortable with him. “No problem. But I didn’t really do anything.”
“You gonna say anything about the alcohol?”
“Depends. What’s the general consensus of what you guys wanna do? I mean, I’m not on Alfie’s case, and you didn’t find anything in the shop next to the bookstore. If there are some Mexican guys selling illegal alcohol in Gilead, that’s out of our jurisdiction, as far as I see it.”
“You okay leaving Joey out of it?”
“I don’t think the DEA will care one bit about it.”
“Yeah, I don’t think so either.”
“But you could let Sherriff Bentley know that a trusted source told you he saw people selling illegal alcohol. Just as a professional courtesy,” Kyle suggested.
Tony smiled at him. “You’re an all right guy, Kyle.”
He squirmed, blushing in self-conscious pleasure. “Thanks.”
“Frankie’s a lucky man.”
He risked a glance up, not feeling anything but familial acceptance from Tony. “That would be me, actually.”
Tony’s head tipped to the side, and then he laughed, slapping Kyle on the shoulder roughly.
“What’s going on over here?” Forrester asked, not sounding annoyed or exactly concerned. Curious, maybe?
“I was just telling your boyfriend about your browser history,” Tony said as Forrester joined them.
Kyle shook his head. “His what?”
“Look who thinks he’s so funny.” Forrester slugged him, and they both play-wrestled.
“Knock it off,” Amanda told them as she loaded the dishwasher. “Lady with a baby here. Jeez, Kyle, they’re nuts, right?”
Kyle chuckled.
Dare he say it?
He felt like he might just fit in with this crew.
Until he saw Dino watching them.
Kyle’s smile faded, and he went back to rinsing plates.
Yes, some bridges had been mended, but if only there was something he could do about the last one.
Chapter Thirty
“KYLE!” FORRESTER called from their bedroom in a singsong voice. “I’m naked!”
He glanced at the nightstand where Kyle kept his processor and saw the dish empty. Knowing Kyle heard him, he chuckled to himself, wondering how quickly Kyle would rush up the stairs.
With summer coming to a close, today was the first Sunday of the off-season at the bookstore and the first weekend day he’d had off in weeks. They’d been officially living together a month now, Forrester’s things mingling perfectly with Kyle’s. They’d both had to donate several boxes of books to the store to make room.
“Babe, you might wanna get dressed,” Kyle called up, much to his surprise. “We have company.”
Forrester cursed.
So much for Sunday Afternoon Delight.
He plopped back on the bed and snatched up his underwear, calling out through the open door, “Who is it? If it’s Lucas, tell him to take his cockblocking ass home. I haven’t gotten laid in three days.”
“Um,” Kyle called up, sounding awkward and amused. “It’s not Lucas. It’s Amanda and Dino. They brought the bab
y.”
Forrester froze, one leg in the hole of his underwear and the other firmly on the floor. A deep flush of embarrassment went through him, knowing his brother heard what he’d just said.
“Just fucking great,” he muttered to himself.
He hadn’t talked to Dino since the drama with Joey. Not even when they’d lost the playoff game the next week. The few occasions Forrester ran into Dino—like while picking Ma up or dropping her off for treatments—he’d gotten little more than one-word greetings. When Ma’s chemo ended, Forrester could avoid all accidental contact with Dino until Thanksgiving. He’d already missed the birth of their new daughter, Francine Maria Giordano. Dino hadn’t bothered to even text Forrester to come to the hospital like he had with his other three children.
Though those invites had been for Frankie the Fake, not Forrester the Fag.
What the hell was he doing here now? It had to be Amanda’s doing. He’d gone to her salon for a haircut right before the baby, and she’d pestered him about making up with Dino. He should’ve known she would do this.
Knowing Kyle would be a gracious host and that he and Amanda would be able to make polite chatter, Forrester got dressed. He didn’t rush, but he didn’t take his time either. He pulled on a pair of khaki shorts and one of his new A Novel Idea T-shirts, then looked at himself in the mirror. Staring back at him was someone very different than who he used to see. This was a somewhat confident man, learning to live openly as himself for the first time. The man who visited his father’s headstone several weeks ago, crying and trying to figure out how to forgive him and move on.
He didn’t know if the visit had really changed anything, but Ma had been right. He needed closure if he wanted happiness. But as with everything, it would take time. Kyle suggested Forrester write Dad a letter—a therapist had made Kyle write one to his attacker, and Kyle said it helped. While Forrester decided to give it a try, he hadn’t gotten much further than Dear Dad, I’m gay before he’d felt his hands shake and his eyes burn, and then he’d just shut his computer down.
Maybe one day he’d know just what to say.
Despite his unresolved issues with Dad, his life was better than it ever had been. Ma had gotten a good prognosis, and while there was still work to do, the fear of losing her had lessened. There was a light at the end of the tunnel.
Joey—God love him—was the same old goofy Joey. He’d managed to escape the entire Alfie situation unscathed, and his enrollment in the apprenticeship program started in a few weeks.
Oddly enough, Tony and Missy had been over to Forrester and Kyle’s for dinner several times, and he and Tony didn’t bicker as much as they had in the past. Perhaps it was because the unspoken tension in their relationship had finally been exposed, turned out, discussed, and accepted. Missy and Kyle had quite a bit in common, like their weird affinity for vegetables. They’d even gone shopping several times together. He caught them jokingly calling themselves “the outlaws” instead of in-laws once, and Tony and Forrester liked that they were getting along.
But Dino?
Forrester had no idea how or if he could fix that.
Barefoot and awkward in his own home, he took the steps one at a time. A sense of trepidation poured down Forrester’s scalp, over his cheeks, the back of his neck and shoulders, flushing and pulsing like the weight of hot, yellow anxiety, throbbing behind his eyes.
No doubt Amanda had dragged Dino here, but at least he came.
It was a good sign, right?
The voices of his family drifted out of the small living room. Hands stuffed in his pockets and shoulders hunched up, Forrester entered. “Hey, what’s up?”
All smiles, Amanda rushed over to him for a big hug. Her belly still had a little roundness but the puffiness of pregnancy had left her face. He pulled back from the warm, welcoming embrace and smiled at her, kissing her forehead. “You look amazing. How are you feeling?”
“I’m good. Do you wanna meet your niece?”
“I’d love to,” he said, throat constricting.
A bundle of pink blankets and squirming baby filled Kyle’s arms. Jasper sat calmly on the arm of the couch, staring at the interloper in his daddy’s arms. Forrester’s heart lurched with yearning and affection, seeing his partner, the man he loved, holding a baby. He didn’t really know how many times Kyle had experienced the joy of holding an infant—maybe never. Coming from a big family, Forrester had held more than his share. He liked seeing the happiness and wonder in Kyle’s expression as he examined her little face.
He’ll make an excellent father….
When Jasper spied Forrester, he jumped off the couch and did a circle around his feet. “Settle down, Spaz.”
Forrester glanced at Dino sitting in the armchair—right where Forrester had given Kyle a blowjob a few days ago. For a quick second, he thought about saying as much, but he was done throwing stuff like that in his face. He did it the once, and it didn’t make him feel any better.
In fact, the whole thing with Dino had become downright depressing.
He nodded at Dino. “Hey, what’s up?”
“Not much. Just the new baby,” he said, which might be the most words Forrester had heard from him in months.
“Am I allowed to hold her?” Forrester asked around the lump in his throat.
“That’s a stupid question, Frankie,” Amanda said. “Of course you can hold her.”
Dino frowned, and Forrester held his breath, fearing he would say no. But Dino just shrugged and said, “Of course, go ahead.”
He sat next to Kyle and carefully took the bundle from him, noting how awkwardly Kyle passed her over.
“You got her head?” Kyle asked nervously.
Forrester smiled. “I’ve done this a time or two.”
Kyle nodded, and Forrester looked down at his niece’s face for the first time. He was instantly transported back in time, holding a different little girl. “She looks just like Natalia.”
“Only calmer.” Amanda chuckled. “She rarely cries. It’s like someone else’s baby.”
Forrester placed her in his lap, cradled between his thighs, and gently unswaddled her so he could get a good look at her. Her face was round, her nose tiny, and she made those wonderful cooing baby noises, her toothless smile grimacing as she squirmed in his lap.
“Ciao, bella bambina,” he whispered, feeling teary-eyed. “Aren’t you the prettiest thing?” A surge of love and wanting whipped through him, and he longed for the day he could hold his own baby. He hadn’t given it much thought in the past, but now that he was in a serious relationship, the longing was palpable.
Kyle and Amanda chatted about her going back to the salon and Kyle wanting a new hairstyle, while Forrester lost himself studying Francine’s features. Her little fingers wrapped tightly around his pinky as he caressed her cheek, her tiny earlobe, and down to her pink ruffled booties. There was always something so warm and nurturing about holding a baby. Despite the unspoken monster of tension in the room, Baby Francine anchored Forrester. He lifted her tiny body and put her over his shoulder, gently patting her small, warm back while she wriggled to get comfortable.
“You look good with a baby.” Kyle gave a gentle smile to Forrester.
The hazel eyes of his lover filled him with as much warmth as holding his niece. “You do too.”
“How are Ma’s tomatoes?” Amanda asked. “She wants me to help her can them. And apparently you volunteered to help. Don’t think you’re getting out of that.”
“I wasn’t gonna try,” Forrester assured her. “We’ve been eating a few of them, but I bet next weekend they’ll be ready for the big harvest. Kyle and I can pick them, and bring them over. Sunday maybe?”
“Any day is good for me. I’m still on maternity leave.”
“Oh yeah, well, I’ll check my schedule at the bookstore.”
“How is the bookstore, Forrester?” Dino asked. “That freezer still running good?”
He flinched, and Francine squirmed and
fussed a little. Startled, he patted her until she settled back against his chest. He gaped at Dino. “What did you just call me?”
Dino glanced at Amanda, then back to Forrester. “I said how’s the bookstore—”
“No,” he interrupted. “What did you call me?”
“Um, Forrester?” Dino sounded like it was a trick question.
His stomach sank and not even the warmth and tenderness of the sweet baby in his arms could soothe the ache inside him.
Suddenly he wanted to be anywhere but there.
Carefully he stood and handed Francine and the blanket back to Amanda. She hastily took her daughter. “Oh,” she said, surprised.
“I think I hear Jasper at the back door,” Forrester lied. “I’ll be right back.”
And then he tried not to run from the room.
Behind him, Dino said, “What was that about?” and Kyle’s reply was lost as Forrester rushed out the back door and onto the porch.
He gulped in a lungful of summer air, his cheeks flushed and his hands shaking again. It was one of those beautiful September days people forget about because, in some minds, after Labor Day, summer no longer existed. A bright blue sky towered above him, the sun shone warm, and a perfect seventy-five-degree breeze ruffled his hair.
Forrester rubbed his face, trying to get his emotions under control. He hadn’t expected it to hurt so much to hear Dino call him by his real name.
The door behind him opened, and Forrester turned, surprised to see Dino step outside.
Dino surveyed their little backyard. “Nice deck.”
The back porch had a pergola roof over half and stepped down to a stamped concrete patio with a grill and some lawn furniture. The annuals were still blooming in pots, bursts of pink, yellow, and purple. Practically by himself—though Forrester was home to help carry the stones and put them in place—Kyle had created a new garden bed with stone edging. It extended the outdoor living space via a little path Kyle stood on almost every morning to admire his handiwork. They spent countless nights out here, splitting bottles of wine, chatting and laughing. Even making love after Jasper’s privacy fence went up. They’d hired a Gilead local because Forrester’s cousin Mike didn’t do fencing. They were pleased with how nice it had turned out.
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