In the Dark

by Iris Sweetwater

  Alex read over the letter to see that Candace had not been accepted. It looked like money did not always make someone a winner, the way her parents assumed. Of course, that didn’t mean Candace wouldn’t get into college at all, but this was the college where she wanted to go to. It must not feel very good to get rejected like that.

  Alex sat the letter down and put her arm around Candace to try and comfort her. “I know it must not feel like this right now, that there is any hope, there are other colleges, other futures; other places to go. Places that will accept you. You could also even take a year off and try again next year. Since you graduated early you have that luxury. You never know.” Even as the words left her lips, Alex knew that they probably meant very little. If it were her in this situation, nothing would soothe her.

  A paranoid sort of fear came over her body at that moment, and she began to feel a tingle. Alex was suddenly completely frozen with fright, thinking about the fact that this could happen to her, too. What to do; where would she go if she got rejected by her college, had no backup plan? She wasn’t about to stick around Kingsbridge, just because life didn’t go as planned. However, she didn’t have the kind of monetary reserves it took to just travel the world without that college education. But for right now she didn’t need to be selfish, she needed to be there for her friend. So, until the sun went down behind the clouds, that’s what she did.

  Chapter 2

  Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain’t goin’ away.

  ~ Elvis Presley

  THERE was a false familiarity about the next morning when Alexandra woke up again. It felt much the same when she came down the stairs except for the fact that she could see that she had slept in a bit. She wasn’t usually the type, but it didn’t upset her too much considering she wouldn’t get to sleep in again when school started. She didn’t waste any time going out. Now that everyone was back in town they would all have news from colleges or be talking about what their senior year would be like. There would be plenty to do and talk about, and she felt this summer was like dying embers; the last bits of a fire before her days began to drag on and become boring once more.

  Wandering through the town, most people still were not back from vacation. School would start very soon, and it didn’t make any sense. They usually stayed out until the week or two before school started, so many more people should be coming back by now than there were.

  She made her way back to where she had seen Wesley the day before, wondering if he had any insight about who was back and who wasn’t, but she noticed something odd when she got there.

  What? Wesley was sitting there, just as he was the day before, looking over the edge like it was the precipice of his doomed future. Could he possibly still be down about the day before? Or was he just bored?

  “What are you doing out here again?” Alex asked him in a tone with a little bit of a laugh. She hoped to be able to fully cheer him up this time. Maybe they would go into the market or something together.

  “So, I see you didn’t miss me a whole lot,” Wesley said with an attitude.

  Alex shook her head and sat down next to him, wondering what had him in this weird mood. “I’m going to have to get used to not seeing you now that you’re going to be in college. So, I can’t let one day bring me to tears, Wesley.”

  “One day? Are you okay? You making some strange joke? Because I’ve been gone for over a month. Just got back today. Don’t you remember that we used all the savings from the bakery from last year to finally go on a trip, just to celebrate me getting into college?”

  Alex shook her head, the words… the words were foreign to her. She had just seen him the day before, so why would he say that they just got back?

  “Did you hit your head on those rocks down there yesterday, when you jumped? ” Alex asked worriedly. It was definitely a possibility that when he jumped he had hit his head or something and gotten something damaged. If so, she would have to tell his parents what went on, so he could go to the hospital and get checked out.

  “I’m thinking you’re the one that bumped your head, Alex. Are you okay…I did not jump yesterday, because I was not here. Oh, man, you got some freaky ESP or something going on here. Since that’s exactly what I was about to do to clear my head of all the thoughts running through it. I leave for college in a few days, and honestly, Alex I’m scared. I’m scared that this place, that my life, nothing, will ever be same when I want it to be.”

  Then, Wesley stood up, just like he had the day before and plunged down into the rocky water below. Feeling a little lost and strange, Alex began to head for a new destination, though she wouldn’t admit where it was. The whole time now, her mind was leading her to ride on the back of a truck, for the nice part of town, right past the house of her friend Candace, who had opened the rejection letter from college the day before. She was a good person to check up on, anyway, since she had taken it so harshly the day before.

  Alexandra was almost afraid to look at this point, this frightful chill coming over her body that she couldn’t explain. She knew she needed to look up or she would miss entirely and never know what was going on. Not that she needed to because either this was a freaky dream, or she needed to worry about the state of Wesley’s head after his crash into the water the day before. But if that was true, why would she even come here instead of walking over to the bakery or his parents’ house?

  Taking a deep breath, she looked up, her face turning white as a sheet. The same car full of vacation spoils sat there in the driveway, Candace and her family scrambling to get it all inside when Candace looked at Alex and waved.

  Alex swallowed a dry lump in her throat and waved back, not wanting to bring any suspicions to rise but also not knowing if she could sit through that rejection letter again with a sense of calm. So, this time, she walked onwards, all the way back home.

  This had to be a dream, and the best way to get out of it was to go to bed, fall asleep, and wake up in the right place and time.

  She was practically running to her house at that point, not caring who stared or who she ran into on the way. She just needed to get out of the strange alternate world her mind had created, likely with the stress that Candace had caused, not getting into the college she wanted.

  She burst through the door, knowing she probably left her parents gaping after her on her way up to her room, but she didn’t care, shouldn’t care. These weren’t her real parents anyway, right? Just a figment of her crooked imagination.

  She fell into her familiar bed still dressed in her clothes from the day. She wasn’t about to waste any time. Closing her eyes, she thought about things she loved, things she would do in her senior year of high school, and the people she would see. Anything to calm her mind so she could fall asleep and get out of this dream.

  ***

  Alex stretched and yawned early the next morning, trying to forget the strange dream she had. She sat up in the bed, her hands slapping against her knees, and noticed something, something that made the fear rise up again, like bile. Her clothes, they were the same ones she had on in the dream, the same ones she put on the morning before, or what she thought was the morning before. Was this one of those cases where she was stuck in layers of a dream, clawing her way out? Or could it just be a coincidence, something she didn’t remember?

  Trying to ignore it all and what it could mean, she decided to start her day, now an early one it seemed, changing out of the clothes she fell asleep in overnight and heading down the stairs. Her parents were just shuffling out of their room, and it made her feel a little better that she wasn’t starting this day the exact same as the last two she remembered. It had to have been a dream.

  “Good morning, honey,” her mother offered in a groggy voice. It was mornings like these when Alex was beginning to see her parents ages truly. Her mother was a beautiful woman with dark hair who knew what she was doing with makeup. But in the early mornings, the bags under her eyes showed many more years than
Alex or any others suspected behind them. She hadn’t had Alex until she was much older than most of her peers; a miracle child they often called her. Maybe that was why there had been so much pressure lately to pick a college nearby. Alex was all they had; their only child. She knew she meant everything to them, but having wings and spreading them was important.

  Alex smiled at her mother and father as they scuttled around to wake up and begin their day. The smell of a delicious breakfast was soon wafting through the house, and she knew if nothing else, this is something she would miss. This morning quiet with just the three of them and the way her parents worked together to make each morning special.

  Maybe all of this stress and guilt was what was driving her to have strange dreams and imagine things that didn’t make any sense. She needed to let it go for now. She would find her path one way or the other.

  “Morning, Mom,” she said back. “Morning, Dad.” Her father turned around with a wave, his mustache upturned with his lips. He was the one who gave her her hair color and freckles.

  “Do you think any of your friends will be back today?” her mother asked, making conversation. Alex got a lot of crap sometimes for still talking to her mother. There was like some unwritten rule that they were supposed to hate each other the moment she turned 16, but it just wasn’t like that. Sure, they had fights, but this was the person who gave her life and cared for her for 17 years.

  “I actually got to see a couple yesterday, I am sure more will be back today,” Alex answered as a glass of OJ was set lovingly in front of her, her drink of choice each morning.

  “Oh, I didn’t realize anyone was around yesterday. You didn’t tell me. Well, enjoy the time you have left with them. I know a lot of them are going away, and I don’t know if it will all be the same when they come to visit. Things are changing.”

  Alex gave her mother an odd look as she took a sip from her cup. It reminded her of what Wesley had said. There was a growing theme in everything around her, of the ending; of new beginnings; of a sadness in moving on from childhood. It was like she was stuck on the inside of some cheesy novel, making the lessons people were supposed to learn from it a little too obvious.

  After breakfast, Alex looked at the clock, dreading what might happen next. She didn’t know why. She was being absolutely ridiculous about all of this. Of course, she knew that none of what happened in her dreams was possible. She wasn’t having some crazy deja vu, just stressed out, strung out dreams, and everything would be fine. There was no need to stay indoors on such a warm, nice day.

  Out she went into the morning, with a full stomach that was a little regretful of all she had eaten. She looked up to the sky and saw that it was a clear blue, only one or two small puffs that barely qualified as clouds, hanging overhead. It looked much more like a picture than reality. Maybe that’s what it was that made Kingsbridge such a bore. It may have been a large and important city, but it was too picture perfect, as if it had been manufactured, right down to the weather. It was the kind of town that appeared in movies and in books. It appeared to be a place that people longed to visit or live in.

  Instinctively, she let her feet take her one more time to the bridge where she had last seen Wesley. She really should have been looking for her other friends to come back for senior year and talk about that, but it was as if something else was pulling her and leading her entirely. She couldn’t help herself. It was a puzzle she needed to solve, even if she kept telling herself it was nothing.

  She found herself alone this time and breathed a sigh of relief, but the way the sun was still lazy in the sky let her know there was still time to find him again, to run into him right here in this same spot, when he would do the same thing as before. She wanted to turn a blind eye, but the truth would always come out. She needed to prove herself right and move on. So, she took a seat with her legs dangling over the edge instead and put a time limit on it. If her cell phone got to 30 minutes and nothing happened, she was to go do something else and forget about it.

  Alex sat there in silence as she watched the water below with some interest. She studied the ways the different blue and green colors mixed, the type of trash that once in a while peeked out from under the bridge. She watched the fish that would beat up against the side and then swim through or turn around. There was a rhythm of normalcy to it that she needed in order to stay calm.

  It was almost time for her to get up and move when she heard a familiar voice. “Well, look who is already here and waiting for me.”

  Alex looked up to see that Wesley was there. He swung himself down over the side next to her. She shivered, not knowing what to think about this turn of events just yet. “Why so silent today? Thinking about how you’re going to miss me and everyone else that is going away?” he asked, and there was a sadness behind the joking tone of voice as he spoke to her. Something was still on his mind.

  “I am sure I will, but it isn’t that. My parents want me to stay close. It’s a lot of pressure, and I think I am cracking up from it all,” she scoffed. Alex caught herself looking over his person for any sign of injury, or the fact that he was the same as he was the first time he jumped. It was hard to tell with his clothes because they all looked the same. He wasn’t that stereotypical gay who spent all the time on his appearances; he liked to go simple. Plus, she just didn’t trust her brain right now, at all.

  “I know what you mean. I just got back, and I feel like all of it is crashing down on me, all of a sudden. I know we all want to get out and find a life, but I am scared of the change. You’re much braver than you realize, Alex,” he said with a nudge. “I know I’ll be back, I’ll come visit, but that’s what it’ll feel like. It may not feel like home anymore.”

  It wasn’t the exact same words he had said before, but it was close enough to make Alex wonder and worry. “Haven’t you said that before?” she asked meekly, a tremble in her voice she didn’t recognize. She was losing her mind and just about ready to call it all quits. Forget her senior year; she was going to be locked up in the closest mental asylum the rest of her life if she didn’t snap out of it.

  Wesley chuckled and ignored her while standing up and looking over the edge in anticipation. She didn’t like one bit where this was headed. It was a barreling freight train full of explosives she couldn’t stop. “I have certainly thought it before. I think I need to do something a little freeing,” he said.

  She tried to sit him back down and stop it from happening. “Don’t tell me you’re going to jump again. That’s crazy! What if you really get hurt this time?”

  “Your brain is fried, I think you need some more sleep, Alex,” he said with chagrin. “I have never jumped from here. Maybe you’re psychic or something now.” He wiggled his eyebrow playfully.

  Before Alex could protest in any way, he jumped, barely missing the rocks and support beams once again. Alex was sure she was going to be physically ill. She was ready to jump herself and hope to hit the rocks to wake her up from the nightmare she was stuck in.

  What was happening?

  Alex began to panic. She could feel her breathing come in sharp jags as her heartbeat raced, trying to make sense of it all. But there was no sense to be made. Nothing made sense. Nothing was okay.

  She felt crazy, as she picked at her hair and tightened it around her finger until her circulation was cut off, and then repeated the process. She looked down below as she stood up, nothing holding her there but the steadiness of the wind and her own two feet, she swore she could no longer feel underneath her. Nothing felt real anymore. Was she just a puppet inside someone else’s dream? Were her memories even hers?

  She didn’t know why she was jumping to these thoughts just over a little deja vu and nightmares, but it was all too much.

  With a deep breath and an earth-shattering scream, she closed her eyes and jumped, knowing her aim would never be as good as Wesley’s. Yet, when the falling stopped, and she felt the water surround her, there was no pain. Nothing bloody or bruised. Nothing
broken. Just a lot of warm water she bobbed up and down in.

  Alex looked around and saw that she was only inches from the rocks that could have led to her death. Even though she had not been aiming to get away from them, she was perfectly fine and unscathed. Somehow, she feared that more than she did the idea of her having hit them and being split open like a watermelon. Something wasn’t right, and she didn’t know what to do about it or who to confide in. She was utterly alone and trapped in her own mind at this point.

  What was a girl to do?

  Chapter 3

  This is no time for ease and comfort. It is time to dare and endure. ~ Winston Churchill

  ALEX did not know what time it was exactly, as the light in the sky was replaced by stars, the glare of streetlamps, and the large, bright moon in the sky. It was a full moon to be exact, and it was certainly fitting for what she was experiencing. And she couldn’t seem to rack her brain enough to remember if it was a full moon the night before or not.

  Despite the warmth of the evening, a slight breeze hit her and made a chill run down her spine as she grabbed at her now dry arms. There had been goosebumps appearing. It had been a strange day, but she had not been able to make herself go home and face her parents yet. She didn’t know if she could look them in the eye without going into hysterics.

  Alex stopped in her tracks and looked up at where she had inadvertently taken herself. She was standing just yards away from the bottom of the clock tower. It was the tallest structure in the main part of the city, though it still paled in comparison to the ever-present capitol building that looked much more like a castle. She was actually pretty sure its history was that of a large stronghold back in ancient times. It had been adapted for government services about one hundred years or so back. The clock tower was a much simpler structure, belonging to an old church, one of the first parts of the new city back in the 1800s. It was always a priest and his people that settled first in towns like this, and the structure served as a place for everyone to come together. Even now, they would have some town functions there.