“Yes, I would agree. He told me about parts of it. He always told me how lucky I was to have a mother and father who loved me.”
“Hmm, that’s true.” Mariah put a dash of salt and pepper on the salad. She daintily cut the chicken strips with a fork and knife.
“I’d like you to go to church with me on Sunday,” Carson invited Mariah to his church. “I’ve gone to your church with you a couple of times. It’s time you visited my spiritual home.”
“Well, Mr. Palmer,” Mariah replied saucily, “I was just waiting for you to invite me. I would love to. It wouldn’t be a bad idea for me to find a church to attend in Hammond when the weather is bad. I hate missing church, but Friendship is a nice distance from here.”
“Good.” Carson smiled. “Morning service starts at ten forty-five and Pastor starts service on time. Do you want to drive or do you want me to pick you up?”
“I’ll let you know.” Mariah laid her fork down on the table and stared at Carson. “Is something wrong? You have a strange look on your face.”
“No, I’m good. Work slows down somewhat during the winter. I have a meeting with a potential client tomorrow. The job would entail inside work, so I’m hoping to win the bid.”
“You will,” Mariah reassured him. She leaned over and patted his hand. “The quality of your work speaks volumes.” She changed the subject. “I need to go to Altgeld one day this week, and work on the budget with Cierra. The fiscal year ends June first. I think I told you that I sat in on a session with her last Wednesday. Cierra is doing a wonderful job. I am happy to say that participation has been up for our teen and parenting sessions.”
“That’s good,” Carson said distantly. His mind was elsewhere.
They continued to talk for a while. Then Carson announced he needed to depart to return to work.
They promised to talk later. Mariah returned to her home office, while Carson decided to make a detour before he returned to his work site. He drove several miles from Mariah’s house and decided to stop at his church.
Reverend Cambridge was on the telephone when Carson knocked on his door. The minister gestured for Carson to enter the office. He sat in the chair in front of the minister’s desk. A minute or so later, Reverend Cambridge ended his call. He and Carson exchanged hellos, then he asked in a serious tone of voice, “What brings you here today, son? You look troubled.”
“Pastor, you’re correct, I am somewhat troubled. As you know I’ve been seeing Mariah Green. And we’ve developed a great relationship. Sir, I think I’ve found the one.”
Reverend Cambridge’s face broke into a smile. “Well, that’s good news. Isn’t it?”
“It is but I still haven’t been quite honest with Mariah. I haven’t told her just how well I knew her father. And, how I know what really happened between her mother and father.” Carson had a troubled expression on his face. He nervously drummed his fingers on the desk.
Reverend Cambridge nodded his head. “I understand.”
“Mariah is reading her father’s journals. She hasn’t exactly told me how far she is into them. I’m thinking it won’t be long before she gets to the part about her conception. Mr. Ellison told me he was quite explicit in his writings. I am not sure how Mariah will respond. Not only have I not been honest, but neither has her grandmother. Mariah is going to be very hurt.”
“What do you think can be done to prepare her? I think Brother Ellison’s intent was for him to tell Mariah in his own way. Perhaps we should just let things proceed as he planned,” Reverend Cambridge counseled Carson.
“A part of me wants to do that, and another part of me wants to shield her from the pain she is going to feel. I am just afraid that she will feel betrayed by her grandmother and me, the people who claim to love her.”
“You know, son, that God gives us these tests, and our faith is tested greatly at times. I believe, and this is just my opinion, that Mariah is going to face a test and I pray as I am sure you do also, that by the grace of God she will come through with flying colors. God never promised life would be easy, but He did say He will never leave us alone. That means through the good and bad times.”
Carson had a haunted expression on his face. “I know, Pastor, but I feel like I should do something.”
“You’re aware that I counseled Harold many a time. I suggested he talk to Mariah especially when his health began failing. He felt that divulging to her the circumstances of everything that happened, without her really knowing him, would be too much. Harold hoped by her reading his story, maybe she would be more apt to be more understanding. He was adamant about that.”
“I know. Brother Ellison told me the same thing. I guess this is one matter that I’m going to have to let go and let God. Let Him handle this, like He was going to be doing all alone,” Carson told Reverend Cambridge.
“Absolutely, God is always in control,” Reverend Cambridge announced soberly. Then a smile wreathed his face. “On a happier note when do I get to meet this young lady of yours?” Reverend Cambridge beamed at the young man.
Carson couldn’t stop a grin from filling his face. “Soon. I invited her to church Sunday. I have visited her church, and she told me that she would visit mine. So Sunday it is.”
“Good. I am most anxious to meet her. You have told me good things about her. And knowing that she is Brother Ellison’s daughter, I know she is special.”
Carson nodded his head. “That she is.”
“So, all signs point to you being in love. When someone puts another’s feelings above his own, then that’s a good sign. I take it the feeling is reciprocated?” The minister’s telephone rang. He allowed the call go to voice mail.
“Yes, it is, Pastor. After what I went through with Lola, I didn’t think I would ever fall in love again. And you know Lola, she is making life difficult for me right know. She seems to have a sixth sense and knows when I am involved with a woman. Then she does all in her power to break us up.”
Reverend Cambridge chuckled. “That certainly sounds like Lola. But as the Good Book says, no weapon formed against me shall prosper. God has plans in store for Ms. Lola.”
“I hope so.” Carson bobbed his head. “Mariah has been patient. I have explained Lola’s character to her. She has seen her antics firsthand. To make matters worse, Lola has influenced Aaliyah against Mariah, so we are praying and giving Ali time to come to know Mariah. I am hopeful that with time that Ali can see Mariah for the kind, loving woman she is.”
“Ali is young. You are doing the right thing by giving her time. Her loyalty is to her mother, and that is normal. Perhaps in time she will accept Mariah as a friend and more if your relationship continues to evolve.”
“I hope so, Pastor. Well, I’m going to head back to work and make sure things are okay there. Thank you for your time, Pastor.”
“It was no problem. I am always glad to see you and I hope something I’ve said today has given you comfort. In fact, I’d like to say a prayer for Mariah.” Reverend Cambridge stood up.
Carson did the same. He dropped his head and closed his eyes.
“Father God, I ask that you wrap Mariah in your cloak of protection. Help her to see the situation with her father for what it is. We all make mistakes, no one is perfect. Help Mariah to realize that no matter what Harold did or didn’t do, he turned his life around. Most importantly, he turned his life over to you. Put love and understanding in Mariah’s heart and comfort her when she needs you the most. These blessings I ask in your Son’s name. Amen.”
Carson thanked Reverend Cambridge and told him that he’d see him on Sunday. The Lord put another mission on Carson’s heart as he drove back to work. He made a detour, entered I-94, and headed to Altgeld Garden.
Chapter Twenty-five
Twenty minutes later, Carson knocked on Rosemary’s door. She opened the door and was shocked to see Carson in front of her. “Goodness,” she said as she brushed her hair back. “I didn’t know you were coming here.”
“I
’m sorry if I interrupted anything, Mrs. Green. I wanted to talk to you if you have time.”
“Sure, come on in,” Rosemary told him. She stepped back to allow Carson to enter the house.
They walked into the living room. Rosemary sat on the couch and Carson on a chair across from her.
“Is Mariah all right?” Rosemary asked tentatively. Worry lines furrowed her brow.
“I didn’t mean to upset you. Mariah is fine. I had lunch with her this afternoon. I won’t take up too much of your time. I wanted to talk to you about Mariah’s father.”
Rosemary seemed to shrink within herself. “What about him?” she croaked out.
“Well, I’m sure Mariah told you I knew her father. In fact he told me about Mariah, her conception, and everything else.”
“Why would he tell you something like that?” Rosemary asked. “That information is so personal.” A sinking feeling formed in the pit of her stomach. Her hands began trembling. She put them on the side of her body out of sight.
“I agree it is.” Carson nodded. “But Mr. Ellison was my mentor and sometimes they share personal information with their mentees. To show they are less than perfect and have made mistakes in the past.”
“How much do you know exactly?” Rosemary moaned, clearly alarmed. She put her hand over her chest. She prayed Harold didn’t tell Carson about her part in the deception.
“Well, he wasn’t graphic or anything, but he did say that you wouldn’t let him see or talk to Mariah.”
“Under the circumstances, how could I?” Rosemary stated somberly. “Harold Ellison tore apart my family from top to bottom.” She snapped her lips shut.
“I know you went through a tough time. The reason I came here”—Carson held out his hand entreatingly—“is to see if there is anything we can do to prepare Mariah for the truth.”
“What do you mean?” Rosemary’s eyes grew wide as saucers. Her hand flew to her bosom.
“I mean, Mr. Ellison left his journals for Mariah. The journals will tell the truth about what happened. She is going to eventually know that you and I both know what happened.”
“Oh, Lord God in heaven.” Rosemary’s breathing grew shallow. She gasped for air.
Carson gulped. “Are you all right, Mrs. Green? Is there something I can do to help you?”
Rosemary made sucking noises as she tried to breathe. She pointed to the kitchen. Carson sprang from his seat and ran in the kitchen. He spotted her inhaler on the counter, snatched it up, and trotted back to the living room and gave it to Rosemary.
She quickly inhaled the medication. Carson looked on worriedly. Finally her breathing became somewhat regulated. Her forehead was beaded with sweat. “Can you get me water?” she managed to get out to Carson.
He returned a minute later with a glass of water. Rosemary swallowed it down. Carson waited patiently for her to get herself together. Finally, after thirty minutes, her breathing had returned to normal.
“I’m sorry. Sometimes my attacks are triggered due to stressful events. I think that’s why I could never talk to Mariah, for fear that I would have a full-blown attack. This one was minor.”
“I see,” Carson said. He felt miserable for having brought on the asthma attack. He watched Rosemary with a worried look on his face.
“I’ve had twenty-nine years to tell Mariah the truth. Somehow, even with all that time, I’ve never been able to tell her. She knows that I am holding something back from her. She has asked me many times what I know and I still can’t find the right words.” Tears leaked from Rosemary’s eyes.
“I almost want to tell her, but I don’t think it’s my place. Mr. Ellison wanted to tell Mariah his story. My minister thinks I should respect Mr. Ellison’s wishes and just be there for her. I know she’s going to need both of us.” The young man babbled helplessly.
“What exactly did he say in the journal? Do you know?”
“I just know he talked about his childhood. He explained about his decision to go into the army, and how he met your husband. There were entries about his meeting Mrs. Ellison, his marriage to her, your daughter, and of course Mariah,” Carson explained.
“Oh, God, what am I going to do?” Rosemary covered her face with her hands and rocked in her seat. Her shoulders shook as she sobbed.
“Mrs. Green, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. Maybe I shouldn’t have come here today.” Carson waited for Rosemary to compose herself.
“You know what scares me the most about all of this? I think Mariah is going to feel I let her down. She has always placed me on a pedestal. I’ve told her many times that I am a regular person with my good and bad ways. I was all she had and she gave her love to me freely. I just can’t find the words. . . .”
“But, when she finds out the truth, she is going to have so many questions, Mrs. Green. Maybe if you don’t feel up to talking to her, you can answer the questions. Maybe that’s all God wants us to do at this point. My minister says God has this under control, and I guess we will just have to wait on the truth to be revealed.”
Rosemary’s eyes were red. “I don’t know. I am going to have to pray and maybe talk to my own minister. He urged me to tell Mariah the truth many years ago. If I told her what really happened, I feel like I’d tear her world apart and I just couldn’t do that to her. I love her too much.”
“I know what you mean. I have children of my own, and we try to protect them from the unpleasant parts of life. I guess we’ll have to face Mariah’s wrath if it comes to that and pray for the Lord to make her strong enough to face what may come.”
“I guess so. Like I said, I’ll have to pray and talk to Reverend Dudley. I don’t know what else I can do.” Rosemary shook her head sorrowfully. She felt like her day of reckoning was around the corner and she wasn’t quite ready.
“Can I do anything for you? Is there someone I can call? Do you need a doctor?” Carson felt guilty for subjecting Rosemary to his questions.
“No, it’s just the shock of knowing that Harold put all of that in his journals. Mariah told me she has been reading them. But she hasn’t shared too much about what she’s learned. I will be okay. Thank you talking to me, Carson.”
“Are you sure? I hate to leave you if you aren’t feeling well. I could never forgive myself it something happens to you,” he remarked caringly after walking across the room and patting Rosemary’s shoulder.
“You’re a good man, Carson,” Rosemary said. “I know Mariah is not going to take the news well. It comforts me to know that she has you to lean on.”
“I don’t know about all of that.” Carson shook his head. “She’ll know I was aware of the truth; she may be upset with me too.”
“My girl is not one to hold a grudge. I think with time, she will be okay. At least that’s what I pray the outcome will be.” Rosemary tried to comfort Carson.
“We have to trust in God she will get through it one way or another,” Carson said. He looked at his watch. “I have got to go. I’ll call you in a few days to see what you’re thinking. If you want to just let events unfold, then I will abide by your wishes.”
Rosemary stood up. She and Carson walked to the foyer. After Rosemary opened the door, Carson leaned down and hugged the older woman. “It’s going to be okay. God has got this and He doesn’t fail. Whatever happens will be a part of His plan.”
Rosemary clung to Carson for a minute. “You are absolutely right,” she replied. “Everything will go according to His plan.”
Carson drove back to Indiana, his heart heavy. He didn’t know how fast or slow Mariah was reading the journals. He knew it was only a matter of time before she had the answers to all her questions. Unfortunately, they wouldn’t fit into a neat tidy box, like he was sure she hoped they would.
Chapter Twenty-six
Mariah was reading a volume of the journals. She was curled up on the couch in her living room with a cup of hot chocolate on the coffee table. Her eyes were glued to the next entry.
I fini
shed high school today. Most of the kids had parents to cheer them on as they walked across the stage. All I had was the director of the orphanage and Reverend Smith to attend my graduation. I guess that was better than nobody. My guidance counselor, Mr. Price, tried to talk me into going to college. He said I have a natural aptitude for learning and mechanics. I even applied to a few schools and was accepted. But more schooling isn’t in the cards for me. I have a hankering in my soul to travel. I’ve had enough of the South. So I applied to the army and I report for basic training at Fort Bragg, North Carolina in three days. Fresh out of high school to the military, there are worse things a man can do. They army provided me with a bus ticket, my stuff is packed, and I am ready to go. Most people think I’m crazy to enlist with the war going on in Vietnam. Of course I always hear from other boys my age, why would I even consider fighting in the white man’s war? But, I haven’t quite decided what I want to do with myself. Seeing the world might give me a clearer picture.
In spite of herself, Mariah couldn’t help but feel sympathetic for the boy who had become her father. He was raised in an orphanage, never having known his parents, and suffered verbal and physical abuse. She could only imagine what life must have been for him. And it gave her some insight into his mental state. She felt she was coming to know Harold Ellison quite well. Though she still couldn’t figure out what Cassie saw in him. Mariah cupped her hand around her chin and kept reading.
Mariah set the journal down on the sofa beside her when her cell phone rang. “Hey, you,” she addressed Carson.
“Hey, how are you? What have you been up to?”
“Well, I did a little more work after you left. Then I started reading another one of my father’s journals. I’m at the part where he finished high school and joined the army.”
“I remember him telling me about that,” Carson remarked.
“So, did he like it?”
“He wasn’t crazy about being in Vietnam. He said he never got over some of the atrocities he saw committed while he was there. But, I think the army served its purpose. He was able to travel around the world, and found his calling in life. I’ll let you continue to read about him. I don’t want to give away too much.”
Blessings From the Father Page 21