Lena turned her head to see where I was pointing and my paintbrush dabbed the tip of her nose. It was an accident, but I half-expected her to throw a spaz anyways. Instead she started to laugh. “That tickled. Do it again.”
Why not? I dabbed polka dots on both her cheeks. Then I painted a triangle on her forehead and two lines across her chin.
“Do more!” she squealed. “Let me do you!”
In no time we’d decorated our faces, arms, and legs with polka dots, stripes, and anything else we could think of, laughing ourselves silly the whole time.
When Beth came outside to see what was going on, we were sitting on the grass painting our toenails and laughing ourselves nearly dead.
That was the end of that.
While we were cleaning up, Lena out of the blue said, “I know what we could do.”
She had a paint smudge still across one cheek. I found a clean spot on the rag and scrubbed it off for her. “What’s that?”
“We could go get Tommy back.” She was dead serious.
“We don’t know where the farm is,” I reminded her.
She looked so terrible sad I couldn’t bear it. “It would be a good idea though,” I added, “if we knew.”
Lena tried to smile. “Yeah.”
Really, for a little sister, half the time she wasn’t so bad.
First thing when we got to the pool, Lena dragged me out of the change room. “You have to watch if I can swim my widths,” she said. “You have been practicing lots.”
“All right already. I’m coming.” Anyways, I wasn’t in any hurry to watch Sadie and Aaron make goo-goo eyes at each other all afternoon. And Lena was all excited.
“Today I’m going to make it all the way,” she announced. “You watch.”
“Better hurry up before it gets too crowded.”
Lena jumped in and swam beside the rope between the shallow end and the deep end. Her behind wiggled like a little fish. Not exactly a smooth swimmer, but she got the job done. The lifeguard was standing close by, which gave me an idea. I went over and asked if he would watch my little sister.
See, to get into the deep end and use the diving boards, you first had to show a lifeguard that you could swim across the pool four times without stopping or anything.
Lena swam four widths no problem. When the lifeguard told her she could go in the deep end, her face lit up like a Christmas tree. First thing she wanted to do was jump off the high diving board.
The lineup was long. Half the kids in town were in the water. On a scorcher like today the pool was the only place to go.
When it was her turn, Lena walked to the end of the board and looked down. Big mistake. She just stood there like a duck on a stump, not knowing which way to turn. I hoped she was going to be okay because the worst thing was if a person got up there and then lost their nerve, and had to make everyone else in line back off the ladder so they could come down. I didn’t want that to happen to my sister.
“Go ahead.” I hung onto the top of the ladder behind her. The kids farther down were starting to make noises. “You can do it.”
And she did, too. She didn’t hold her nose even like some kids do. I watched to make sure she was all right before I jumped, but she swam to the side, hauled herself out of the pool, and was back in line before I came up for air.
The lineup was longer than before, all the way around the board and along the edge of the pool, but it never made a diff to Lena. She couldn’t wipe the grin off her face.
“This time I’m going to run and jump,” she said.
“Do it.” I spotted my friends playing keep away–guys against girls. Of course, every time Aaron had the ball, Sadie was all over him. And vice versa. Even though I was trying to forget about him and be happy for Sadie, it still hurt to watch. So I turned away–and stepped right on Mark Giesbrecht’s foot. He was standing there behind me, grinning like an idiot.
“What’re you doing here?” I blurted. I was too surprised to hide the fact I wasn’t happy to see him.
Mark’s grin disappeared. He even looked a little hurt maybe. “It’s a free country, last time I looked.”
Like always with Mark, I wished I had a good comeback handy. Like always, I didn’t.
“Shouldn’t you be out in a beet field somewhere?” I couldn’t help but notice how tanned he was and how great his hair looked, all bleached by the sun.
“We finished a field this morning. It was so hot they sent us home early.”
“Everyone’s over there,” I pointed. Hint, hint.
“I know. I want to go off the board first.” Mark dipped a toe in the water. “Anyways, how come you’re not playing?”
The line hadn’t even reached the ladder yet. We shuffled forward slowly along the edge of the pool.
“It’s my sister’s first time in the deep end.” I nodded at Lena, glad to have an excuse handy.
“Way to go,” Mark congratulated her.
Lena grinned. “It was a cinch.”
“Hey,” Mark said, turning to me. “Is your mom home already from the hospital?”
Talk about out of left field. Just when I was thinking Mark maybe wasn’t so bad, that glommskopp started talking about how his mom had gone to the hospital to visit my mom because she was on the sick list at church. Only he said his mom had come home again right away because my mom wasn’t there.
“So is she in the hospital or what?”
Lena opened her mouth. She was going to tell Mark our life story right there if I didn’t stop her. I poked her in the ribs with my elbow.
“What was that for?” she whined.
I hissed at her to shut up before turning to answer Mark. “Yeah,” I said, “she’s in the hospital.”
“What’s wrong with her? How come my mom couldn’t find her room?”
“She’s–” What was I supposed to say? She’s not in the regular hospital? She’s in the loony bin? “She’s fine. Let’s not talk about it right now.”
“She’s going to be okay, isn’t she?”
“Didn’t you hear me? I don’t want to talk about it.” I turned my back on him. Only Mark Giesbrecht must be missing a few leaves off his tree because he still wouldn’t leave it alone.
“Hey, suit yourself. I was just asking because my mom wanted to visit and–”
“She’s not in the hospital hospital,” Lena butted in, totally ignoring my angry glare. “If you want to go see her, you have–”
Before she could finish talking, I shoved her in the pool. Not just a little nudge either. I body checked her a good one. It was the only thing I could think of to shut her up.
Just my luck. There were three kids doing cannonballs off the high board, one after the other–bang, bang, bang–like they do sometimes where the first one goes off to the left, the second one goes straight ahead and the third one goes off to the right. They’re not supposed to do that, but they sometimes do anyways. The first kid almost landed on Lena’s head. Almost.
Uy uy uy.
Mark’s jaw dropped. He was too stunned to even close his mouth. A whistle blasted. The lifeguard was there already before Lena came up for air. She was okay and everything, the lifeguard could see that right away. But she made a big deal of it, making everyone in line move over by the fence and then tearing a strip off me. “Any more of that and you’re out of the pool! Is that clear?”
“Yeah.” I glared at Mark. I glared at Lena. Inside my chest my heart had turned into a rock or something, so hard I couldn’t hardly breathe. Lena looked up at me from the water, her eyes full of hurt feelings. But I couldn’t get a sorry out past the rock in my chest.
Anyways, there was nothing I could say, so I left. Lena could ride home on her own for once. Never mind Beth, that old woman–little kids roamed around town on their own all the time in Hopefield. It’s not like I didn’t warn Lena to keep her trap shut, or that she was made of sugar or something.
Holy Moses, what if that kid had landed on her head? My stomach flipped just th
inking about it.
At first, I didn’t pay much attention to where I was going. I just pedaled around. Then I found myself close to Eden. Suddenly it was like last time. I had to see Mom. I had to see her now. I’d been praying every day. Wasn’t it high time for God to do something already?
I dropped my bike on the lawn and marched in the front door. I never stopped to think about how I looked until the nurse at the front desk did a double take. I was barefoot, my damp hair uncombed and tangled from riding. Over top of my bathing suit I had on a wrinkled T-shirt, but I wasn’t wearing any shorts even.
So what? It was visiting hours. Didn’t I have a right to see my own mother? I trotted by that nurse with my nose in the air.
“Wait a minute.” The nurse stood up and held out her hand like a stop sign. I hurried past. By now I was shivering again, even though the place was an oven on a day like today. All I could think was, I had to see Mom. I had to let her know how everything was falling apart without her and maybe she could tell the doctors it was time for her to go home. Then she could talk to Dad about getting Tommy back and she could take care of us again instead of Beth, and I wouldn’t have to look after Lena so much anymore. And maybe she’d let me have Jillian and Sadie over to make pizza or even have a pajama party for everyone. Then everything would be okay again.
My stomach went into a nosedive as I hurried down the hallway. I stopped at the door and forced myself to catch my breath or else I would’ve burst right into Mom’s room.
She was lying in bed, all peaceful. At first I thought she was sleeping still. Her head was leaning back against her pillow, and her glasses had slid down her nose. A thin line of drool glistened at the corner of her open mouth. One hand was resting on her lap, holding a book.
I counted five heartbeats before Mom groaned and turned her head. Her eyes blinked open. They were bright. Right away my heart skipped a beat. I was thinking my real mom was maybe back, and thinking that got me so choked up I couldn’t get out any words at first. I took a step toward the bed.
“Vea es doa?” Mom lifted her head, tilting it to one side. Her glasses fell off. She squinted a little. A tear leaked out the corner of one eye. I watched it run down her cheek as she tried to sit up. I saw the question in her teary-bright eyes just before she said, “Minnie? Es daut du?”
I froze. Like Lot’s wife turned into a pillar of salt. Who was Minnie?
The question in Mom’s eyes spilled out over her face. I watched it shudder through her whole body. Then she closed her eyes, rubbing her fingers across her forehead. The Bible on her lap slid to the floor.
“Ach. Daut dayt me lite” She spoke slowly, as if the words hurt. “Du best nich Minnie?” She lifted her head, using her hand to wipe away the tears, and rambled on. I couldn’t follow what she was saying. Only one thing I understood for sure.
Mom wouldn’t be coming home. Not today. Not anytime soon.
Mom didn’t know who I was even.
My skin went cold, my spine froze into an icicle. I knew I’d have to keep it that way or it would melt and there’d be nothing left to hold me up. I stumbled backwards a few steps, until I was out of the room. Then I ran.
I ran and I ran. That weird ringing filled my ears again. From far away, through the ringing, I could hear the hollow sound of bare feet slapping against the cold floor tiles. I glanced over my shoulder. No one was there.
Just my sweaty footprints evaporating as they followed me out the door.
Oh, dear God, dear God, dear God.
A voice whispered warm and wet in my ear. “We don’t have to go get Tommy after all.”
Lena hopped on my bed and started bouncing on her knees around me. “It’s morning. Stand up already, sleepy-head!”
I pulled the sheet over my head, curling up in a ball. “Go away.” I didn’t have the energy even to tell her to quit talking like an old Mennonite.
“But you have to get up! Dad’s going to phone up Nickel Enns and get Tommy back! He said he never thought anyone would make such a big deal over an old alley cat.” Lena nearly bounced on my head. “Did you really almost run away?”
Huh. So Dad figured I’d taken off because of Tommy. That was okay by me.
I never thought about where I was going after I’d run out of Eden. I’d just jumped on my bike and started pedaling. Somehow I ended up on the highway to the States, pedaling and pedaling and pedaling. For all I knew I could’ve pedaled right across the border into North Dakota. In the back of my mind somewheres I knew it was too hot to be out there. I could feel myself burning, but the burning on the outside felt good compared to the burning in my chest and throat and eyes.
I wondered how to go about running away, but at the same time I was wondering about it, I knew already that I was too much of a chicken to really do it.
I don’t know for sure how far I went, or if I really would’ve ridden all the way to the States if Dad hadn’t happened to drive by in his half-ton. He pulled over on the shoulder and waited for me to catch up. “Elsie!? What in blazes are you doing out here?”
My heart kept racing after I stopped. My skin was on fire. I tried to say something. Then my knees just bent like rubber. Dad caught me in his arms.
“C’mon, kidlet. Let’s get you home.”
Dad told Beth he thought I’d maybe got too much sun. “She needs to rest.” He gave me a glass of water, made me drink the whole thing, then tucked me into bed in my cool, dark room. I don’t remember exactly, but I think he put a cold cloth on my forehead.
When I woke up it was dark. The cloth on my forehead was still cold yet. Someone must have changed it. There was a glass of ice water on the night table beside my bed. I gulped it down and right away fell asleep again.
Let Dad think what he wanted. I wasn’t telling a soul what happened. So I guess there were a couple of more lies to add to my list of sins. I didn’t give a care. Me and God were through.
Lena wriggled under the sheet until the tip of her nose almost touched mine. She frowned cross-eyed at me. “Elsie? Are you feeling better yet? Did you hear what I said? Dad’s phoning up Nickel Enns right now!”
“I heard,” I said. “That’s great.” I frowned cross-eyed back at her, but I couldn’t make myself be as happy as she was.
“C’mon!”
Anyways, Lena was ecstatic enough for the both of us, like it never made any difference that I’d dumped her in the pool.
She giggled and whispered, “Jillian rode home with me yesterday. Mark told her to. ’Cause I told him you’d get in trouble. But now you won’t!” She gave a final huge bounce, launched herself off the bed, and scooted out the door.
“Who asked them?” I muttered. I didn’t care about getting in trouble. Dad shouldn’t let them do whatever it was they were doing to Mom in that place. How could he just stand by and do nothing? I dragged myself downstairs, still in my pajamas.
“You’re sure.” Dad was frowning into the phone. He barely glanced at me shuffling into the kitchen. Then he started talking Plautdietsch, which could only mean one thing. Bad news.
Beth beat like crazy at a bowl of pancake batter. I knew already before Dad even hung up.
“Deh kohta es ootyeklivft” he said, forgetting at first to switch back to English until he saw our blank faces. “Tommy ran away. He disappeared the day after I dropped him off. Nickel Enns will let us know if he turns up.” He kept talking, like everything was all right when it was plain as day that it wasn’t. “Tommy’s an alley cat. He can take care of himself.”
From the way Dad never looked at us I could tell he felt pretty bad about everything. Not that he’d ever come out and actually say he was sorry. Lena crawled under the table again. She sat under there hugging her knees, scrunched up as small as she could make herself.
“That’s it?” I said. “You’re not going to do anything to find him?”
He threw up his hands. “What do you want me to do, Elsie? You want I should search the whole countryside for a bloody cat?”
> “I don’t know,” I muttered, watching Dad reach for his cap. In another minute he’d walk out again.
Without thinking I blurted, “What kind of treatments are they giving Mom?”
For sure that stopped him in his tracks. I don’t know who was more surprised, me or him.
“What do you mean?”
But I’d lost my nerve. My tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth. All I could do was stand there and look at Dad’s feet, wishing he would leave.
“What is it now, meyahl?” Dad’s voice was gruff still, like always, only quieter.
Under the table Lena scooted forward on her bum to stare up at Dad and me. Beth stood perfectly still at the stove, her back toward us.
Finally my tongue loosened. “I just–I want to know what they’re doing to Mom, that’s all.” My throat was scratchy, like there was something stuck going down the wrong way.
“You girls don’t need to worry about that,” Dad insisted. “She’s going to be fine.”
Jumping Jehoshaphat. What kind of answer was that? How could we not worry? She was our mother.
“Anyways, I already know,” I rushed on. “I heard you and Auntie Nettie talking, about how Mom gets such bad headaches because of the shock treatments.” Now my legs were shaking yet. I sat down on the nearest chair.
Beth put the ladle down, took the frying pan off the burner, and switched the burner off. She turned to face us, and the way she looked at me was sad and worried and kind all at once. I’d never seen her look at me like that before.
Dad ran his hand through his hair like he did all the time when he didn’t know what to say. “This is why I haven’t said anything. There’s no good reason for you girls to get all upset over it.”
“Dad.” Beth was shaking her head. “We live here, remember? We’re not deaf and dumb. I know about the shock treatments, too. Probably even Lena knows.”
I felt a rush of gratefulness to Beth. Dad was outnumbered. Maybe now we’d finally get a real answer.
Dad sighed and pulled up a chair. “Come here schnigglefritz” He held his arms out to Lena. She scrambled out from under the table and crawled into his lap.
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